Disclaimer: Overview—Don't own Lupin, own car, own crappy computer.

Writing this after spending six hours decorating a Christmas tree with every Hallmark and Disney ornament know to MAN!!….

I think the following chapter will be the first time an anime fanfiction has had a Hanukkah special… If anyone knows of anyone who had done this before me, let me know. I usually shirk away from doing holiday specials, but this family is way too screwed up to not have a dysfunctional holiday season. They earned it. Boy, have they earned it. I'd like to take this time to wish everyone a happy and safe holiday and a great New Year…

Chapter Thirty Two

A Few Weeks Later: Saturday Night's All Right for Fighting

'Well you can celebrate anything you want,

Yes, you can celebrate anything you want'

--The Beatles, 'Dig A Pony'

"Why are the boxes all triple-wrapped in duct tape?" Lupin inquired as he picked up another box to take down to the moving van.

"So your little thieving hands can't get through them…" Zenigata answered. Lupin leered at the old man, and then followed him down the stairs. Jigen and Goemon were still working on moving the couch downstairs. They were on their final flight, and both looked worn. Amaya and Ming waited at the other end of the stairs for them.

"You don't have anything worth stealing anyway, Pops!" Lupin snapped, "You've already lost your mind, and it was your own damn fault."

"Will you shut up for once?" Zenigata grumbled.

"Hey, I'm helping you move, okay? A little more respect would be appreciated," Lupin answered.

"Respect!? Ha! Everything you get from me is everything you deserve!" Zenigata replied in a laugh.

"I can only hope my kid is as big a pain in the ass to your kid as I am to you," said Lupin, "Jigen, Goemon, can you hurry up!?"

"Can you can it!? Do you want to lift this thing!?" Jigen growled in response.

Fujiko suddenly came in the room excitedly, and yelled upward to Lupin, "Natasha called! Ari talked!"

"Really!?" Lupin dropped his box in surprise, and Zenigata shuddered as he heard the distinct breaking of porcelain come from the box. His mother's prized china, "What'd he say, what'd he say!?"

Fujiko hesitated, "Vodka…"

Lupin's smile fell, and he jumped onto Jigen, "I'm going to make you choke on that hat!"

"A… A little help…" Goemon hissed before the couch fell. He quickly rolled out of the way, and the couch went flying down the rest of the stairway. Zenigata paled as his landlord came out, and he breathed a sigh of relief as the landlord silently slunk back into his apartment and shut the door. Zenigata and Amaya were able to pry Lupin and Jigen apart while Ming and Fujiko checked on Goemon.

"Vodka… Jeeze…." Lupin shook his head, stood, picked up his box, and walked down the stairway, "Vodka! Of all of the words to say! I hope that doesn't mean my kid's gonna be a little boozy, too…" He threw the box into the moving van, and trudged back into the apartment, "Damn!" he shook his head in disbelief, "Vodka!"

A Hebrew Import Store, Across Town:

Yukiko and Toshiro looked upward at Natasha, who continued to speak to the Polish butcher in Yiddish. Neither had the slightest clue as to what they were saying. Yukiko looked downward at Ryo and Heiji, whom she pushed along in a double-stroller. Toshiro was pushing Ari and Fuji, and Natasha pushed the grocery cart along the aisles.

"Here! Some chocolate for the little ones! The ones with teeth, anyway!" the butcher laughed in English, and passed Natasha a bag of gold foil wrapped chocolate coins.

"Thanks! I'll see you at Temple, Meyer!" Natasha replied as she sat the coins down in her cart and continued to travel down the aisles, "I think we've got almost everything on the list, guys. It was really nice of Lupin to let us use the house for Hanukah… And I'm sure he'll be in a really spirited mood now that Ari's started talking!"

"Vodka," Ari gurgled. Toshiro and Yukiko exchanged nervous glances, and then turned their attention back to Natasha.

"So… This is like Christmas, but eight days long?" asked Toshiro.

"Eight nights. And it has candles, like Christmas, and it falls around that time… And there's a feast, all right…"

"And you get presents like Christmas too, right?" asked Yukiko.

"Yep," Natasha nodded, "But you guys won't be here for all eight nights… You're going away to New York…"

"But we'll have a Christmas party here, too!" Yukiko answered, "You won't mind, will you, Natasha?"

Natasha shrugged, "I have nothing against a Christmas tree, guys… You're celebrating my holiday, after all, why wouldn't I come to yours? Besides, I love eggnog. This'll be your first Christmas, right, Toshiro?"

"Yeah," Toshiro nodded.

"Well, I'll have to get you something special," Natasha laughed as she stopped and picked up a few white and blue candles, "Well, I guess that's it, guys… Let's get back to the house…"

"Vodka!" Ari yelled.

"Hi!" Fuji added.

"Oi," Natasha put a hand to her forehead.

At the Lupin Gang's Household, Later That Evening:

"That's quite a change in hats for you, Jigen," Lupin laughed as he watched his friend adjust his skullcap on his head.

"Yeah, well, it's only a few nights, plus it's an experience. And there're going to be latkes," Jigen answered. He turned to Lupin as he walked towards the dining room, "And, just to let you know, Maria wants to come up to New York Christmas with us. And she wants me to go to Midnight Mass. And she wants you to be there, too."

"What!?" Lupin yelped, "Crap! You're kidding me! She expects me to go to a church!? She's coming up to New York!? Anyone else!?"

"My Mom, Goemon's family, Amaya's Mom…"

"When the hell did you invite these people!?" Lupin yelled.

"I didn't," Jigen replied, "Fujiko did."

"What!?"

"You must've pissed her off, because I think she just went to invite Pops and Natasha…" said Jigen.

"Fujiko!" Lupin stormed into the living room. But it was too late. Natasha was already talking to Zenigata excited at the prospect of going to New York, "Fujiko! What are you doing!?"

"That's the last time you leave me in the dark about any heist," Fujiko hissed as she walked over to the dining room table and seated herself at it.

"Things just got ten time worse," Lupin said in a groan.

"Hey, it's sundown!" Natasha said in a gasp suddenly, "Come on, get everyone together! Come on!" she led Zenigata over to the table, and waited fort he others to fill in. They sat at the table, and watched as Natasha placed two candles on a silver and blue Menorah, and began to recite a prayer in Hebrew. Toshiro and Yukiko exchanged bewildered glances as Natasha began to speak.

"Baruch ata Ado-noi. Elo-heinu melech ha-olam. Sheh-he-che-yanu vi-kee-yimanu. Vi-hee-gee-yanu laz-man-ha-zeh," she said, and then took a deep breath. Lupin looked over at Jigen briefly, and Jigen looked at Goemon. She smiled and laughed, and then lit the candles, "Thank you all again for agreeing to celebrate Hanukkah with me… I know you all are used to Christmas and Obon, but, this has really made me feel at home. France is so unlike Israel—This is the first time I've seen snow… And now, thanks to Fujiko and Lupin, I'll get to see New York City!"

"Yeah… We're regular saints…." Lupin said through gritted teeth as he looked over at a smiling Fujiko.

"Well, I'll go put the Menorah in the front window…" Amaya said as she rose from her chair.

"Come on, Toshiro, Yukiko—I'll show you how to play with a Dreidel while we wait the food to finish cooking," said Natasha as she led the two children out into the living room.

"She seems to miss her home, too," said Goemon to Zenigata before he exited the dining room.

Zenigata looked downward, in deep thought. Lupin looked over at Zenigata, "Watcha thinkin' about, Pops? You're thinking about moving to Israel, aren't you? That'd be quite a change for you…"

"Hey, I've been there before. It's not too bad," Zenigata responded with a shrug, "I'm going to go check on the kitchen," he rose and exited into the kitchen, and Lupin looked worriedly towards the doorway. He turned to Jigen and Ming, and smiled, "Well, at least I know you guys aren't going to leave and—Oh, God, you're thinking about leaving…."

"Hey, it's just a thought," Jigen replied, "I mean, Yukiko and Ryoko would like Chicago."

"You guys can't leave! Not after everything we've been through! Oh my God, are you serious!?" Lupin yelped, rising.

"Hey, it'll probably just be a few years," Jigen answered, "And, anyway, it's just a thought, you know? I'm probably just a little homesick."

"I'm going to go check on the food, too," Ming said quietly, and left her place at the table. Now all that remained were Fujiko, Lupin, Goemon, and Jigen. The babies were out in the living room in a crib.

"Well, we've all talked about it before, right?" Fujiko asked, "Raising the kids somewhere else…. I know for sure I want them to stay in France."

"It wouldn't be the first time we took a break, Lupin," Goemon responded, "Maybe it would be for the best. I need to have time to get to know Toshiro."

"He talking to you yet?" asked Lupin.

Goemon nodded, "He wants to meet his biological mother, from the Rat Clan."

"Guys! Let's just save this for after the holidays!" Lupin said with a nervous laugh, "This is together time, right!? So why go talking about separating!?"

"Well, I—" Fujiko stopped as she heard Ari begin to scream, "Better go check that out… Fuji probably kicked him again," she muttered, and rose from her seat.

"She's starting to like kicking her brother a little too much…" Lupin said to himself as Fujiko exited the dining room.

"You can't keep the tides from changing, Lupin," said Goemon sternly.

"Yeah, but tides are surprising things," Lupin retorted before he left the dining room angrily.

"Why is he so mad about it this time?" asked Goemon.

"Because last time it was hiatus. Now we're talking abandonment," Jigen answered, "Maybe I'm wrong about thinking about leaving…"

"Perhaps…. But we have to think about what's best for our families. Do you really want Yukiko's childhood memories to be filled by gunfire?"

"I just don't know… I mean, that was basically my childhood."

"And we all know how you turned out," Goemon retorted.

In the Living Room:

A television played in the background of the living room while Natasha sat on the floor in between Toshiro and Yukiko and showed them how to play with a dreidel. Amaya was watching television with Lupin while both waited for dinner to finish cooking. Amaya cradled Heiji quietly while Lupin glared angrily at the television. He prayed that Goemon or Jigen's mugshots would show up on the television, just so he would have an excuse to shoot the screen. How could they even think of leaving his organization!? After all he had done for those ungrateful bastards!

Amaya turned to Lupin, "What's wrong with you?"

"Goemon and Jigen…" Lupin answered, "They're saying they want to leave! Can you believe it!?"

"Well, they have families," Amaya replied as she adjusted Heiji in her arms.

"What the hell is Zenigata going to do in the Middle East!? He can barely survive in Europe!" Lupin snapped, "And Jigen wants to go to Chicago!? They have a hit on his head! The only safe place for him is Mongolia… That or a Goddamn box, which I'm contemplating putting him in right now. A nice wooden box."

"You have a hard time with letting go of things, don't you?" Amaya asked after a pause, "Fujiko!" she called, and rose from the couch, "Time to work your psyche magic!"

"I don't need someone to tinker with my head," Lupin grumbled, folding his arms together.

"I'm going to check on the food," Amaya said as she set Heiji down in the crib and walked into the kitchen. Fujiko came out a few moments later, and sat down next to Lupin.

"What's wrong, Lupin?" asked Fujiko sweetly.

"Jigen and Goemon are being bastards, and you're being a bitch," Lupin fumed, "Why did you invite everyone's family to New York!?"

"We have a big house there," Fujiko answered innocently.

"You know what I mean. I knew you were pissed off at me, but, come on, did I deserve that!?" Lupin snapped.

"You're lashing out at me because of your issues with abandonment, aren't you?" Fujiko inquired.

"What abandonment issues!?" Lupin asked irritably.

"You've finally built the family you never had growing up, and now they're leaving you, just like your real family did. Let's face it—Jigen's like a big brother to you, and Zenigata, strangely enough, is like the father you never had. Your real father never cared out you, so you look to Zenigata…" Fujiko replied.

"Just…" Lupin leaned back on the couch, "Fujiko, it's not helping…"

"Maybe this will," Fujiko rose, and slapped him across the head.

"Ouch! What the hell was that for!?" Lupin yelled.

"Grow up, dammit! Stop acting like you're three!" Fujiko answered.

"Hey, you don't have to yell at me!" Lupin said, "I'm sorry, okay? I'll just talk it over with Goemon and Jigen! But, for God's sakes, don't slap me again!"

"Good," Fujiko smiled, and turned away, "Some people can only be taught through correction by physical means…" she said to herself as she cracked her knuckles and walked into the kitchen.

Lupin was still rubbing the back of his head when the news came on. It was a news program from New York City sent through satellite, "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen… And a very happy Hanukkah to our Jewish viewers… Our top story—A popular illusionist will attempt to make the famous statue of Prometheus in Rockefeller Center disappear on Christmas Eve. And on live TV! The illusionist, renowned performer Jean-Paul Renoir, will return the statue on New Year's Eve, just as the Times Square New Year's ball will be ringing in the New Year. Be assured that we at the Today Show will be there with live coverage, as well as a in depth interview with Mr. Renoir." The woman at the news desk looked back at two of her colleagues, "You know, Renoir's inspiration is a fellow French thief. I'm sure everyone's heard of Lupin the Third…"

"That BASTARD!" Lupin yelled, and turned off the television, and threw the remote halfway across the room, "I don't know him, but I know I hate him! I'm supposed to steal that statue on Christmas Day! How the hell am I supposed to steal something that isn't there!? Remy, why couldn't you have given me something easy to steal—Like Air Force One, or something…."

"Remy? Did you say Remy?" Jigen asked as he entered the living room. Most had come in after Lupin's rant. Luckily, Zenigata at that time was out in the pantry, looking for flour. He had not heard Lupin's yelling, fortunately.

"Did I?" Lupin laughed nervously, and put a hand behind his still-smarting head, "I—I meant—"

"Lupin, Remy's dead… Or, is he?" asked Jigen suspiciously, "You were handling my gun before I shot him, and there wasn't any blood on the ground when I killed him…"

"Who are you to judge what was there and wasn't there!? It's not like your vision was top par when you shot him, anyway!" Lupin answered.

"There would've been blood somewhere, Lupin…" Jigen said. Jigen grabbed Lupin by the jacket, "He's not dead!? I thought you wanted me to kill him!?"

"I—I did… But it wouldn't have been right…"

"Swell time for you to get moral."

"He's my brother! I couldn't go shooting him!"

"Which is why you had me shoot him. He tried to kill my daughter, Lupin. He tried to kill Fujiko. He tried to kill your kids. He tried to kill Pops' daughter… He can't be trusted," Jigen said.

"Your wife tried to kill you! She worked for Remy! She was going to marry him!" Lupin responded as he pushed away from Jigen, "Did you forget all about that, Jigen!? She double-crossed you, if you recall! And I warned you about a woman screwing you over, for once!"

"Hey, she changed!"

"Who says Remy can't!?"

"One, because Remy's just plain evil, and two, because no one in your family ever changes," Jigen replied quietly, and sighed, "Let's end this, for now… It's a holiday."

"You're going to kick my ass later?" asked Lupin worriedly.

"We'll just see how this conversation goes… I can't believe you have me stealing something for that creep," Jigen said in disbelief. He shook his head and walked away from Lupin, and Lupin groaned and banged his head against the closest wall he could find.

"Why is it that the days that we're supposed to get along, we do nothing but argue?" Lupin asked himself.

"Food's ready!" Fujiko called. Natasha rose from the floor and walked into the kitchen to go help out with the food. Toshiro and Yukiko went to the table and seated themselves next to one another, and watched as the food came out.

"So, that's a Gefilte fish, huh?" Yukiko said quietly. She looked over at Toshiro, "You hear we're going to New York? This'll be cool, huh? My Dad said we can go see the Rockettes… You wanna come?"

"What's that?" asked Toshiro, "Some kind of weapon?"

"Their high heels could be," Yukiko laughed in response.

"High heels?"

"They're dancers, dummy!" Yukiko laughed.

"Dancers?" Toshiro questioned.

"Here we are!" Natasha said happily as the last bowl of food was laid out on the table. The group began to eat, and but Natasha declined as Ming offered her a glass of wine.

"What's wrong?" asked Ming, "It's really good. Jigen picked it out, so you know it's from an expert!"

"I can't," Natasha answered.

"Religious thing?" asked Amaya.

"No, health thing," Natasha replied. Zenigata suddenly stopped eating, and looked upward at Natasha. Natasha looked over at Zenigata, and then at the group, "I'm going to have a baby. Surprise!"

Goemon performed the Heimlich maneuver on Amaya as she began to choke on her latke. Amaya gasped as the food left her windpipe, and took a long drink of wine, and then shakily seated herself.

"Zenigata!?" Lupin yelped in surprise, "You can still have kids!?"

"Apparently," Amaya said wearily as she seated herself down in the chair again and began to eat slowly. "Do you know if Heiji's going to have an aunt or an uncle, yet?" she asked.

"Too soon to tell," Natasha answered.

Amaya shook her head, and forked through her food, "This is so screwed up…"

"Hey! Congratulations!" Jigen said in a tone which Amaya knew meant well, but she did not want to hear it right now, "Natasha, when are you going to tell your mom!?"

"She doesn't even know I married a Gentile," Natasha replied remorsefully, "She's still recovering in Switzerland!"

"Do you think she'd like to see New York City?" asked Fujiko.

"You really mean it!?" Natasha asked happily.

"You really mean it!?" Lupin choked in horror.

"Uh-huh," Fujiko nodded, "Our house on Long Island is huge! And wheelchair accessible."

"Thank God for that. Maria gets bitchy if a place isn't zoned for handicapped people," Jigen replied as he finished off his first glass of wine and poured his second. It was a weaker alcohol, so it would take quite a few drinks before he was three sheets to the wind. This was both a good and a bad thing. He had always hated getting drunk on the holidays, because it was something his father had always managed to do, but with all of the yelling going on, getting plastered didn't seem like such a bad idea.

Part of him could understand why his old man always drank, but part of him wanted to throw his glass against the dining room wall as he recalled one Christmas in particular. He had spent it in the hospital. He had 'hit the back of his head on a doorknob'. How he had also managed to get a black eye in the process of this was a mystery to the doctors, but in his day, no one talked about abuse. Not out loud, anyway. God the old man could be a bastard when he wanted.

"Jigen, you all right?" asked Ming worriedly as she placed a hand on his arm.

"Yeah," Jigen nodded, "Stress. The holidays are coming up, you know."

"Yeah, I do. I own a calendar, after all," Ming replied with a smile.

"Huh? Oh, yeah," Jigen nodded, and laughed lightly and falsely.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Ming inquired.

"Yeah. The pickled herring is just getting to me," Jigen answered. He looked down in horror as he watched Ming slip Martha a piece of chicken, "What the hell are you doing?"

"She wants some, too," Ming answered, "You're so jealous of her!"

"I am not!" Jigen snapped, "Jealous of a dog!? You've got to be kidding! I'm just glad she'll have to be incarcerated six months before she goes to the States!"

"No she won't," Lupin shook his head, "I can smuggle millions worth of diamonds into countries—What makes you think I can't smuggle one lousy Dalmatian into the country?"

"Because that isn't a dog—That is a demon," Jigen replied, pointing to the large-eyed Martha. Martha licked his hand, and Jigen retracted his hand in disgust, and wiped it thoroughly with a napkin.

"Jigen, it's just a puppy who wants some love, isn't that right?" Ming said sweetly to Martha, who wagged her tail in response.

"You can say anything and that dog will wag her tail. It's just the way you say it!" Jigen argued, and looked downward at Martha. He rubbed her head, and began to talk to her, "Heya, girl. How'd you like it if we took a trip out to the country, I bring my shotgun, and—"

"Jigen!" Ming snapped, "Don't tell her that! She understands you!"

"Friggin' please…" Jigen turned back in his chair, "Oh, well… If you like her, okay. Just keep her away from me…"

"Well, we're a big ball of happy sunshine tonight, aren't we?" Lupin chuckled.

"Everyone's families… Together in own spot… For the holidays…" Amaya nodded as she forked through her food, "Great…"

"It's not too late to contemplate double suicide…" Goemon said.

"No, no…. We have Heiji and Toshiro to think about," Amaya replied, but then scanned around the table, and turned back to Goemon, "But, you know… You may want to leave your sword collection out… Maybe hang it on the wall, finally… You know, just in case?"

"I'll start nailing up the shadowboxes tonight," Goemon answered.