Kate's party is tomorrow!, I thought happily as I doodled in my notebook. Gordo, I wrote first. Then David Gordon. Then Parker Gordon. Then Parker McKenzie-Gordon. Then David McKenzie.

I crossed that last one out.

I was blissfully ignoring the stupid math teacher, who was going on and ON about geometric sequences or some stupid thing I've never heard of, when suddenly, the classroom door opens quickly. And in walks this guy. I don't recognize him, especially with these weird sunglasses on and his hair all slicked back. But then, as soon as the moonwalking begins, I know who it is.

YO, teach! he yells at the old gray-haired woman standing in the front, causing her to have a heart attack and fall unconscious for a set amount of time, conveniently enough for the kids in the class to have a little chat. I didn't do it! It wasn't me! They photographed me naked! Danny broke down and sobbed on his knees. The class, as usual, ignored him.

Hey, guys, who saw the latest episode of Degrassi? Miranda randomly yelled out to the class. Um, hello, talk about weird.

I did, of course, Veruca said, all pompously-like. I just wouldn't be a true fan if I didn't watch every single episode ever time it's shown. Miranda gave her a weird look.

Why, I also saw the latest installment of that silly little television show, Miss Sanchez, some stuffy girl with an English accent added. Why do you ask?

Obviously because Spinner is like, the hottest guy on the planet, Miranda gushed. Stuffy girl laughed in her stuffy way.

But of course he is, silly girl, if by hot, you mean, lacking quotidian manners and completely socially inept. Why, the way he passes gas...

Hello, that's part of his charm, Miranda said, defending her favorite Degrassi character.

Right, and being completely oafish and obnoxious is such a way to win over the ladies, Stuffy girl countered.

Well, I like him! So um... Miranda struggled for a comeback. Your mom! Stuffy girl laughed once more.

Your superior intelligence continues to ast...

What's Degrassi? I asked. Suddenly, all conversations in the room ceased. All heads turned to me.

Well, figures you wouldn't know about such a great show, Miranda said, rolling her eyes. I guess you're too busy watching old tapes of The Ben Stiller Show repeatedly. How many episodes of that were there? 2?

There were 13! Parker cried in defense, then realized her mistake. I mean, I've never seen that show. Stop it! I'm not obsessed! I'm not...

Suddenly the old woman teacher lady got up and began teaching immediately, leaving me to cry all over my doodlings. Then I realized that everyone already knows I'm a Ben Stiller-obsessed freak, and got over it.

~~~~~~~~

I couldn't believe I was going to Lizzie's house! I haven't been here since her 6th birthday party. I wonder how much it's changed. I wonder if her brother is still all quiet and stuff. I wonder her mom still makes that crappy food. I wonder her dad still runs around yelling about lawn gnomes or something.

I ring the doorbell, and promptly I'm greeted with the familiar face of Jo McGuire, Lizzie's mom. She actually looks frighteningly happy and young as she greets me. Especially compared to my own mother, the seahag.

Why, hello, Parker! she said, overly enthusiastically. Lizzie's not quite ready, but she'll be downstairs in a moment. Would you like something to drink? We have water, milk, orange juice, apple juice, mango juice, pineapple juice, guava juice...

Um, that's okay, I say, a little freaked out. Um, I'll just have some water. F-from the filter. I couldn't bear to drink the tap water. Who knew what was in the water at the McGuire residence? She quickly poured me filtered water...in a champagne glass. Then poured herself some champagne. Weren't Gordo and Miranda supposed to be around here, too...?

So, Parker, she began, looking like she wanted to start an intimate conversation. I hoped Lizzie would be here soon. Have you ever seen the movie Meet the Parents'?

OH MY GOD! I shrieked, and she held her ears. She knew me SO well. I mean, yes, I have, I said, a bit calmer.

Fine movie, right? she said, laughing cheerfully. Robert DeNiro was so wonderful. But that Ben Stiller character, I don't know so much about...

Are you saying Ben Stiller is... I stepped back, ready to faint if she confirmed this. A bad...actor?

Of course not! she said, laughing nervously. Of course not. Ben Stiller is a great actor! She looked relieved when she looked up to see my not-so-peeved face. I just thought the cat gags could've been better, you know what I mean?

I said, thisclose to betraying my one and only Benny boy. No! He did those jokes with his pride and dignity in tact! How dare you insult my lover! I was also thisclose to smacking Mrs. McGuire. Luckily, Lizzie trotted down the steps happily in this cutesy little yellow polka dotted dress.

Lizzie, you didn't have to get dressed up for me, I said, smiling over at her.

I didn't, she said monotonously.



Umm, I forgot you were coming, actually.



But I just have one thing to tell you, she said, and I got all excited. People were telling me all their secrets these days. How cool-like. I never knew I was so popular. Um, mom, do you mind?

'Course not, Mrs. McGuire smiled, and looked happy to be leaving as she trotted back up the steps. When she was out of earshot, Lizzie started.

I'm actually going out on a date right now, she whispered.

With who? I asked, super-curiously.

No one, she giggled. I lied.



Um, that was weird.

But really, I have a huge crush on Larry Tudgeman and I thought maybe you could understand, she said, rather nonchalantly. Make sure Miranda and Gordo don't find out.

Um, okay.

Well, I gotta go, Lizzie beamed brightly. See ya later, Parker! she said, bouncing out the front door.

Lizzie certainly seemed happy today. It wasn't even that bright out. I mean, the forecast said it would be 80 but it was really only in the 70s range, and the clou---DID LIZZIZE JUST SAY SHE LIKES TUDGEMAN?!

-----------------------

[A/N: I amuse me. All for you, Amy! I'm kool.]