One morning about two weeks later, everyone was woken by Candy's yelling.
"A boat, a boat, a boat!" she shouted, jumping up and down on the spot.
Everyone looked. There was indeed another boat moored offshore, with a small rowboat heading towards the beach.
"Hello!" yelled Jack, running towards the beach and waving.
"Hi," said the captain of the boat.
"Well," began Jack, but Stephanie pushed past him and held out her hand.
"I'm foreign minister, how can I help you?" she said with a grin.
The captain eyed her sodden clothes and messy hair. "You have a frog in your hair," he said.
"Anyway, you're not foreign minister, I am," said Brianna. "This is the Republic."
"Is not!"
"Is!"
"IS NOT!"
"IS!"
"Can we have a lift back to the mainland?" interjected Will quickly.
"Yeah," said the sailor nervously. "Come aboard."
Later that morning, the group were sitting in a stateroom below decks as the ship headed for the mainland. Elizabeth had finally forgiven Will, and he and Jack were arguing over who loved their girlfriend more.
"I love Elizabeth more!" said Will.
"No, I love Candy more!" shouted Jack, gesturing wildly with his rum bottle.
"Oh yeah? I don't see a ring!" yelled Will.
"Yet," said Jack.
"Hello? Marriage is an outdated idea designed solely so that men can control their women-"began Julia angrily.
"Sounds good to me!" shouted Jack, swigging from his rum bottle.
"Not to me," said Elizabeth.
"Oh no," muttered Will.
"Will, I don't want to take your name," said Elizabeth.
"What?" said Will.
"And I want to be my own person!" she shouted, picking up steam.
"You go girl!" said Julia.
"And I don't want to wear your jewellery!" shouted Elizabeth, pulling off her engagement ring and earrings, but pausing over the enormous diamond necklace around her neck. "Well, maybe I want to wear your diamond," she conceded, "but it isn't symbolic!" She handed over all her other jewellery to Will.
"What am I supposed to do with all this?" said Will, flabbergasted.
"I'll give you two pieces of cursed Aztec gold for the lot," hissed Jack. "And I'll throw in an empty rum bottle to seal the deal."
"What? Why you...little...you cheap...you...sneaky...why you...sold," said Will, handing over the jewellery and pocketing the coins and rum bottle.
"All right!" yelled Jack, pulling out his gold hoop earring and putting on Elizabeth's chandelier-sized diamond sparkler. "Swish!"
"What about the ring?" asked Deb hopefully.
"Oh, yeah. Candy!"
"Yes?" Candy looked up from her book.
"Come over here." Candy promptly obliged. Jack promptly pulled her onto his lap, grabbed her hand and slipped on the ring. "You remind me of the planet Venus," he said.
"Isn't that the one with the poisonous-"began Frankie.
"Don't even think about it," said Jack, pulling out his cutlass.
Frankie gulped. "OK," she muttered.
"Good." Jack leaned over and gave Candy a kiss.
"Oh my god," breathed Candy.
"Oh my god," breathed Julia, repulsed.
"Oh my god!" exclaimed Deb petulantly. "Why her?"
"Oh, Bambi!" said Amber.
"Ewwww! PDA alert!" gagged Rue.
"I think it's sweet," said Ebony firmly.
"Ahhhh! It's like 'The Sound Of Music," said Seona moonily. "Except he's not German. Or Jewish. Oh, and we're not being chased by Nazis. Or singing nuns."
"What?" asked Candy.
"Oh, I don't know," admitted Seona.
"Excuse me, we'll be entering the port soon." The ship's captain stuck his
head round the door of the stateroom.
"Ooooohhh! Can I dock it?" asked Frankie eagerly.
"Me too?" said Katie.
"Yeah...I suppose so," said the captain.
"Are you sure that's wise..." began Will, but the girls had disappeared onto the deck with the captain.
The group looked up as voices started to echo through the ceiling.
"Steer it to the right," said the captain.
"I've got it, I've got it," said Frankie. There was a muffled conversation and maniacal giggling from above.
"To the left," said the captain.
"I know, I know," muttered Frankie, and the ship suddenly lurched to the left.
"Mind the-"came the captain's voice again, followed by a loud crash and the ship suddenly listing heavily to the left.
"Ooops...I think I screwed up..." Frankie's voice came through the ceiling again before water began to pour in through the door.
"Does anyone have deja vu?" asked Jack.
There was suddenly a scream from above. "Deja vu?" screeched Katie. "Deja vu?" There was the sound of running footsteps, screaming and a splash as she threw herself over the side of the ship.
"Look," said Frankie, sticking her head through the door. "Don't mention foreshadowing, destiny, fate, deja vu or anything Matrix related in front of Katie. She is very sensitive about that sort of thing. The captain is currently pulling her back out of the water."
"Then who's watching the wheel of the boat?" asked Will.
"Oh bugger!" yelled Frankie. "Every time!" She turned to run up the stairs, but there was suddenly a much louder crunch and a gaping hole appeared in the wall before water started pouring in.
"Abandon ship!" yelled the captain.
"Does anyone have deja-"began Jack.
"Don't even think about saying it," warned Frankie.
Once again there was a mad rush for the exits. And, once again, it was all caused by Katie and Frankie.
"Well, I'm sorry," said Katie petulantly, "but in my opinion, that was a very silly place for someone to leave a rock."
"No one left it there!" yelled the captain.
"Somebody must have," said Frankie.
"No! They didn't! It was just - there!" spluttered the captain.
"Why did you even join the crew?" asked Jack incredulously.
"To kick cursed-pirate butt!" yelled Frankie and Katie in unison.
Jack recoiled, clutching his ears. "Ow," he muttered. "Loud."
"But we weren't going after cursed pirates," said Will.
"I know, but it's the Caribbean! There's got to be some around somewhere," said Katie.
"And we're always prepared," said Frankie determinedly. "Listen to this!" She took a deep breath, then said, "And the blood to be repaid?" in a trembling, hushed voice.
"Erm - very good," said Will, for want of anything else to say.
"Thanks. We've been practising, haven't we, Katie?" said Frankie.
"Yeah! Listen to this!" said Katie, taking a huge breath. Everyone braced themselves.
"HOW'S YOUR FOOTWORK?" she bellowed at the top of her lungs.
"Christ on a bike," muttered Jack, shaking his head. "That's some lungpower."
"Anything else?" asked Will nervously.
"Oh yeah," said Frankie, before putting on her best Jack Sparrow accent.
"Onesies! You need to get yourself a girl, mate! Why is the rum gone? I love weddings, drinks all round! SAVVY!"
"Hey, cool," said Will.
"Yeah," said Jack, sweating slightly. It was amazingly unsettling to see your every word and mannerism parodied by a fifteen-year-old-girl.
"And...STOP BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP!" Frankie concluded in a deafening bellow. Several car alarms went off nearby.
"You don't have a ship," pointed out Will.
"Maybe not. Yet," said Frankie, giving the Commodore an ominous look.
"Hey, wait a minute-" began Will.
"Shut up, you're next!" snapped Frankie in her best Barbossa voice. Will's chin started to wobble.
"Oh, my poor sweet Orli! I didn't mean to frighten you, Leggy dear," exclaimed Frankie, clutching him to her formidable bosom.
"Is anyone else worried?" asked Jack.
"Better now, Orli baby?" asked Frankie, holding him at arm's length to examine him.
"Um...fine," said Will. There was an embarrassed silence.
"So what do we do now?" asked Will haltingly, out of sheer desperation to change the subject.
"Let's go shopping!" yelled Elizabeth.
"Yeah!" yelled all the other girls, streaming off into the town's shopping streets.
"Shopping it is then, mate," said Jack. "I'm going to the pub. See you later."
"Hey! Cursed pirates!" yelled Katie. "Avast!"
"Avast!" cheered Frankie happily. "At last a chance to kick some cursed pirate butt!" She pulled a broom out of a nearby hut and, brandishing it, stalked over towards the suspected cursed pirates with Katie in tow.
"Whoa!" Will stepped in front of them. "How do you know they're cursed pirates?"
"Just look at them! They're evil! Look at the way they're dressed!" said Frankie.
"Oi! Are you cursed pirates?" called Katie.
"Why, no," said the oldest man in the group. "We're the Royal Ornithological Society."
"Birdwatchers!" breathed Frankie with anticipation. "That's close enough!" She looked at Will again. "Move!"
"No!" said Will bravely and/or foolishly (Fanfiction readers : delete as applicable)
"Please move?" asked Frankie impatiently.
"No!" repeated Will.
Frankie sighed and pulled out a water pistol filled with mustard, which she pointed at Will. "This shot is not meant for you," she said.
"Who's it meant for?" asked Will.
"Duh! Deb," said Katie. "I've also got some balloons filled with ketchup with Elizabeth's name on them."
"Well, that and 'Happy Birthday'," said Frankie.
"Well, I'm sorry I had to buy bankrupt stock from the Birthday Barn," said Katie. "Why don't you buy our ammunition sometime?"
"Fine, I will," said Frankie.
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!"
"Whoa," muttered Will nervously. Never before had the word 'fine' carried so much menace. "So," he said nervously, "What other ammunition have you got there?"
"Hmmm...paint bombs, itching powder, a whole bunch of irregular Oreos," said Katie.
"As well as a whole bunch of spoons that some weird kid from the Matrix kept giving me," said Frankie.
"He had such a crush on her," said Katie. "He must have given her like three hundred spoons!"
"Yeah. We didn't know what to do with them, so we just use them for ammunition," said Frankie.
"Oh," said Will, for want of anything else to say in response to a statement like this.
"Yeah, and now we've got birdwatching cursed pirates to deal with," she continued. "So move."
Right, time for some shameless plugging, as I am getting zilch reviews pretty much...one, I recently posted a Ring parody called 'Samara gets a makeover'-I think the title's pretty self explanatory. Also, I've got another fanfic running called 'An Extremely Strange Parody of Several Horror Stories' in the movie crossover section. It's where Will and Elizabeth from POTC throw a Halloween party and it has loads of characters from other stories like LOTR, the Matrix, Edward Scissorhands, The Ring etc. It's way weird. Also, I'm going to be posting the first chapter of a LOTR parody called 'The Lord of the Soap on a Ropes.' Just don't ask, people.
"A boat, a boat, a boat!" she shouted, jumping up and down on the spot.
Everyone looked. There was indeed another boat moored offshore, with a small rowboat heading towards the beach.
"Hello!" yelled Jack, running towards the beach and waving.
"Hi," said the captain of the boat.
"Well," began Jack, but Stephanie pushed past him and held out her hand.
"I'm foreign minister, how can I help you?" she said with a grin.
The captain eyed her sodden clothes and messy hair. "You have a frog in your hair," he said.
"Anyway, you're not foreign minister, I am," said Brianna. "This is the Republic."
"Is not!"
"Is!"
"IS NOT!"
"IS!"
"Can we have a lift back to the mainland?" interjected Will quickly.
"Yeah," said the sailor nervously. "Come aboard."
Later that morning, the group were sitting in a stateroom below decks as the ship headed for the mainland. Elizabeth had finally forgiven Will, and he and Jack were arguing over who loved their girlfriend more.
"I love Elizabeth more!" said Will.
"No, I love Candy more!" shouted Jack, gesturing wildly with his rum bottle.
"Oh yeah? I don't see a ring!" yelled Will.
"Yet," said Jack.
"Hello? Marriage is an outdated idea designed solely so that men can control their women-"began Julia angrily.
"Sounds good to me!" shouted Jack, swigging from his rum bottle.
"Not to me," said Elizabeth.
"Oh no," muttered Will.
"Will, I don't want to take your name," said Elizabeth.
"What?" said Will.
"And I want to be my own person!" she shouted, picking up steam.
"You go girl!" said Julia.
"And I don't want to wear your jewellery!" shouted Elizabeth, pulling off her engagement ring and earrings, but pausing over the enormous diamond necklace around her neck. "Well, maybe I want to wear your diamond," she conceded, "but it isn't symbolic!" She handed over all her other jewellery to Will.
"What am I supposed to do with all this?" said Will, flabbergasted.
"I'll give you two pieces of cursed Aztec gold for the lot," hissed Jack. "And I'll throw in an empty rum bottle to seal the deal."
"What? Why you...little...you cheap...you...sneaky...why you...sold," said Will, handing over the jewellery and pocketing the coins and rum bottle.
"All right!" yelled Jack, pulling out his gold hoop earring and putting on Elizabeth's chandelier-sized diamond sparkler. "Swish!"
"What about the ring?" asked Deb hopefully.
"Oh, yeah. Candy!"
"Yes?" Candy looked up from her book.
"Come over here." Candy promptly obliged. Jack promptly pulled her onto his lap, grabbed her hand and slipped on the ring. "You remind me of the planet Venus," he said.
"Isn't that the one with the poisonous-"began Frankie.
"Don't even think about it," said Jack, pulling out his cutlass.
Frankie gulped. "OK," she muttered.
"Good." Jack leaned over and gave Candy a kiss.
"Oh my god," breathed Candy.
"Oh my god," breathed Julia, repulsed.
"Oh my god!" exclaimed Deb petulantly. "Why her?"
"Oh, Bambi!" said Amber.
"Ewwww! PDA alert!" gagged Rue.
"I think it's sweet," said Ebony firmly.
"Ahhhh! It's like 'The Sound Of Music," said Seona moonily. "Except he's not German. Or Jewish. Oh, and we're not being chased by Nazis. Or singing nuns."
"What?" asked Candy.
"Oh, I don't know," admitted Seona.
"Excuse me, we'll be entering the port soon." The ship's captain stuck his
head round the door of the stateroom.
"Ooooohhh! Can I dock it?" asked Frankie eagerly.
"Me too?" said Katie.
"Yeah...I suppose so," said the captain.
"Are you sure that's wise..." began Will, but the girls had disappeared onto the deck with the captain.
The group looked up as voices started to echo through the ceiling.
"Steer it to the right," said the captain.
"I've got it, I've got it," said Frankie. There was a muffled conversation and maniacal giggling from above.
"To the left," said the captain.
"I know, I know," muttered Frankie, and the ship suddenly lurched to the left.
"Mind the-"came the captain's voice again, followed by a loud crash and the ship suddenly listing heavily to the left.
"Ooops...I think I screwed up..." Frankie's voice came through the ceiling again before water began to pour in through the door.
"Does anyone have deja vu?" asked Jack.
There was suddenly a scream from above. "Deja vu?" screeched Katie. "Deja vu?" There was the sound of running footsteps, screaming and a splash as she threw herself over the side of the ship.
"Look," said Frankie, sticking her head through the door. "Don't mention foreshadowing, destiny, fate, deja vu or anything Matrix related in front of Katie. She is very sensitive about that sort of thing. The captain is currently pulling her back out of the water."
"Then who's watching the wheel of the boat?" asked Will.
"Oh bugger!" yelled Frankie. "Every time!" She turned to run up the stairs, but there was suddenly a much louder crunch and a gaping hole appeared in the wall before water started pouring in.
"Abandon ship!" yelled the captain.
"Does anyone have deja-"began Jack.
"Don't even think about saying it," warned Frankie.
Once again there was a mad rush for the exits. And, once again, it was all caused by Katie and Frankie.
"Well, I'm sorry," said Katie petulantly, "but in my opinion, that was a very silly place for someone to leave a rock."
"No one left it there!" yelled the captain.
"Somebody must have," said Frankie.
"No! They didn't! It was just - there!" spluttered the captain.
"Why did you even join the crew?" asked Jack incredulously.
"To kick cursed-pirate butt!" yelled Frankie and Katie in unison.
Jack recoiled, clutching his ears. "Ow," he muttered. "Loud."
"But we weren't going after cursed pirates," said Will.
"I know, but it's the Caribbean! There's got to be some around somewhere," said Katie.
"And we're always prepared," said Frankie determinedly. "Listen to this!" She took a deep breath, then said, "And the blood to be repaid?" in a trembling, hushed voice.
"Erm - very good," said Will, for want of anything else to say.
"Thanks. We've been practising, haven't we, Katie?" said Frankie.
"Yeah! Listen to this!" said Katie, taking a huge breath. Everyone braced themselves.
"HOW'S YOUR FOOTWORK?" she bellowed at the top of her lungs.
"Christ on a bike," muttered Jack, shaking his head. "That's some lungpower."
"Anything else?" asked Will nervously.
"Oh yeah," said Frankie, before putting on her best Jack Sparrow accent.
"Onesies! You need to get yourself a girl, mate! Why is the rum gone? I love weddings, drinks all round! SAVVY!"
"Hey, cool," said Will.
"Yeah," said Jack, sweating slightly. It was amazingly unsettling to see your every word and mannerism parodied by a fifteen-year-old-girl.
"And...STOP BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP!" Frankie concluded in a deafening bellow. Several car alarms went off nearby.
"You don't have a ship," pointed out Will.
"Maybe not. Yet," said Frankie, giving the Commodore an ominous look.
"Hey, wait a minute-" began Will.
"Shut up, you're next!" snapped Frankie in her best Barbossa voice. Will's chin started to wobble.
"Oh, my poor sweet Orli! I didn't mean to frighten you, Leggy dear," exclaimed Frankie, clutching him to her formidable bosom.
"Is anyone else worried?" asked Jack.
"Better now, Orli baby?" asked Frankie, holding him at arm's length to examine him.
"Um...fine," said Will. There was an embarrassed silence.
"So what do we do now?" asked Will haltingly, out of sheer desperation to change the subject.
"Let's go shopping!" yelled Elizabeth.
"Yeah!" yelled all the other girls, streaming off into the town's shopping streets.
"Shopping it is then, mate," said Jack. "I'm going to the pub. See you later."
"Hey! Cursed pirates!" yelled Katie. "Avast!"
"Avast!" cheered Frankie happily. "At last a chance to kick some cursed pirate butt!" She pulled a broom out of a nearby hut and, brandishing it, stalked over towards the suspected cursed pirates with Katie in tow.
"Whoa!" Will stepped in front of them. "How do you know they're cursed pirates?"
"Just look at them! They're evil! Look at the way they're dressed!" said Frankie.
"Oi! Are you cursed pirates?" called Katie.
"Why, no," said the oldest man in the group. "We're the Royal Ornithological Society."
"Birdwatchers!" breathed Frankie with anticipation. "That's close enough!" She looked at Will again. "Move!"
"No!" said Will bravely and/or foolishly (Fanfiction readers : delete as applicable)
"Please move?" asked Frankie impatiently.
"No!" repeated Will.
Frankie sighed and pulled out a water pistol filled with mustard, which she pointed at Will. "This shot is not meant for you," she said.
"Who's it meant for?" asked Will.
"Duh! Deb," said Katie. "I've also got some balloons filled with ketchup with Elizabeth's name on them."
"Well, that and 'Happy Birthday'," said Frankie.
"Well, I'm sorry I had to buy bankrupt stock from the Birthday Barn," said Katie. "Why don't you buy our ammunition sometime?"
"Fine, I will," said Frankie.
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!"
"Whoa," muttered Will nervously. Never before had the word 'fine' carried so much menace. "So," he said nervously, "What other ammunition have you got there?"
"Hmmm...paint bombs, itching powder, a whole bunch of irregular Oreos," said Katie.
"As well as a whole bunch of spoons that some weird kid from the Matrix kept giving me," said Frankie.
"He had such a crush on her," said Katie. "He must have given her like three hundred spoons!"
"Yeah. We didn't know what to do with them, so we just use them for ammunition," said Frankie.
"Oh," said Will, for want of anything else to say in response to a statement like this.
"Yeah, and now we've got birdwatching cursed pirates to deal with," she continued. "So move."
Right, time for some shameless plugging, as I am getting zilch reviews pretty much...one, I recently posted a Ring parody called 'Samara gets a makeover'-I think the title's pretty self explanatory. Also, I've got another fanfic running called 'An Extremely Strange Parody of Several Horror Stories' in the movie crossover section. It's where Will and Elizabeth from POTC throw a Halloween party and it has loads of characters from other stories like LOTR, the Matrix, Edward Scissorhands, The Ring etc. It's way weird. Also, I'm going to be posting the first chapter of a LOTR parody called 'The Lord of the Soap on a Ropes.' Just don't ask, people.
