Authors Note: Sorry to keep you guys hanging!  Thanks for all of the well-wishes!!! I really appreciated the card that you sent me catnamedzane!! SFGrl thanks for the info! I did not even realize that I was only accepting signed reviews!  To everyone else I'm glad that you are reading my story and actually like it! Please Read and Review!   

Chapter 4

Ross and Rachel did not move, not only were they afraid to, but they were in such shock that they could not move even if they wanted to.  They both knew that inevitably Chandler would have an encounter with either Monica or Joey, but they never expected it to be so soon after his arrival and in their own home!

Monica could not speak, it was not that she had to; the look in her eyes said it all.  She was not only shocked, but part of her was hurt.  She could not believe how stupid she was! Of course Chandler was going to move on.  What happened between her and Joey was five years ago; Chandler was a kind and caring man with an extraordinary soul, what woman would not want him?  It was not like she expected him to wait and realize that she really loved him.  Monica knew that she deeply hurt Chandler when she slept with Joey.  Why would he even want her anymore?  This was all too much for her.  She wanted to run out and leave, she wanted to go home to the solace of her room and cry, but something was keeping her there.  Chandler was keeping here there.  The way that he looked at her, the pain in his eyes when he saw her, it was the same pain in his eyes that was there when he entered the bedroom that fateful day.  Monica could see that deep down inside of his heart, Chandler still loved her. 

Chandler was the first to say something.  When he spoke to his daughter the hurt and pain in his eyes disappeared and was replaced with tender love.  "Sadie, sweetie, can you go with Ross and Rachel while daddy talks to this lady?" Chandler spoke softly and calmly. 

"Ok, daddy." Sadie replied.  Chandler smiled and tenderly kissed the top of her head.  Rachel slowly walked over to Chandler and gently lifted Sadie out of Chandler's arms.

"I love you sweetie." Chandler whispered to Sadie, to reassure her that everything was going to be ok.  "Take good care of her, ok." Chandler looked at Rachel. 

"Of course I will." Rachel replied, smiling back, "Ross and I will take her down to the park." Chandler smiled and nodded his head, as if to say that it was all right. 

The two former lovers said nothing to each other as Ross and Rachel gathered their things.  They both stood silently, waiting for them to leave.  Ross patted Chandler's back before he left as a sign that everything will turn out to be fine.  Monica waited until the door closed tightly behind Ross and she knew that they were safely down the hall, until she said anything.

"Chandler, I still have it." Monica spoke softly.  She did not have to show Chandler the velvet box in her pocket for him to understand what she meant, but she did anyway.   

Chandler snatched it out of her hand and threw it across the floor, causing it to open and its content to glide across the floor.  "I should have never wasted my money on the damn thing!  It means nothing!" Chandler replied bitterly.

Monica flinched at the tone in his voice.  Even though she somewhat expected his harsh tone, it would be a lie to say that it did not hurt.  "Chandler, you don't mean that?"

There were tears in Chandler's eyes as he spoke, "Of course I mean it!  When I saw you in there with Joey, my best friend, my heart broke into pieces!  I realized that you didn't love me!  You never did, Monica!"

Monica stood there, baffled at what he was saying.  She could not believe that he was being so harsh!  "I loved you!" Monica screamed through tears, "I still love you!  If I didn't then why the hell would I keep that ring?"

Chandler did not take time to comprehend what Monica was saying.  He was brimming with so much buried anger and emotion that he could not even think.  "You betrayed me!  You slept with my best friend!  There is no way that you could have loved me!  I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you!  I wanted you to be the mother of my children!  When you fucked my best friend you threw that all away!  You threw away my love, you were the one who ruined our relationship, not me." Chandler was crying now.  He could not hold it in any longer; the salty tears cascaded down his cheek like Niagara Falls. 

"You fucking asshole!" Monica screamed slapping him hard across the face.  She was so overcome with emotion that she did not know what she was doing.  "It was an accident!  It was a mistake!" Monica screamed her whole body shook as she spoke.

Chandler glared at her, rubbing his sore cheek.  His warm tears stung as they slid down his face.  "Why am I the asshole?  You are the one that stormed in here like a fucking madwoman!  I wasn't the one that gave up on our relationship!"  Chandler kept at it.  He couldn't stop speaking even though his head throbbed and his eyes stung.  His throat was sore and scratchy, but none of these things kept him from letting out how he really felt.

"How can you say that?" Monica fumed, "You were the one that ran off!  Escaping your problems like a little child would!  Obviously you didn't care about me that much, if you run off have sex with another woman and produce a child!  That was your mistake!  Making that little bastard child of yours!"

"Don't you dare bring my daughter into this!" Chandler furiously yelled, "Leave.  Get out of my sight, you disgust me."  His tone changed from bitter anger to revulsion and loathing.

The fury that was in Monica's eyes turned instantly into pain and regret.  Why couldn't she take control of her emotions?  Why did she have to slap Chandler and then mention his daughter in that context?  "I'm so sorry Chandler!" Monica cried like a child would, "I didn't mean it.  Your daughter is beautiful."

"You need to go." Chandler stated through clenched teeth.  He couldn't stand the sight of her anymore.  He knew that he was brought up to never hit a woman, but right now all that he wanted to do was to slap Monica.  She had gone to far.  She had not only degraded him, but also degraded his daughter, which was far worse crime in his eyes.  If she wanted to slap him, then fine, he could deal with that, but he could not deal with a grown woman bashing an innocent child. 

"Please!" Monica begged, "Please, Chandler!  Don't do this!  I love you and I know that you love me too."  Chandler did not answer.  He just glared at her.  There was nothing that he could say, nothing that he wanted to say to her. 

Monica looked into his eyes and at his face and it was then that she fully realized what she had done.  She had quite possibly ruined any slim chance that she could get back together to him.  Monica did not know what to say or do.  The only thing that she felt was hopelessness.  She was lost.  At least before this hurricane of emotions, she had hope, now she was left with nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  Monica looked back at Chandler once more before she left.  She whispered I love you, one last time before closing the door behind her. 

As she walked farther and farther away from the apartment the tears began to come down her face more and more, until they were a monsoon.  When she got into her apartment she slammed her door and sunk down on the floor.  Her body shook uncontrollably with sobs.  She had more then ruined her life.  Once Chandler had told Rachel and Ross the horrid things that she had said and done, they would never want to speak to her again.  They would never talk to her.  She knew that Chandler would never forgive her for what she had said about his daughter.  She could not believe that she had said that.  What possessed her to be so cruel, so heartless? 

To Monica it seemed like she was crying for hours, but in reality she was only crying for a matter of minutes.  Gradually she got up off of the floor and wiped her coarse tear stained face with the back of her hand.  She closed her eyes and relived the storm of words that she had had with Chandler just moments before.  Coughing, she walked over to her window and gazed out of it.  As she stared across the street into Ross and Rachel's apartment, she could see Chandler.  In his face there was so much pain, so much hurt, so much anger.  She hated the fact that she was the cause of all of those negative feelings.  Once again she succeeded in hurting the only man that she ever really loved.  The one man that she wanted to marry.  She had once again stomped all over his heart.

Chandler winced when Monica slammed the door behind her.  At that moment, all of the pain that he had experienced the day that he saw her cheating on him resurged.  After he had left New York and moved to California, he had spent months getting over her, and he thought that he had actually gotten over her.  He had met a wonderful woman and fell in love all over again.  He had not told any of his friends that he had still kept in touch with in New York about this woman; he didn't know why he didn't tell.  Subconsciously it was because he still loved Monica and did not want her to find what he had done.  Even though she had hurt him, he did not want to hurt her.  Once he entered New York those feelings changed.  He no longer cared if he hurt her or not.  In fact, with the harsh words that he used towards her, it was obvious that he did want to hurt her.  Part of him wanted her to experience all of the pain that she both directly and indirectly put him through.  There was another part of him that wanted to reach out to her and to caress her face.  Chandler knew that part of him would always love her, no matter what she had done or the things that she had said.  Love worked in strange ways.

Chandler sighed and sprawled out across the cool leather sofa.  He closed his eyes tightly and began to rub his temples.  His head was throbbing and he was emotionally drained.  The tears that he tried to hold back began to trickle down his cheek.  He was so absorbed in his pain and misery that he did not hear Ross and Rachel reenter the apartment.  A small hand touched his cheek and wiped away the tears.

"Daddy, you crying 'cause you miss mommy?" Sadie's small saddened voice asked him.  Chandler sat up and weakly nodded his head yes.  "I miss her too." Sadie replied softly embracing her father in a hug.  Chandler rubbed her back waiting for the inevitable tears to plummet down her cheeks. 

Ross and Rachel stood silently, dumb-founded as they watched the sad scene before them.  There was so much that they did not know about Chandler's new life, and they were determined to find out and help him through this emotional time.