- Protector of Men Ch 24
"No," Zandra said, "I'm glad you didn't go in."
Stephen made a face at the screen. "I could have helped."
"No," she repeated, "you wouldn't have been able to."
Stephen made another face, and Zandra rolled her eyes.
"Look Stephen," she started, leaning towards the screen, "The agent wanted you too, and I doubt you would have been able to get out of it."
Zandra sat back in Kesia's operating chair, and Stephen was silent for a moment.
"He knew about my project, and he wanted you back," she continued, "you don't want to be held by them."
Stephen nodded thoughtfully, looking off into the distance.
"Well, I'm supposed to start my agent training soon."
Zandra perked up instantly. "Oh."
"Yeah, I'm a little worried about it."
"It's not fun, I'll tell you that."
"Thanks," he replied sarcastically. Zandra gave him an evil smile.
"Alex, they said you were amazing out there," he said, now more serious. Zandra had to keep herself from rolling her eyes.
"Well if I were amazing, don't you think I wouldn't have been in that situation in the first place?"
"Alex, no one could have helped that,"
"No one could have helped anything," she stated angrily. Without her help, Alias had been crippled. She hadn't even been awake for over an hour yet, but everyone knew that she wouldn't be able to use her legs again. Everyone knew except for her. And if Zandra could have been faster, could have evaded the agent, maybe it wouldn't have ended up like that. But Zandra couldn't; she failed. Stephen was quiet for a moment.
"So what are you guys going to do for now?"
Good question. Zandra was almost glad to get off of the subject, though she felt guilty for it.
"I think we'll be recruiting another shipmate," she replied. Bad answer, because she was immediately reminded of the reason for the new recruit: Alias' inability to work in the matrix. Because of the last week, Purgatory was left severely undermanned. But at the same time, she looked forward to having someone on the ship that was less experienced than she. It was a strange thought, but she still wanted to be able to explain things to someone, feel like she wasn't the most unknowledgeable one on board.
"Okay, we're not doing much either." Stephen felt that it was a good time to wrap up their conversation; Zandra clearly wasn't in the mood for talking. "Well," he said with a stretch, "Colombus wants me off."
Zandra caught his idea, and said a quick but meaningful goodbye. "Take care of yourself, Alex," he told her, and she told him the same.
"Kesia, I'm off," she called into the mess room. Seconds later Kesia emerged with a smile.
"Have a nice talk?"
"Yeah," Zandra replied facetiously, "nice." Kesia was quietly polite as Zandra gave her the headset and controls, and didn't say anything as Zandra walked silently back into her room. Maybe sleep was the answer – it had only been ten hours since she had jacked back out of the matrix and she still felt weary.
She fell onto her bed with a thump, and pain shot up her still healing back. It was doing well, but she still felt the dull pain every now and then. She was just thankful that it didn't affect her in the matrix. Zandra sighed and didn't move to get more comfortable. She just lay there on her stomach, hoping that sleep would take her away to a more peaceful place, somewhere where her life wasn't in danger, where she could relax for once. Somewhere warm where there wasn't a constant buzzing of machinery in the background. It took her almost a half-hour, but finally she was able to drift into slumber.
She couldn't believe she was skipping Binn's class to go see these quacks… she was missing BioPhysics, of all things… but it was definitely uncanny how the two knew exactly what she had been pondering over the past few months… And after all, she hadn't missed any classes of Binn's yet, so maybe it was okay to miss just one. Hopefully.
She rapped on the door of the old clubhouse. A sign on the door said "Living Dreams: A Club You're Already In" in faded red lettering. It looked pretty shady to her, but they told her to be there, and there she was. After all, they did seem pretty informed when they met her at the physics meeting.
The gangly younger boy answered the door. He ushered her in without a word, and locked the door several times before leading her into another room. The whole building smelled of dust and the walls were painted with cobwebs. But the boy looked immaculately clean, which was a little surprising. He didn't seem to fit in to his surroundings. The woman, dressed just as strangely as before, was sitting at a couch in the room. She gestured for Zandra to sit.
"Hello, Alex," said the woman, "I am Alias. Come sit,"
She approached a chair warily, but sat in it nonetheless. "You wanted to talk about my project?" The boy sat down too, next to the woman – Alias.
"Yes," she answered, "You are expanding on the universal hologram theory?"
"Yes.,"
"Hmmph." She paused, then looked outwards, towards a small window. "What if it the universe was more than just a hologram?"
"Then what?"
"A lie." Zandra didn't say anything. "Do you think it is possible that the hologram theory is true?"
Zandra paused before answering. She had been thinking a lot lately…
"Yes, it does seem to be a valid theory."
"What if it was more than a theory?"
"What could be more than a theory?" she asked impatiently. Zandra was quickly growing tired of the woman's questions. What was she trying to prove, and why was she being so mysterious about it?"What if there was something projecting the hologram to make us think the world around us is real?"
"Something controlling how we perceive our universe?"
The woman nodded. Zandra sighed before thinking aloud.
"I supposed it is a possibility," she mused, "There have been instances of the hologram's mutability factor changing at times."
"Exactly," the woman said, "It looks like something changes it every now and then?"
Zandra nodded slowly, in thought.
"It's as if the information from the universe is ebbing and flowing with time," Zandra continued, halfway to herself.
"Like a matrix of information," she asked, smiling wryly. Zandra looked at her closely, but then nodded.
"Hey Will, it's me," she said into the phone. She was in her dorm room, dangling upside down from her bunk on the telephone with her older brother, William. He had just come home from work, and was happy to hear from her.
"Hey Al," he said back, his voice full of love. "How's the project going?"
Zandra sighed with a laugh, "It's totally crazy."
"Really? I hear it's doing well."
"It is," she replied factually, "It's just there are so many people with questions…"
"I bet," he replied. "Any nonbelievers?"
- "A few, but they know that I'll argue until I'm blue in the face."
William laughed. "It's been a while since we've talked," he remarked.
"Yeah."
"I hope we'll get to talk more often now that I'm being promoted,"
"You got it?"
"Yeah," he replied sheepishly. Zandra squealed with delight. "That's great!"
"I know," he said, "I'll get more time off, so maybe I'll come visit you at school."
Zandra smiled. "That'd be really great. Have you told mom and dad yet?"
"Not yet, you're the first to know." Zandra cooed with played surprise. "But don't tell them!" he added with fervor.
"I won't, I won't," she assured him with a laugh, "they'll be really happy for you."
"Anyways," he started, wishing to change the stagnant subject, "anything new going on?"
"Nope," Zandra sighed, twisting onto her stomach on her bed.
"No new boyfriends I need to check up on?"
Zandra laughed. "No, no boyfriends."
Now William laughed, too. "Now when are you and Stephen going to admit you are madly in love with each other? I think it's been long enough that you two have been skirting the subject…"
"Now, now Will, you know we're just friends," she started warningly, but laughed."Oh, right, my bad…" he continued, still playing up the joke. Zandra heard a click on the phone, but paid no attention to it. It probably meant that someone was trying to get in on his line.
"Anything else going on for you?"
"Hmmm," he pondered, "Not much. Just starting the new job next week."
Zandra heard another click, but again didn't pay any attention. "That's really great, Will, I'm proud of you."
"Thanks."
They were both quiet, both appreciating the time they got to talk together. So often in those days did siblings part ways after leaving the home. But Alex and Will had tried hard to stay together, to keep the strong bond that they had built since early childhood.
"Well, I'd better go study," Zandra said, sitting up in bed.
"Okay then, Al, keep me posted. See you later."
"Bye."
But she didn't see him later.
Zandra woke up with tears streaming down her face. Her palms were sweaty and she felt shaken. She rubbed her streaked face as she got up to check the clock – it had only been an hour since she went back to bed. Her dreams hadn't been especially poignant, but lately her nights had been haunted by the vivid memories of her old life. Zandra got her clothes together to go get a shower. She needed to clear her mind, to try and forget her family. William. It wasn't that she regretted leaving, it was just… it was so much to let go of. Her eyes began to well up again as she remembered him – his humor, his friendliness, his protective nature towards her. She was always his baby sister - until she had disappeared. Zandra wiped off the fresh tears with her towel before stepping into the shower. It was cold, and her breath instantly quickened as she got used to the low temperature of the falling water. Zandra tried to think of other things as she took her shower, think of Zion, think of the new recruit…
She stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around her, yearning for warmth. She remembered not to dry her hair, as it was still too short to need any towel drying. At least it was a little longer. She hastily put on her clothes again and wrapped the towel around her like a cape, still cold from the freezing shower. At least for now she had forgotten about her dream. Quietly she walked back into the hall, hoping that perhaps the mess room would offer her warmth.
