"And now, for something completely different!"

Calvin sat in a box, giggling insanely. Outside of it was Hobbes, shaking his head violently.

"No, no, no!" Hobbes turned away. "I won't do it! Not again!"
"Yes you will!"
"No, I will not!"
"Come on, Hobbes!" Calvin scrunched up as much as he could towards the front. "I want to do it! I need to write my book report!"

At this, Hobbes gave Calvin a suspicious look. He put his hands on his hips, his tail wagging slowly.

"So...how is going back in time going to help you write a book report?"
"Nope! This is no time machine!" Calvin patted the side of the box. TIME MACHINE was scribbled out, replaced by UNTRA-DEMENSHUNAL BOOK QUADRILATER MODULE. "With my latest invention, we can just zap ourselves into the book, watch and look at what happens like a movie, write down the important parts, and ZIP! All done!"
"I'm not liking this idea one bit...."
"A Tale of Two Cities....BAAH! Boing!" Calvin picked up, then tossed the book aside in disgust. "Who needs to read when you can be in the book?! It sponsors an interactive, hands-on approach to literature that not even
3-D can give! And besides...." At this Calvin turned away, adjusting a knob. "I need you for protection. You have to scare off the crazy revolutionists."
"Hmp, no. I won't do it." Hobbes started to walk away. "Not after last time."
"But it WORKS!"
"Does it work like your movie dimensional transporter trip into 'Leave the Breasts to Me'?" Hobbes stuck his nose in the air. "I don't trust your dimensional transporters after that."
"Well....that...." Calvin paused. "That was a complete accident."
"Sure it was."
"Come on, you sourpuss!" Calvin sulked. "Do I have to bribe you to get into this box?"

At this, Hobbes' ears picked up, and he abruptly stopped walking. His tail began to lash greedily, and his head turned back towards the boy in the box.

"Depeeends...." There was an opportunistic smirk on his face as he said this, ".....on the bribe."
"GRRR! You....fine!" Calvin turned red. "Ok, how's this....You get to read the comics first."
"But for how long?" Hobbes' smile seemed more evil by the minute. "I must exact specific specifications from you to ensure the bargain is far and just."
"ARGH! You annoying...!" Calvin snarled. "Ok, a week!"
"Nope."
"Two weeks?"
"If lobbying was equated to soup, yours is thinner than Grandma's Pea Soup Surprise."
"A MONTH!" By this point, Calvin was jumping. "How do you like that?! FOUR WEEKS! Four weeks of me being DEPRIVED OF-"
"Calvin?"

Everything instantly froze at the sound of the female voice. Instinctively, Calvin leaped out of the box and shoved it into the closet.

"Um...."The boy began to sweat. "Yes, mommy?"
"What are you doing up there?" The voice was by the stairwell. "Are you making a mess again?"
"Um...." Calvin looked around frantically. "Um...I'm doing......my homework?"
"Well, keep it down." The voice faded out. "Your father's doing work...."
"See?" Hobbes mumbled. "No matter what, you get in trouble."
"Bah!" Calvin opened the closet door. "You know nothing."

Hobbes watched as Calvin hopped back into the box inside the closet, adjusting knobs and switches. Each passing moment caused Hobbes' eye to twitch more and more, until finally he gave a growl.

"Of all the...!" Dejected, he hopped into the back of the box. "Why I'm doing this, I'll never know."

---------------

"So whats the book?"
"A Tale of Two Cities."
"Charle Dickens?" The box cruised through a tunnel filled with flashing lights and howling wind. "Isn't that a little advanced for the first grade?"
"You don't know Miss Wormwood, Hobbes!" Calvin grumbled. "She's willing to do anything to make me suffer! What worse is that she has parental consent to do it!"
"Coming from you, every problem in the world is caused by your parents."
"Well, then the solution is obvious, isn't it?"
"Whatever." Hobbes made a face. "Let's just get this over with, huh? 'Friends' is on in a half hour."

Calvin grunted as he turned back to twisting knobs and dials. There was a sputter, then a cough, and the next thing Hobbes knew he was pinned to the back of the box.

"Trans-dimensional warp...." Calvin pressed a red button, and white light surrounded them. "ACTIVATE!!!!!!!"

The box shook for a moment before shooting out into an ethereal darkness. Hobbes almost threw up as the box tumbled over itself like a balloon running out of air. Then, all of a sudden, the lurching stopped.

"Hey! HEY!" Hobbes was suddenly shaken by the boy. "Come on! Sissy, that wasn't bad!"
"Of course not." Hobbes looked around. "Now where in the book.....are.....we?"

Hobbes opened his eyes, finding himself blinded by a bright green light. As soon as his sight adjusted, he found himself in the middle of a lush green forest. It was filled with large, green-leaved trees, and soft dirt, and brown pathways dotted with patched sidewalk. Lush green hills and mountains were far into the distance, just past a shimmering, azure blue lake. Up in the sky, the bright yellow sun beamed down wamr rays; birds and small woodland animals streaked by the box in frolicking bliss. A soft, upbeat music filled the air.

"This.....is.....beautiful." Hobbes squinted, his eyes searching the distance. "Beautiful...like paradise....but where's Paris?"
"Paris?"
"Or London..." Hobbes' head searched over. "You know, the two cities?"
"Who cares where they are?!" Calvin jumped out of the box. "This is perfect!! Lush trees! Animals galore!....."
"....A mad scientist destroying the forest." Hobbes peered over the horizon. "Yes, a perfect story.....HEEEEEEY, waitaminute......"

Hobbes gave a growl as Calvin looked over, and indeed, there was a mad scientist over to his right. He was inside a metal hovercraft, hanging right over a large black mechanism with arm mechanisms and leg thingies (as Calvin could not describe them in any better way), laughing inanely and flinging his hands over his head. All around him, animals were being grabbed by the arms and stuffed inside the black machine by the hundreds.

"Hahahaha!" The scientist, a rotund middle-aged man, shook his fists. "Soon, all of the forest shall be enslaved in my power, and no one will be able to stop me once I acquire the power of.....THE CHAOS EMERALDS!"

At this, Calvin made an arm movement of victory before jumping up and down with glee with shouts. Hobbes, still sitting in the box, looked around at the scene with increasing suspicion.

"You know...." The tiger cast a glare. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think we were in a video game."
"What makes you say that, Einstein?" Calvin snickered.
"Oh, I don't know....." Hobbes' glare became dark. "Aside from the fat egg-shaped mad scientist and perfectly geometric loop-de-loop ramps in the distance? I don't know if Revolution-era Paris had any of those..."
"Who cares about Charles Dickens when you can take over the world in a video game manual?!" Before Hobbes could protest, Calvin was zipping across tthe scenery towards the large robot. "Let's see if I can convince him to let me take over his evil empire!"
"Hey, wait a minute-!"

Hobbes held up a finger in protest, then gave a huff of resignation. He crossed his arms, sat back down in the box and stared at the cardboard.

"Why does he always do this to me?" He mumbled. "Every night, he goes off without doing anything he's supposed to, and drags me with him! Then when he gets in trouble, who does he blame?....An unfair life I lead here! This is the fourth time he's gone to this place....I bet he was planning on coming here the whole time...!"

As he spoke, a gust of wind began to blow over the trees. Suddenly, Hobbes and the box were sent flying into the air, landing several feet away from its original location and skidding several more.

"ARGH! Just my-"
"Oh!" There was another gust of wind, and Hobbes found himself staring back at a short blue creature. "Oh, I.....I didn't see you."
"Huh!" After a moment, a light went in Hobbes' head. "Oh...Sonic! Hi, didn't expect you here so quick."
"Well, this is my home." Sonic the Hedgehog leaned against the box. "So, what brings you here to South Island this time, old friend?"
"Do I need to give you guesses?" Hobbes rolled his eyes. "He's procrastinating on another school assignment."
"Hmm....shame there." Sonic rubbed his nose. "What assignment?"
"A book."
"Oh, he....got in through the manual." Sonic stretched. "So, what book?"
"A Tale of Two Cities."
"Dickens?" Sonic's eyes widened. "Heey, I love Dickens!"
"You do?"
"Yeah!" Suddenly, Sonic jumped into the box right next to Hobbes. "Yeah, I was the Ghost of Christmas Past in A Christmas Carol!"
"Hey, so was Calvin! How coincidental!" Hobbes looked back at the scientist and gave a moan. "Uuugh, he's really going to go and try to take over the world..."
"Baah, he won't succeed." Sonic fiddled with the box controls. "Let him fail! I wanna read this book!"
"Um...ok...."

With that, the box suddenly sputtered to life, and the two were gone in a puff of light.

-----------------

"Soo...." The box whirled around once more in the vortex. "What does Calvin have to do for his book report?"
"He has to write a summary of the story and illustrate a picture of his favorite moment."
"That shouldn't be too hard!" The box shuddered violently again, and the two animals were back in Calvin's closet. "I'm a bad artist, so it should be easy for me to make my stuff look like Calvin's."
"Yeah, but we have to hurry." The tiger and the hedgehog jumped out of the box. "We don't want Calvin to be in there too long, or else his mom's going to worry."
"No problem!"

With that, the hedgehog took the book up from where it was on the floor, and gave a whistle as he flipped through the pages. He nodded and hopped up onto a chair.

"That's a long book!" To Hobees' surprise, Sonic took out some paper and a pencil. "I think I'm ready to start."
"Woah...wait!" Hobbes gasped. "You finished the book already!"
"Of course!" Sonic scribbled Calvin's name on the paper and held it to Hobbes. "They don't call me the fastest thing alive for nothing. Say, does this look like Calvin's writing?"
"Hmm..."Hobbes examined. "Yeah. Perfect."
"Great!" Sonic scribbled more. "This is a cinch. I wonder why Calvin never does his homework?"
"Because he's lazy."
"Hmm..." Sonic gave a nod. "I should make a note of that as I try to write this as he would......there. All finished!"
"That was quick." Hobbes looked over the report. "Hmm...."

Calvin
January 18
Book Report

A Tale of Two Cities

This book wus total garbage. I never thought I'd have to read this, but I had to, and it wuz garbage!

The plot wus stupid. The characters wure stupid. And the end, it was stupid two!

The only part of the story I liked was the chopping off heads parts. And when the Tiger Lady and Missy Prissy fought in the river and shot one anuthur. That was a totally cool part! They should make that part into a movie, becuse theyll make a million dollars! Or even a billion!

But the rest of it was stupid, and I'm never going to reed it again!

Sincerly,

Calvin.


"WOW!" Hobbes' head nodded up and down for approval. "That is on-spot!"
"Thank you." Sonic pointed the pencil at Hobbes. "Now, I need you to pose for me."
"Huh? Why?"
"I need to draw the Tiger Lady."
"What?"
"I have to make the illustration, right?" Sonic stuck a thumb up in examination. "I must put the Tiger Lady and Missy Prisy in it, because its the part we liked best. I need a model for the tiger."
"Oh, oh, right." At this, Hobbes looked around. "Hmm...this may take awhile. You want a sandwich?"
"Sure!" Sonic beamed. "I'm actually kind of hungry. What kinds have you got?"

--------------------

The room smelled of tuna as Sonic finally finished the picture.

"There!" Sonic beamed. "That is a masterpiece. You were a great model, Hobbes."

Hobbes nodded in agreement. The image consisted of two writhing figures - one a tiger, one a hedgehog - with inked-in boobs. Both held machine guns, and both had captions over them that read "KILL!" The background was red, scribbled in with crayon. At the bottom were the words "MY FAVERIT CAPSHUN".

"Perfect." Hobbes quickly took the picture and put it together with the report. "But we'd better hurry. We've got to get Calvin out of your world so his mother won't be asking questions."
"I'm surprised she didn't ask questions already!" The two hopped into the box. "I mean, a talking blue hedgehog and a talking stuffed tiger. And we walked right past her!"
"Well, you know how Calvin's mother is." The box shuddered and disappeared into the vortex. "She's seen everything. We don't faze her."

---------------------

*BOOM!*

"Well, we're here!" The box landed back in the forest. "I wonder where Calvin is?"
"Probably been killed or maimed." Sonic sniffed, then opened his eyes as he hopped out of the box. "Oh, wait, maybe not."
"No?"
"No, he...." Sonic sniffed again. "Huh. He's right behind us. Wow, he was easy to sniff out!"
"Yeah. Hobbes turned. "Dirty little boys usually are."

Calvin stood several feet from the box, a snarl on his face. He was covered from head to toe in soot and oil, the latter which dripped off of him. Without another word, he sulked into the box. glaring at the controls.

"Hum." Hobbes winked at Sonic. "I guess your conquest did not work as planned?"
"Shut up!" Calvin snarled. "Let's just get out of here. I have to d that stupid report."

Sonic chuckled and waved as the box shuddered and disappeared out of sight. With a smirk on his face, Hobbes stretched as the box reappeared into the vortex.

"Well, if you're so intent on that report...." Hobbes yawned. "I'll have you know Sonic did it for you. Its all done."
"What?!" Calvin swerved to look at the tiger. "He....he did my homework?!"
"He sure did." Hobbes had a smile of satisfection on his face. "He read the book, wrote the report and even made a picture for it. You don't have to do a thing."
"Hey! Cool!!!!" The box shot out of the vortex, re-appearing again in the closet. "Hehe! And not a single moment of work on my hands! I can't wait to turn my homework in!!"

Epilogue, Kind Of

The next day, Hobbes was laying on Calvin's bed, reading Calvin's comics, when the bedroom door flung open. Standing in the frame was Hobbes.

"Good afternoon!" Hobbes gave a smile. "How did school go today?"

Calvin gave no reply. With a red face. he held up his book report. On it was the largest F Hobbes had ever seen on any of the boy's assignments.

"Hmm...oh, thats too bad." Hobbes went back to reading. "Maybe next time you'll do your own work, hmm?"

Calvin's face turned even redder at this. With a tantrumed scream, he threw the papers to the floor and jumped on them.

"ARRRRRGH!" If Sonic had been there to see it, Hobbes knew he would have laughed at the irony. "I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG!!!!"

DNE Intermission