Chapter 8
"Hello, Harry."
"Hermione." He nodded at her then turned his head towards Draco. "Malfoy."
"Potter."
Harry stared at her as she lowered her eyes to the ground. Draco's eyes went from Harry to Hermione.
They stayed like that until Ron, whom Ginny had pulled back to allow Harry and Hermione a few minutes to get their bearings, finally made it to where they were standing and pulled Hermione in a tight hug.
"Hermione!" Ron shouted as he squeezed her tighter. Harry continued to stare, not even realising that Ginny had joined the group.
Tears had begun falling from Hermione's eyes again "Oh, Ron!"
Draco bit his tongue to stop himself from telling Weasley to release Hermione and quit squeezing the life out of her. He knew Weasley would not take kindly to anything he had to say, and not wanting to make matters worse, he opted shut up. For now.
Finally, Hermione spoke up. "Um... Ron... I need to breathe..." she squeaked.
Ron released her but continued holding on to her shoulders. He started shaking her. "Dammit, Hermione! Where the hell have you been?!? How could you do this to us?!? We're your friends! And... and... we've missed you! Where have you been?!? How could you do this to us?!?! We're your friends! And... and... you're with HIM!!! Why are you with HIM?!? How can you--"
"Weasley, that's enough." Draco interrupted the ranting Weasley and calmly pulled Hermione away from him, stopping the urge to check her for bruises. Damn the Weasel's temper.
"Why you--" Ron made a move towards Draco and Hermione but Harry and Ginny pulled him back.
"Ron, calm down." Harry and Ginny said in unison as Draco checked Hermione "You ok, Granger?"
"I'm fine, Malfoy." She gave him a brave half-smile before addressing her old friends. "I owe you all an explanation."
"Damn right you do!" Ron yelled.
"Dammit, Ron, calm down!" Ginny kept her hold on him tight. "Hello, Hermione. Sorry about this."
"No, it's ok, Ginny. I'm sorry." Hermione's eyes began watering up again.
"Look, why don't we find a nice, private spot for this conversation? People are staring." Draco interjected.
"How dare you think you're going to be part of this conversation?!? How dare you think what you think counts?!?" Ron burst out again.
"Ron, he's right." Harry finally spoke up. "We do need a more privacy and I don't appreciate being tonight's main attraction. But if you think you're going to be part of this conversation, Malfoy, think again."
"Right. Like I'm going to leave Hermione with the Raving Weasley", Draco said.
"No, Malfoy. It's ok. I can handle this. I promise." Hermione turned to Draco, tugging at his arm to pull him slightly away from her old friends.
Draco shook his head. "I'm sure you can handle this fine on your own, Granger, but you don't have to. Not when I'm here. I promise to shut up."
"Malfoy, the idea of you shutting up is as hopeless as the idea of Snape wearing pink robes." Hermione shook her head and chuckled quietly, forgetting for a few seconds that they were in the middle of a tense situation. Then she remembered, "I'm serious, Malfoy. I think I need to do this on my own. I appreciate your concern more than you can ever imagine, but in order to move forward with this... this... facing up to what I've done... I will need you to back off."
"And if they hurt you?"
"They won't hurt me physically, I'm sure of that. But, yes, they can and probably will hurt me in other ways. I think I owe them the chance to do that."
"Like I'm going to allow that to happen, Granger."
"You have no choice in the matter, Malfoy. This is my decision. I need to do this on my own and I need you to understand that."
Draco glared at her for a few seconds, but her pleading eyes tore at his annoyance. He closed his eyes and exhaled. "OK, Granger. I'll do as you wish. You know where to find me." With that, he made an about face and left for the bar.
She watched his retreating back for a few seconds, well aware of just what it took for Draco to leave her behind to face her old friends alone. She will have to remember to thank him for that later. Later. After this confrontation was over. She turned her old friends who had been watching her and Draco. Now the real grovelling begins. "Where do we go?"
~~~~
"Why, Hermione?"
Harry asked the question as soon as they had reached the Great Hall antechamber and sat down on the armchairs. Professor McGonogall had approached them soon after Draco left and offered them the use of the antechamber to keep them away from prying eyes and ears. She knew that they needed to sort out a lot of things, and while she had hoped that they could have waited until after the Gala to settle things, she understood that Hermione's friends had waited seven years for an explanation and they could not wait anymore. Not when Hermione was finally available to them again.
Hermione looked up and stared at the face she had loved for all of her adolescent life. Words suddenly failed her. How can she begin to explain to them why she left? It was so long ago, and the reasons she had then, which seemed so valid and justified, were suddenly paltry and flimsy with age.
"Hermione?" Ginny spoke up quietly.
Hermione looked at her and gave her a small smile. Then looked down. This was going to be easier if she didn't have to look at them. She sat down on an armchair opposite the three of them.
"I'm sorry, I... I was organising my thoughts... I had listed down my reasons seven years ago and back then... you have to believe me... back then I felt like I had no choice but to leave... for good...I...That first year anniversary of Voldemort's defeat... No, I have to go back further than that... I guess the reasons would start with me... with how I've been perceived in the Wizarding World... in Hogwarts... in Gryffindor... by everyone... by my friends... Deep down inside, I've always minded being the Know-it-All... that eventually turned into being The Brains behind the Potter Trio... I know that in our younger years, I had done little to change that perception... But as we grew up, I thought that I had begun showing other aspects of myself... and was continually disappointed that I was still nothing more than The Brainy Girl... Merlin, it sounds to juvenile hearing those words!"
"It's ok, Hermione, were a little more than kids then." Ginny said sympathetically.
Hermione smiled at her before looking down again and continuing.
"When Voldemort was defeated... I thought things would change... I had accepted my role in the struggle to defeat Voldemort... I knew that for as long as he was terrorising our world, we would have do keep to our roles in order to fight him... Harry as the Boy Who Lived... Ron as the Loyal Friend... Me as The Brains... So even if it hurt me to be nothing more than that, I accepted it... I accepted my place and the identity that was given to me... Then, when Voldemort was gone, I began to hope for change... I wanted to you to see ME, not just my books and cleverness and loyalty as a friend...Oh how I wanted you to see me... But during the first year anniversary of the defeat... I came to realise that I was stuck with my old identity and reputation... and I hated it... I couldn't stand it... so I left... I thought that if I left this world, I would be able to be more than what this world had defined me to be... I went back to a Muggle life..."
"With no explanations, Hermione? Didn't we deserve an explanation for your decision as your friends?" Harry said.
"I was angry, Harry... so angry and hurt... angry at myself for not doing anything about it sooner... angry for hoping too much... and hurt... because ... just hurt... and scared that I would never be anything else than what everyone said I was... I wanted to be more... and I was scared to stay where I was because if I did, then I'd be stuck there forever... I was angry, hurt and scared for a really long time... and I knew I was being unfair to all of you... but between that and protecting myself... my selfishness prevailed... I'm sorry."
"That's it? That's it? You left us without any explanation for seven years because you hated being known as The Brain?" Ron burst out.
"Please don't belittle my reasons, Ron." Hermione answered back quietly but firmly.
"Why shouldn't I? You belittled our friendship! And for what? So you can prove to everyone you're more than a Brainy Girl by shagging Malfoy?!?" He yelled back.
She stood up and glared at him. "I am not shagging Malfoy! How dare you say that to me? Keep Draco out of this. He had nothing to do with my decision to leave. If anything, he was the one who convinced me to come here tonight and finally face all of you. Don't you dare cheapen my friendship with Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley. Don't you dare. I know I more than deserve your anger for leaving and staying away all these years without any explanation, but I don't deserve that kind of accusation. I don't."
She walked to the door and prepared to leave. "This was a mistake. I am sorry for what I've done. I am sorry for hurting all of you. But I refuse to stay here and be maligned. Goodbye."
She opened the door just as Harry yelled "Hermione, wait!"
He rushed to her and grabbed her arm. "Wait. Please."
He closed the door and led her back to the middle of the room, where Ron was standing, looking guilty and very sorry for his outburst. "I'm sorry, Hermione... I was just so... angry, you know... Malfoy... well I've always hated him... and seeing you with him after seven years of not seeing you... I'm sorry."
Seeing that Hermione's stoney expression did not soften, Harry spoke up. "I think what he's trying to say is that it hurts that you could keep yourself from us for seven years, but manage to be friends with Malfoy, who has done nothing but hurt us, hurt you, when we were younger. You do understand how painful that must be for us, right, Hermione?"
"I understand, Harry. And I'm sorry for the extra pain that causes all of you, but Draco has been my only friend in the past six years and I will not give that up just because you can't see past his past."
"It's not our fault that Malfoy was the only friend you've had for a long time, Hermione." Harry said.
"I know... I don't expect you to understand or to forgive me for what I've done... But I am hoping that you would understand one thing... that I didn't mean to hurt you... all I meant to do was to protect myself... and to get over...I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Get over what, Hermione?" Harry prodded.
She was quiet for a few seconds. Then she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before meeting Harry's eyes.
"To get over you, Harry."
He could hear Ron's and Ginny's gasps from the side, but he ignored them. "What do you mean?"
"I was hoping that... that once you had defeated Voldemort... that you would be ready for other things... and that would include me... I waited, Harry... I waited for you to see me... to see ME... and to love me... really love ME... not as a friend... not as The Voice of Reason... but as me... all of me... and I thought... I thought you felt the same way... that I had a chance... I was stupid to think that... You're Harry Potter and you could have anyone you wanted... why would you want me?... when I realised that... that was the final straw... I couldn't stay... I couldn't stay and continue to be The Brain... and I couldn't stay and watch you fall in love with someone else... I couldn't stay because I ... I knew that if I did, things would go on as they've gone like when we we in school... about everything... about my identity... and how I felt for you ... and how you felt for me... and I couldn't stay... if I did... there would have been nothing left of me but my brains... and I was more than that... I wanted to be more than that... so I left... I am so sorry."
There was a stunned silence for more than a few minutes after Hermione's confession. Each on lost in their own thoughts.
Finally, Harry spoke up. "And now, Hermione?"
"What do you mean?"
"Are those feelings still true?"
"No, Harry... I'm not entirely the same Hermione Granger who left the Wizarding World seven years ago... I'm different now... I've accepted who I am...and... and I've learned to love who am... who I've become... I don't need the rest of the world to define who I am... and not you, Harry, not you anymore... I am sorry... back then, it hurt too much that you didn't feel the same way... people in love always assume that the person they love owes them something... owes them enough to reciprocate that love... and I was like that, Harry... I hated you for a while for not loving me back... but I hated myself more for being so... unlovable... but not anymore... I know who I am and what I've become... and I appreciate myself enough to not require anyone to love me back... Don't worry, Harry, I'm not harbouring any romantic notions or feelings about you anymore. I'm quite sure of that."
When no one said anything in response to that, Hermione stood up and headed for the door once more.
"Thank you for listening and giving me the chance to explain even if I didn't deserve it. And I wish I could make you all see and feel just how sorry I am for leaving you all just like that... It was not an easy decision, but a part of me doesn't regret that decision because I wouldn't have grown up if I had not left... But a part of me will always regret the fact that I had hurt all of you in order to discover who I really am. Someday, I hope you will forgive for that. And I promise I won't disappear again."
~~~~
Draco's former housemates gathered around him as soon as they saw him alone at the bar. Draco was genuinely pleased to see Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bullstrode, and Vincent Crabbe – the few Slytherins who followed his lead in turning against Voldemort and betraying their Death Eater parents. He felt a momentary sadness for the loss of Gregory Goyle, one of the students who perished during the War. But Draco pushed that aside to give his former housemates his full attention.
"Draco!" Pansy exclaimed, leaning up to give him air-kisses on his cheeks. Millicent soon took Pansy's place, greeting him in the same way. Draco shook hands with Zabini and Crabbe.
"Still looking as good as ever, Draco." Crabbe said.
"Why, Crabbe, you still have those old feelings for me? I'm flattered." Draco laughed, letting Crabbe know that he was just teasing.
They invited Draco to join them at a table to catch up, and thinking that Hermione's confession session with her Gryffindors would take quite some time, Draco agreed to join them.
"What have you been up to, Malfoy?" Zabini asked as soon as they were seated.
"Yes, Draco, where have you been all these years?" Millicent added.
"One at a time, folks. One at a time." Draco said. "Well, I've been in London for the past eight years, you know, living a Muggle life."
"So the rumours are true then? You've gone mad and moved to London to be a Muggle?" Crabbe blurted out. Reformed Death Eater or not, Draco was the last person they would have expected to live as a Muggle -- and talk so casually about it.
Draco grinned. "Well, I haven't gone mad."
"But, why, Draco?" Pansy asked.
"Because I felt a change of scenery was in order." Draco replied. He didn't want to get into the very personal reasons why he had left the Wizarding World with his former housemates. He had never been the type to be open about his feelings and his emotions, and the only people he trusted enough to share his real reasons for leaving his past behind were Hermione and Snape. But he didn't want to lie and mislead his former housemates either, he felt he owed them more than that.
"But living with Muggles? Being a Muggle?" Millicent insisted.
"Well not completely a Muggle, Millicent. I can't change who and what I am completely. I don't expect any of you have been to Flourish and Blotts lately?" Draco said.
"I heard you and that Granger co-authored a book." Zabini said.
Draco nodded then added. "I've been doing a bit of research work on charms, spells and potions. I've been asked to do a book on Potions, in fact. But enough about me. What about all of you? What have you been up to?"
The four then proceeded to update Draco on their careers and their lives, providing him with enough distraction to worry too much about what was going on in the antechamber: Zabini was working as an Auror together with Crabbe; Pansy was happily living her dream socialite life as the wife of Viktor Krum, who was away at a Quidditch match in Ireland; and Millicent was a Chaser for the Chudley Canons. Draco was pleased to know that his former housemates had done very well for themselves and had continued to live away from the Dark Arts their parents had been obsessed about.
As Draco listened to the four talk about their current lives, he briefly wondered how he would have turned out to be had he not left the Wizarding World eight years ago. Probably squandering my inheritance, married to a Pure Blood witch, working at the Ministry of Magic with some long and grand title, lording over the Malfoy estate, and being generally miserable, Draco concluded.
"So, Malfoy, what's with you and Granger?" Zabini had finally asked the question they had been dying to ask, but were to afraid to in fear of the infamous Malfoy temper and sharp tongue.
To everyone's surprise, Draco laughed out loud and said, "I was wondering how long before one of you popped that question."
"So what's the answer, Draco?" Pansy prompted, confident that since Draco had only laughed when Blaise asked the first time, Draco wouldn't bite her head off for asking a second time.
"Hermione Granger and I are good friends. Nothing more, nothing less."
"Are you sure, Draco? You two looked pretty cozy up there at the Head Table." Millicent piped in.
Draco smirked at everyone and refused to respond to any more prompting from his former Housemates. He enjoyed seeing his old schoolmates and was genuinely glad that a lot of his Slytherin batchmates were leading successful lives. But the showing-off that was so natural to any Slytherin gathering was getting rather tedious. And now they've all decided to bug him with questions about him and Hermione. He wished she would finish her Confession Session with her old friends so they could go home. He was still smarting about her telling him to let her handle her friends alone, but a part of him understood why she did that. But the other part wanted to burst into the antechamber to make sure that she was OK. If she doesn't show up in the next twenty minutes, I'm going to that antechamber. Damn the consequences.
Someone must have taken his threat seriously because less than ten minutes after Zabini popped the question, Hermione appeared at their table. Her eyes and the tip of her nose were red from crying, but her cheeks were dry and she looked calm and relieved. "Hey."
"Everything ok, Granger?" Draco asked, standing up to peer at her face closely.
"Yes, everything's fine, Malfoy. Thank you" she smiled at him, and then turned to the rest of the people at the table. "Hello, everyone."
Everyone greeted her politely and invited her to join them but Draco said "No, I need to talk to Granger in private. It was good catching up with all of you. The next time there's a Slytherin Reunion, count me in."
He reached for Hermione's arm and led her away from the table towards the bar. "You look like you could use a drink, Granger."
"I could, Malfoy, but I'd much prefer it if I could have said drink in the comfort of my couch."
"You sure? You want to go home?"
"Yes, I'm sure. I've done what I've come here to do. I've granted Professor McGonogall's request. I've shown everyone that I'm alive and ok. I've offered my old friends an explanation for my absence and asked them for forgiveness. I've played nice all night and now I just want to go home."
"Thank Merlin."
"Hello, Harry."
"Hermione." He nodded at her then turned his head towards Draco. "Malfoy."
"Potter."
Harry stared at her as she lowered her eyes to the ground. Draco's eyes went from Harry to Hermione.
They stayed like that until Ron, whom Ginny had pulled back to allow Harry and Hermione a few minutes to get their bearings, finally made it to where they were standing and pulled Hermione in a tight hug.
"Hermione!" Ron shouted as he squeezed her tighter. Harry continued to stare, not even realising that Ginny had joined the group.
Tears had begun falling from Hermione's eyes again "Oh, Ron!"
Draco bit his tongue to stop himself from telling Weasley to release Hermione and quit squeezing the life out of her. He knew Weasley would not take kindly to anything he had to say, and not wanting to make matters worse, he opted shut up. For now.
Finally, Hermione spoke up. "Um... Ron... I need to breathe..." she squeaked.
Ron released her but continued holding on to her shoulders. He started shaking her. "Dammit, Hermione! Where the hell have you been?!? How could you do this to us?!? We're your friends! And... and... we've missed you! Where have you been?!? How could you do this to us?!?! We're your friends! And... and... you're with HIM!!! Why are you with HIM?!? How can you--"
"Weasley, that's enough." Draco interrupted the ranting Weasley and calmly pulled Hermione away from him, stopping the urge to check her for bruises. Damn the Weasel's temper.
"Why you--" Ron made a move towards Draco and Hermione but Harry and Ginny pulled him back.
"Ron, calm down." Harry and Ginny said in unison as Draco checked Hermione "You ok, Granger?"
"I'm fine, Malfoy." She gave him a brave half-smile before addressing her old friends. "I owe you all an explanation."
"Damn right you do!" Ron yelled.
"Dammit, Ron, calm down!" Ginny kept her hold on him tight. "Hello, Hermione. Sorry about this."
"No, it's ok, Ginny. I'm sorry." Hermione's eyes began watering up again.
"Look, why don't we find a nice, private spot for this conversation? People are staring." Draco interjected.
"How dare you think you're going to be part of this conversation?!? How dare you think what you think counts?!?" Ron burst out again.
"Ron, he's right." Harry finally spoke up. "We do need a more privacy and I don't appreciate being tonight's main attraction. But if you think you're going to be part of this conversation, Malfoy, think again."
"Right. Like I'm going to leave Hermione with the Raving Weasley", Draco said.
"No, Malfoy. It's ok. I can handle this. I promise." Hermione turned to Draco, tugging at his arm to pull him slightly away from her old friends.
Draco shook his head. "I'm sure you can handle this fine on your own, Granger, but you don't have to. Not when I'm here. I promise to shut up."
"Malfoy, the idea of you shutting up is as hopeless as the idea of Snape wearing pink robes." Hermione shook her head and chuckled quietly, forgetting for a few seconds that they were in the middle of a tense situation. Then she remembered, "I'm serious, Malfoy. I think I need to do this on my own. I appreciate your concern more than you can ever imagine, but in order to move forward with this... this... facing up to what I've done... I will need you to back off."
"And if they hurt you?"
"They won't hurt me physically, I'm sure of that. But, yes, they can and probably will hurt me in other ways. I think I owe them the chance to do that."
"Like I'm going to allow that to happen, Granger."
"You have no choice in the matter, Malfoy. This is my decision. I need to do this on my own and I need you to understand that."
Draco glared at her for a few seconds, but her pleading eyes tore at his annoyance. He closed his eyes and exhaled. "OK, Granger. I'll do as you wish. You know where to find me." With that, he made an about face and left for the bar.
She watched his retreating back for a few seconds, well aware of just what it took for Draco to leave her behind to face her old friends alone. She will have to remember to thank him for that later. Later. After this confrontation was over. She turned her old friends who had been watching her and Draco. Now the real grovelling begins. "Where do we go?"
~~~~
"Why, Hermione?"
Harry asked the question as soon as they had reached the Great Hall antechamber and sat down on the armchairs. Professor McGonogall had approached them soon after Draco left and offered them the use of the antechamber to keep them away from prying eyes and ears. She knew that they needed to sort out a lot of things, and while she had hoped that they could have waited until after the Gala to settle things, she understood that Hermione's friends had waited seven years for an explanation and they could not wait anymore. Not when Hermione was finally available to them again.
Hermione looked up and stared at the face she had loved for all of her adolescent life. Words suddenly failed her. How can she begin to explain to them why she left? It was so long ago, and the reasons she had then, which seemed so valid and justified, were suddenly paltry and flimsy with age.
"Hermione?" Ginny spoke up quietly.
Hermione looked at her and gave her a small smile. Then looked down. This was going to be easier if she didn't have to look at them. She sat down on an armchair opposite the three of them.
"I'm sorry, I... I was organising my thoughts... I had listed down my reasons seven years ago and back then... you have to believe me... back then I felt like I had no choice but to leave... for good...I...That first year anniversary of Voldemort's defeat... No, I have to go back further than that... I guess the reasons would start with me... with how I've been perceived in the Wizarding World... in Hogwarts... in Gryffindor... by everyone... by my friends... Deep down inside, I've always minded being the Know-it-All... that eventually turned into being The Brains behind the Potter Trio... I know that in our younger years, I had done little to change that perception... But as we grew up, I thought that I had begun showing other aspects of myself... and was continually disappointed that I was still nothing more than The Brainy Girl... Merlin, it sounds to juvenile hearing those words!"
"It's ok, Hermione, were a little more than kids then." Ginny said sympathetically.
Hermione smiled at her before looking down again and continuing.
"When Voldemort was defeated... I thought things would change... I had accepted my role in the struggle to defeat Voldemort... I knew that for as long as he was terrorising our world, we would have do keep to our roles in order to fight him... Harry as the Boy Who Lived... Ron as the Loyal Friend... Me as The Brains... So even if it hurt me to be nothing more than that, I accepted it... I accepted my place and the identity that was given to me... Then, when Voldemort was gone, I began to hope for change... I wanted to you to see ME, not just my books and cleverness and loyalty as a friend...Oh how I wanted you to see me... But during the first year anniversary of the defeat... I came to realise that I was stuck with my old identity and reputation... and I hated it... I couldn't stand it... so I left... I thought that if I left this world, I would be able to be more than what this world had defined me to be... I went back to a Muggle life..."
"With no explanations, Hermione? Didn't we deserve an explanation for your decision as your friends?" Harry said.
"I was angry, Harry... so angry and hurt... angry at myself for not doing anything about it sooner... angry for hoping too much... and hurt... because ... just hurt... and scared that I would never be anything else than what everyone said I was... I wanted to be more... and I was scared to stay where I was because if I did, then I'd be stuck there forever... I was angry, hurt and scared for a really long time... and I knew I was being unfair to all of you... but between that and protecting myself... my selfishness prevailed... I'm sorry."
"That's it? That's it? You left us without any explanation for seven years because you hated being known as The Brain?" Ron burst out.
"Please don't belittle my reasons, Ron." Hermione answered back quietly but firmly.
"Why shouldn't I? You belittled our friendship! And for what? So you can prove to everyone you're more than a Brainy Girl by shagging Malfoy?!?" He yelled back.
She stood up and glared at him. "I am not shagging Malfoy! How dare you say that to me? Keep Draco out of this. He had nothing to do with my decision to leave. If anything, he was the one who convinced me to come here tonight and finally face all of you. Don't you dare cheapen my friendship with Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley. Don't you dare. I know I more than deserve your anger for leaving and staying away all these years without any explanation, but I don't deserve that kind of accusation. I don't."
She walked to the door and prepared to leave. "This was a mistake. I am sorry for what I've done. I am sorry for hurting all of you. But I refuse to stay here and be maligned. Goodbye."
She opened the door just as Harry yelled "Hermione, wait!"
He rushed to her and grabbed her arm. "Wait. Please."
He closed the door and led her back to the middle of the room, where Ron was standing, looking guilty and very sorry for his outburst. "I'm sorry, Hermione... I was just so... angry, you know... Malfoy... well I've always hated him... and seeing you with him after seven years of not seeing you... I'm sorry."
Seeing that Hermione's stoney expression did not soften, Harry spoke up. "I think what he's trying to say is that it hurts that you could keep yourself from us for seven years, but manage to be friends with Malfoy, who has done nothing but hurt us, hurt you, when we were younger. You do understand how painful that must be for us, right, Hermione?"
"I understand, Harry. And I'm sorry for the extra pain that causes all of you, but Draco has been my only friend in the past six years and I will not give that up just because you can't see past his past."
"It's not our fault that Malfoy was the only friend you've had for a long time, Hermione." Harry said.
"I know... I don't expect you to understand or to forgive me for what I've done... But I am hoping that you would understand one thing... that I didn't mean to hurt you... all I meant to do was to protect myself... and to get over...I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Get over what, Hermione?" Harry prodded.
She was quiet for a few seconds. Then she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before meeting Harry's eyes.
"To get over you, Harry."
He could hear Ron's and Ginny's gasps from the side, but he ignored them. "What do you mean?"
"I was hoping that... that once you had defeated Voldemort... that you would be ready for other things... and that would include me... I waited, Harry... I waited for you to see me... to see ME... and to love me... really love ME... not as a friend... not as The Voice of Reason... but as me... all of me... and I thought... I thought you felt the same way... that I had a chance... I was stupid to think that... You're Harry Potter and you could have anyone you wanted... why would you want me?... when I realised that... that was the final straw... I couldn't stay... I couldn't stay and continue to be The Brain... and I couldn't stay and watch you fall in love with someone else... I couldn't stay because I ... I knew that if I did, things would go on as they've gone like when we we in school... about everything... about my identity... and how I felt for you ... and how you felt for me... and I couldn't stay... if I did... there would have been nothing left of me but my brains... and I was more than that... I wanted to be more than that... so I left... I am so sorry."
There was a stunned silence for more than a few minutes after Hermione's confession. Each on lost in their own thoughts.
Finally, Harry spoke up. "And now, Hermione?"
"What do you mean?"
"Are those feelings still true?"
"No, Harry... I'm not entirely the same Hermione Granger who left the Wizarding World seven years ago... I'm different now... I've accepted who I am...and... and I've learned to love who am... who I've become... I don't need the rest of the world to define who I am... and not you, Harry, not you anymore... I am sorry... back then, it hurt too much that you didn't feel the same way... people in love always assume that the person they love owes them something... owes them enough to reciprocate that love... and I was like that, Harry... I hated you for a while for not loving me back... but I hated myself more for being so... unlovable... but not anymore... I know who I am and what I've become... and I appreciate myself enough to not require anyone to love me back... Don't worry, Harry, I'm not harbouring any romantic notions or feelings about you anymore. I'm quite sure of that."
When no one said anything in response to that, Hermione stood up and headed for the door once more.
"Thank you for listening and giving me the chance to explain even if I didn't deserve it. And I wish I could make you all see and feel just how sorry I am for leaving you all just like that... It was not an easy decision, but a part of me doesn't regret that decision because I wouldn't have grown up if I had not left... But a part of me will always regret the fact that I had hurt all of you in order to discover who I really am. Someday, I hope you will forgive for that. And I promise I won't disappear again."
~~~~
Draco's former housemates gathered around him as soon as they saw him alone at the bar. Draco was genuinely pleased to see Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bullstrode, and Vincent Crabbe – the few Slytherins who followed his lead in turning against Voldemort and betraying their Death Eater parents. He felt a momentary sadness for the loss of Gregory Goyle, one of the students who perished during the War. But Draco pushed that aside to give his former housemates his full attention.
"Draco!" Pansy exclaimed, leaning up to give him air-kisses on his cheeks. Millicent soon took Pansy's place, greeting him in the same way. Draco shook hands with Zabini and Crabbe.
"Still looking as good as ever, Draco." Crabbe said.
"Why, Crabbe, you still have those old feelings for me? I'm flattered." Draco laughed, letting Crabbe know that he was just teasing.
They invited Draco to join them at a table to catch up, and thinking that Hermione's confession session with her Gryffindors would take quite some time, Draco agreed to join them.
"What have you been up to, Malfoy?" Zabini asked as soon as they were seated.
"Yes, Draco, where have you been all these years?" Millicent added.
"One at a time, folks. One at a time." Draco said. "Well, I've been in London for the past eight years, you know, living a Muggle life."
"So the rumours are true then? You've gone mad and moved to London to be a Muggle?" Crabbe blurted out. Reformed Death Eater or not, Draco was the last person they would have expected to live as a Muggle -- and talk so casually about it.
Draco grinned. "Well, I haven't gone mad."
"But, why, Draco?" Pansy asked.
"Because I felt a change of scenery was in order." Draco replied. He didn't want to get into the very personal reasons why he had left the Wizarding World with his former housemates. He had never been the type to be open about his feelings and his emotions, and the only people he trusted enough to share his real reasons for leaving his past behind were Hermione and Snape. But he didn't want to lie and mislead his former housemates either, he felt he owed them more than that.
"But living with Muggles? Being a Muggle?" Millicent insisted.
"Well not completely a Muggle, Millicent. I can't change who and what I am completely. I don't expect any of you have been to Flourish and Blotts lately?" Draco said.
"I heard you and that Granger co-authored a book." Zabini said.
Draco nodded then added. "I've been doing a bit of research work on charms, spells and potions. I've been asked to do a book on Potions, in fact. But enough about me. What about all of you? What have you been up to?"
The four then proceeded to update Draco on their careers and their lives, providing him with enough distraction to worry too much about what was going on in the antechamber: Zabini was working as an Auror together with Crabbe; Pansy was happily living her dream socialite life as the wife of Viktor Krum, who was away at a Quidditch match in Ireland; and Millicent was a Chaser for the Chudley Canons. Draco was pleased to know that his former housemates had done very well for themselves and had continued to live away from the Dark Arts their parents had been obsessed about.
As Draco listened to the four talk about their current lives, he briefly wondered how he would have turned out to be had he not left the Wizarding World eight years ago. Probably squandering my inheritance, married to a Pure Blood witch, working at the Ministry of Magic with some long and grand title, lording over the Malfoy estate, and being generally miserable, Draco concluded.
"So, Malfoy, what's with you and Granger?" Zabini had finally asked the question they had been dying to ask, but were to afraid to in fear of the infamous Malfoy temper and sharp tongue.
To everyone's surprise, Draco laughed out loud and said, "I was wondering how long before one of you popped that question."
"So what's the answer, Draco?" Pansy prompted, confident that since Draco had only laughed when Blaise asked the first time, Draco wouldn't bite her head off for asking a second time.
"Hermione Granger and I are good friends. Nothing more, nothing less."
"Are you sure, Draco? You two looked pretty cozy up there at the Head Table." Millicent piped in.
Draco smirked at everyone and refused to respond to any more prompting from his former Housemates. He enjoyed seeing his old schoolmates and was genuinely glad that a lot of his Slytherin batchmates were leading successful lives. But the showing-off that was so natural to any Slytherin gathering was getting rather tedious. And now they've all decided to bug him with questions about him and Hermione. He wished she would finish her Confession Session with her old friends so they could go home. He was still smarting about her telling him to let her handle her friends alone, but a part of him understood why she did that. But the other part wanted to burst into the antechamber to make sure that she was OK. If she doesn't show up in the next twenty minutes, I'm going to that antechamber. Damn the consequences.
Someone must have taken his threat seriously because less than ten minutes after Zabini popped the question, Hermione appeared at their table. Her eyes and the tip of her nose were red from crying, but her cheeks were dry and she looked calm and relieved. "Hey."
"Everything ok, Granger?" Draco asked, standing up to peer at her face closely.
"Yes, everything's fine, Malfoy. Thank you" she smiled at him, and then turned to the rest of the people at the table. "Hello, everyone."
Everyone greeted her politely and invited her to join them but Draco said "No, I need to talk to Granger in private. It was good catching up with all of you. The next time there's a Slytherin Reunion, count me in."
He reached for Hermione's arm and led her away from the table towards the bar. "You look like you could use a drink, Granger."
"I could, Malfoy, but I'd much prefer it if I could have said drink in the comfort of my couch."
"You sure? You want to go home?"
"Yes, I'm sure. I've done what I've come here to do. I've granted Professor McGonogall's request. I've shown everyone that I'm alive and ok. I've offered my old friends an explanation for my absence and asked them for forgiveness. I've played nice all night and now I just want to go home."
"Thank Merlin."
