*I don't own Jaina or Kyp (man, that's like a default disclaimer on ALL my fics now)
*This is AU, discrediting everything in NJO except Jaina wasting Kyp's Folly score, her joining Rogue Squadron (not that either are important in this story), and her getting close to Kyp. No NJO means no Jag!
*Not sure what happened in those 6/7 years instead (heh, spot the bad author) but I don't care. It's a viggie/song fic! Just enjoy
*Dark Kyp pwnz all of you
*Oh, and I don't own Maroon 5 – Harder To Breathe either. Amazing song. Amazing album. Yes.
*19th April – CHANGED. And it makes so much more sense now. It's better now. REALLY. I actually (almost) like this ending now. :D Hope you do too.
~~
~
how dare you say that my behaviour is unacceptable
so condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
so watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle
~
Kyp smiled.
Jaina shivered. Kyp saw it, and his smile grew wider.
"Come on, Jaina. Stop playing. Come with me."
"No." Jaina's voice was barely more than a whisper. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to calm herself, trying to think.
It was impossible.
Kyp Durron stood not two feet away from her, though she barely considered him the same Kyp Durron she once knew, she once- No. Don't even think it. You'll get caught in the trap.
They were in the Temple on Yavin 4, in a corner of the Great Hall. The Academy had been abandoned when Kyp had revealed himself, the students gone into hiding with Kam and Tionne – where, Jaina didn't know, although the Errant Venture was often mentioned in the rumours. Jaina had come for some peace, to be alone. Using reverse psychology against herself, she had figured that since it was the most obvious place for a Jedi to be, no one – least of all Kyp – would consider her foolish enough to be there.
But it hadn't worked. Somehow, he had found her. It wasn't such a mystery, really. Jaina cursed the bond they shared, cursed her inability to cut him off totally. Or perhaps her unwillingness.
"But you have to. You understand that, don't you? You and me, we can't be apart like this. You have to come with me."
"No." Jaina forced strength and conviction into her voice, strength and conviction that she couldn't find within herself. "I won't do it, Kyp. I can't. Not with you like this…"
Kyp simply smiled again and moved to take a step forward. Suddenly, Jaina's lightsabre was in her hand, the violet blade forcing him to freeze.
"I won't, Kyp."
Kyp's smile was sad now, but his eyes were dark and cold. "You'll lose. If I fight you, you'll lose. You know that."
Jaina nodded, trying to stop herself from shaking. She forced her blade to stay still, gripping the hilt tightly in her hands. "So do it. Win, and kill me. I won't join you."
Kyp shook his head. "I won't fight you. You have to join me. There's no choice, no brave sacrifice to be made. Come with me. That's your choice. The darkness, its power… You can feel it, can't you? Come with me," he repeated, his eyes glinting in the glow of the violet blade.
Jaina wouldn't meet his eyes. Instead, she focused on her lightsabre, on her hands. They're shaking. I'm shaking. Her body shook uncontrollably with the sobs she refused to let out. "I won't come with you! What are you going to do about it? I won't."
~
you drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
this double vision I was seeing is finally clear
you want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
not fit to funkin' walk the ground that I am walking on
~
Kyp sighed and glanced away for a moment. His gaze returned to Jaina, and she could feel the frustration inside him. "What are you going to do, Jaina? You've got your lightsabre there, I'm unarmed. Go ahead. Kill me."
Jaina closed her eyes again for a second, and found her vision blurred with tears when she opened them again. "I…"
Kyp clicked his tongue in disgust. "I thought not. You can't do it. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you can't handle it after all. Maybe I don't want you with me. Maybe, maybe I really should just kill you now and get it over with." His own lightsabre found his hand, and the silver-violet blade ignited with a snap-hiss. The combined sound of the blades filled the Great Hall with a choking tension.
But Kyp didn't move; his blade stayed pointing down at the ground. His eyes stayed fixed on Jaina's face, waiting for her to look up at him. When she finally did – still shaking – he found he still couldn't move.
Frustration boiled inside him and he brought his lightsabre up quickly in a parry that knocked Jaina's from her hand, sending the deactivated hilt skittering across the stone tiles. He held the blade in position, inches from her throat, and still neither of them moved.
"Kyp…"
Jaina's voice was soft, and Kyp had to force himself not to shiver at the sound of it. I should hate her. I hate everyone else. I should…
But instead of killing her, instead of the quick riposte that would send his silver-violet blade into her throat, he brought it down to his side and deactivated it. He took a step forward, and another, until Jaina was backed into the corner in front of him. She stared at him, unable to break away from his gaze.
Kyp lowered his head until his mouth was barely a centimetre from hers. "I won't give up," he murmured. "You'll join me."
Before she could deny it, he caught her lips in a kiss, a quick, short kiss that sent electricity down her spine. Then he pulled away, turned, and he was gone, his footsteps echoing in the hall as he left.
Jaina waited until they had faded away. She shivered and slid down the wall to the floor, hugging her knees and sobbing. Why was the Force so cruel? Why was love so cruel? She couldn't join him; she couldn't be with him. She couldn't possibly love a Dark Lord of the Sith and yet… and yet she did.
Her sobs echoed through the hall as she curled up on the cool stone floor. Why?
~
when it gets cold outside and ya got nobody to love
you'll understand what I mean when I say
there's no way we're gonna give up
~
Kyp stared up at the bulkhead of his cabin, but he didn't see it. Why was Jaina so stubborn? Why did he care?
He sat up suddenly on the bunk, running a hand through his dark hair. What could he do to make her join him? He knew she could feel the power… It whispered to her through their bond, tempting her, promising her… The darkness had so much power… But she wasn't listening to it.
Would she listen to him, if he kept trying? If he kept finding her, tempting her himself… She would have to give in eventually. She couldn't help it. He knew she had felt the electricity earlier, knew she enjoyed it still… She couldn't resist him.
But then, that was a double-bladed lightsabre, wasn't it?
He wouldn't give up. She had no one else now, no one but her twin… She needed him. As long as he didn't give up, she would join him, and they would be the ultimate force in the galaxy. The power they would wield…
He reached out, through his empty ship, through hyperspace, back to Yavin 4. He could feel her… He felt her, alone, plagued by nightmares. For a split second, he forgot what he was, what she was, and almost sent a touch of reassurance, something to calm her…
But he caught himself in time, and broke off the touch. He lay back on his bunk, tried to put all thoughts of Jaina out of his mind. He needed to sleep… He needed to sleep… But he needed something else too…
~
and like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
~
Jaina tossed and turned in her bunk. She was in her old room at the Academy, thinking it would offer her some peace. But nothing seemed to stop the nightmares.
-Eleven, help! I've got one on my tail, it won't – Sticks, help! – I'm hit, I'm hit…
Jaina gritted her teeth, rolling round, but it was too late. Her wingmate was down, half the squadron was down, blasted out of space by Kyp's Dozen and however many fighters he had now.
Suddenly, she had an X-Wing on her own tail, and even a quick snap-turn and roll didn't shake him off. The display told her he was powering up weapons, about to shoot – then a blast of recognition through the Force, and the fighter dipped slightly, and peeled away to find another target.
Kyp had killed most of Rogue Squadron that day. Only Jaina and Gavin had managed to escape back to Coruscant. Jaina had barely made it – something overheated her hyperdrive, forcing her to make short, unstable jumps – and sometimes she wished she hadn't.
His ship hovered in the sky like an omen of death, the huge black shape casting a shadow over the whole area.
"Anakin, you can't, no!" Jaina was horrified with her little brother.
"It has to be me, I'm the only one who's strong enough, I'm the only one who has a chance."
"Not without me," Tahiri screamed at her friend. "You need me, together we're more than the sum of our parts, remember, that's what Ikrit said! You need me to fight with you!"
Anakin shook his head. "You can't-"
"Bantha poodoo. We're stronger together!"
Anakin hesitated, then nodded. "Together," he agreed.
And maybe they would have had a chance. It was true; Anakin was the only one stronger than Kyp… Anakin and Tahiri together – if it had been a fair fight, they would have won. But the dark side never plays fair.
Jaina stumbled in the corridor, let out a scream. She vaguely saw her mother collapse a few feet away, crying out loud. Jacen froze and stood stock still, his face pale, his eyes dull.
Han turned and saw them, and his own heart fell. He knew. But he kept running, keying the Falcon open, and ran back to them.
"I- I have to go back." Jacen's voice was barely a whisper.
Jaina forced herself to stand up straight. "No. We can't – he did it for us – if we go back, it would be to deny what he did…" But she felt the same.
Chewbacca roared at the twins, grabbed them and threw them onboard the ship. Jaina knew it tore him up as well – he had failed, failed his honour family – but he knew a sacrifice when he saw one and he had to save the rest of them.
The Falcon shot out of the atmosphere, leaving the city planet behind it, along with a huge piece of Jaina's heart. Her home, her brother… Gone.
Jaina's eyes shot open, and let out a relieved sob when she remembered where she was – safe. Safe, for now.
But knowing she was safe didn't stop the suffocated feeling that always came after the nightmares. She couldn't breathe, she panicked, reached out for someone, anyone.
And like always, the first person she found was Kyp, through the bond she couldn't let go of.
Jaina put up her shields quickly and turned to face the wall, curled up and sobbing. She couldn't stop the tears and they soaked into her pillow. Eventually, she cried herself into a dreamless sleep, a few hours rest before another day rolled around.
~
what you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
you should know better you never listened to a word I said
~
Kyp stepped hesitantly into the Temple.
Since when have I ever hesitated about something?
Since that something was Jaina Solo.
He felt a surge of anger at his own inner voice and, instead of quelling it like the old Kyp would have done, he let it flow through him. It gave him energy, life; he embraced the emotion. But it still couldn't stop his doubts.
She's still here… after so many weeks… why?
"Because… I couldn't leave."
Jaina's voice shocked Kyp into awareness, and he spun round. As he stared at her, this young woman, this beautiful woman, he forced his face into a smirk. "And why is that, then?"
Jaina let go of the doorjamb she was leaning on, and stepped into the Great Hall. She was on the opposite side to Kyp, about as far away from him as she could be whilst still in the same room. He felt a twinge of something, but he couldn't place it, and so he kept his arrogant expression.
"Because I knew you would come after me again."
For a moment, Kyp's shields fell, and the dark aura surrounding him flickered. What? "I - And you wanted me to?"
Jaina shook her head sadly, and took another step forward. She stopped suddenly and held her arms behind her back, standing straight. "I thought it would keep you away from – from the others."
Bait? She thinks I'll fall for bait? The anger surged through Kyp again and he stalked forward until he was mere inches away from Jaina. This close, he could once again feel the spark of electricity between them, and he smirked at her. "You thought wrong then. You've not heard? I've got Corellia now. Thrown out the corruption your cousin tried to pass off as a government."
Something flickered in Jaina's eyes, and she glanced away. "I take it your system's better, then."
Frustration burned inside him. Of course his system was better than these petty officials'. "No red tape, Jaina, no bureaucracy. Just pure power, control… what the people need."
"And you can decide that, can you?"
"Of course. Democracy's such a foolish notion. People think they know what's best for themselves, they make so many mistakes… I've seen them all. I can bypass the years of foolishness and give them what they need straightaway. It works."
"Does it?" Jaina met Kyp's eyes again, those cold dark eyes that had once burned so brightly. "Democracy doesn't work? Is that why you killed my parents, to stop my mother, the foolish bureaucrat? To throw out the New Republic?"
Kyp flinched and took a step back, dropping his gaze. "I didn't… I didn't plan to kill them." He looked back up at Jaina and once again, his shields flickered, and his eyes held a spark of something. "You have to believe me, I didn't want to… But they were in my way. They were trying to protect that idiotic Fey'lya; they refused to let me past… They had to go…"
Jaina stared at him, her brown gaze burning into his own. "What happened, Kyp?" Her voice was little more than a whisper. She didn't know how her parents had died; only that suddenly, their presences were gone, gone because of him. "How?"
Kyp shook his head and stepped back again. He stopped for a second, taking a deep breath to stay focused. Why am I losing control? Just two people, two random people, in a galaxy of trillions. He turned away from Jaina's searching gaze and ran, out of the hall, back to his ship.
Jaina watched him go, confused. What had happened? She had seen something in Kyp's eyes there, something that shocked her. Something she hadn't seen for almost five years now.
Sorrow.
~
clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
hoping somebody someday will do you like I did
~
Jaina shifted restlessly in her bunk, the sheets twisted around her body, damp with sweat. Another nightmare… A new nightmare…
"I won't let you past," Leia said determinedly.
Kyp sneered and stepped nearer to the Solos. "What do you owe him? Fey'lya needs to die, and this foolish Republic with him. You don't. Let me past."
"What's happened to you, kid?" Han spread his hands, confused, and kept his eyes fixed on Kyp. "I thought we were friends."
Kyp froze for a second, then smirked. "I figured out what was wrong with this galaxy and now I'm going to fix it. You… Surely you, Han, can understand? All this corruption… Don't you want a simpler time? No more bureaucracy, just flying, fighting, salvation…"
"You know that's not how it works, Kyp." Leia's voice made Kyp turn. "What good will killing Borsk Fey'lya do, really?"
"It's not just him. All the politicians… Shesh, Omas, Pwoe… Fey'lya's just the last, and then the New Republic will be gone."
"The New Republic saved you, Kyp," Leia said softly.
Kyp stopped trying to be persuasive – diplomatic, he realised with disgust – and let his anger flow. His lightsabre found his hand and the violet-silver blade snap-hissed into existence. "Get out of the way, Leia."
But she merely shook her head sadly and ignited her own ruby-red lightsabre. "No."
Kyp's expression clouded, and then he attacked, a violent slash that Leia almost failed to parry. She managed to defend against most of his attacks, but she was no master swordsman and with a final feint and slash, Kyp won.
Leia's body fell to the floor with a thud, and Han cried out in pain. He crouched down next to his wife as Kyp turned to him, looking up into Kyp's eyes as his violet blade thrummed dangerously close to Han's neck. "You… you killed her, you killed her. I thought – and Leia – but you killed her!"
Kyp's hands shook slightly and he forced himself to stop it. "She was in my way. Now you're in my way. Goodbye, Han," he said softly, and made a quick slash with his blade.
And then it was over. The Solos were dead.
Jaina sat up suddenly in her bunk and grabbed the sheets around her. She sobbed into them as she realised what she had just seen, what her latest nightmare had been. Mom… Dad…
Her mind reached out without her permission again, reached out to him through their bond. She found him alone in his ship, awake as she was, plagued by his own nightmares – the same nightmare. She sobbed again as she realised that it had come through him; that they had shared the nightmare. Quickly, Jaina cut off the connection and curled up again in her bed, drawing the sheets around her for reassurance. She didn't want this; she didn't want anything to do with Kyp anymore.
But even as she thought it, something inside her screamed a contradiction, and it was to a restless sleep once more that she fell.
~
when it gets cold outside and ya got nobody to love
you'll understand what I mean when I say
there's no way we're gonna give up
and like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
~
Kyp felt Jaina's touch in his mind and tried to reach for it, to hold her to him, but she closed it off too quickly. He knew she had shared his nightmare, that she had seen it… It was his worst. The one that scared him most, made him forget why he had done everything, the only one that could make him regret the past two years.
He sat up on the edge of the bunk and ran a shaking hand through his silver-shot hair. This was ridiculous. He shouldn't have nightmares anymore. Nightmares like that suggested regret. Kyp Durron didn't regret anything. Did he?
"I don't know…"
Irritated with himself, Kyp got up, pulling some clothes on and going through to the cockpit. He threw himself down in the pilot's chair and checked the displays briefly. He had been flying alone a lot more lately; ever since the nightmares had gotten worse. Why had they gotten worse? He didn't know, but he didn't like other people knowing about it. It made him seem weak… Kyp Durron didn't show any weaknesses. He didn't let anyone see anything that might suggest such a thing.
But there was nothing he could do about Jaina seeing it.
"No…" There was something he could do. He could go back and make her join him. She would. And then he would have nothing to worry about… No more nightmares, no more weaknesses. He would have Jaina, she would have him, and they would be the ultimate force in the galaxy. They would own the galaxy.
No more cold, lonely nights. No more suffocating nightmares. No more longing. It was time to get over the weakness she caused in him and turn it into strength, power. Kyp Durron and Jaina Solo. Lord and Lady of the Sith… Power. Yes. Dark power…
The decision made, Kyp pulled out of hyperspace and reset the navi-computer. Back… Back to Yavin 4. Back to Jaina.
~
does it kill
does it burn
is it painful to learn
that it's me that has all the control
~
Jaina woke up with a start, blinking in the pale light of the dawn that seeped in through the window to her room. Something was different – she could sense… him. He was back already? But why… What could he hope to do, hope to tell her, after only one night?
She stumbled over to the chair her clothes were thrown over and pulled on the tunic and pants quickly. She tried futilely to brush out the wrinkles, then stopped as soon as she realised what she was doing. Just get out there quick, Jaina, see what he wants and tell him no.
She grabbed her lightsabre from the desk and stepped over to the door, hitting the control to open it. But the breath left her body and she froze just inside – he was here, already. Outside her door. Waiting.
Kyp straightened from his position of leaning on the wall, and turned to face Jaina, smirking at her. He stood blocking the door – there was no escape for her.
"You're up, then. Good. Come on."
"Wh- What?" Jaina cursed herself. Why did she sound so useless and confused? It was probably a combination of the early hour and him standing right in front of her.
"Game's over. You're joining me now. No more messing around," he told her in a dangerous tone.
"I – no. I told you already. I'm not joining you, you can't make me."
Kyp sighed and pulled at a strand of his hair, frustrated. "You're not getting this, are you, Jaina? You have to join me. It's the kind of have-to like – like gravity. A rock has to land on the ground; a planet has to orbit a sun; you have to be with me. We can't be apart. You know it too, don't you? You know why you've felt empty for the past two years?"
"Because Anakin's gone. Because my parents are gone." Jaina's voice was a whisper, and her eyes were locked onto Kyp's dark gaze.
Kyp let out another frustrated sigh and took a step forward, forcing Jaina back against her desk. "Because I was gone, Jaina. It's been the same for me. I – I've been-" He hesitated. It was painful, putting it into words, telling someone else. It was hard to admit his feelings even to himself, but to say it to someone else…
Instead of saying it out loud, he reached into the bond between him and Jaina, felt it strengthen as she opened up unwillingly. I miss you, Jaina. I need you and you need me. Come with me. Be with me. Please.
Jaina stared at him, unable to break the hold his gaze had on her. She couldn't move – not just because of his body trapping her at the desk, but because his presence was… intoxicating. She knew everything he had done, hated it, hated him, but she couldn't stop her body drifting closer to his, couldn't stop her heart racing, couldn't stop the feeling that constantly haunted her stomach.
Kyp felt it, through the bond. He felt her need, parallel to his own, felt their feelings intertwine. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, felt her hesitate before returning the kiss hungrily.
~
does it thrill
does it sting
when you feel what I bring
and you wish that you had me to hold
~
His arms slipped round her back, pulling her closer to him, pressing her soft, warm body tight to his. He barely noticed her returning the embrace, lost in the kiss, in the need that had consumed him for two years. He pulled back for breath, just for a second, and saw the need reflected in her brandy-brown gaze. "Jaina…"
Before she could say anything in reply, before she could remember who they were, what they were, he brought his mouth down to hers again. He felt her hand slipping up to his hair, to run through the dark strands and pull his head closer to hers. He kissed her harder, ran his tongue round her mouth, tasting her, but it wasn't enough. He pulled her tighter as the heat filled him.
I need you, Jaina.
She didn't reply except to kiss him harder, and Kyp thought she hadn't heard him. But then she moved forward to force him back, closer to the bunk.
Need you.
Kyp felt joy rise up inside him, intertwining with the heat, the need. He twisted round and pushed Jaina back down onto the bunk, falling on top of her, still kissing her hard.
The heat took over Jaina, and she barely heard the voice in her head that whispered insistently at her. She let her need take over, her want, her desires. Yes, she did need him – her mind cried out at this admission, at what it saw as betrayal, but her body didn't care. She needed him just as much as he needed her, and that was something she couldn't deny any longer.
~
Some time later, Jaina yawned and shifted in her half-sleep. She could feel the sun's rays on her, knew she should get up and do something, but she was too comfortable in Kyp's arms.
Comfortable… in Kyp's arms…
Her eyes snapped open and she found herself lying with Kyp, her face just inches from his. Oh… How could she have let herself do this?…
But still she didn't move, and instead studied his face curiously. He was still sound asleep, and Jaina found it hard to believe that this was the same Kyp Durron who had – who had killed her brother, murdered her parents. Everything. Everything he had done surrounded him always, but it seemed to fall away in sleep, and Jaina couldn't find the hatred she was so sure she felt.
Her hand reached up and brushed a stray silver-streaked lock of hair from his eyes. Her eyes didn't – couldn't – leave his face, and she stared at him as a memory flooded her, a memory of happiness – of before… Before…
"Hey, Sticks, what're you doing out here?"
Jaina didn't turn from the view of the setting sun, of the oranges and reds reflecting off the many – many – buildings and towers of the city planet. She could sense who it was, and allowed herself a small smile, before sighing. "Nothing. Watching the sun go down."
Kyp stepped up beside her and looked out over the balcony with her. "Everyone's wondering where you are. It's no birthday party without the birthday girl!"
Jaina smiled again. "They've got Jacen."
Kyp paused, then smirked. "That insinuates so many things I'm not even going to start on."
Jaina laughed in reply, and elbowed him in the ribs.
"Ow!" He nudged her back, then turned serious for a moment. "I actually came out here to give you your birthday present."
Jaina frowned, puzzled. "You already did."
"Nah, that was the 'Jaina and Jacen's birthday' present. You've always had one of those. This is a 'Jaina Solo's birthday' present."
Jaina looked up at him, confused, and caught a glimpse of a smirk as his mouth descended on hers.
He pulled away after a moment and smirked again. "But that wasn't it either. Here," he said, holding out a small wrapped box. Jaina took it, studying it for a moment, before trying to neatly unwrap it. She failed miserably and tore it open, gasping as she lifted the lid from the box.
"Kyp, it's… it's beautiful… thank you…" She held the necklace up, studying it carefully. It was a small, silver X-Wing pendant, outlined in violet, with four tiny letters engraved on the back – KDJS.
Kyp smiled at her as she clipped it on. "It's not much, but I thought I should give you something else, something more personal."
Jaina shook her head and hugged him. "It's great," she whispered.
They didn't return to the party until most of the guests had left. Instead, they stayed on the balcony, holding each other, watching the sun go down.
Jaina held the pendant now, her hand at her neck, as she lay in bed. She'd always worn it, ever since that night. It was a symbol of them, of their love… but she couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't love him anymore.
Trying not to let the tears fall, she tore herself away from the warmth of Kyp's arms and hurried to pull her clothes on. She clasped her lightsabre to her belt and hesitated, staring at him again, still asleep. Suddenly, she reached up and unclipped the silver necklace, placing it carefully, with a shaking hand, on the pillow beside him.
And she ran from her room, down to the hangar and her X-Wing, away from the man she couldn't love, she had to hate. The tears blurred her vision as she flew into the atmosphere, plotting the course, making the jump back to the Falcon and Jacen and Chewie before she could let herself change her mind. She had to go, she had to leave now, and she couldn't – ever – come back.
And just as the stars blurred into white lines, she thought she heard a cry.
Jaina. Come back.
But she couldn't. Never.
~
when it gets cold outside and ya got nobody to love
you'll understand what I mean when I say
there's no way we're gonna give up
and like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
~
