Night crawler.
Summary: Buffy thinks of the nights she faced since she was chosen, the men she got involved with, her friends and her true love. Mostly of her true love.
Timeline: After 'Chosen'.
Spoilers: I think it has spoilers of every episode of B/A canon.
Distribution: Fanfiction.net (www.fanfiction.net), Land of denial (www.landofdenial.com)
I'm twenty two years old and for the last seven, I'm what my three watchers called the 'Chosen One'. The 'Chosen One' is a girl with supernatural powers that fights the evil that runs around through the night. By 'evil' I mean, demons, half-demons, and crazy people with cruel intentions. And, of course, vampires.
Most of my fights I fought by myself. I have my friends, the Scooby Gang or the Slayerettes, but they are just normal people, with no special power. The only one with special powers is Willow Rosenberg, a witch and my best friend.
Willow was so shy, so desperate to make everyone happy around her when we first met. We were both sixteen, so young and innocent. She fell for Oz, a werewolf, when we were at junior year, and they dated for two years, but Oz broke up when we were at college, and told Willow he needed to find himself. Willow was a wreck until she met Tara, also a witch, and they fell in love. Tara was killed and Willow became an evil witch. It nearly killed me to fight against my best friend, but I did, and Willow traveled to England, where she became clean of the dark arts she was dealing with. Now she's with one of the potential slayers, a girl called Kennedy. They seem happy now, and I'm happy for Willow, she deserves to be happy.
There's my other friend, Alexander Harris, or Xander. Xander had a crush for me from the day we met to half of our senior year. He then dated Cordelia, had a thing with Willow and fell for Anya. They had an on-off relationship and nearly got married two years ago, but Xander backed off and gave up. Anya died on the last battle too, and Xander is heartbroken. They were close to an understanding, after nearly a year of discussions and fights.
There were also my three lovers; two of them didn't deserve the name, because I never really loved them. One of them is a human man, and the other one is a vampire, and so was the second one, who died on the last battle.
Riley Finn, my human lover, was an Iowan boy who worked on a government-institution called The Initiative. He was a great fighter, for a normal being, and knew everything about the creatures that ran around at night. He fell for me and I dated him for around a year and a half, but he broke up with me after deciding I wasn't giving him 'my entire'. He tried everything to grow closer to me, even paid some vampire whores to drink his blood, but we didn't work. Riley caused one of my worst discussions with my former boyfriend. I never apologized from that discussion.
After Riley, there was William the Bloody, or Spike. Spike was the grandchild of my first serious 'vampire'-boyfriend. He appeared with his dark goddess, Drusilla, who was also his sire, when I was junior at school, and came back when I was freshman at college. The Initiative put a chip that prevents him from attacking people on his head, but it didn't prevent him from beating at demons, so he decided it was better if he lined up beside us and helped us fighting the good fight. He was helpless against the Initiative and hungry, so with us he got protection and food. After I was brought back from Heaven, we shared some nights of sex. It ended when Spike tried to rape me on my bathroom. Xander and Willow saved me. Spike died on the last battle, as I said.
And there is him. Angel. My first kiss, my first boyfriend and the first man I slept with. And the only man I truly loved. We met on a dark alley right after I arrived on Sunny-dale, when he gave me a silver cross and told me he was a friend. He always gave me warnings about the evil that was running around, and once gave me a jacket when it was too cold. I still have this jacket.
When we first kissed, it was a day after he helping me fights three vamps. He got hurt and I took him to my house. I made him come in – never invite someone you don't know in Sunny-dale, it being the Hell-mouth – and told him to take the shirt and the coat. It was the first time I saw his tattoo. It was something like a bird with an 'A'. I made him sleep at my room – he took the floor and gave me the bed; always the gentleman. The next morning, he hid at my closet while my mother cleaned my bedroom, and she read my diary. When I arrived and saw my diary not on the place, I thought he had read it, and gave him a lecture. It was because I wrote a lot about him, but then Angel said it was my mom who read my diary.
Then he said he should go away, because he was older than me and it would never work, because every time he was around me, all he could thought about was how much he wanted to kiss me. And we kissed. It was the best kiss I have ever had; the most perfect and the sweetest. Angel's lips were so soft and gentle and kind. However, your kiss was interrupted when Angel felt the first hint of pure bliss and transformed into his vamp-face. I yelled and scared him out, and Angel ran through my bedroom's window.
I was so confused when I found out Angel was a vampire, and he was ashamed of showing me the face of his demon. However, we kissed again one day later, after he killed his sire, Darla, to save me. But it was kind of a goodbye kiss, because he was the vampire and I was the slayer, the one meant to kill him.
However, that didn't avoid us to get together as a couple. We actually did become a couple some months after our first kiss, and it was perfect. We went on patrol (alright, I admit, we patrolled a little and kissed a lot), we had picnics under the moonlight, at the cemetery, and talked a lot. Only once our love was shortly disturbed when he asked me if I didn't think about our future, but we quickly got it covered.
Then, it came. My 17th birthday. Angel gave me a Claddagh ring, an Irish ring where the crown means loyalty, the hands mean friendship and the heart means love. Use the ring with the heart pointing towards you, and it means you belong to someone. Like he wore his ring. Angel was supposed to leave that night with a box where there was the Judge's arm, but Drusilla threw me in the water and Angel jumped after me to rescue me. We fought against Spike and Drusilla and the Judge and nearly got killed, but Angel managed to get us out of the warehouse alive and kicking. We went to his apartment, and, for the first time, Angel confessed me he loved me. He said those exact words:
'I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop'.
Even now I can't describe how I felt when I heard those words. I was so thrilled I replied:
'Me too. Can't either'.
It resumed everything I needed to say out loud, but then we kissed, and Angel tried to keep things in control, but I didn't let him. I gave my entire to him.
'Don't. Just kiss me'.
If only I knew.
Angel had reached true happiness with our mating, and that lifted his curse. His demon, Angelus, was running around, loose and free. I had to kill Angelus, and I was ready to do it. Instead, I killed Angel. Willow gave him his soul back in the last minutes before Acathla opened the gate to Hell. I was so relieved, so thankful it had worked. We kissed and hugged, and I opened my eyes to see the vortex opening. Tears flooded over my eyes as I pulled back and asked:
'Close your eyes'
Angel obeyed me.
'I love you'
'I love you' was his reply. It broke my heart; I was going to break his trust in me. I shoved the sword I was holding into his stomach. Angel opened his eyes and looked at the sword, then at me, and breathed my name.
Then he was sucked into Hell.
And I broke down.
I ran away from Sunny-dale and didn't come back until a few days after the start of term. When I came back, the gang was weird around me for a while. But it quickly passed and I was ready to let go. So, I went to the mansion and said goodbye to him, leaving my ring at the floor. Few days after it, I found out Angel was back from Hell. I still don't know what brought him back, but he was, and it took a while for us to be together again as a couple. We sparred, talked and I fed him, but it was a 'look-don't-touch' relationship.
Until the First haunted Angel enough to make him want to die. I was desperate when I found out the First has nearly succeeded; I ran to Angel's mansion and it took hours of discussion, some punches on the face and a miracle for him to be convinced that he deserved being alive. That our love was blessed, not forbidden.
We were back together. For good and short. Once I got the demon's aspect and I went to the mansion in order to read Angel's thoughts. He told me he knew about my mind-reading, and that I wasn't going to read his, because the demon had the skill of not letting anyone read his mind. He said to me:
'In two-hundred-forty-two years, I loved only one person'.
'Who? It's me, isn't it?'
'Next time just ask'
A little before my prom, we fought against the mayor, and he said some things that shook Angel, but he coped. However, something happened and, at my prom day, Angel decided he wasn't good enough for me and broke up. It destroyed my heart, but I dealt. Angel did come to my prom and danced with me. It was the last time he held me.
Two days after the prom, Angel was shot with an arrow which held a poison that could kill a demon. The gang found out the only cure for it was the blood of a slayer and I went to get Faith, the other slayer, to kill her and feed Angel with her blood. I managed to get her into a coma, but not to get her blood. So, I went back to the mansion and Angel said he was happy because he could see me before he died.
I made him stand up and told him what happened. Angel fought dearly against my demand of him drinking me, but I punched him twice or three times, and Angelus took the control for short. Angel drank and he was alright. But, now I think he drinking me was the last drop at a full chalice. We fought the mayor, we won and he left me. Alive and kicking, thank God. He left me after a long look, a longing look. But with no goodbye.
But a few days later, he came back to stalk me, to look after me, to take care of me. Of course I found out, and went to Los Angeles – where he is living since he left – to confront him. At the time, I thought I stayed for five minutes, but when I was in Heaven, I was given back the memories of a day Angel had chosen to erase from my mind for my own good.
We had the most perfect time ever, being a normal couple for once. Making love on the table, then in the bed; eating cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip, crunchy peanut butter and chocolate in bed; sleeping together, me being lulled by his heartbeat. The way it should be. However, the demon that made him human was still okay, and pissed, so he went to kill it. Instead, he nearly got killed. I fought against that slimy demon and killed it, but Angel freaked out over something it said. So, he went to the Oracles and asked him what might happen to me.
They said I would die sooner – which I did – and then Angel asked them to keep me alive. They said they would swallow the day, and Angel would carry the memories to avoid us doing the same thing. When he came home, he told me what he have done, and we had a minute, a lot of tears, a kiss and a promise that I wouldn't never forget.
I did, though.
After that, we met again three times. After Faith woke up from her coma, after he beat Riley up and after I was brought back from the dead. On the first meeting, he punched me to protect Faith – Angel always tries to see the good on people. On the second, I lashed out of him telling him that I loved Riley and could trust him. On the third, I nearly begged him to take me back, and Angel told me he would shanshu, but we kept apart.
And then I fought my last battle. I stopped the First. Anya and Spike died on it. Angel raced to Sunny-dale to help me fight it, and I sent him away, after a terrific kiss. However, two months after it, Angel came back. In his convertible, with the cover down. In a sunny summer day. And we met. On the very place we first saw each other.
It took a breezy feeling down my spine and an eye-cross for me to fall in his arms, with tears running down my cheeks and a huge smile in my face. After I pulled back, I stared into his eyes and saw them the way I always wanted to: those dark-chocolate brown pools, free from the ghosts that haunted him, free from the guilt, from the pain, from the brood, shining only with peace, with love, with joy and with happiness.
And today we got married. At a sunny ceremony on the beach, with Kennedy, Willow and Faith as bridesmaids, Xander and Wesley as best-men and Giles escorting me down the aisle, towards my Angel.
Once, someone asked me which the most perfect night of my life was. I answered the most perfect nights of my life stood in the past, in the arms of my Angel. But I was wrong. The most perfect night of my life is tonight, when Angel took me in his arms and kissed me, and we made love, free from the past, free from the pain, free to love and live eternally.
Cause every time I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me drowning in your love
And every time I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it
You keep me drowning in your love
('Drowning', Backstreet Boys)
