Disclaimer: Nothing, nothing!
Chapter Nine
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The next morning Lily, Janelle, Kioko, and Brenda all walked down into the Great Hall for breakfast. Lily's friends were terrified as they listened to what happened to Lily, but they were rather glad that Lily had kissed James…twice!
As the four girls sat down giggling and talking excitedly, Lily made eye contact with James. She smiled at him. James turned red and smiled back.
Lily looked up as several owls flew through the window carrying the regular mail. She was rather surprised when an owl carrying a black envelope came zooming in her direction. She had written to her parents last night to tell them what happened, but she hadn't expected them to respond so quickly.
The owl dropped the black envelope in front of Lily. It had the Ministry of Magic's seal stamped on the front. Lily opened it curiously. As her eyes darted from line to line, her face became paler and paler. Her friends watched with horror as tears began flowing down her cheeks.
She ignored the confused voices calling her name as she picked up the letter and rushed out of the Great Hall. She didn't see James get up from his seat and follow her looking horror-struck.
Lily raced down the halls ignoring the angry calls of teachers yelling at her to slow down. She climbed up flights of stairs, ran past late-rising students, raced through corridors, and finally reached the roof of the Astronomy Tower, all the while tears flowing down her pale cheeks.
She was so nervous about what she was about to do that she was actually shaking. She slowly walked towards the rail of the roof and looked over the edge. Her breathing had become steadily calmer. The height from the rail to the ground was a couple hundred feet. The fall would kill her.
Lily could just end it now. She could end her horrible life right now. She wouldn't have to deal with Voldemort, with anyone at school, with all the pressures she was having, and most of all, she wouldn't have to deal with the horrible pain that she would have because of what happened in that letter.
Lily couldn't understand was this railing was so easy to climb over. Perhaps because the founders of Hogwarts thought it would be a simple way for students to kill themselves if they couldn't stand to live any longer, like her.
Why did it have to happen to her, Lily Evans? What had she done to deserve this? Lily was now on the opposite side of the railing. There was nothing facing her but the sky. There would be nothing to save her if she decided to jump. It was so simple; all she had to do was jump and all the pain would be gone.
But every time Lily tried to let go and jump off the building, her hands wouldn't let her. They wouldn't let go of the rail. Lily was shaking like mad. Should she? Should she end her life right now? It was so easy; she could just let go and die, and she wouldn't have to deal with anything anymore.
Lily heaved in a breath. Maybe she shouldn't do it. Maybe there were some things worth living for. Like her friends. Like getting a job after Hogwarts. Like James…
"Lily, don't do it! Please Lily! Please don't do it!" said a terrified voice from behind her. Lily turned her head slightly so that she could see who it was.
James.
"James, no! Please just leave me alone! Just go away!" Lily cried, her tears now never-ending. "No, Lily, I'm not going to let you do this! Just let me help you!" James said trying to sound calmer this time.
"JAMES GET OUT OF HERE! I HATE YOU! I HATE EVERYONE! I HATE THE WORLD! THERE'S NOTHING LEFT FOR ME!! DON'T YOU GET IT? I JUST WANT TO END IT NOW!! SO JUST GET OUT OF HERE AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!" Lily screamed at him.
"Lily if you jump, I'm going right after you. You can't just throw it all away, Lily! You'll be okay, I promise! Now just let me help you. Please Lily, don't leave me. I – I love you," James said. Lily could hear his voice quivering. She turned to look at him. There were tears in his eyes.
Lily was breathing very heavily. She looked down towards the ground, she looked at James's terrified face, and she looked back down at the ground. It was pretty far. It would hurt a lot.
James began walking toward her. "Lily, don't do it. Just give me your hand, and I'll help you back onto the roof," James whispered into her ear. His warm breath felt soothing on her skin.
Slowly, she turned, and gave him one of her hands. James grabbed it firmly and let out a breath of relief. "There we go. Just slowly climb back over the rail," James said as calmly as he could.
Lily did exactly that, but as her foot reached up, it got caught on her robe and she slipped. "JAMES! JAMES HELP ME! HELP ME PLEASE!" Lily screamed up at him. Her body was completely dangling. She was no longer holding onto the railing. The only hope she had to survive was to continue clinging onto James's strong arms.
"IT'S OKAY LILY I'VE GOT YOU! JUST HOLD ON!" James said. He had bent over the railing as he tried to pull her back up.
"JAMES JUST GIVE UP! I'M GOING TO FALL! JUST LET ME DIE!" Lily cried as the tears began making her vision blurry.
"NO! I'M NOT LETTING YOU GO LILY! PULL YOURSELF UP! YOU CAN DO IT! COME ON!" James slowly began pulling Lily up. She was less panicky now; one of her feet was back on the railing.
After a few more terrifying minutes Lily was back on the rail and James had pulled her back onto the roof. He fell backwards as Lily fell on top of him.
Lily got off James and sat up. James sat up next to her. Not being able to contain herself, Lily burst into tears on James shoulder. James put a comforting arm around her and began rubbing her back. "It's alright Lily! You're okay now. You're going to be alright!" he said in a soothing voice.
Lily stopped crying and looked up at James. "NO I'M NOT JAMES! I'M NOT GOING TO BE ALRIGHT! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! YOU – STANDING THERE! YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!" Lily screamed angrily standing back up. There were more tears clouding up in her eyes, but they were tears of anger now.
James stood up as well. "Lily I know what happened! I know what that black envelope said inside, because I've received one before! I know what it feels like! So don't go acting like you're all misunderstood. I know what that letter was about!" James said. Lily quickly turned around so that she was looking up at him. "Oh yeah? You think you know what happened?" she said angrily.
"Who was it? One of your grandparents? An aunt, uncle, cousin?" James asked. "James what are you blabbering about?" Lily said impatiently. James sighed. "Who died, Lily?" he said quietly. Lily looked him in the eyes. Finally, she croaked, "My – my m-mum and d-dad. Voldemort killed them! He went to their house and killed them! The stupid bastard! I hope he rots in hell, or worse!"
James grabbed her hand. "Lily it's okay. It will be alright. I understand," James said soothingly. Lily wrenched her hand away from him heatedly.
"SHUT UP JAMES! QUIT TRYING TO BE ALL UNDERSTANDING! IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ALRIGHT! BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE!" Lily said furiously.
"DON'T SAY THAT LILY! DON'T TALK ABOUT THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! BECAUSE I DO KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE! I UNDERSTAND LILY! I REALLY DO! BECAUSE IT HAPPENED TO ME! SO DON'T ACT ALL MISUNDERSTOOD LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY VICTIM, LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE IT'S HAPPENED TO! YOU'RE NOT ALONE LILY! I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE!" James screamed. He was more furious than Lily had ever seen him before. There were tears pouring out of his eyes. Lily had never seen the famous James Potter cry before. It was as if she was in a dream.
"James I – what do you mean?" Lily said quietly, her voice trembling. "James look at me," Lily said grabbing James arm and trying to make him look at her.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" James screamed jerking his hand away from her. He walked over to the edge of the railing and looked over the edge.
"Lily do you know how many times I have come up here at night and leaned over that balcony?" James said. Lily shook her head. "Almost every – single – night," James said bitterly. Lily stared at him.
"So many times I've stood on the other end like you, shaking, just wanting to jump off the edge and end it all. But I didn't, I couldn't. Don't make the mistake of thinking you're the only person who has ever lost a parent Lily, because you're not," James said biting back his tears.
Lily walked over and stood beside him. She saw him shaking. "Who was it James?" Lily asked, her voice quivering. James gulped and tried to speak, but nothing came out. After several minutes, he finally said, "My dad." He had stopped shaking; he stopped crying.
Lily looked into his eyes. She had finally realized the question that had been bugging her for months: why had she seen so much sadness and misery in James's eyes? It was because his father had died.
"James I'm sorry," Lily cried. She tried to grab his hand, but James got up and walked away from her. "Don't say you're sorry for that, Lily. Just be sorry for the way you treated me. I know I was a jerk but I've changed, I've changed Lily! If you had just taken the time to realize that instead of criticizing me, you would have realized that I had changed!" James said.
"I – just – I didn't know," Lily whimpered, "I'm so sorry!" James turned around and looked at her. He was completely pale. "You're the first person I've told besides Sirius and Remus," James said. Lily let out a loud sob. "I know, it hurts, but you're going to be alright, we both are gonna be fine Lils," James consoled her. Lily nodded.
James walked over and sat against a wall and motioned Lily to come sit next to him. She did, and when she sat down she rested her head onto his shoulder. They sat for several minutes without speaking. Lily looked up at the beautiful, starry sky. Were her parents up there right now, in Heaven, with James's father?
"James," Lily said speaking at last. "Mmm hmm?" James whispered into her hair. "How did – how did your dad die?" Lily asked. James didn't answer for several moments. "I saw it happen. My dad had taken me to the Quidditch World Cup this summer, as a special gift for getting Head Boy. He was the greatest man I ever knew. We were so close. After the match we," James paused and Lily saw him extend a finger to his face, probably wiping away a tear.
James continued. "After the match we decided to take a walk through the campsite. It had been such a great game. We had those muggle hot dogs and everything. And we were walking through the woods and we heard – this – this screaming. So my dad took out his wand and told me to stay where I was. But I followed him. He walked for several minutes towards where the screaming was coming from, and I crouched from bush to bush so he wouldn't see me. And he came into this clearing and there was this man screaming on the ground. And another man, wearing a mask was laughing. He was a death eater."
Lily was listening anxiously. "Sounds terrifying," Lily said. James nodded and went on. "My dad – he – he went to help the man. He fought so bravely and I knew I could do nothing, so I ran to find help. But as I started running back to the campsite, I heard a scream. It was my dad. I ran back to the clearing and he was dead – on the ground. And the death eater was laughing. The other man had died too. And then the death eater just apparted into thin air," James croaked.
"James I'm so sorry! That's horrible!" Lily said looking up at him. James smiled at her. "I'm fine," he sniffed, "really I am." Lily raised her eye brows. "So – so that's why you've been acting so different this year," Lily said. James nodded.
"I knew there was something wrong with you James, I was just so stubborn. I – I want to tell you what happened with my parents. You deserve to know. You told me your story," Lily said. James interrupted her. "Lily really, it's alright. You don't have to tell me. I won't-,"
"No! I want to tell you James! You are the only one who understands what I'm going through!" Lily paused and began looking through her pocket. "Well I don't think I need to tell you," Lily said. She pulled a crumpled peace of paper out of her pocket and handed it to James. "You can just read the letter, it explains everything," Lily said.
"Are you sure you're okay with this?" James asked. Lily nodded. He opened the letter and read it.
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Dear Miss Evans,
We regret to inform you that your house was attacked last night by the rising wizard whom you may know as Voldemort. Your sister was out but your parents were both killed. We are terribly, terribly sorry for your loss, and if there is anything we can do, please contact us. We don't know why your house was attacked by You-Know-Who, but there was a note amongst all the wreckage. It said, "Be prepared. You're going to meet the same end as your mud-blood parents. Let this be a warning to you". Once again, we are very sorry and we will do everything we can to make this easier for you.
With Deep Sorrow,
The Ministry of Magic
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There was a shocked silence after James had finished reading. "Lily I'm really sorry," James said, looking down into Lily's pale emotionless face. "I'm fine," Lily said wiping the tears away from her eyes. "James, thanks for stopping me from making a huge mistake," Lily said quietly, her voice shaking. James looked down at her and kissed her. Lily kissed him back. She felt a lot better after kissing him, and once again, felt warmth spread through her whole body.
And then, Lily realized that as she lay in James's arms and she kissed him and hugged him, the emptiness that she had been feeling inside of her ever since she came to school was completely gone. Because of James Potter, she now felt complete.
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A/N: I am so excited that I finally got to write this chapter! I've been planning this one ever since I started this fic, and I've been waiting to write it for ages! This is my favorite chapter in the whole thing. I loved writing it. On reading it over I realized it's kind of Titanic-ish but oh well. I'm very sad now because the next chapter is the last chapter in the story! Tear, tear. Oh well, I hope you guys have enjoyed this chapter, and keep reviewing!
