DISCLAIMER:

Hi!

Hey, Kuwabara, I know you had a few questions, so let me see what I can do: First of all, Rat-boy is a character who was featured in the Lupin the Third the television series they showed on Cartoon Network originally. I did make up Goemon's family especially for this story, and there's 156 episodes of the Lupin series they are showing on Cartoon Network right now. The one they're showing is actually the second Lupin TV series—The first series had twenty-three (?) episodes and the third series they had later on had twenty-six episodes. The Lupin Encyclopedia website elaborates on this more. An interesting side note: Anyone ever heard of Lupin the Eighth? No crap. There's only episode of it that was fully completed. Premise: Lupin the Eighth and his gang (including the ancestors of Jigen, Goemon, and Fujiko, and even Zenigata) steal and plunder in a futuristic setting. If anyone has any idea where I can find screenshots of this, please let me know. I've been dying to find screenshots.

P.S.: I'm sorry this intro's going a little long, but I wanted to talk to you guys on a more serious note. I know this story's going a little long, and I wondered if this bothered you guys or not. If you want more, let me know. I'd really appreciate the feedback.

'Peter Brown called to say,

You can make it O.K.,

You can get married in Gibraltar near Spain,

Christ! You know it ain't easy,

You know how hard it can be,

The way things are going,

They're going to crucify me,'

-The Beatles, 'The Ballad of John and Yoko'

Chapter Nineteen

A few Hours Later: One of These Nights

Lupin looked around the Shinto temple as he entered, and inhaled heavily, taking in the distinct smell of incense. He seated himself next to Jigen and Fujiko and looked around. In the tradition of Shinto weddings, the guests were made up of close friends and family, which consisted of himself, Fujiko, Jigen, Ming, Yukiko, Zenigata, Natasha, Toshiro, Himichi, Collin, Rat-boy, Mrs. Ishikawa and Grandfather. The stern and slightly frightening Uncle Heiji resided as the Shinto priest for the ceremony.

"Did we win the war!?" Grandfather called out suddenly, his voice echoing off the walls of the temple. All of the guests looked at one another in quiet confusion.

"Yes, Father," Goemon's mother replied, putting a hand on his arm, "Calm down now."

Grandfather turned to Lupin, "Goemon, aren't you the one getting married!? Why in the devil's name aren't you up there!?"

"I, uh…" Lupin sputtered, and then, after giving up trying to talk sense into the old man, turned to Jigen, "So, how's the family, Ally?" he asked slyly.

"You!" Jigen growled, and snapped his head over to Lupin "Did my mother tell you that!?"

"Was that really your nickname? Jeeze," Lupin muttered, "It's kind of cute. You look like an Al."

Jigen hissed, "And you look like a dead man!"

"Shut up!" Fujiko hissed in a whisper, "They're coming now!" Both men stopped, and turned back. Goemon came down first, his hair back and wearing his father's gi. He and wheeled in front of Uncle Heiji, and he looked back as he saw Amaya enter afterward. She was dressed in a completely white kimono and had her long hair done in an intricate style hidden under a white veil. She looked somewhat like a ghost, save her black hair and red lips.

Lupin looked over at Himichi, and watched as she removed her glasses and wiped her eyes a few times. Perhaps she wasn't as heartless as he had thought. She probably was just very, very bitter.

"Why is it always the good ones that go off and get married?" Collin muttered bitterly to Rat-boy, whom he had been seated next to. He pointed his index finger at Amaya, "Bang…" he muttered, and then went back to his silent scowling.

After the sake ceremony, where the couple drank three cups of the drink, as custom went, it ended with the couple sacrificing twigs to the Kami by fire, and Heiji introduced the new husband and wife.

"Well, there goes the last of us…" Lupin muttered as he watched Goemon and Amaya exit out of the temple once more. He and Jigen heard a loud bawl and all turned and looked over at Zenigata, who was crying worse than Goemon's mother.

"I can't believe she's all grown up and married!" Zenigata yelled, clutching onto a somewhat embarrassed Natasha for support.

"There…. There…." Natasha answered, patting him on the back awkwardly. She looked upward toward the sky and muttered something in Yiddish, and then went back to Zenigata.

"Did we win the war!?" Grandfather called.

"Dad…." Yukiko started, and looked upward at her father, "If I ever get married, I'm getting eloped in Vegas. This family scares me…"

Later, a Tokyo Reception Hall:

"Mrs. Ishikawa, how are you doing?" Lupin asked jokingly as Amaya entered the reception hall, now dressed in a white party gown.

"Fine, thanks… Still really stunned, I guess…" Amaya answered in a laugh as she looked out at the crowd, which now consisted of many more Zenigata and Ishikawa relatives and friends, "Still pretty hard to believe…."

"Yeah, I know…" Lupin nodded, "Goemon's the last guy I'd expect to get married. Well, actually, Jigen is, but that's because I was convinced for a while that he didn't like women and that he liked me. The guy just dressed so well!"

Amaya's mother walked over to her daughter, and both looked at one another in silence. Himichi bowed down slowly, and Amaya returned the bow. Himichi nodded solemnly, and then walked over towards a group of her relatives.

"I guess that's as much as you're going to get…." said Lupin, somewhat stunned by Himichi's behavior.

"It was enough," Amaya replied with a cheerful smile.

Goemon walked over to her, and put his eyes to the ground, "This is the part where I would say something clever, but I can't think of anything right now. But I would like to know if you would like to dance."

Amaya laughed, "Cute…. All right…" she followed him out, and the two were soon lost in the crowd. Lupin smiled in satisfaction as he saw that Jigen had been drug out to the dance floor by Ming; he had had no clue that the mobster was also an exceptional dancer.

"Well, I think I know who you take after, Yukiko…." Lupin muttered as he watched Yukiko and Toshiro dancing together.

"Dammit, I'm leading!" Yukiko hissed to Toshiro once more.

"I'm the man—I'm supposed to lead," Toshiro answered.

"You're eight. You're a boy," Yukiko replied, "You'll be a man when you get a car."

"And you'll be a woman when you get a chest," Toshiro countered. Yukiko dug into his foot with her heel, and smiled wickedly in satisfaction.

"Witch!" Toshiro hissed.

"Momma's boy," Yukiko snapped back. She took his hands once more and continued to dance with him.

After a little while, Goemon had took a break from Amaya, and allowed her to go talk with a few of her cousins. He wasn't a very good dancer, anyway. He poured a cup of punch for himself, and drank a little. He nearly spat it out as he saw Collin on the other side of the table, looking straight at him.

"You look happy to see me…" Collin said with a wry laugh. He smiled, "I know you don't really like me that way—Hell, you plain don't like me, and I'm sure you didn't even want me here today! But, I'm glad for you, believe it or not. You're happy, and that makes me happy, if you can believe that…. I know, a bunch of sentimental crap, but it's true… I liked our date, but you left a little early."

"All right—That started out as a friendly comment, and it ended up as something perverted," said Goemon.

"That's just how I am," Collin answered with a small laugh, "You really are a little bandit, you know… You stole my common bloody sense… Congratulations, Love. If… If you all ever need anything, I have a lot of contacts around the entire world. See you around, Dear…"

"Are you going to stay?" Goemon inquired.

"Nah," Collin shook his head, "This really isn't my place, I know."

"You can stay if you wish," Goemon said.

"No, thanks," Collin smirked.

"Hey—Hope you find someone, too," said Goemon as Collin exited.

"Thanks. Good luck to you, Mona Lisa," Collin said as he walked out of the reception hall and to the parking lot.

"Dammit, I hope he didn't put a car bomb in one of the cars…" Goemon said to himself as an afterthought as he sipped his punch once more.

Later That Night, Back at the Hotel Room:

"I'm glad we finally did it. If we had waited a little longer, even for a month, people would've started to notice, and my father would have killed you." Amaya said with a smile as she looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror of her and her husband's hotel room, and turned to a side. She put a hand over her stomach, and took a deep breath inward, "We're really going to have our hands full, you know…. Fujiko's due almost any week now, and I heard today from Ming that she's actually carrying as well!"

"I hated keeping it from Lupin and Jigen, but we couldn't let our happy little estranged families find out, or the media," Goemon replied.

"Wouldn't my father have loved to wake up, open the paper, and find out I'm carrying the bastard child of a great samurai clansman?" Amaya laughed in response, and laid down on her side of the mat, "Goemon Ishikawa the Fourteenth—The product of one too many cups of sake."

"Please. Alcohol has caused me nothing but trouble these past few weeks," Goemon answered, looking downward at his cast. His friends had taken the liberty of writing get well messages on it, all without his consent, and while he had been asleep. Luckily, there was nothing too perverse scrawled across it, nothing that would make his mother berate him, like she had many times over the past few days for even the smallest thing.

"It's caused good things for you, too," Amaya replied, "If you hadn't been that plastered the night after our first date, we probably wouldn't have seen one another again!"

"Yes we would have. Because you were still looking for Zenigata," Goemon answered.

"I'm trying to make a point, baka!" Amaya chuckled, "Get some rest. We'll be off on another plane back home tomorrow, finally!"

"Thank God for familiar places," Goemon sighed, laying down on the mat.

"Isn't that a song?" Amaya asked after a pause.

"What?" Goemon lifted his head from the mat and looked over at Amaya.

"I could swear that's a song…" Amaya muttered, "That's going to drive me insane all night…"

"And you're going to drive both me and the baby insane! Go to sleep," Goemon grumbled.

"Do you think it's by the Carpenters?" Amaya inquired.

The Hotel Room Next Door:

A black fedora bobbed up and down slowly in a bathtub full of warm water. Jigen looked upward at the ceiling, and thanked God for at least a bit of momentary bit of peace. No wife, no kid(s), no friends knocking at his door to ask him stupid questions at ungodly hours, no crazy relatives, and no one trying to kill him. It was as peaceful as life came anymore, although, this peace never stayed, he was reminded as the door opened.

"Shut the friggin' door. It's freezing," Jigen grumbled to Ming, tilting his hat downward, "What the hell are you doing in here, anyway?"

"I was looking for my gun," Ming replied as she began to search through the cabinets, occasionally sipping from a glass of iced tea she had brought with her.

"Why on God's earth would your gun be in the bathroom?" Jigen inquired, raising his hat and watching her move from cabinet to cabinet.

"I've looked everywhere else…." Ming muttered. Her face suddenly lit up with realization, "Aha! I remember!" she walked over to Jigen, and took his hat, and retrieved her gun.

"Huh, thought it felt a little heavier than usual," Jigen muttered as he put his hat back on his head, "Yuki asleep?" he inquired.

"Nah. She's playing Monopoly with Toshiro in the next room. I think she's ready to kill him, because he's beating her ass." Ming replied as she perched herself on the edge of the bathtub and set her tea and gun to the side, "I hate to say it, but I think she's nearly as aggressive as you are when she puts her mind to it."

"Her!?" Jigen laughed, "C'mon! She isn't that aggressive!"

"I'm serious," Ming replied, "She can really raise hell when she wants."

"I'm not that aggressive!" Jigen answered.

"In some things you aren't," Ming said coolly.

Jigen's smile faded, and he spat out his next few sentences severely, "Friggin' hell! If you think you're the dominant one in this relationship, you're pretty disillusioned, Lady! Only one of us can wear the hat in this family!"

"I'm just joking, Daisuke," Ming chuckled, "She's as defensive as you are, too. And just as emotionally needy."

"You're listening to Fujiko too much!" Jigen replied, shifting a little in the water, "Emotionally needy my ass!"

"Yeah, your ass is emotionally needy," Ming nodded, and folded her arms, "You tried to kill the last guy who looked at me!"

"I didn't like the way he was looking at you, so I threatened to shoot his kneecaps off. What the hell's the major deal with that?" Jigen inquired, "I was under the impression it was a very romantic gesture."

"Sending flowers is romantic. Making some poor fisherman beg for forgiveness while you've got a gun to his head is disturbing," Ming sighed in defeat. She looked downward, "I better be getting back out, now. They're probably either missing me or drawing their own conclusions as to what they think is going on in here." She leaned forward and kissed Jigen on the forehead, and soon felt herself fully submerged in the water. She shot her head up out of the water, and glared at the laughing Jigen.

"If my brother didn't hate me I'd have him come and kick your scrawny Italian ass!" Ming hissed, splashing Jigen in the face. She picked up her glass of iced tea, and also threw this at his face.

"God damn it, that's cold! Jesus Christ, Ming!" Jigen hissed as she exited the tub, soaking wet.

"That's what you get for drenching me and my favorite pair of boots!" Ming replied, storming out of the bathroom.

"God damn that's cold," Jigen repeated, not sure if he was referring to the water or to Ming's demeanor.

"Uh…" Yukiko started as she watched Ming exit the bathroom soaking wet, "A lot of people don't like to take showers like that, but if you do, fine…" she said.

"Your father's an ass," Ming replied as she wrung her hair out. There was a knock on the door, and she went to open it. There in front of her stood a slightly confused Lupin. He looked her up and down in wordless curiosity, and waited for her to speak.

"Jigen thought it would be funny if he threw me in the tub," Ming replied, "I showed him, though…"

"Sounds kinky. Mind if I come in?" Lupin asked quickly.

"Sure," Ming stepped out of the way and let him in, "What's up?"

"I wanted to talk to Jigen," Lupin replied.

"Give him a few minutes," Ming answered as she heard some rustling from the bathroom. Jigen opened the door a few moments later, dressed in a white bathrobe and his black hat. Ming smirked as she turned and passed him, and briefly grabbed him from behind.

"Jesus! There are kids here!" Jigen snapped. Ming simply laughed in response. Lupin raised his eyebrows in interest.

"Dad, I'm used to it," Yukiko murmured as she rolled her die and moved her Monopoly piece, the top hat, along the board.

"You landed on Marvin Gardens, which I also have a hotel on. And I own both properties… So…" Toshiro muttered the numbers absently.

"I'm lucky I can count to one-hundred at this age… How do I know you're not cheating?" asked Yukiko.

"It's your fault you won't study," Toshiro replied as he took out a calculator from the box. He smiled, and turned the calculator screen to Yukiko.

"You're freakin' kidding me!" Yukiko grumbled, "There's no way that's a real number! It's too big!"

"Pay up," Toshiro replied.

"Blood sucker…" Yukiko muttered as she threw him a few bills.

"Can we go talk?" Lupin asked Jigen as the two watched the children play monopoly on the floor, "Why the hell do you smell like iced tea?"

"New shampoo. What do you want to talk about? Crap, you want me to kill someone again?" Jigen asked with a disappointed tone.

"No, no. Not right now," Lupin answered, "I wanted to know if you'd be interested in doing another job. We haven't exactly done one in a while, you know…."

"All right!" Jigen immediately perked up at the thought of this.

"You sound interested, but are you sure you don't have to ask your wife if you can?" Lupin asked in a chuckle.

"Shut up," Jigen grumbled.

"You should've seen your face though!" Lupin laughed, "I can't believe a girl actually grabbed your ass! Ha ha!"

"Friggin' shut up before I shove my hat down your throat!" Jigen growled in anger. "What the hell's the job, anyway?"

"A painting. Toulouse Latrec's last poster before he died," Lupin replied, wiping away some of the tears from his laugher, "Home-based operation."

"Toulouse La-who?" Jigen inquired as he walked over to the minibar and poured himself and Lupin of scotch. He sat down at the kitchen table and waited for Lupin to continue.

"Toulouse Latrec. He's the father of posters. He's the guy who did paintings of the Moulin Rouge and Chat Noir…" said Lupin. He looked at Jigen's blank expression, and sighed, "He was the midget in the movie Moulin Rouge."

"Oh!" Jigen nodded, "Damn, Nicole Kidman was hot in that movie! Reminded me of Rita Hayworth!"

"Okay, I've already seen a little much of your personal life tonight, so don't give me anything else to have nightmares about by telling me about a redhead fetish," said Lupin.

"Right. Okay, I know who this guy is now, my next question is 'why the hell should I care'?" Jigen replied, leaning on the table a little.

"Because we're being commissioned by an art dealer to get it," Lupin replied, "You said yourself you've got to get Yukiko through college somehow. What do you say?"

"Goemon in?" asked Jigen.

"Yeah. He's gonna freakin' wheel his way through the traps," Lupin answered.

"Damn… You're right…" Jigen realized, "So I guess it's just you and me."

"And Yukiko," Lupin added, "She's pretty damned good, and having a little girl around really throws people off from the idea that we're crooks."

"I wonder who the hell's going to go after us now that Pops is retired…" Jigen wondered out loud.

"Probably a hot-shot little piece of crap who we can scare into leaving us alone," Lupin replied confidently, "What do you say, Buddy?"

"I'm in," Jigen replied.

"Say, don't you have to do something before you go jumping into these things?" asked Lupin earnestly.

"Like what?" asked Jigen in confusion.

"Ask Ming if she'll let you!" Lupin laughed.

"You shut the hell up! I'm the man in the relationship, dammit, no matter what she says!" a red-faced Jigen yelled over Lupin's laughter.

"Yeah, yeah…." Lupin replied with a nod, "Very sure…."

"You little jerk…" Jigen grumbled.

"So, is it always like this?" asked Toshiro to Yukiko as he rolled the die again.

"No. Sometimes they don't get along," Yukiko answered.

"That's them getting along?" Toshiro inquired with great interest.

"Yeah," Yukiko nodded, "Just stick around for a little while. Three more scotches, and it starts to get really interesting."