In the Course of Human Actions: Habit
Disclaimer: characters aren't mine, but the take on the story is.
Spoilers: anything up to the middle of Disaster Relief.
Category: Jed/Charlie friendship; Charlie/Zoey
Author's note: OK, so I'm trying something a little different here. This is probably the first time I've done a series of interrelated short stories. Hope you enjoy them.
~All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, and desire.
-Aristotle~
There was something about standing on the portico at night. The stars glisten above you and you feel powerful.
Then the door behind you opens and the truth is you're not as powerful as you thought.
So there you are.
Standing there, staring up past the city lights and up to the stars smoking a cigarette.
There's no reason for it.
You don't particularly want it or to be there, but it is a habit.
And you find that it is comforting.
Consistent when nothing else is.
So lately, you've been hiding behind habits.
You've been listening to Leo, counting on him to get you through, even when something's telling you that you shouldn't.
Because you're pretty sure you're not the only one going back to old habits, but one of yours has always been to turn a blind eye.
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As always you blend into the shadows. You have given the habitual reasons why your boss shouldn't be smoking. There's nothing more for you to do at the moment but stand there with your hands stuffed into your pockets wondering why you do this job.
As you watch your boss you decided that it must be out of habit.
Come to think about it, it seems that you don't do anything that isn't habitual anymore.
You get out of bed, shower, and put on the suit you left out the night before.
You eat breakfast and ask your sister to describe her plans for the day.
You leave and drive here.
Walk down the same path.
Check in, turn on the computer, and look over his schedule.
You do your job based on his needs.
At the end of the day, if it ends, you go home and prepare for it to start over again.
Hell, even the fact that the only constant in your life is change has become part of your hell.
And it doesn't end there.
You continue to ask Zoey out out of habit.
Look after her out of habit.
That's all that's left of you two.
You know that because neither of you is the person you were four years ago.
As he finished his cigarette and lets it fall to the ground, you wonder why you keep doing it.
As he crushed on the butt you know why.
All you have are these habits.
They define you now.
Structure you.
As long as you're looking after Deena you'll need them.
As a Marine opens the door and you follow inside, you make a promise to yourself.
When the time comes you will drop these habits.
You'll find structure in other things.
You'll structure life so that you don't have to concern yourself with habits (yours or others).
You'll just have routines.
After all, routines are more easily broken in the end. . .
