[Disclaimer: I don't own Lizzie McGuire, or a lot of the very odd things that happen. Those belong to Amy. (When this story is finished, I'll let you know what the requirements for this story were.)
Onto the story!]
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I woke up the next morning with my framed picture of Ben Stiller in my arms.
Oh, Benny. If only you were here with me, we could run off to our tropical island paradise and drink pina coladas and watch your movies...except Mystery Men' because that one was kinda weird....oh, Ben...YOU LOVE ME, I KNOW IT!!
Parker! Parker, wake up! You're having another freaky Ben Stiller-obsessed nightmare! my mom said, waking me up.
It was not a nightmare. As long as Ben's there, it could never be a nightmare. I grinned a psychotic grin. Maddy walked sleepily up to my door.
Is Parker having another one of her stalkerish Ben Stiller nightmares again? she asked, rubbing her eyes.
THEY ARE NOT NIGHTMARES! I screeched, causing everyone in the room to go deaf and run out of the room in excruciating pain.
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My Spanish class that day was so weird.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact that my teacher wasn't there. But really though, people were talking so obnoxiously loud, it made me want to rip out all my hair.
So I did.
But not intentionally! I mean, I really like my hair. It's brown and straight and long...
Ew, who am I kidding? My hair is so boring! Maybe now I can get some cool hair...
Maybe I could get the same hair color as um...that chick from Meet The Parents! Or the same color as Lizzie's, so maybe Gordo would love me. Or Veruca's, because he looks heinous on her...
Parker, what are you doing? Gordo asked of me, referring to the fact that I had clumps of my own hair in my hands.
I responded nonchalantly, placing my hair on my desk. What are you doing? I flirted.
I'm...walking away now. And so he did.
It was so depressing. Why couldn't Gordo ever like me?
Oh yeah. He did.
And then I called him short.
Come on, like you wouldn't call him short. Look at him, he's like a freaking midget or something!!
What self-respecting human being would date a guy so short?
I sooo would.
Ben Stiller is short, too.
I guess I have a midget fetish.
Eww, Miranda's right. I am weird.
Hi, Parker, Claire said, taking a seat next to me, and smiling. I love your nails! Did you get a manicure?
I bit most of them off, I responded.
she said, masking her disappointment. Well, um...I love what you're doing with your hair these days! Did you just get it cut?
I picked up a fistful of my hair from the desk.
No, I tore it out.
Wow! I should um...try that sometime!
Okay, why was Claire here and why was she talking to me? Shouldn't she be off with her cheerleader buddies?
Okay, why are you here and why are you talking to me? Shouldn't you be off with your cheerleader buddies?
Claire leaned over, like she was about to tell me a secret.
You didn't hear it from me, but I heard that one of the head cheerleaders is considering letting you join the squad. She nodded to reassure me of its validity.
Wow, a cheerleader! I've totally always wanted to be a cheerleader! Then maybe Gordo would like me...
Oh wait, Gordo hates cheerleaders. Oh well, screw him!
But then out of the corner of my eye, I saw Eddie Velasco with these big jar of paint in his hands. He twisted it open and walked closer to me. I wonder what dumb Eddie's gonna do with that paint.
The next few seconds were like this big blur.
Eddie pulled back with the jar, then with a thrust, he began to throw the paint towards me.
Gordo yelled, diving in front of the paint like Superman.
Unfortunately, he dove too slow, and all the paint got on me anyway.
The class erupted in laughter, and I ran out of the room in tears, as I heard Claire giggle, Good one, Kate!
I ran and I ran and I ran...until I ran right into a wall.
Then, dizzily, I picked myself up and ran into the boys' bathroom.
Ooh, urinals. Urinals look funny! I giggled like Kate, which scared myself back into reality.
A second later, Gordo came bursting into the boys' bathroom.
How did you find me here? I said, sitting on a urinal and crying.
I smelled the sweet scent of my love.
I said, brightening up a bit.
No. Your footprints are green.
I coughed.
Pause.
Lizzie, I reall--
Parker. I'm Parker.
Right. Parker. Hesitation. Parker, I'm really sorry the paint didn't hit me. This made my eyes bulge.
Why? The paint was supposed to hit me.
Yeah, but usually when you try to save someone, it's always best when you...actually save them. I smiled. Gordo was trying to save me. How romantic! I just feel like a loser.
Don't, Gordo. You're my hero. It's just like in Anastasia', when Dimitri leaves Paris but then Rasputin was waiting for Anastasia in the gardens, but Dimitri came back just in the nick of time. I thought back. Except Dimitri really did save her.
Just then, the PA system clicked on.
Yo students, it's me, Mr. Informer! Now, technically, I ain't supposed to be on this here PA system, so I'll make this quick. Freshmen Kate Sanders is having a pool party on this here Thursday, and then on Friday, Hillridge High School is having a Celebrity Karaoke Night! Come dressed as your favorite celebrity, reading to belt your heart out, boy-ees! Oh, and girls, too. Both of dese is gonna be da bomb diggity! Word! Mr. Informer's voice went monotone. And would Parker McKenzie and David Gordon please get out of the boys' bathroom and return to their unsupervised Spanish class, thank you.
As Gordo and I walked out of the boys' bathroom and back to room 224, we chatted a little.
Hey, Miranda and I are going over Lizzie's house tomorrow. You um, maybe wanna come? Gordo asked.
I said, trying to pretend like I wasn't totally freaked out that Gordo wanted to spend time with me outside of school and potentially hang out' on a regular basis. I'm not freaking out, what are you talking about?
he said as we walked back into the Spanish room together. Well, um, see you there, then.
Is it possible? At all?
Could David Gordon...like me?
...Again?
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[A/N: Word up! Hahaha this story is getting more normal. Oh nooo, must return to the weirdness factor!
Don't worry, it's gonna go waaaay up in the next chapter. And the last chapter...oh man.
Wheee, lemme know what you think of my bizarre story: please review. THANKS!]
