DISCLAIMER: I do not own Lupin the Third or any of the original Lupin gang.
Yeah, I thought that's how you'd take the news…
Um… Thought Blue Vixen's response was rather, expressive…. Any message that begins with the phrase 'Holy f***ing f***'. (Sorry for the self-imposed edit, but it would break my mother's heart if I said anything too bad on here… God bless her…) Actually found a photo of Goemon wearing a dress, strangely enough…. Kinda disturbing, made me want to laugh, though…. Laugh and shudder at the same time—Jesus, he kinda reminded me of a relative of mine, too—He has a surprising tiny waist… I'll try to e-mail it to anyone who's interested, if you let me know… But, anyway… I'm glad I can still keep surprising, and I'm sorry if it was too shocking for everyone. Makes a hell of a lot of sense, though…
'The farther one travels,
The less one knows,
The less one knows,'
--The Beatles, 'The Inner Light'
Chapter Thirty One
A Few Weeks Later, in a Local Dance Studio on a Friday Night: New York, New York
"One, two, one," Jigen counted silently to himself as he moved down the wooden floor of the studio, Ming holding onto one of his hands, and his arm about her waist, "You're getting better, Kid!" he joked as he dipped Ming and then brought her back up.
"Don't call me kid. It looks weird," Ming replied.
"I'll say," Jigen muttered as he saw himself in the mirror. Who would've thought?
"So, how's the happy family?" Ming inquired.
"Toshiro—Pissed. Goemon—Pissed. Amaya—Excited that she has another kid, but feeling kind of betrayed, too. Pops—Too shocked about it and too worried about finding a house, I guess… I'm surprised he didn't try to kill Goemon, honestly…"
"You and me both!" Ming admitted as Jigen spun her once and caught her, "Hey, what's up with you? You look a little off."
"You ever think about moving to Chicago?" Jigen inquired.
"Chicago!?" Ming laughed, "Why!?"
"I dunno. I mean, we've just had stuff happening to us since we've come home!" Jigen replied.
"We'll have stuff happen to us no matter where we go," Ming answered, "It's nothing new—Pretty exciting, actually! And besides, Yukiko and Toshiro are too good friends to be separated! Yesterday, Amaya and I were talking about what would happen if they ended up getting married!"
Jigen, at the thought of this, lost his balance, and crashed back into a piano, "Jigen!" Ming yelled as she ran over to him.
"I'm all right…. I'm all right!" Jigen reassured her as he rose, "Just the thought of… Wow… I don't think she likes him like that, Ming! She's too young to know what love even is!"
"Well, it happens at different ages. You didn't know what love was until you met her mom," Ming replied.
"I—" Jigen stopped, and leaned against the piano, "I suppose… But she's too damned young!"
"You can't hold onto her forever, you know."
"Who says?" Jigen countered as he led Ming out to the floor again.
Back at the House, in the Kitchen:
"Hum…" Lupin leaned over his newspaper, and read over at article again in great interest.
"What is it, Lupin?" Fujiko inquired, as she leaned on the kitchen table and looked down at the paper, which was in an unfamiliar language.
"You remember the movie I told you about—About us?" Lupin inquired.
"Yeah," Fujiko nodded.
"Well, it says here that they're making a few small changes," Lupin said, "Jigen's going to be played by some Broadway actor, and they're going to get Lucy Liu to play Goemon, to increase sexual tension and have another strong female lead."
"What!?" Goemon shouted in shock from his place where he had been hiding in the living room.
"Knew that'd get you out of hiding," Lupin smirked as he folded his paper and rose, "I'm lying, Goemon. Don't worry—You won't have a woman playing you…. Probably just an overpaid white guy. That or Keaneau Reeves or maybe even Jet Li, if you're lucky."
"I wouldn't mind Reeves, but I'm not sure about Li," Fujiko admitted.
"That's just because you have a thing for the Matrix guy… I swear, you spent more time watching him than watching the movie! Did you even understand what was going on in that movie!?"
"Did anyone?" Goemon countered as he poured himself a cup of hot tea from a kettle and seated himself at the kitchen table.
"Point taken," Lupin nodded, "So, how're things between you and Toshiro?" a few moments later, Toshiro walked into the kitchen, pulled out two Popsicles from the freezer, and wordlessly exited the kitchen.
"So, that's three weeks he hasn't spoken to you?" Fujiko asked as she marked off another day on the calendar in the kitchen, "Almost December again…. Am I the only one who can barely believe it? I want to take the kids somewhere where it snows. Can you imagine the cute photos with Fuji and Ari, Lupin!?"
"Oh, yeah," Lupin rolled his eyes and opened his newspaper, "Let's just hope Ari doesn't go feeling up one of Santa's elves."
"It's just a stage! He'll probably grow out of it!" Fujiko replied.
"That's what they told my parents!" Lupin answered.
"Well, on the other hand, I was told I had incurable ADHD," Goemon answered.
"You're crapping me," Lupin frowned, "Well, thank God it's not genetic… But that pissed off scowl, on the other hand…"
"I think Heiji's going to have it, too," Fujiko added with concern, "Maybe if you get him to start smiling now, he'll be all right."
"We're all right. My family is fine," Goemon replied.
"I'm sure that's what Charles Manson said…" Lupin muttered as he turned his attention back to his newspaper.
Meanwhile, in another area of the house, Toshiro had come back to Yukiko, who was between watching the babies and watching an old musical on television, "See, Fuji, that's Gene Kelly. He's really cool," said Yukiko, pointing to the television. Fuji pointed to the television, and garbled out a series of strange words, "You'll get it someday…" Yukiko sighed as she took her Popsicle from Toshiro. He sat down next to her, and ate his Popsicle indifferently. His shoulders were slumped, and his eyes were far off.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Yukiko asked, "Are you still upset about everything? You want to go practice sword fighting? I know I'm now very good right now, but if we keep practicing, I'll be just as good as you!"
"Huh? Oh, yeah," Toshiro nodded, and looked down at his Popsicle, "I'm thinking about going away for a little while, to get training from the Rat Clan," Toshiro looked upward at Yukiko, "I want you to promise me something."
"Uh… Okay," Yukiko answered slowly, "How long are you going?"
"A year… Two…" Toshiro shrugged.
"What!? You're leaving me for that long!?" Yukiko yelped, "Toshiro! You can't do that! You promised you wouldn't leave me, remember?"
"Just," Toshiro rose, and threw his Popsicle away, "just don't go getting married while I'm gone, all right?"
"How the heck long do you think you'll be gone?"
"Listen, it's just a thought," Toshiro muttered.
"You're nine. You don't need to be worrying about that right now," said Yukiko sternly, "You've got to concentrate on getting some kind of relationship with Goemon, even if I have to hurt you to do it."
Toshiro went to retort, but the door opened, and Ming entered, followed by a limping Jigen, "Oh, that guy didn't run into you that hard, Jigen!" Ming snapped, "Quit being a baby about it!"
"He kicked me in my bad knee," Jigen answered.
"Well, c'mon," Ming put an arm over his shoulders, and helped him up the stairs, "Hi, Yukiko! Hi, Toshiro!"
"Hi, Ming," the two replied.
"Hi!" Fuji yelled. Everyone stopped, and Jigen and Ming looked at one another in silence.
"Hey, Lupin!" Jigen yelled, "Get the hell over here!"
"What is it?" Lupin inquired.
"Your kid just talked!" Jigen replied.
"Which one? I have two of them!"
"Fujiko!"
"Yes?" Fujiko asked.
"Not you—Fuji," Jigen answered.
"Really!?" Fujiko gasped, and ran out of the kitchen into the playroom, followed by Lupin, "Did my little girl say her first word!?" Jigen heard Fujiko ask in a babying tone.
"It, uh, wasn't vodka, was it?" Lupin asked nervously. Jigen rolled his eyes in disgust as he heard Fujiko speaking sweetly to her baby.
"Stop. When Ryo starts talking, you'll be just like that," Ming replied as she continued helping him up the stairway. Jigen fell back onto the bed as he entered his room, and put his hat over his eyes. He felt someone get onto the bed next to him, and smiled. He turned his head to a side, and frowned as he saw it was Martha.
"Get the hell off the bed!" Jigen snapped.
"Jigen," Ming sighed as Martha slunk down and laid at her owner's feet, "she likes you."
"Uh-huh. She can like me all she wants—From a ten foot distance," Jigen answered, sitting up in bed and folding his arms against his chest.
"What can I do to get you to like her?" asked Ming.
"Take her down to the taxidermist and turn her into a fashionable coffee table," Jigen said with a small smirk at the thought of stuffing the pain in the ass.
"Well, I'll think of something," Ming said as she walked over to the dresser and removed her jewelry and then her makeup, an eight minute process, total. She brushed her hair quickly, and then removed her boots before she sat down on the bed, "Okay, I want to know why you brought up moving to Chicago again. It's the third time you've done that…. What's up?"
"I just don't know if I want my kids to go into the family business. I know Yukiko loves what she does, and that scares the hell out of me. If you only knew how many times I've been shot, stabbed—Mistaken for an Amish minister. She could always go to regular school, and become a doctor or something."
"I doubt anyone will mistake Yukiko for an Amish minister. You're just worrying too much," Ming answered, "You always did worry a little much. You have to learn how to relax."
"That's why I have someone as laid back as you around me," Jigen responded as he stretched out of the bed and lifted his hat from over his eyes, "You and Lupin… You think I would know how to relax by now. But I guess you two just end up stressing me out."
"Here," Ming removed two Tylenol from her pocket, and passed them to Jigen.
Jigen looked down at the Tylenol, and back up at Ming, "What? I don't have a headache. And my leg's better."
"Great," Ming smiled, and moved closer to Jigen, and kissed him.
"Tonight? Crap," Jigen grumbled, "I'm going on a heist tomorrow—I've got to get some rest—But, why the hell not?" Jigen went to move towards Ming, but Martha suddenly jumped on the bed, and tackled Jigen, "Goddamn dog!"
"She's jealous!" Ming laughed, "That, or she wants you get some sleep. Guess you better listen."
"Dammit," Jigen muttered.
Outside in a Wooded Area of the Property:
"Yukiko? What did you want to see me about? Why here?" Goemon asked the young girl as she led him into an open field where he regularly practiced.
"I really like you, Goemon. I like Toshiro, too. I don't want to see you two fighting anymore," Yukiko said, her head tilting downward, "I see enough fighting around me; I don't want to get it at home, too. You ever hear that saying; you have to make peace at home before you can make it in the world?"
"Where did you hear that?" asked Goemon.
"I think Mulan, but I'm not 100% sure on that," Yukiko replied as she seated herself on a stone bench. Goemon sat next to Yukiko on the bench, and looked forward.
"I'll try to make my peace with Toshiro, Yukiko, but he's just so angry. He has so much anger in him; I can't even begin to imagine how much there really is," Goemon answered, "If he could harness that anger, and put it into his fighting skills…. Part of me is frightened as to the consequences."
"Well, it couldn't hurt to talk to him," Yukiko shrugged, "It's just a thought, though. Besides, it's not really fair to Amaya."
"Amaya!" Goemon shot his head up suddenly, "We're supposed to go a computer convention today! Shimmatta! (dammitt!)"
"When is it?" asked Yukiko.
"Four," Goemon replied.
"You go ahead. I'll be in a little while," Yukiko answered.
"I'll see you later, Yukiko!" Goemon called as he rose and began to walk back towards the house.
"Both he and Toshiro… Such idiots," Yukiko said with a laugh.
A French Café, later that day:
"Glad you agreed to meet me," Remy Lupin said as he and his brother sat in outside in the café, both drinking coffee.
"What do you want, Remy?" asked Lupin suspiciously.
"I have a favor to ask you. More like a job," Remy replied as he sipped his coffee, "You're the master thief of the family; I'm content on getting a law degree."
"So, you're the real crook," Lupin smiled as he leaned back on the chair, "What do you want, Remy? The police are looking for both of us, so I know this was a dangerous trip for you. For me, however, it would've been a piece of cake."
"Can it," Remy answered, "I'm hiring you, you stooge."
"I got that. But what is this little item you want? Where? When? Do into detail, please."
"New York City. On Christmas. You know that statue of Prometheus in the ice-skating rink?" asked Remy.
"Yeah…"
"I want that. I want it stolen, on live TV."
"What!?" Lupin yelped, and nearly jumped out of his chair, "I—I mean—Sure! You got it. But why the hell would you want something like that, and on live TV? You trying to impress someone, Remy?"
"I made a bet back in England that you could steal anything, anytime, anywhere," Remy replied.
"What's in it for you?" Lupin asked.
"This girl I go to school with will marry me."
"Really? What if you lose?"
"Her strong lackeys from the Irish mob break my legs," Remy replied, "I'll leave the details to you, Arsene, but don't disappoint me. I'll pay you, but I'm telling you, I really need this. Do this for your brother. Do this for your own flesh and blood."
Lupin paused, "Okay. You've got a deal, Remy." Both stood, and shook hands on the deal, "Well, I was talking about taking the kids somewhere for the holidays, anyway. This'll be fun."
"Can I come?"
"Not unless you want Jigen to kill you for real this time," Lupin responded.
"Your bodyguard's too weak. That woman made him soft," Remy said with a smirk.
"I don't know about that…" Lupin said slowly. Both stared at one another a short moment, and Lupin sighed as he recalled Jigen and Ming's Friday nights dancing, "Okay, so he's soft… But he's still my friend."
On the Road:
Amaya looked over at Goemon, who had remained silent for a majority of the ride. Her Chrysler was having its tires rotated, so she settled on driving the yellow Fiat in the meantime, "Goemon, what's wrong?" she asked.
"Can you pull the car over?" asked Goemon.
"Are you going to be sick?"
"No. At least I don't think," Goemon replied as Amaya pulled off to side of the road, "Why aren't you mad at me?"
"What?"
"You never get mad at me."
"Why should I? You've never given me a good reason!" Amaya answered in a laugh.
"I lied to you. I didn't tell you about Toshiro. I'm responsible for the Rat Clan coming and trying to kill us."
"To protect me," Amaya replied, "You did it to protect me!"
"You should be upset with me for doing that!"
Amaya frowned, and tilted her head to a side, "But you were upset with Toshiro for being mad… You're upset that I'm not screaming at you? Would you like me to scream? Would it make you feel better?"
"Yes," Goemon answered.
"All right," Amaya threw her hands up in the air, "I'm upset that you purposefully held information from me. There's a man that I killed at the bottom of the same lake I go swimming in, I hate my new haircut, I don't like your mother at all, I'm a horrible mother, a failure of a wife, and I can't even remember the month your birthday is in!"
"December," Goemon answered.
"See! I thought April!"
"That's Fujiko—She's a Taurus. I'm Capricorn," Goemon responded, "Lupin's a Leo in August, Jigen's a Virgo in September, Ming's a Scorpio in October, and you're a Cancer in July. But I only know that because I got bored and bothered to learn about astrological signs."
"God, I just screw up everything I try to do," Amaya answered sadly.
Goemon turned to her, and shook his head, "You're good, you're really good, Amaya. You accepted me, you accepted Toshiro. You took this kind of life, willingly, and you stayed. When I told Toshiro's mother about joining Lupin, she left me, on the spot. I met another girl, who I almost married, but that didn't quite work out, either. By that time, I thought I'd never meet anyone insane enough to help out a gang of thieves. Go figure someone from the Zenigata family fit the bill."
"I was deranged enough?" asked Amaya.
"Yes," Goemon answered, "Let's get going. I'll lift a new hard-drive for you if it will make you feel better."
"You wouldn't know a hard-drive from a floppy-disk," Amaya retorted with a laugh, and put the car into gear again.
Goemon turned to her, and studied her shoulder-length haircut for a few moments, "I don't think your haircut is that bad, either. I hear it's quite in style right now."
"Just like you to say something like that," Amaya replied, "You feel better now that I chewed you out?"
"I'm relieved to find you also dislike my mother," Goemon answered after a pause.
Back at the House, Later that Night:
Fujiko climbed up the stairway, her hands full with new designer clothing she had 'borrowed' from a department store. She saw the new dog Ming had brought home lying out in front of Jigen's door, looking sorrowfully upward at Fujiko, "Did Jigen lock you out? That heartless jerk," she muttered as she opened Jigen's door and allowed Martha in. She peeked her head in, and saw there was no light in the room. She could hear Ryoko stirring in her crib, but could not see Jigen and Ming. She shrugged, and closed the door behind her.
Jigen awoke to Ryoko's crying, and stirred in bed, "Ming…. Ming… You've gotta get that… I can't see her."
"Jigen, I'm too tired," Ming answered, "Get it."
"I… Damn…" Jigen grumbled, and rose, he searched for the lamp, but became frustrated by Ryoko's wailing, and decided to wing it. He nearly made it to the crib, when he tripped over Martha, and hit his head against a dresser as he fell. Ming heard the loud impact, and immediately sat up in bed.
"Jigen!" Ming yelled, and turned on the lamp to the bedroom. She found him passed out on the floor, and jumped off of the bed. Ryoko was still crying, and Martha was cowering behind the crib, "Jigen! Jigen, wake up!" she shook him awake, and he opened his eyes slowly, "Oh, God, are you all right!?"
"I'm fine," Jigen nodded, and clutched onto the back of his head, "I just… I hit my head…"
"You're bleeding," Ming said worriedly, "Oh, God…."
"Get Ryoko," Jigen muttered, and shakily stood up. Ming nodded, rose, and picked up the baby, "Jesus, my friggin' head…. I'm going to get an ice pack…" he said quietly, and hobbled out of his room, and down the stairs. Things looked slightly shaky, and he had a hard time scaling down the stairs. Jigen heard a car pull up in the house, and pulled out a gun from a hidden spot in a flower vase. He pulled the curtain back, and could barely see Lupin exiting the car. There was someone driving, but Jigen could not make him out. He put his gun away, and watched quietly as Lupin entered the house. Lupin jumped as he saw Jigen.
"What are you doing here?!" Lupin yelped.
"Admiring the night sky," Jigen answered sarcastically. He strode to the kitchen, Lupin close behind him.
"Jigen, you're bleeding," Lupin said in concern, "What happened? Did you and Ming get in a fight?"
"No. That damn dog tripped me," Jigen answered as he turned the sink on and put his head under the faucet. After a minute or so, he lifted his head, and wrung his hair out, "Who was that who drove you home? You smell like cigarettes. Jesus, I never knew that was such a Goddamned awful smell…"
"It was no one," Lupin replied, "Well, actually, it was someone who wanted to give us a job… In New York City…"
"New York? I lived in downtown New York for years!" Jigen replied.
"I know," Lupin nodded. People like Jigen coming out of New York did not leave him with a very optimistic impression on the locals.
"What's the target?" Jigen inquired as he seated himself in front of Lupin.
"You know that large gold statue, in front of the ice skating rink?"
"You're kidding me," Jigen muttered in disbelief, "What else? There's got to be a catch…"
"At Christmas. On live TV."
"Jesus, Lupin… Who put you up to this?" asked Jigen.
"That's no one's business," Lupin responded, "Get some sleep, Jigen. And watch out for that dog, okay?"
"Yeah, that dog better watch out for me, 'cause I'm gonna shoot her next chance I get," Jigen nodded, and rose. He looked back at Lupin before he exited, "What are you hiding, Lupin?"
"Nothing," Lupin replied.
"The last time you told me that, I found out you had a brother," Jigen retorted, "It's funny, you never went to Remy's funeral. That's kinda funny, don't you think?"
"Did you go to your Dad's funeral?" Lupin retorted.
"Yeah," Jigen answered, and exited the kitchen. Lupin sighed, and looked downward at the kitchen table. How the hell was he going to pull this one off? Not only was he going to steal a huge statue in front of one of the largest cities in the United States, he would have to hide the fact that Remy had put him up to this from Jigen, Goemon, and the rest of the gang. An added worry was INTERPOL, and whom they would send after him.
Jigen felt his way up the stairs, and walked the steps up to Ming and his bedroom. He could still hear Ryoko crying, but in slower intervals, now. He easily found his way to the bed, due to the bedroom light still being on, and saw where he had left blood on the white carpeting of his floor. He had hit harder than he had expected.
Ming slowly eased Ryo back into the crib, and sighed in relief. She was finally asleep. Ming turned back to Jigen, and then looked at Ryo, "She looks a lot like you… Except for the nose… Oh, thank God, she got my nose…"
"Let's just hope she doesn't act like me. I want to live to see my kids married off," Jigen answered. He led back on the bed, and lifted his head upward, "It's friggin' freezing in here… I can't believe Lupin wants to go to Goddamn New York for Christmas… It's cold enough here…"
"New York!?" Ming gasped, "New York City!?"
"No, Yonkers," Jigen replied sarcastically, "Of course, New York."
"This'll be great! You can introduce me to your friends!" Ming said cheerily. Jigen groaned, and threw the sheet over his head, "What?"
In a Paris Apartment:
Zenigata suddenly jerked his head up from his magazine, and slammed down his cup of Ramen noodles onto his desk. He removed his feet from the desk, and sat straight up in his chair, "Lupin…" he muttered, and grabbed the phone. He quickly dialed his former place of employment, and was received by an unfamiliar voice on the other end of the line.
"INTERPOL headquarters, Jacques speaking," said the voice.
"Hello, this is ex-inspector Zenigata, wondering if there had been any developments in the Lupin case…" Zenigata answered.
"Sir, that's confidential," said Jacques.
"Can you please just tell me if you got a letter? I was really into the case at one point, and I'd like to know what's going on… For nostalgia's sake…" Zenigata replied.
Jacques sighed, "To what I'm aware, we received no letter from Lupin. Goodnight, Inspector, and try to get some rest… It's late."
"I… Thanks…" Zenigata sighed in disappointment, and hung up the phone. He leaned back in his chair, put his hands over his eyes, and looked over to the left, where a cradle still lay in its box. He could hear Natasha in one of the other rooms, probably tidying up something in the apartment, that or packing. Most of the kitchen and guestroom had been packed away already, and he had been taking a break from packing away his good silverware when he had gotten a jolt from his sixth sense.
"Koichi, are you all right? Who were you talking to?" asked Natasha as she stuck her head out of the bedroom.
"It was nothing," Zenigata muttered in response, "I'm just contemplating getting Lupin's punk ass to help us pack. I'm too old to do all of this, and you're… Well, in a condition."
"I'm pregnant and I'm already starting to gain weight," Natasha added coarsely, "We're going to need their help, admit it. Someone has to get that couch downstairs, and after all of the crap you've been through, I'd hate to put it in your obituary that you were done in by a piece of furniture."
"I… All right…" Zenigata put a hand on his forehead, "But if you see that little bastard or any of his shifty cronies trying to lift anything from me, you take your gun and shoot to kill."
"One of those cronies is your daughter, another is your son-in-law, and two are your grandsons," Natasha answered, "Hanukkah is coming up, too. I'd like to invite them all over for at least one night. I'm sure they'll want to us to come over for Christmas."
"I—I guess I'd be a good idea…." Zenigata replied reluctantly.
"Great! They can come over in the morning to help us pack, and then stay for the candle lighting!" Natasha said happily.
"Let's just hope no one screws it up, like everyone is prone to do," Zenigata muttered to himself as Natasha cheerily exited the room.
