The End, Part 1
The rising sun beat down into the White House lawn as the president entered into his office. It was only seven in the morning.
"Can you tell me how to get...." The president twiddled his thumbs. "How to get to Sesa-"
"Mr. President!"
The president's head flew up as two men - the vice president and the secretary of defense - burst into the room. With an authoritative slam, a giant pile of papers, three feet high total, was dropped onto the desk. In response to the new weight, the desk bowed, almost splintering in half.
"YIPE!"
"Mr. President, we apologize..." The vice president was out of breath. "But this is urgent. You must read this."
"Now?" The president looked dumbfounded. "I haven't even watched my cartoons yet."
"Just read it, sir!"
The president took the top paper off of the pile, looking at the two warily. He then looked down at the paper.
"'FBI FILE, 47747382394732478, Top Secret'." He looked back up. "So?"
"Next page, Mr. President."
The vice president gave an exasperated sigh as the president took the next page off of the pile. He looked over it twice before shaking his head and standing up.
"......Don...."
"Before you say anything-"
"Why am I being made to read Klingon again?" The president looked confused. "I mean....this....this looks like real Klingon. I'm quite serious here, gentlemen."
".....Because you're Captain Kirk." The note from the vice president was sarcastic. "You're on a reality show."
"...I am?" the president lit up. "Since when?"
"Since Mr. Spock came in, Mr. President." The secretary rubbed his eyes. "No, Mr. President, thats a coded message from the FBI."
"....Oh, you were being sarcastic." The president looked dejected. "Darn."
"But we have something to tell you." The two men looked serious. "It regards Porcelain Tiger...."
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"WHAT?! AIIIIE!"
The shout echoed through the halls of the White House, catching the attention of the guided tour that was being led into the White House.
"What was that?"
"....The president. Don't worry, though. Must have swallowed another pretzel, perhaps." A nervous giggle came from the group as the tour guide motioned down the hall. "Anyways, down this hall, we have the Lincoln Bedroom...."
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The president stared blankly at the papers on his desk, rubbing his head. His eyes were wide with surprise and confusion.
"I don't know how this could have happened, gentlemen!" He gave the two men a cold glare. "What do you mean Callous destroyed my agent?!"
"That's according to the FBI." The secretary looked grim. "It appears that the State Department and the FBI have been covering a trail of evidence that concludes that Callous was trying to find the Porcelain Tiger independently for several years so he could destroy it. We simply...played into his hands."
"Why?"
"…That bit is iffy, sir." The two men looked at each other nervously. "But it appears the FBI caught wind of whatever his plans were, and contacted the State Department on it. We…don't have enough information as yet, but it appears he may be put on a tribunal."
Secretly, the two men knew full well what Callous was really up to, and had known since the FBI had alerted them. Informing the president of this, however, was out of the question.
"But why would he do this?" There was more confusion in the president's voice. "Granted, I know Democrats are satanic spawn….and gentlemen, this....that quote doesn't leave the room…"
"Yes, Mr. President."
"….Learned that lesson from the election……but…" The president began to pace. "I don't get it. Why destroy the Porcelain Tiger?"
"We don't kno-"
"And what are we going to do?" The president looked out the window. "How are we going to keep the media's nose out of the truth? We know that they'll do anything to discredit me."
"But sir….Callous is a….."
The vice president's voice faltered. He gave the secretary another look as the president stared blankly out the window.
"Say something," he muttered.
"All right." The secretary then raised his voice. "Teddy bears."
Nothing happened. The secretary cleared his throat.
"Lesbian sex orgy."
"What?!" The president's head whipped around. "Where?!"
"Um....what?"
"You said something about an orgy."
"No, I said that we caught Callous doing something."
"An orgy?"
"No..." The secretary looked irritated. "Callous was....well, let's put it at he was aiming for a job in the wrong way. We managed to uncover the evidence before all of it was lost in an explosion at his hideout."
"Did it involve sex?"
"NO...." The secretary lowered his voice. "It didn't....involve.....sex."
"Then....whats wrong with getting a job?"
"Um..." The two men looked at one another. "Callous....was planning to assassinate....a high ranking official in our government."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes, he-"
"-was going to assassinate me, Mr. President." The vice president quickly interceded. "When we found out, we decided that it was in the best interest to take action before they.....well, killed me.....you know..."
"....Yes, that.....would have been tragic." The president turned away towards the window. "Well, if you can get him into a tribunal, do it; if not, let him rot in prison. I will not allow traitors to this country, especially those who'd assassinate my vice president! I mean," He turned back, a look of fear on his face. "Good God! What would I do without you, Dick?! You're my lifeline! If you went, I.....I don't know what I'd do.."
"Probably something really stupid," the secretary muttered.
"Well," the president sniffed. "Thank you for informing me. I'm glad that...you're safe. Now that that's taken care of, we can take out Hussein. Well.....dismissed....."
With a nod, the two men bowed and quickly left the room. The vice president went out first, with the secretary following, closing the doors to the Oval Office behind him. Both let out exasperated sighs.
"Well, that went over well."
"Well, Don…" The two men began to walk down the hall. "You thought we were going to tell him the truth? You know as well as I do that he can't even handle getting out of bed without asking for directions to the bathroom."
"Well, that's true, Dick." The secretary opened another door. "Then you agree with me that plausible deniability, in this case, was the way to go for him?"
"Yes, but he's always in denial." There was a bit of frustration in the vice president's voice. "I should have just run for president on my own. That bumbling idiot….I don't even think he was really listening to us at all until we mentioned the sexual orgy!"
"Well, if you ask my opinion…." The two men went in. "I think I'd rather see him as president than an ultra-liberal female Hispanic college student. Or Callous, of course. At least we know that our man sometimes listens to us."
