Disclaimer - Get this thing away from me! I don't own it, don't want to own it!

A/N - Short. Extremely short. Because there's only so much you can do to screw up canon and make a long-ish chapter.

Three hard days of running brought Dimthil and the company to the plains of Rohan, where they were soon met by a company of horsemen - Éomer's company of horsemen, to be exact. Being the influential person that he was, Dimthil soon had them convinced that he was not a threat, and that indeed the Rohirrim needed him almost as much as they needed their horses!

"Look, Éomer," said Dimthil in the tongue of the people of Rohan. "My name is Dimthil, he so well known in your uncle's hall. I have come with this company of wanderers bearing what could possibly be a great gift to Rohan."

Éomer frowned, and responded, "Well that may be, but evil events there have been of late. Myself, I am the only man who remains loyal to the king. Who are you to say that you are more worthy than I of passage into Rohan?"

"Don't worry," said Dimthil brightly. "I'm not saying I'm more loyal than you are, or that your uncle is not in good hands with me - I'm just saying that a prophecy was made concerning Theoden and I, and that I'm supposed to save him from some evil fate. It's all written down in here, if you're not convinced." He held up a cheaply bound paperback book. "See this? It's called Jon's Adventures in Middle Earth, or Dimthil and What He Did There. I recommend that you read it. It's very good."

Éomer sighed. "Very well. As you have proven yourself worthy of passage, we will allow you the right to trespass on our lands. May you and your companions be blessed. Oh - yes, before I forget - here, take these two horses. May they bear you to a better end than their previous riders."

Dimthil smiled broadly. "Never fear. So long as I am here, there is no need to worry for anyone's safety." [1]

Before long, Dimthil and company arrived in the Halls of Theoden, where they, upon it being learned that Dimthil was in their company, were greeted warmly by almost all. Almost all consisting of the Lady Éowyn and her companions, for it seemed that Theodred and Éomer had not yet returned upon their arrival, and Theoden was taking counsel with Grima Wormtongue.

Nevertheless, with Dimthil around, things soon turned into an enormous celebration. Much ale was passed around, the hobbits sang, Aragorn did his impression of a tree, and Éowyn and Dimthil had an interesting time courting one another. Or, rather, Éowyn had an interesting time trying to flirt with Dimthil, only to have him resist her advances. Resisting meaning that when she tried to convince him that kissing was the way that the Rohirrim greeted one another he did not comply entirely. Entirely being something that is not discussed in polite company.

The next day, Dimthil managed to convince Theoden that Wormtongue was not such a good advisor after all, thus making Theoden snap out of the odd state of being he found himself in, and become more like the king he once was. In his gratitude, he handed over half of the kingdom of Rohan - along with Éowyn's hand in marriage - to Dimthil. Dimthil though, was too proud to accept such a gift, and instead said to keep the land, and give Éowyn's hand to Aragorn. Aragorn, needless to say, was extremely happy. [2]

After taking care of the entire mess in Rohan, Dimthil, along with Gandalf, rode to Isengard to convince Saruman that resistance was futile - er, that joining Sauron's side was A Very Bad Idea. Upon seeing Dimthil, Saruman, who had been rethinking his plans as it was, decided that it was probably a Very Bad Idea, and appealed to the Valar for forgiveness. Before he did, however, he got Wormtongue (who had followed Dimthil and Gandalf in hopes of relaying their plans to his master before they arrived) to see things his way, and they both repented at once. Because of Dimthil's noble, selfless actions many lives were saved. Because of Dimthil's noble actions, a ballad was later made about him. Finally, it was because of Dimthil that certain events that would have filled an entire book were reduced to just a few short pages.

[1]. I understood maybe half of what Dimthil said to Éomer. Anyone care to translate for me?

[2]. Well, if you can't have Arwen . . .

Replies to Reviews:

Ainu Laire - Cheesiness abounds . . . hopefully this chapter did not cause undue laughter. After all, the parody label is just to throw people off . . . ; )

Eykar - Neither. The punchline, so to speak, is that Jon and I (WfR) are both PPCers and lovers of canon.

Silverhill - Hopefully two days was not too long a wait. *Bows* Coming from someone who knows good parody, your words were high praise. : )

UnDeadGoat - Yes, please put it up! Badfic writers need a lesson . . . and besides, I want to see what kind of reaction you get out of your readers!

MarySuesREvil - Alakardiel is on hold until I have time (and inspiration!) to work on it. Thanks for taking the time to review.

bryn bnw - Hooray! Someone who "gets" it. *Bows again* Thank you for piling such praise on an insane sixteen year old . . . who probably doesn't deserve it, as Jon is based on a real person. :)

Nenya Culariel - Oh, no! Not Éowyn! I could never tear her apart from Aragorn! [/sarcasm] Never fear - Dimthil will get the girl. Just which one, is the question. Tragically and mysteriously, oh yes. The PPC will have something to do with it . . .

Luhtarian - What - the spelling errors don't add to the over-all quality of the work? [/mock-horror] Thanks for pointing them out to me - I'll be sure to keep an eye out for typos in this chapter.

Chapter the Third - In which we may or may not get to hear the Ballad written for Jon-the-Stu, in which there are three weddings and a funeral.