bambu: hi! ^^

HI! I'M LOVED!! ^-^

Loki: *pulls out a chart from out of nowhere* Actually, compared to the last site you wrote stories on, these guys hate you. Just like me! XD

WHAT? *Pulls out BOOMARANG OF DOOM*

Loki: Hey, it's not my fault! Look at the Polls of Loki's Chart on Everything in Life!

*Blink* Where did you get that?

Loki: Umm. I. 'borrowed'. it from some Norse god.

[BIG pause]

It's cool! ^^

Loki: *phew* I know, isn't it? Look at this, it has polls on poop! Isn't that weird? -

bambu: while booma and Loki look at that thingy, I and my crickets will be your host! ^^

99999 baby crickets: ^^ read on!

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SCENE 9 'THE HISTORIAN'

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[Clack]

ZAZU: Picture for Schools, take eight.

PRINCESS EMERAUDE: Action!

Lafarga: Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened King Ferio. The ferocity of the Autozam taunting took him completely by surprise, and Ferio became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the Holy Earring were to be brought to a successful conclusion. Ferio, having consulted his closest Magic Knights, decided that they should separate and search for the Earring individually.

[Clop clop clop]

Now, this is what they did: Sir Eagle--

SIR EAGLE: Aaaah!

[Slash]

[MAGIC KNIGHT kills LAFARGA]

Caldina: Frank! Frank? What the he-

Next Scene!

Scene 10 Sir Innova and the three-headed Knight

[Trumpets]

PRINCESS EMERAUDE: The Tale of Sir Innova. So, each of the Magic Knights went their separate ways. Sir Innova rode north, through the dark forest of Chizeta, accompanied by his favorite minstrels.

TATRA: [singing]

Bravely bold Sir Innova rode forth from Cephiro.

He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Innova.

He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,

Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Innova!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,

Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,

To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away

And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Innova!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out

And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged

And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off

And his pen--

SIR INNOVA: That's-- that's, uh-- that's enough music for now, ladies. Heh. Looks like there's dirty work afoot.

TARTA, PRESEA, GEO: Halt! Who art thou?

TATRA: Oh, that is obvious, dear sister with two extra heads! [Singing] He is brave Sir Innova, brave Sir Innova, who--

INNOVA: Shut up! Um, n-- n-- n-- nobody, really. I'm j-- j-- j-- ju-- just, um-- just passing through.

TARTA, PRESEA, and GEO: What do you want?

TATRA: [singing] To fight and--

INNOVA: Shut up! Um, oo, a-- nothing. Nothing, really. I, uh-- j-- j-- just- - just to, um-- just to p-- pass through, good Sir-Madam- Knight.s?.

TARTA, PRESEA, and GEO: I'm afraid not!

INNOVA: Ah. W-- well, actually I-- I am a Magic Knight of the Rayearth Table.

TARTA, PRESEA, GEO: You're a Magic Knight of the Rayearth Table?

INNOVA: I am.

TARTA: In that case, I shall have to kill you. And my sister.

PRESEA: Shall I? I like your sister.

GEO: Oh, I don't think so.

PRESEA: Well, what do I think?

TARTA: I think kill him. And Tatra.

GEO: Oh, let's be nice to Tatra and the other guy.

TARTA: Oh, shut up.

INNOVA: Perhaps I could--

TARTA: And you. Oh, quick! Get the sword out. I want to cut his head off!

GEO: Oh, cut your own head off!

PRESEA: Yes, do us all a favor!

TARTA: What?

GEO: Yapping on all the time. Kill this, kill that.

PRESEA: You're lucky. You're not next to her.

TARTA: What do you mean?

PRESEA: You snore!

TARTA: Oh, I don't. Anyway, you've got bad breath.

PRESEA: Well, it's only because you don't brush my teeth.

GEO: Oh, stop bitching and let's go have wine.

TARTA: Oh, all right. All right. All right. We'll kill Tatra and the other guy first and then have wine and crackers.

PRESEA: Yes.

GEO: Oh, not crackers.

TARTA: All right. All right, not crackers, but let's kill them anyway.

TARTA, PRESEA, GEO: Right!

PRESEA: He buggered off.

GEO: So he has. He's scampered.

TATRA: [singing] Brave Sir Innova ran away,

INNOVA: No!

TATRA: [singing] Bravely ran away, away.

INNOVA: I didn't!

TATRA: [singing] when my sister reared her ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.

INNOVA: No!

TATRA: [singing] yes, brave Sir Innova turned about

INNOVA: I didn't!

TATRA: [singing] and gallantly, he fyulaed out. Bravely taking to his feet,

INNOVA: I never did!

TATRA: [singing] He beat a very brave retreat,

INNOVA: All lies!

TATRA: [singing] Bravest of the brave, Sir Innova.

INNOVA: I never!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

CARTOON; DIVING MONKS

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

CARTOON ZAZU, FYULA, MOKONA: [chanting]

Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.

CARTOON ZAZU: Heh heh heeh ooh...

[Twang]

CARTOON ZAZU, FYULA, MOKONA: [chanting]

Pie Iesu domine,...

CARTOON ZAZU: Wayy!

[splash]

Ho ho. Woa, wayy!

[Twang]

[Splash]

Heh heh heh heh ho! Heh heh heh!

CARTOON ZAZU, FYULA, MOKONA: [chanting]

...Dona eis requiem.

CARTOON ZAZU: Wayy!

[Twang]

Wayy!

[Twang]

CLEF: [whispering]

Forgive me, for I have sinned.

CARTOON CLEF: Oh! Oooo.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

SCENE 11 'SIR LANTIS AT CASTLE ANTHRAX'

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[Trumpets]

PRINCESS EMERAUDE: The Tale of Sir Lantis.

[Boom]

[Wind]

[Howl]

[Howl]

[Boom]

[HIKARU and FUU singing]

[Howl]

[Boom]

[Howl]

[Boom]

[Pound pound pound]

SIR LANTIS: Open the door! Open the door!

[Pound pound pound]

In the name of King Ferio, open the door!

[Creak]

[Thump]

[Creak]

[Boom]

GIRLS: Hello!

NOVA: Welcome, gentle Sir Magic Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.

SIR LANTIS: The Castle Anthrax?

NOVA: Yes. Oh, it's a very good name, isn't it? Oh, we are nice and we will attend to your every, every need! For a price, of course.

SIR LANTIS: You are the keepers of the Holy Earring?

NOVA: The what?

SIR LANTIS: The Earring. It is here.

NOVA: Oh, but you are tired and you must rest awhile. Preasea! Caldina!

PRESEA and CALDINA: Yes, O Nova?

NOVA: Prepare a .bed for our. guest.

PRESEA and CALDINA: Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!...

NOVA: Away! Away, varletesses. The beds here are warm and soft and very, very big.

SIR LANTIS: Well, look, I-- I, uh--

NOVA: What is your name, handsome Magic Knight?

SIR LANTIS: 'Sir Lantis... the Chaste'.

NOVA: Mine is 'Nova'. Just 'Nova'. Oh, but come.

SIR LANTIS: Look, please! In Emeraude's name, show me the Earring!

NOVA: Oh, you have suffered much. You are delirious.

SIR LANTIS: No, look. I have seen it! It is here in this--

NOVA: Shut up! I have been very nice, and besides, you would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality.

SIR LANTIS: Well, I-- I, uh--

NOVA: Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen- and- a- half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome Magic Knights. Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded!

SIR LANTIS: No, no. It's-- it's nothing.

NOVA: Oh, you must see the doctors immediately! No, no, please! Lie down.

[Clap clap]

FUU: Well, what seems to be the trouble?

SIR LANTIS: They're doctors?!

NOVA: Uh, they... have a basic medical training, yes.

SIR LANTIS: B-- but--

NOVA: Oh, come. Come. You must try to rest. Doctor Fuu! Doctor Alcyone! Practice your art.

ALCYONE: Try to relax.

SIR LANTIS: I am NOT letting her touch me! .B-besides, are you sure that's absolutely necessary?

FUU: We must examine you.

SIR LANTIS: There's nothing wrong with that!

FUU: Please. We are doctors. And if I see anything bad, Ferio will kick your-

SIR LANTIS: Look! This cannot be. I am sworn to chastity.

FUU: Back to your bed! At once!

SIR LANTIS: Torment me no longer. I have seen the Earring!

FUU: There's no earring here.

SIR LANTIS: I have seen it! I have seen it!

[Clank]

I have seen--

GIRLS: Hello.

SIR LANTIS: Oh.

GIRLS: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

SIR LANTIS: Nova!

HIKARU: No, I am Nova's identical twin sister, Hikaru.

SIR LANTIS: Oh, well, excuse me, I--

HIKARU: Where are you going?

SIR LANTIS: I seek the Earring! I have seen it, here in this castle!

HIKARU: Oh, no. Oh, no! Bad, bad Nova!

SIR LANTIS: Well, what is it?

HIKARU: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Nova! She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I have just remembered, is earring-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem.

SIR LANTIS: It's not the real Earring?

HIKARU: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Nova! She is a bad person and must pay the penalty! Do you think this scene should have been cut? We were so worried when Bamboomarang was writing it, but now, we're glad. It's better than some of the previous scenes, I think.

TARTA: At least ours was better visually.

SANG YUNG: Well, at least ours was committed. It wasn't just a string of pussy jokes.

DEBONAIR: Get on with it.

CLEF THE ENCHANTER: Yes, get on with it!

ARMY OF KNIGHTS: Yes, get on with it!

HIKARU: Oh, I am enjoying this scene.

EMERAUDE: Get on with it!

HIKARU: [sigh]

[Clunk]

Oh, wicked, wicked Nova. Oh, she is a naughty person and she must pay the penalty, and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the earring-shaped beacon: you must tie her down on a bed and spank her.

GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!

HIKARU: You must spank her well, and after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like, and then, spank me.

UMI: And spank me.

PRIMERA: And me.

ASKA: And me.

HIKARU: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!

GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking! There is going to be a spanking tonight!

HIKARU: And after the spanking, the oral sex.

GIRLS: The oral sex! The oral sex!

SIR LANTIS: Well, I could stay a bit longer.

SIR EAGLE: Sir Lantis!

SIR LANTIS: Oh, hello.

SIR EAGLE: Quick!

SIR LANTIS: What?

SIR EAGLE: Quick!

SIR LANTIS: Why?

SIR EAGLE: You are in great peril!

HIKARU: No, he isn't.

SIR EAGLE: Silence, foul but cute temptress!

SIR LANTIS: You know, she's got a point.

SIR EAGLE: Come on! We will cover your escape!

SIR LANTIS: Look, I'm fine!

SIR EAGLE: Come on!

GIRLS: Sir Lantis!

SIR LANTIS: No. Look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!

HIKARU: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!

GIRLS: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!

SIR EAGLE: No, Sir Lantis. Come on!

SIR LANTIS: No! Really! Honestly, I can cope. I can handle this lot easily.

HIKARU: Oh, yes. Let him handle us easily.

GIRLS: Yes. Let him handle us easily.

SIR EAGLE: No. Quick! Quick!

SIR LANTIS: Please! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred-and-fifty of them!

HIKARU: Yes! Yes, he will beat us easily! We haven't a chance.

GIRLS: We haven't a chance. He will beat us easily...

[Boom]

HIKARU: As Nova would say; oh, shit.

SIR EAGLE: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.

SIR LANTIS: I don't think I was.

SIR EAGLE: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.

SIR LANTIS: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.

SIR EAGLE: No, it's too perilous.

SIR LANTIS: Look, it's my duty as a Magic Knight to sample as much peril as I can.

SIR EAGLE: No, we've got to find the Holy Earring. Come on!

SIR LANTIS: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?

SIR EAGLE: No. It's unhealthy.

SIR LANTIS: I bet you're gay.

SIR EAGLE: No, I'm not. I just want to have Hikaru before you.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

NARRATIVE INTERLUDE 'MEANWHILE, KING FERIO AND SIR BEDEVERE...'

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

EMERAUDE: Sir Eagle had saved Sir Lantis from almost certain temptation, but they were still no nearer the Earring. Meanwhile, King Ferio and Sir Ascot, not more than a fyula's flight away, had discovered something. Oh, that's an unladen fyula's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden fyulas' flights away-- four, really, if they had a teacup on a line between them. I mean, if the fyulas were walking and dragging--

CLEF, FYULA, MOKONA: Get on with it!

EMERAUDE: Oh, anyway. On to scene twenty-four, which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting, in which Ferio discovers a vital clue, and in which there aren't any swallows, although I think you can hear a starling-- oooh!

Scene 12 Ferio, Ascot, and the old man

DEBONAIR: Heh, hee ha ha hee hee! Hee hee hee ha ha ha...

FERIO: And this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen the Earring?

DEBONAIR: ...Ha ha ha ha! Heh, hee ha ha hee! Ha hee ha! Ha ha ha ha...

FERIO: Where does he live?

DEBONAIR: ...Heh heh heh heh...

FERIO: Old man, where does he live?

DEBONAIR: ...Hee ha ha ha. He knows of a cave, a cave that no man has entered.

FERIO: And the Earring. The Earring is there?

DEBONAIR: There is much danger, for beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, which no man has ever crossed.

FERIO: But the Earring! Where is the Earring?!

DEBONAIR: Seek you the Bridge of Death.

FERIO: The Bridge of Death, which leads to the Earring?

DEBONAIR: Heh, hee hee hee hee! Ha ha ha ha ha! Hee ha ha...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

bambu: *has teacher's glasses on* Now, class, this time we will try to speak alone. I know this may be hard, but I think you can do it. ^^

One cricket: *stands up* I-I'll try, yep.

bambu: ^^ go ahead, Cyan.

Cyan: *gulps* O-okay, yep. Hello, my name's Cyan.

99998 baby crickets: Hi Cyan. ^^

Cyan: heh, well, um, everyone has problems, you know, um, after, that, um event with, um, yep.

bambu: Go on, Cyan! ^^ You're doing great.

99998 baby crickets: Yeah! Keep going!

Cyan: Okay, yep. Well, you know, this class is for, yep, us because of the evil one, you know, doing that really dark thing to, you know, yep, the Parents.

Loki: *tied down so the crickets aren't scared* you make it sound like a really bad thing! I didn't even step on them! All I did was-

Random Narrator: Hello, I am the Random Narrator. You might remember me from other stories such as The Common Fuu, and other stuff. What is this class about? What about booma being crazy? Is she avoiding us? Do the Author Notes really help at all? Will booma ever get the characters acting like themselves? Will I ever go away? Will booma show the truth about the secret language that you have no clue about? Will we ever find out how Loki went from a Norse god to a demon otter? You will find these out only if I want you to on RN TV.

Other Random Narrator: We will tell you this much. Bamboomarang does NOT own MKR, Monty Python, or the script. Booma's friend, who will be very mad if you take it, wrote the script. R/R or R/F.