DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fujiko, Goemon, Jigen, Lupin, or Zenigata. I do own, however, this really nice little planner…. It's black, and keeps everything neat and tidy. It'd be even better if I took the time to use it, but, oh well.
Hola, mi amigos!
If you don't know, that's Spanish for 'Yo, guys!'. Okay, that joke fell flat on its face. It sounded better out loud, really it did. I know that Fujiko took Lupin back a little too easily—If I were her, I would've drop-kicked his ass or—Nevermind…. I had her take him back so easily because, if you look at it, that's basically what the whole Fujiko/Lupin relationship is. They're on one another's good side, one screws the other over, and then they're on good terms again. Hell, I don't get it, either. Oh, and I followed through with the twins thing! Hope you like the next chapter, guys!
P.S.: Hey, if Collin made anyone a little uncomfortable, I'd suggest just skimming over this chapter.
Chapter Five
Day Five: Mona Lisa
'She's not a girl who misses much,
She's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand,
Like a lizard on a windowpane.
A man in the crowd with the multicolored mirrors on his hobnailed boots,
Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy overtime,'
--The Beatles, 'Happiness is a Warm Gun'
"It's not funny!" Goemon hissed angrily.
"Sure it is!" Lupin responded as he looked at the business card once more, "And he even drew a little heart next to his number…."
"I can't believe it! I won't!" Goemon rose, "He's the enemy!"
"And he's got a thing for you…." Jigen chuckled.
"What do I do? Kill him?" Goemon inquired.
"No," Lupin threw the card towards Goemon, "You call him, and arrange a little date."
"WHAT!?" Goemon yelped, "What will Amaya think!?"
"I can understand what he sees in you," Amaya replied as she came towards him and put a hand on his arm, "If this man is connected with the people who tried to kill us, why not try to find out more by going to get a drink or something with him? What's the worst that could happen?"
"Waking up in a seedy hotel with an empty bottle of cognac on the ground and him next to me, with--" Goemon started, but was quickly cut off.
"Okay, okay! Enough visuals, please!" Lupin moaned, putting a hand on his head, "Please, Goemon? I'd never ask you anything I knew you couldn't do."
"I…" Goemon sighed heavily and looked downward, "If he begins to feel me up, I'm going to cut his hands off…"
"Deal," Lupin nodded, and turned to Jigen, "You think he could fit into one of your suits?"
"What!?" Goemon jerked his head up.
"I'll look. Meanwhile, you get busy and call your 'special friend', Goemon," Jigen smirked as he rose and walked into his bedroom. Goemon grumbled and picked up the phone and grabbed the card from the kitchen counter, "Hello, is Collin there? Oh, hello. Yes, yes, it's me…. Um… Yes, I did, and—What? Why would that matter? Wha—Good Buddha… Listen, I just want to talk to you tonight… No! Talk! Yes, yes—I'll see you there. Eight? Fine? Goodbye, Collin. No, I am not saying that. Goodbye!" Goemon slammed the phone down and clutched onto his forehead.
"I would've paid to hear the other end of that conversation…" Lupin chuckled, falling off the couch in laughter.
"Shut up!" Goemon snapped, rising from the kitchen counter and walking into his room. Amaya followed after him, humming to herself as she went. She walked in, and found Goemon had gone to cleaning his sword anxiously.
"Don't worry," Amaya smirked and stood behind him, "I'll kill him if he tries to take away my boyfriend. We'll probably be across the street watching over you, anyway. Fujiko and Lupin plan to follow you. Besides, it'll be a story to tell the grandchildren someday."
"Yes, the night their grandfather went on a date with a psychopath," Goemon muttered.
"That's every night, Dear," Amaya reminded him with a small smile.
Goemon smirked, "I suppose it is. I'll see you later tonight, Amaya."
"Have a good time, Goemon, and don't leave me for him, even if he dresses better!" Amaya chuckled. Goemon sighed heavily and rolled his eyes, and walked out of their bedroom. In the living room, Jigen had found one of his suits, which was a little long on Goemon, but fit all the same. He did, however, refuse to wear the fedora, and Goemon made sure to voice this numerous times.
"Who would've thought you could possibly be so bitchy?" Lupin asked, "I thought you were supposed to be the quiet one…"
"I'm only doing this because I do not want to see my family hurt any longer," Goemon replied, "I'm taking the sword, just in case."
"Well, it's almost time," Lupin said, looking upward at the clock, "Now, you kids have a good time, okay? And no trying to sneak in late—We'll be up."
Goemon wordlessly walk past the two, still in a sense of disbelief and disgust. He met Collin at the given place, and found the Brit was already there at a table in the Asian restaurant. Goemon quietly sat down and looked over at Collin wordlessly.
"How are you doing there, Love? Finally decided to ditch the bitch, eh? No problems. I see you also decided to ditch the little fruit and his gang. He's poofier-looking than me in a San Francisco Gay-Day parade… Good for you, though, good for you! I'll bet you weren't fully appreciated there, anyway. Quiet types like you usually aren't."
Goemon looked over out of the corner of his eye as he became aware of a familiar voice. He recognized Fujiko and Lupin at a different booth, even in their disguises. Lupin's voice was a dead giveaway every time. Goemon turned his attention back to Collin, "Er, yes…."
"You're a little spacey, aren't you? Well, that's all right. I like blondes, even if they're only one by spirit," Collin said with a laugh.
Goemon withheld a shudder and forced himself to keep talking to Collin, "So, what brought you to Miami?"
"Well, I can't tell you that exactly now, can I?" Collin smirked, "It'll wait. You'll have to prove your loyalty, first. Hey, got something for your little membership." Collin reached into his pocket, and he noticed Goemon looking at him suspiciously, "S'all right, Dear. Just getting these." He pulled out a box of what looked to be regular contacts. Goemon looked at him suspiciously, "I know, man, I know…. I like you with brown eyes better, too. But, anyway—These will help you get into our place. There're retina scanners there, and they pick up on a small chip in the contacts. If you don't have these on when you go there, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye."
"Where is your place?" Goemon inquired.
"You wanna go see it?" Collin leaned inward, and a smile appeared on his face.
Goemon looked upward and smirked, "Certainly."
"Well, you're to the point. I could get used to that," Collin laughed, and walked out of the restaurant with Goemon following close behind, "You got quite a spirit to go along with the looks!"
"Now where the hell are they going? And what the hell was that about me looking—Nevermind. Let's move," Lupin grumbled, rising and walking out with Fujiko. A familiar blonde caught his eye, and he stopped short for a few moments. He looked around, but no longer saw her. Lupin came to his senses again as he felt Fujiko tug on him, and he continued to speed out of the restaurant.
A Little Later:
"A hotel complex?" Goemon said to himself as Collin stopped the car in front of a Holiday Inn, "Ingenious…"
"Yeah, I know. It was between this and a Best Western, and these guys had the better gym," Collin replied as he turned the car off and stepped out with Goemon.
"Do I need to put these on?" Goemon inquired, taking the box of contacts from his pocket.
"Nah—This, I can get you into," Collin replied, walking up the steps to a second-story hotel room and taking out a key.
Goemon looked downward at the key, puzzled, and began to put two and two together in his head. Then it struck him; he had said he had wanted to see Collin's place, "Uh-oh…" he said to himself as Collin opened the door of the hotel room.
"C'mon in!" Collin said happily, "I'll get you a drink or something! Make yourself comfortable."
"That's all right," Goemon replied with a weak smile, "I, um, have to be going… I just remembered…. Doctor's appointment…."
"All right," Collin nodded, and walked forward towards Goemon, "Cold feet, hum? No problems there, Dear. I'll see you later, okay?"
"All right, then!" Goemon said quickly.
"Wait!" Collin took his hand. Goemon looked back at Collin pleadingly. Collin smirked, "I'll see you a little later, then…"
"Yes," Goemon nodded nervously.
Collin tilted his head to a side, and leaned in to kiss Goemon. The samurai stood there a few moments, a mixture stunned and terrified, and then quickly ran out of the hotel room, before there was time for things to progress any further. Collin laughed to himself as Goemon slammed the door, and shook his head, "The one with the little Mona Lisa smile is going to be trouble for me yet…" he said to himself.
Back at the Hotel:
"Jigen, do me a favor and burn that suit. I don't care if I have to buy you a new one—I don't want anything around here that will remind me of tonight," Goemon said as he entered. Jigen tilted the brim of his hat upward, and smirked.
"You have fun, I take it?" Jigen chuckled, and lit another cigarette. Yukiko, who was sitting on the couch with Jigen, frowned in dissatisfaction, and then looked back at the television.
"Just the thought makes my skin crawl," Goemon replied as he began to undo the tie. He grumbled as he found he could not untie it. He felt someone sit down next to him, and soon Amaya began to undo the tie with only a few moves. She held the tie up, smirked, and Goemon shook his head.
"It didn't go as well as you thought?" Amaya inquired.
"No. Better, actually," Goemon replied. He looked over at Amaya, "I'm very lucky to have an understanding girlfriend."
"Yes you are," Amaya answered, "Now, what ha—"
"Hey, fellas, we're home!" Lupin said happily as he entered the home with Fujiko. Lupin was soon tossed aside, however, by an irate Zenigata, whom was wielding a gun and had a murderous look in his eyes. For the first time in his career, Zenigata passed Lupin and walked over to Goemon, and pointed the gun downward at him.
"Amaya, get away from that no good bitch!" Zenigata yelled.
"Who are you calling a bitch?" Goemon demanded, putting a hand on his sword handle.
"Dad!" Amaya gasped in surprise.
"This creep was cheating on you!" Zenigata added.
"I know!" Amaya rose and stood next to her angered father.
"With another man!" Zenigata screamed in addition.
"Dad, I know, I know! It's not what it looks like. Put the gun down," said Amaya, "Put it down! Now!" Zenigata slowly put his gun at his side, "And now, Goemon, I don't want to see you pulling out your sword. Dad, Goemon was doing some undercover work for us and—How did you know about it, anyway?"
"It's my job as an inspector and a father," Zenigata replied.
"Crap!" Amaya yelled and slapped her head, "Dad, give me a break! Someone's been trying to kill us the past couple of days and we've been trying to find out who, all right!?"
"What?" Zenigata asked, with a look of surprise on his face, "Someone's been trying to kill you guys!? Someone other than me has been after you guys!?"
"Yeah," Amaya nodded.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the one guy in the room whose bed is colder than Jigen's?" Lupin smirked, folding his arms. Both Jigen and Zenigata silently glared at him in return, "Where have you been, Zenigata? We've had two attempts on our lives in the past week. They shot up my place and cut Goemon up pretty good. Retirement time for you, Old Man?"
"Nonsense!" Zenigata snapped, and turned back to Amaya, "Who is it!? Who's doing this?"
"The Dragon and Phoenix Clan," they heard. All looked upward and saw Ming in Jigen's doorway, leaning against the molding, "I know their styles…. I ran away from them."
"What!?" Jigen rose, "You were with those creeps!?"
"Yeah," Ming looked downward, and then shot her eyes upward at him angrily, "But that's not why I came out here. I wanted to know what this is." She held up a mass of black fabric, which, upon further inspection, all realized was a dress.
"I'm not going out with you looking like a Hong Kong hooker!" Jigen replied.
"That's rich coming from a Rat Pack reject!" Ming snapped back.
"Enough alliteration to make your head spin," Lupin chuckled to himself.
"How did you even know what size I was? Were you going through my clothes!?" Ming demanded.
"Well, I can't help it when you leave a bra strung up on the shower rob!" Jigen snapped in response.
Ming shifted her weight from foot to foot and smiled, "I'll bet that's the closest you've come to unhooking a bra in years."
Jigen felt his face turn a light shade of red, "We're totally getting off the subject! Now I remember why I don't like women!"
"Who the hell is that?" Zenigata inquired quietly as he watched the two go back and forth with one another at lightning pace.
"A new friend of Jigen's that he brought home with him," Lupin replied.
"Why the hell would he bring someone that scary home?" Zenigata asked.
"I'm hoping that it's because his vision's gotten worse and he can't tell the difference between her and a normal person," Lupin answered.
There was a long pause, and then something clicked with Zenigata as he realized that he was holding a civil conversation with the sworn enemy, "Oh, almost forgot…" Zenigata removed a pair handcuffs from his jacket and turned towards Lupin.
Lupin turned to him and smiled, "Now come on, Zenigata. You know you don't want to do that right now. Now, why don't you sit down? I think we have some pie left over in the refrigerator, and if you give me a few seconds, I'll look."
"No way!" Zenigata yelled, "Lupin, you're—" a car alarm went off, and Zenigata ran to the window. Remy was down in the parking lot next to the car, pulling on the handle and banging on the car roof desperately. He had locked himself out again, "Crap!" Zenigata stormed out, "I'll get you later, you cocky bas—"
Lupin slammed the hotel door, "Yeah, yeah, yeah…. I know it all by now, Old Man…"
"Well, did anyone else think that was really strange?" Fujiko asked after a long period of silence.
"Strange for the average person, or strange for us?" Lupin retorted, "Because, if you're talking in our terms—No way. This is a pretty boring day for us. Where did Jigen and Ming go?"
"Their room," Fujiko replied.
"Yeow…" Lupin smirked, "He's a sly dog, huh? A little kiss and make-up, I'll bet."
"Grow up," Fujiko snapped, and then put a hand on her stomach as the baby kicked.
Goemon, who was surveying this from the couch, felt someone tug on his sleeve, and looked downward to see Yukiko looking back upward at him, "Can I talk to you?" she asked in a whisper.
"Certainly," Goemon nodded, and rose to leave with Yukiko into his and Amaya's room. Yukiko sat down on the bed, and Goemon sat down on the ground cross-legged in front of her, "What's bothering you, Yukiko?"
"It's…." Yukiko trailed off and scowled in thought, "You know how my mommy… She died because…"
"Yes, I know. Cancer," Goemon responded, "Do you miss her right now?"
"I always miss her… It's just… I don't want to lose Jigen, too," she gazed downward at the mattress. Goemon seemed a little taken aback by this, and he moved forward and kneeled in front of Yukiko.
"You want me to tell Jigen to quit smoking?" he inquired. Fujiko had already laid off of cigarettes due to her condition, Lupin was down to only a couple a day, he himself was only an occasional smoker, and Amaya refrained completely from the habit, as far as he knew. Jigen was the only one who went through several packs a day anymore.
"Yeah," Yukiko nodded her head wildly, "I didn't want him to get mad at me, and—"
"It's all right," Goemon replied, "I will have a talk with your father."
"That, too…" Yukiko looked downward once more, "Do I hurt his feelings because I don't call him daddy?"
"No," Goemon shook his head, "He understands, I'm positive of it. If not, he would have told you so himself. He's like that, and so are you. Let's just hope you don't inherit the more crass side of his personality. You call him by whatever when you feel the time is right."
"Okay," Yukiko nodded, and leaned forward to embrace Goemon. Goemon looked over at her, surprised a moment, but then a smile slowly came upon his face.
Meanwhile, in Jigen's bedroom, the arguing had died down, and now Jigen was lying back on his bed, long since giving up on fighting with Ming. She was in the bathroom; she had locked herself in in order to avoid speaking to him any further.
"What does she need me for, if she with them? Couldn't she defend herself?" he muttered to himself. He heard the door to the bathroom open, and saw Ming walk out, wearing the dress, "It doesn't look bad on you." Jigen said, sitting upward, "Black is a good color for you."
"If you want me wear it, fine," Ming sighed, "As long as it'll keep my ass safe from them!"
"Lady, they're trying to kill us. Why the hell would you come to us? Couldn't you defend yourself?" Jigen inquired.
"I can't defend myself against all of them, and, I have my reasons for staying with all of you. I know the risk, but, I'd give anything to improve on my gun fighting," Ming replied, "You're the best marksman I've ever heard of, so I knew you could protect me while I learned from you," she explained.
Jigen looked at her in surprise, "You want me to teach you while I protect you!? How do I know you won't turn around and kill me!?"
"Trust me," Ming replied.
"No way," Jigen shook his head, and began to rise. Ming took his arm suddenly and sat him back down, "What are you doing?"
"Please, just help me. I'll make it up to you," Ming said nervously, "I, I don't have much money, but…" Ming bit her lip, and suddenly stood from the bed and walked over to the other side, and kneeled down on the mattress. She nervously took a confused Jigen by the shoulders, and leaned inward and kissed him.
How long has it been since this happened, Jigen thought to himself as he put his hands on Ming's waist. Three, four—Five years, almost. Roughly five years since anything remotely like this happened. He then opened his eyes, and looked back at Ming. She looked as though she were about to cry at any moment. He felt the little conscience he had left in his mind begin to berate him, sighed, and pushed her back onto the bed.
"What—What's wrong?" Ming asked worriedly.
"How old are you, kid?" Jigen inquired.
"What?" Ming looked upward at him, "What's that got to do with—"
"How old?" Jigen demanded.
"Twenty," Ming replied after a pause.
Jigen saw a lump form in her throat, and he grumbled to himself, "I'm sorry, no way. Too young for my tastes."
"Huh?" Ming looked at him in confusion, "It's the only way I can repay you right now…"
"Then wait to pay me," Jigen replied, moving and sitting on the edge of the bed. Ming scooted over towards him, and put her hands on his shoulders.
"Are you sure?" she inquired.
"Yeah," Jigen rose and looked back at her, "Go clean yourself off. Your mascara's running."
"Oh," Ming put a few fingers to her face, and looked down at the black residue on her fingers, "I, uh, better go clean this off…." She rose and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
"Jesus Christ! What the hell is up with me!?" Jigen said to himself, lying back on his bed. The door opened, and he wondered what would happen next. He looked over, and saw Goemon in the doorway, his borrowed suit in one arm; he had since changed into his gi again. Jigen rose and stood, and he frowned in confusion as he saw Goemon give him a strange look.
"What's up?" asked Jigen as Goemon closed the door behind him.
"Look in a mirror," Goemon replied. Jigen looked over, and saw remnants of black lipstick on his face. He quickly wiped it off with a tissue and looked back at Goemon, trying to dismiss the entire incident.
"What did you need?" asked Jigen.
"Yukiko," Goemon replied.
"What's wrong?" Jigen inquired with a deal of concern in his tone of voice.
"She wants you to quit," Goemon answered.
"Quit what?" asked Jigen as he lit a cigarette.
"That," Goemon replied, looking down at the cigarette in Jigen's hand. Jigen's eyes traveled to the cigarette, and back at Goemon in disbelief.
"Are you for real?" asked Jigen.
"She's afraid you're going to get cancer," Goemon sighed.
"Why didn't she tell me, then!?" Jigen countered as he laid the cigarette down in the ashtray.
"She was afraid you would get mad," Goemon replied, "So I'm middleman, I suppose. I really think you should do it, for her…. It would be the noble thing to do."
Jigen looked down at the cigarette, and up at the ceiling in thought, "Fine. Here, catch," he took a pack of cigarettes out of his coat pocket.
"I'll dispose of these right away," Goemon said, and turned to leave.
"Hey, wait," Jigen stopped him, and Goemon turned around. He watched in disbelief as Jigen opened his dresser drawer and pulled out seven or eight cartons of cigarettes. Goemon remained silent, but could not help but to look skeptically at Jigen as he passed him the cartons.
"Well?" Goemon asked. He and Jigen stared at one another a while, Jigen finally giving up in defeat and walking over to the nightstand. He pulled out three more cartons and tossed them to Goemon.
"There! That's it! Now go! I'm already going through withdrawal!" Jigen snapped.
"My thanks from myself and Yukiko," Goemon said with a bow, and exited.
"Jesus…" Jigen murmured, sitting back down on his bed, "I don't believe this!" This door opened again, and Goemon reentered the room. He walked over, removed Jigen's hat from his head, and shook the hat. A gun, several bullets, and a pack of cigarettes fell out, "Damn, you don't miss a beat, do you?" Jigen inquired.
"No," Goemon shook his head and took the package for disposal.
"Well, I know who to go to if I think my kids are getting into drugs…" Jigen laughed.
"You plan on more children, Jigen?" Goemon inquired.
Jigen stopped laughing at this point and looked at Goemon, "Nah, one's enough for me. I was just speaking hypothetically."
"Uh-huh…." Goemon nodded and began to walk out of the bedroom, "You and Ming have fun now. Just make sure she takes off all of her makeup, first."
"Get the hell out! Why don't you visit your gay 'life partner'!?" Jigen snapped. Goemon laughed in his own amusement, but stopped dead as Jigen mentioned Collin. He glared at the gunman, and slowly closed the door, "That's what I thought," Jigen said, laying back on his bed and putting his hands behind his head.
Jigen remained quiet for some time, and them began to ramble in his thoughts, "I turned down a young girl and I gave up cigarettes…. Being a parent can really bite sometimes… I know that bitch is holding something back, but… What the hell? I can play her game…" he muttered, putting his hat over his face and beginning to fall asleep.
