Girls Night Out by RedDwarfette
Summary: Anya hires Spike as the entertainment at her bachelorette party. Season 6 of BtVS.
AN: This fiction is dedicated to all the fans of BtVS & Ats who need a laugh.
Disclaimer: The characters of Buffy & Angel are the property of Joss Whedon, Fox & UPN.
************************************
Wesley entered the hotel lobby, head immersed in an ancient Juo Mingna volume.
'Angel, can I get your opinion on...' Wesley lowered the text.
'Who's going to be a warrior for the light? Who's going to fight the forces of evil? Yes, you are. Oh, yes you are,' Gunn held Connor over his head jiggling the baby and making him chortle.
'Where's Angel?' Wesley asked.
'Not here. Is he big boy?'
After Wesley quirked a brow, Gunn revised, 'I was talking to the baby.'
'Right. Well. When can we expect him back?'
'Few hours. Said he had to check out something important in Sunnydale,' Gunn adjusted his hold on Connor and stood up. 'Did Cordy tell him why she and Fred left?'
Wesley shook his head, 'Hmm. Not that I recall.'
'I think he got a pretty good idea when he read that card,' Gunn pointed to the frame next to the reception desk. 'Looked kind of stunned for a minute. Told me to watch squirt, grabbed something from your office and hightailed it out here.'
'Ah.' Wes turned back towards his office.
'Hold up. There something important you need to look at,' Gunn said.
Wesley's arms reflexively closed around the baby.
'What is it?'
Gunn strolled from the room with a grin on his face.
'It's your turn to change the diaper.'
******************
Janice hurried up the backstairs of the Summers home.
'What took you so long?' Dawn asked from the porch.
'Had to get some change,' Janice held up a few loose dollar bills.
Both teenagers burst into excited giggles.
When they calmed down, Janice said, 'I can't believe this is happening. It's like the coolest thing we've ever done. Carly is so not going to believe it.'
'I know,' Dawn said holding up a camera. 'That's why I have this.'
'Oh yeah baby,' Janice winked. 'Hubba hubba, double bubba.'
'There will be no hubba or bubba,' Buffy emerged from behind the side of the house.
'Gah! Buffy, don't do that.'
'I thought I told you, no strippers,' Buffy said.
'I'm not a child, stop treating me like one. If you had your way I'd still be watching Strawberry Shortcake and playing with a Care Bear. Anyway, Anya invited us.' Dawn said crossing her arms and barely resisting the urge to stamp her foot.
'Why am I not surprised? Alright, you can stay but you can't watch the stripper. No buts,' Buffy continued over the teenage protests. 'Of any kind. I'm not letting you watch someone you know strip and make a general ass of him self.'
Buffy reconsidered, 'Moreso.'
'Why,' Dawn said with a puzzled look. 'Who is it?'
'Spike,' Buffy ground out.
'Spike? You're kidding.'
Dawn's laughter came to abrupt stop at the furious expression of her sister's face.
'Oh, you're not kidding.'
******************
Willow mixed the last of the punch. 'Mmm, tasty.'
A knock at the door interrupted her preparations.
'Willow, hi.'
Willow blinked in surprise.
'Angel, is it another apocalypse? Buffy and Dawn went to the store for more snacks.'
'What? No, no. I was just in the neighbourhood. Wanted to wish Xander and Anya the best.'
'Uhuh,' Willow gestured. 'Why don't you come in?'
Angel and Willow entered the decorated lounge room.
'Party?' Angel said eyes on the newly mixed punch.
'For Anya. Newly human and yet she knows every wedding tradition you could shake a stick at. Not that, you know, it would be healthy for you to be shaking sticks nilly willy. Being a vampire and all and I'll just stop now, shall I?' Willow said.
Mere seconds later the Witch broke her vow of silence, 'So um, I think we have some pig's blood for emergencies in the fridge, would you like some?'
Angel nodded, 'That would be great. But why would you need pigs-'
Willow grateful to escape any explanations dashed out of the room. Once in the kitchen, she opened the jar of blood and began to pour it into a cup, nose wrinkling. Ugh, how can they drink that stuff? Ok, unholy children of the night might crave it like pixie sticks but yuck. Gingerly she picked up the mug and headed back into the lounge.
'Angel, here's your...' Willow trailed off.
The room was empty.
******************
Anya smiled at her guests. 'Come in, come in. Celebrate my success in snagging a male provider and full time lover.'
Satisfied at the way the humans and non humans were mingling around the buffet, Anya approached her fiancé's ex and her co worker.
'Hi Fred. Cordelia, I'm so glad you could make it. How was lunch with your parents?'
'Weird and disturbing,' Fred answered.
Cordelia frowned before shrugging her shoulders.
'Actually, it was weird and disturbing for me too. And they're my parents. They thought Fred was my gay lover, not that,' Cordelia glanced in Willow's direction, 'there's anything wrong with that.'
'I'll just get us a drink,' Fred said before departing to the buffet table.
Cordelia broke the silence. 'Well, this is nice.'
'I know,' Anya said. 'Last night, before Xander and I had hours of pleasurable coupling time, I mentioned that previously I would have scratched your eyes out. Now I am content, secure in my relationship and have adequately dealt with my jealousy issues.'
Cordelia nodded.
'I understand. And my eyes thank you for your mercy.'
'Plus sisters need to stick together. But I'd still drop kick you where you stand if you flirt with him.'
'With Xander? Please, I have an actual prince at home.'
Anya's eyes widened, 'Really? I hope you are as happy with your prince as I am with Xander. And if you have any problems, I have a few old friends you might like to meet...'
Cordelia took the glass Fred offered and clinked it against Anya's. 'You know Anya? I think we'll get along fine.'
******************
Nope, nope, ah, this must be it. Halfrek came to a stop in the driveway. Tonight was the first night off she'd had since Anyanka had left the vengeance fold and by damn, she was planning on having a good one. Drinks, shmoozing, a little devious hinting about Xander's faithfulness and, knowing Anyanka, some cute entertainment to cap it off.
A rustling in nearby bushes disturbed Halfrek's musings. She watched as a pale form emerged into the twilight and began to walk towards the house. Not too bad, not too bad, she thought. I'm definitely getting at least one delectable squeeze out of that rear. His head turned for a moment, features in silhouette. Ones that bore a remarkable resemblance to-
'Wi- William?' Halfrek said.
Spike stopped mid stride.
'Is that you? I heard you were made a vampire. How quaint.'
Halfrek moved forward till she stood behind him, 'What are you doing here?'
Spike sighed and turned to face the vengeance demon.
'Favour for a friend. Use to be in your line of business, I believe. Wants me to inspect the, um...'
Halfrek's eyebrow lifted a notch. It gave her a moment to appreciate the delightful changes in her former admirer.
'Oh, sod it. I'm the dancer,' Spike blurted out.
Halfrek slowly smiled, 'Really? That's quite a lifestyle change.'
She leant forward and whispering in his ear, 'Do you do private shows?'
'Ah...'
'Demon, demon, human. Demon, wait, no, human,' Buffy watched the questionable woman enter her abode before turning back to face the street. What the-? Who was that? Buffy stepped off the porch and approached the couple in the driveway.
'Is there a problem here?'
'Not at all. See you later, William,' Halfrek winked at Spike before sauntering into the house. A delectable squeeze, indeed.
'That's it!' Buffy shrieked. 'I want to talk to you now.'
Buffy grabbed Spike's arm and dragged him away from the house.
'Before you blow a gasket, calm down,' Spike said putting his hands on Buffy's shoulders.
'I am calm,' she yelled out then in a deadly calm voice continued, 'And not going to blow a gasket. In fact, I won't be blowing anything again.'
Spike sighed, 'Now pet, don't be like that. I can see you're frazzled what with Anya's do but think of it like this. You let me go in, give the girls a good seeing to,' at Buffy's look he amended, 'No touching of the merchandise, and then Anya's off your back.'
Buffy nodded stiffly.
'Maybe you should talk to her about your jealousy issues.'
'I am not-' Buffy tirade was interrupted by a hard kiss. Oblivious to the eyeful the neighbours were getting, Buffy clutched him closer.
Lifting his head, Spike smiled, 'There's my girl.'
'I am not-' Buffy fell silent while staring into the face of defeat.
Spike took her hand and pulled her towards the house, 'Come on. You've got to see this nifty thing I've been practising with the jacket. I'll even give you a free demonstration later at the crypt.'
Buffy smirked, 'Promise?'
******************
'That's it baby. Shake it!'
The crowd went wild when the dancer's shirt hit the floor.
'Now this is my kind of club,' Chris said enjoying the atmosphere. 'Aren't you glad I convinced you to come?'
'Oh yeah, it's the coolest. Next to the cocktail wieners, of course,' Xander said with a shrug.
The boys took a table close to the stage and ordered drinks.
'See Xander, the night was salvageable after all,' Matt said with a grin. 'I thought we were a goner when she cancelled but here we are.'
Xander nodded at his co worker and reached for the bowl of peanuts in the centre of the table.
'Never underestimate the need for some...' Ed trailed off as a particularly endowed beauty starting shaking her god given talents. 'Sorry, what was I saying?'
Chris slipped some money into the garter of the dancer, 'Whatever it was I agree with it.'
For once, not too interested in semi naked ladies, Xander ate a handful of peanuts and looked over the crowd. After a moment he frowned. If he didn't know better he would have thought that was a Chaos demon to the left of the stage casually enjoying the floorshow.
The lights dimmed and the voice of an excited announcer echoed throughout the club.
'Introducing, one of the greatest dancers ever to grace Night Pleasures stage. Recently coaxed out of retirement for your viewing pleasure, give it up for... The Masked Zorro!'
