Chapter 1

Rating: PG

Summery: How Beka deals after Tyr leaves

Disclaimer: I don't own them, I'm just playing with them. Besides if I owned them they'd be shagging like bunnies already.

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Beka breathed with labor as she beat the punching bag, as if it was the source of her anger. Her hair was unbound as she moved with the punches, her hair whipped and stung her face as it hit her. She moved to do a swift upper cut, then silently cursed her self for not tying back her hair. A piece of hair poked her eye. " No good son of a bitch, useless uber, the most sorriest excuse of a male that ever was..."

Her punches became more violent as her mind thought of more name and insults to call Tyr. " Three years. Three years of trusting him, confiding and thinking of him as my friend and for what? To be thrown away when he was done with me. And how DARE he say those things to me?" she became more angry and her movements more vicious. She gave a cry of pain as she miscalculated her movements and twisted her ankle.

' You are letting your emotions get the better of you. Cut them off; do not think of them, they will only slow you down. In order to worry about them you must be alive to worry about them.' Damn it. That was a piece of advice that Tyr had given her at the beginning of their training. " That should have been a warning." She said bitterly to herself.

"I often wished you were a Nietszchean."

She had been trying to keep those words out of her head for the last three hours. Now the floodgates were open. Her body shook with sobs as she hanged on to the punching bag, wishing it were him instead.

She didn't need to hear that, that was the last thing she needed. Since she had known him she found herself wishing she were a Nietszchean, too. Her mind and actions were almost that of a Nietszchean. Even a Nietszchean, who could have been her twin, had said she was like one. Harper had said so, when she killed those two guys without even blinking. She had told him that they were a threat to her survival and had to be dealt with. He said she needed to spend less time with Tyr. Now she wished she had taken his advice.

She shook her head and took a deep breath and let it out. "Come on Beka! Pull yourself together, you've gotten through worse stuff than this."

" You know I've read that when a human starts talking to themselves, that it's a sign of insanity." Rommie said from the doorway. Beka whipped her head around so fast she feared she might have gotten whiplash. " Anybody tell you its rude to eavesdrop?" she snapped.

She tried taking the wrappings off her hands with her teeth but gave up with a shout of frustration. "May I?" Rommie asked. Beka shrugged her shoulders and put out her hands. "Beka, you know if you ever want to talk, Trance and I are here." She said as she finished unwrapping her hands. Beka looked up, " Yeah, I know. Thanks." And walked out of the gym.

She stared into the neat circle she made onto the steam-fogged mirror. She looked at her reflection until it became blurred and unrecognizable. She took a deep breath when she became dizzy. She finished drying off and slipped on her nightshirt. She walked to her room and grabbed her brush and was about to go to the bathroom mirror when she noticed her night drawer half way open.

She walked carefully to the open drawer and pulled it all the way open. Inside was a rectangle black box. She took out the box and opened it. She took the card that was in it.

' To what could have been, Tyr.'

Inside the box was a double helix with the Kodiak symbols. Beka swore softly, " Damn you, Tyr." She threw everything back into the door and shoved it closed. She grabbed her brush and stalked back to the bathroom to brush her hair.