Disclaimer: I don't any of the Monkey Punch comic book characters, but I've been buying the manga. I'd really recommend it to anyone; it really seems to round out everything.
Hey!
I've liked some of the ideas I've heard so far; I think they're all terrific! They are a few that I read that really inspired me to put in some new twists, but I'm not telling which ones! Thanks again for the reviews guys, and, hey, if there's anything you'd like to see, I'm open to all suggestions. And, I know it's a little confusing now, guys, but it'll all work itself out. Don't worry J .
Chapter Four
Day Four: You're so Vain
'Although I laugh and I act like a clown,
Beneath this mask I am wearing a frown,
My tears are falling like rain from the sky,
Is it for her or myself that I cry,'
--The Beatles, 'I'm a Loser'
"Are you sure about this, Fujiko?" Lupin inquired as both walked down the Miami streets to the doctor's office.
"Very," Fujiko replied, "I can't wait until I can shut you up by finally getting it on paper that it's a girl!"
"You know you owe me if you're wrong," Lupin said with a wink. Fujiko sighed and rolled her eyes, and both entered the doctor's office.
"Hi. Mine appointment, two-thirty," Fujiko said to the secretary at the front desk.
"You're a little early, Ms. Mine. Why don't you and your husband take a seat?" the nurse replied.
Lupin balked, "Wait, my name isn't—"
"Come on, Dear," Fujiko laughed nervously and took him by the arm and sat him down in one of the maroon plastic chairs in the office. Fujiko picked up a magazine and began to read while Lupin looked around the office waiting room idly. When Fujiko's name was called, Lupin immediately sprung up, and Fujiko stood as well, but with more ease. Both followed the nurse in, Lupin looking around the hallway office nervously.
"You look like a thief in a confessional," Fujiko whispered to Lupin as they were led into the doctor's examining room. Fujiko sat back in a chair next to the ultrasound, and Lupin seated himself in a seat close to Fujiko.
"I know I look a little nervous… It's because I am…." Lupin replied, "What if—" He stopped as the doctor entered came in, smiling at Lupin and Fujiko warmly. She went to her machines and began to work with them as she introduced herself.
"Hello, Mr. and Ms. Mine. I'm Doctor Gonzalez," she said, and began to go through the necessary paperwork and preliminary tests. She nodded as she looked over the paperwork in satisfaction, and looked upward at Fujiko and Lupin, "Now, Ms. Mine, I'm going to put some petroleum jelly on your stomach to help us with the ultrasound, all right?"
"Okay," Fujiko nodded, lifting up her shirt and revealing her now obviously pregnant stomach. She gasped a little at the coldness of the jelly, but soon relaxed. Lupin, however, looked more nervous than ever.
"All right, here we go…" said Dr. Gonzalez as she laid a paddle connected to the machine on Fujiko's stomach, "See, there's the heartbeat…" she said with a smile.
"Is—Is it a boy or a girl?" Fujiko inquired.
"Well, this one's a boy," Gonzalez answered.
Lupin brightened immediately, and he jumped from his chair, "Yes! Arsene Lupin the Fourth!"
"And this one on the right is a girl," Dr. Gonzalez continued, pointing to another section of the screen. Lupin immediately stopped his celebrating and turned back to Gonzalez.
"Wha—What?" Lupin muttered numbly, "Re—Repeat that…."
"Congratulations! You're the proud parents of twins!" said Dr. Gonzalez happily, "M—Mr. Mine? Are you all right? You, you don't look so well…"
"Twins…" Lupin said to himself, sitting back in his chair, "Twins… I always said I liked twins on a girl, but twins in a girl is a different story…."
"Can we get some pictures, Doctor?" asked Fujiko, looking over at Lupin worriedly.
"Certainly," Gonzalez nodded, "I'll be right back. I need to get a few things from my office." She exited, and Fujiko reached out and put a hand on Lupin's shoulder.
"Hey, you. Are you okay?" Fujiko inquired.
"I guess," Lupin answered. He looked at Fujiko, "Two kids! At once! I can't even take care of one seven year old! An hour into babysitting and I end up showing the kid animated porn!"
"You'll be a good parent," Fujiko reassured him.
Lupin looked upward at her, "You… Would you mind if I walked this off?"
"Not at all. You look like you need a drink," Fujiko smirked, "Hey, listen… You'll be fine! It's finding a station wagon is what you should by worried about…."
Lupin walked out of the examining room and out of the office onto the street, "From a 33' Alfa to a station wagon… All in a few months… What the hell happened to us? Fujiko's going to have a baby, I'm going to be a father—A Goddamned father! Me! Jigen's already got a kid, and Goemon's hooked up with Zenigata's daughter… How much more twisted and screwed up can you make my life, God!?" he demanded. Some stopped and stared at him, but shook their heads and simply continued to walk on, murmuring that the gringo was loco in the head.
Lupin walked into a bar did the only thing that he thought would take his mind off of the situation—Drink until he forgot who he was and why he had gone there in the first place. He trudged in and sat down glumly. He looked up at the bartender, "Can I get a double scotch?"
"Whatever you want, buddy," the bartender answered, leaving Lupin to fix the drink.
"Hey, this one's on me," Lupin heard, and turned. She was a young blonde woman, with dark eyes, "What's with the long face, pal? Your girl leave you?"
"No, no, she's definitely staying—She just changed a lot…" Lupin answered as the bartender came back with his drink.
The woman looked up at the bartender, "Could you bring us a bottle of that?"
"Sure," the bartender replied and went to go fetch a bottle of scotch, "So," she inched closer to Lupin, but the thief seemed more interested in his drink than in the woman, for once in his life, "you remind me of someone I saw in the papers one time…. Lupin the Third…."
"Yeah… I was Lupin the Third…" Lupin replied in a mildly drunken tone, "Now I don't know who the hell I am anymore…"
"It's a little early to get smashed, isn't it?" she inquired as she watched him down another drink quickly.
"Not when you've been going through what I have, Lady," Lupin replied as he poured himself another drink and promptly drank it.
"Why don't you tell me about it?" she inquired.
"Well—" Lupin started.
"Not here," she whispered, and put a hand on his arms. Lupin looked downward at her hand, and then back up at her eyes.
"Sorry…. I really, more than anything, would love to go off with your somewhere in private… But I promised someone I'd quit it," Lupin replied, trying to shrug her off.
"Promises were meant to be broken," she added, drawing even closer to Lupin and resting her chin on his shoulder, "What do you say? Tell her you've got to go out for the day… She'll believe you, I'll bet…"
"I—" Lupin started, but stopped as he felt the room begin to spin.
"Here, have another drink," she said, drawing back and pouring him another drink. Lupin looked down at the shot glass briefly, and then took a sip of the scotch, "Good job…" she smiled, and drew close to him once again.
A Little while Later, Lupin and Gang's Hotel:
"I'm home—Finally! It took forever to get those pictures! The stupid machine broke after you left, Lupin! You should've seen it—I thought Gonzalez was going to kill the technician!" Fujiko said happily as she entered the hotel room. Fujiko guessed that only Lupin was home, his wallet was on the kitchen counter, and Amaya had taken Goemon to get checked out at a hospital while Jigen was carrying out his promise of taking Yukiko to the beach. And where Jigen was, his strange new friend was sure to follow.
"Lupin?" Fujiko called as she set her purse down on the dinette counter, "Are you home?" she called, and poked head in Jigen's room, and then Goemon's an Amaya's. No one. As she went to turn, her foot became caught up in something. She looked downward and pulled up a bra. Too small for her, and too big for Amaya or Ming. Fujiko opened her and Lupin's bedroom door, and gaped in dumbfounded shock.
"Who the hell are you!?" Fujiko hissed as she looked at the blonde woman on her side of the bed.
"Oh, good! You found it!" the blonde said, taking the bra from Fujiko's hand, "Thanks," she rose and began to collect her other articles of clothing from around the room, all while Lupin slept on. Fujiko looked downward at Lupin, and perhaps he felt her icy gaze of death, for he slowly opened his eyes and rolled over to Fujiko.
He sat up in bed, and held onto the back of his head. He was getting the beginnings of a nasty hangover. He looked back behind Fujiko, saw the blonde he had met at the bar, and realized this hangover was not the only thing that was about to get nasty.
"I had a really good time," the blonde woman said with a wink as she put her left heel on, and then her right, "You know, those other girls weren't lying about you. See you around!" she said happily, and closed the door behind Fujiko and Lupin
Fujiko looked back at Lupin, "How could you? How the hell could you do something like that!?"
"Fujiko, I, I don't even remember!" Lupin sputtered as he got out of bed and quickly dressed himself, just in case he would have to make a run from Fujiko, "I don't know who that broad was! The last thing I remember was telling her to get her hands off of me while I was drinking! I told her I had a girlfriend!"
"Screw you!" Fujiko screamed, picking up a lamp and aiming it towards Lupin's head. It nearly hit him, and hit the wall instead of its intended target, "Oh wait, that's how this whole Goddamned thing started!" she yelled, looking around for more possible ammunition.
"I told her I wasn't interested!" Lupin screamed, running behind the bed for protection.
"You son of a—" Fujiko stopped, and let out a small yelp.
"What's wrong?" Lupin asked, rising a little from behind the bed.
"One of the children just kicked! One of our children just kicked! See, even they're pissed off at you! It was probably little Fujiko!" Fujiko yelled.
"Fujicakes, just calm down," Lupin said as he cautiously made his way to the door.
Fujiko found a heavy paperweight from the desk, and held onto it like one would a baseball. Lupin became very pale as he realized Fujiko was taking aim for him, and quickly ducked as she threw it full force. At that moment, their bedroom door opened, and Jigen poked his head in.
"Hey guys, you want—" the paperweight came flying over his head, knocking his hat off of his head. He looked downward at the ground, and back up at them, "I—I'll ask later." He said, closing the door once more.
"Fujiko," Lupin walked towards her, and took hold of her hands, "I'm really sorry. But, you know, I told you this married life wasn't going to be easy for me… I'm sorry, but that bitch got me drunk, and that's the God-honest truth!"
"Do you know what the whole concept of telling the truth is?" Fujiko countered quietly.
Lupin sighed and back up, "Listen, I have nothing better than 'I'm sorry'. I'll make it up to you somehow… Is there anything you want?"
"I'm not even that shallow to be bribed with things in exchange for forgetting what you just did, jackass," Fujiko hissed. There was a period of silence, and Fujiko slowly noted that Lupin looked truly sorry for what he had done. Seeing remorse on his face was a new thing for Fujiko, and it made her feel somewhat like a heel for throwing things at him. She tried to block this out of her mind, and recall what he had just done to her, but all see saw was a somewhat pathetic version of a proud person, and she could not help but feel a little sympathetic towards him.
Fujiko crossed her arms, and took a step forward. Lupin looked upward at her, and prepared himself for one of Fujiko's famous slaps across the face. Much to his surprise, she leaned inward and embraced him, "I can't believe I'm forgiving you, you stupid bastard. You really didn't mean anything by going with that whore, did you?"
"No! Nothing whatsoever!" Lupin jumped in quickly, "I'm really sorry, I—"
"Okay, okay," Fujiko backed away from him, "I know that it's hard on you, and you've done really good. Going from a girl every night of the week to being lucky if you get it once every two weeks with the same girl is a big change. Just try not to let anything like this happen again, please? I've had a pretty rough time with this lifestyle change, too, but—But we have to now…. Not much of a choice."
"Yeah," Lupin nodded, and looked upward at Fujiko, "Can I have my once every two weeks now as part of the kiss and makeup?"
"That's my boy," Fujiko smirked.
"So that's a yes?" Lupin inquired.
"That's a 'you better get a broom and sweep up that broken lamp because it's getting harder and harder for me to bend down and do it myself'," Fujiko responded, opening the door and exiting the bedroom.
"Well, better get to work…" Lupin muttered, "Damn, I've got a headache… Some vacation, too…. I should do something to get my mind off this, like lift something off of someone… I wonder what kind of crap they're showing in New York City about now… That can wait for later. Now, where the hell is that broom?"
Meanwhile, in the living room, Jigen had gone into his bedroom in order to avoid Fujiko. Lately his head had taken on a sort of magnetism to flying objects, and he didn't want to risk being a victim of Fujiko's wrath. He did not mind Yukiko being out there with her, Fujiko was never irate around children, he had noted long ago.
"Hi," Ming came in, and waved happily, "How are you doing?" she inquired, "Is your head all right?"
"Hurts a little," Jigen admitted as Ming walked over to him, "It always does, though… I need to help Yuki clean out those shells…. Talk to you later, I guess…." He said, tipping his hat briefly and then walking towards the kitchen where Yukiko had laid out the shells she had collected. She was holding one in particular, looking at it with great interest. He failed to see Ming looking back at him with a small wave of disappointment washing over her. Ming let out a small sigh and closed the bedroom door, leaving Jigen and Yukiko to themselves.
"This one's still alive," she said to Jigen as she watched the shell slowly cross from one of her hands to another.
"Well, we can take of that," Jigen said, taking a small knife from the counter and turning back towards Yukiko.
"No," Yukiko took a step back, "We need to return it. It probably misses its family."
"What!? It probably has no—Just, just go find my car keys," Jigen sighed heavily.
"Here, you can watch over Hoshi," she said, removing the sea creature and laying it on Jigen's hands. She quickly ran to go find the car keys while Jigen looked downward at the slug.
"You named it!?" Jigen called, but no response came from Yukiko. He sighed and held the slug up to his face, "What the hell is this? On a good day five months ago I would've fed your slimy ass to a seagull. Now I'm saving a Goddamned slug. Kind of ironic the feeling I have now is the same one I have when we go to rescue Fujiko…."
"I found them!" Yukiko said happily, coming back with the car keys. "Let's go!"
Jigen tried to pry the slug off, but could only do it after a great deal of struggle and a little bit of pain. Yukiko ran out the door of the hotel, followed by her father. They both got into the car, and drove back to the beach they had visited earlier that day.
Jigen watched as Yukiko walked up to the ocean and gently placed the slug in, and watched as the tide carried it away back to its home. Yukiko turned back to Jigen, who had busied himself with smoking a cigarette while he watched her.
"Well, let's get going," Jigen said, extinguishing his cigarette into the sand and beginning to walk back with Yukiko to the car, "What's with the slug, anyway? What was the big deal about it?"
"Well, Lupin helped me find my family, so I thought I'd help the shell find its family!" Yukiko responded. Jigen briefly rolled his eyes as he opened the door of the car and sat down in the driver's side. Now he would probably have to spout out a long boring story about his childhood that somehow related to the recent events and have moralic strings attracted to it; this is what he had seen done on the TV shows. But no television show came close to depicting their family, so Jigen tried to think of the best words to say to the young girl that would not come off as sounding like preaching.
"I guess you did pretty good, Yuki," Jigen finally said as he started the car and began to drive away towards the hotel. He glanced over at Yukiko, and saw she seemed as though she were withholding something. He frowned at this, but turned his eyes back upon the road, knowing that Yukiko would tell him what she wanted to in good time.
Marsella's Authentic Cuban Food:
An all too-infamous Indian man sat at an outside café, reading the daily paper and smoking a cigar. He looked upward and saw a blonde woman come up to him.
"How did it go?" he asked as the blonde sat down next to him at the table.
"As far as I know, all to plan. You should've seen the look on that bitch he's got face! I thought she was going to kill me at any given second," she replied.
"Why he is so intent on destroying all of them I will never fully understand," said Ravi the swordsman as he sipped his coffee, "I wonder how deep his hatred for this Lupin fellow is, but I think I will be afraid to find out. I cannot believe the lengths he will go to to see this man suffer. Do you, Natasha?"
"I think he's just plain crazy. All I know is, though, is that he's paying us well," Natasha replied, "And, I don't know about you, but I need that money."
"Immoral deeds for moral causes," Ravi smirked wryly, "How is your mother doing, on that note?"
"Still sick as a dog. How about your family?" Natasha inquired.
"Very excited at the thought of finally being able to come to America," Ravi replied, "The man I fought yesterday…. He was exceptional… I told—"
"I know," Natasha nodded, "He's sending Collin over to talk to him."
"Collin?" Ravi raised on eyebrow, "Collin would probably be the worst example of our organization out of the lot of us."
"Yeah, but with Ming gone, who the hell else have we got!?" Natasha asked, leaning inward, "Besides, Collin seems to like the guy, too! And when everyone's in a good mood, we all work better together, right?"
"Point taken," Ravi muttered, sipping his coffee once more.
Miami-Dade County Hospital:
"All's fine, Mr. Goemon. You're in better shape than most doctors, for that matter!" said the doctor, "You can get changed, now. Your friend's waiting outside."
"Thank you, doctor," Goemon nodded. The doctor left, and he began to change back into his gi. He was just about finished tying the belt when he heard the door open, and saw a brown-haired, light-eyed man enter his room and close the door behind him.
"You're Ishikawa Goemon, right?" he asked in a distinct English accent as he leaned against the door.
"Who are you?" Goemon asked, putting one hand on his sword hilt and looking at the young man suspiciously.
"Go by the name Collin, Dear. Now just sit yourself back down, because I've got quite a sweet little deal for you," Collin said, walking towards Goemon. Goemon seated himself, and refused to remove his eyes from Collin.
"What do you want?" Goemon snapped.
"A proposition," Collin smirked, and bowed slightly, "You are hereby invited to become a member of the Royal Order of the Dragon and the Phoenix. Quite a mouthful, I know. You remember Ravi, right?"
"Ravi!?" Goemon gasped.
"I'll take that as a yes," Collin smirked, "Don't worry, Babe. He thought you were bloody terrific, and he talked to our boss about it, and we want you to join us."
"You nearly killed us several times!" Goemon snapped.
"Sorry 'bout that, Love. Nothing personal—It's just that the pay's flippin' wonderful," Collin answered, "But you're not interested, I suppose? Into that 'All for one and One for All' B.S., huh? Oh, well," Collin reached into his pocket, and Goemon tensed, "Relax! Here's a card if you change your mind," Collin walked over to Goemon and handed him the card, "Say, man, was that your girl out there? The one in the kimono?"
"The one who could kick your ass?" Goemon inquired.
"Yes. I'm sure she's quite a firecracker. You look like the type who'd go for those," Collin sighed in disappointment, "Oh, well—If you ever decide to drop her, too, my number's on the back of the card. Gimme a ring—We can go for a drink or something sometime."
Goemon was too stunned to say anything to counter this comment and watched as Collin quickly exited. What was that supposed to mean, he wondered, not wanting to admit the obvious truth about the messenger-boy. Goemon ran to the door, and stuck his head out, but saw no sign of the Englishman. Goemon stuck his head back in, and looked down at the card, and flipped it over, "You have got to be kidding me…" he muttered as he shoved the card into his pocket and stormed out. He found Amaya, but did not tell her of the strange encounter he had had with Collin in the doctor's office.
"Dragon and Phoenix…." Goemon muttered to himself as Amaya drove along.
"Huh?" Amaya turned to Goemon, "You say something?"
"No, not me…" Goemon shook his head.
"That's right—You never talk," Amaya chuckled with good humor and put a hand on his shoulder, "Are you sure you feel all right?"
"Positive," Goemon replied he pulled out the card and flipped it to the side with Collin's number, and he looked it over once more, "I just need to get home and take a long, long shower." He added as he put the card away once more and looked straight ahead on the freeway.
