Disclaimer: All of the usual characters from 'Harry Potter' belong to J. K. Rowling, blah, blah, blah, everybody knows this already.
Summary: When Severus visits Italy with Hermione during the summer, he finds that the muggle way of life is a lot more interesting than he would've expected.
How Much You Never Knew
Chapter 6; BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!
"To the nearest airport, please."
"Will do, Miss," the driver said, tipping his cap. "Say, where ya both headed? I know everyone has to have their lil' summer getaways."
"We're going to Italy," Hermione answered politely, though she was really thinking 'sheesh, what a getaway.' Little did she know, Snape was thinking the exact same thing.
Trying his best to keep his mind off of his anxieties, Severus concentrated on the buildings that they were rushing past. He had been to London many times before, but until now he had never really noticed the order within the muggle world. Town homes were lined along the street in perfect symmetry, the roads were straight, and the city itself was divided into square sections called blocks. Sure, perhaps a touch of originality here and there provided uniqueness to certain businesses and such, but the timeless feel of the wizarding world was completely lost. It was no wonder that most muggles didn't believe in wizards and witches; they couldn't see past their own material ideas and were too busy trying to keep everything stressfully immaculate all the time. He sighed quietly. He knew Hermione was trying her best to make this convenient for both of them, but the more he saw of this world, the more disgusted by it he became. In a matter of minutes the taxi pulled to a stop in front of a very large building. Hermione thanked the driver, and they climbed out with their luggage.
"Well, I guess this is it," she said, looking around at the fellow travelers roaming the streets around them. They entered the building and the first thing that Severus saw was a long, black sidewalk that seemed to be moving.
"What's that?" he asked, pointing.
"Oh, it's just a quicker way to get across the airport when you have heavy bags. Come on, it's sort of fun." Severus stepped on after her and felt himself being tugged across the room. Hermione was right, it was fairly pleasant getting dragged along smoothly, not thinking at all. But apparently she was thinking, because she turned around, ready to question him.
"Professor, I was just curious," she whispered, so the others on the sidewalk wouldn't overhear, "what about your suitcase? What if the security guards open it at customs? Won't they notice that the inside is, well, bigger that it should be?"
"No. All wizarding trunks that expand on the inside are charmed for cases such as this. There are actually quite a bit of wizards and witches that live in the muggle world, but obviously don't want to be like them."
"It's not that bad Professor, being a muggle. Sometimes it's quite fun because--" She was interrupted as the sidewalk came to an end and being surprised at the change of speed, Hermione tripped over her own feet. In one swift movement, Severus managed to keep her from falling completely and at the same time step off of the sidewalk to keep from falling himself. Not that the walk was a dangerous contraption--it moved rather slowly--except that neither of them had been paying attention. He had a hold of her arm and she was blushing furiously. "I guess I should remember to face forward next time," she said shyly. They both just stood there for a moment, looking around with Hermione inwardly cursing herself.
"Well, where to now, Hermione?" Feeling immensely relieved at an opportunity to pretend that her slip hadn't happened, she proceeded in leading him towards a large sign that read 'BAGGAGE CHECK.' Severus followed her onto a device much like the moving walk, only this thing was a set of moving stairs. No doubt Hogwarts would benefit with a couple hundred of these installed to replace its regular staircases, he thought, almost enviously. It didn't escape his notice that Hermione had kept silent this time while riding another transport machine. They neared the big sign, and under it, he found, was a row of booths occupied by employees of sorts. Hermione pulled them to the shortest line there was and tapped her foot impatiently when it didn't move but an inch after several minutes.
"Professor, this might take a while, so... I guess if you wanted you could just do whatever, I mean, I'm not saying I don't want you here, you just don't have to wait in this boring line with me if you don't want to. I can take care of it." She shrugged. "Or, you can stay here, whatever."
Severus spied a small gift shop some twenty feet away. "I think I might take you up on that. I've never been inside an actual muggle shop before."
"Okay, but you're going to have to leave your trunk with me. I need to put it through security with mine, and then after I do that, I can come and get you." He held his trunk to him, like it was being snatched away.
"I'll get it back, won't I?" he asked skeptically.
"Of course Professor, they just check it to make sure you aren't carrying bombs or anything."
"Oh." Reluctantly, he handed over his trunk, as if he'd never see it again.
"Professor, it's okay, they'll take good care of it."
He nodded, though still uneasy. "I'll see you in a minute then." With that, he left for the small shop. Inside were numerous trinkets and things, mostly useless stuff that he himself would never buy, but then, something caught his interest. On the back wall of the shop were columns of muggle magazines. One in particular held his eye. The front cover featured a beautiful woman with blonde hair and blue eyes. Around her face were captions like 'Men, what exactly do they want anyway,' and 'Get What You Need Out of Your Sex Life-Tonight!' Now that was fascinating. He stole a glance out of the shop's window. Hermione had finally gotten to the front of the line and was conversing with an attendant. He still had some time before she came to get him. Having this in mind, he moseyed over to the certain magazine, looking around suspiciously. Good, no one was watching. He picked it up carefully, as if it would explode. Reaching a hand into his pocket, he fingered the muggle money that Minerva had given him before he left. This magazine couldn't cost that much, and really, it wouldn't hurt. I have every right to buy something for myself, it's my money by the way. Cautiously, he took it up to the counter, trying his best to recall everything that Hermione had taught him about money during that meeting with Albus a short while ago.
"Can I help you, Sir?" the cashier asked nicely. Severus placed the magazine on the desk between them. The cashier lady picked it up and eyed it strangely. "For your wife, I presume?" Wife? Why would she think that?
"Um...yes, my cough wife." That must've pleased the lady because she smiled understandingly. He handed her his cash, grateful that he didn't have to count out any coins for her.
"Here is your change, Sir. Have a nice day." He grabbed the magazine and the change and exited the store as quickly as he could without making a spectacle of himself. Wife, what was that all about? Married, me? Yeah, I'm sure I look like the type of guy who has a wife waiting for him at home. Hermione was waiting outside on a bench for him when he emerged. Luckily, she didn't ask about his purchase.
"Ready to go?" she asked. He nodded. "Okay, this way. Now we've got to take ourselves through security."
"Excuse me, ourselves?" he raised an eyebrow at this absurd idea.
"Yes Professor, it's a standard procedure." Hermione narrowed her eyes. "Why, have you got something to hide?" He probably does.
"No, I just think it's an invasion of privacy."
"Well, I'm sorry Professor, but if we don't go through security, we can't get on the plane. Really, it's not like they violate you or anything of that nature, they only check you."
"I know, it's just so... so..." he ran a hand through his hair. He wasn't particularly used to surrender, but what else could he do? "Lead the way." There wasn't time for all of these discussions, and he knew that but... the whole idea unnerved him. They boarded another moving staircase, that Severus learned was called an elevator, only this one was going upwards.
When they got to the end of it this time, he saw a group of people of few feet in front of them, who all seemed to be going through a silver arch way. "Come on, let's get in line," Hermione said, stepping behind a woman with a baby. This line was moving rather quickly (thankfully, he thought) and before they knew it, they were both right in front of the arch. Hermione took off her watch and stuck it in a plastic container, which was handled by a guard. Then she went through the arch and it was given back to her. "Professor, you need to take off any metal objects you might be wearing and give it to the security guard before you can step through the arch," she told him. Severus must've not been thinking, because he nodded and stepped through without taking anything off at all.
BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!
He jumped back immediately, startled a great deal by the arch's outburst. People around them stared. "Sir? Sir?" the guard asked, pointing at him. "Sir, I think it's your belt."
"Huh? Wha--oh, oh. I must've forgotten I was wearing it." Now it was his turn to flush. Not because he was embarrassed, but mainly because he was furious with himself for being so daft. As quickly as possible, he pulled his belt out of his pant loops and handed it to the guard. Then he stepped through again.
Silence...few!
Stupid muggle deals! Having his belt back, his first reaction was to put it back on but he was stopped as a very burly Tongan man came up to him with a rectangular box in hand.
"Spread your arms," he commanded. Severus did as he was told. This man did not look like someone you'd want to mess with. "Legs too!" he barked. Severus grimaced as the guard ran the box up and down his arms, torso and legs. "Turn around!" Then he ran the box up his back, and in Severus' opinion, got a bit too close to a more personal area. Not violated? NOT VIOLATED, my bloody arse, Hermione! When the guard had finally finished 'checking' him, he re-grouped with Hermione who he thought to be annoyingly okay with such an experience.
"See, that wasn't so bad was it?"
His reply was a 'hmpf.' "There had better not be any more surprises, Hermione. I'm in no mood to get harassed a second time."
She laughed. "Don't worry Professor, the worst is over. Now we just need to find our terminal, and then we should be able to board the plane right away. Look for a big sign that says 'A Terminals,' and once we reach that area, we need to look for another sign that would say 'Terminal A-4."
"All right." They continued to walk in silence, Severus still huffing about his little trauma. Hermione seemed to know where she was going, even though she had asked for help, so he just sort of spaced out. When they passed by a small diner, a small boy eating lunch with his mother exclaimed upon seeing them,
"Mummy, look! It's a Sith! See those dark robes!" he shouted, eyes wide. The mother tugged on his arm, humiliated.
"Billy! How many times do I have to tell you? It's not polite to stare!"
Severus glanced over at Hermione, who was trying to keep her fit of giggles under control. He hated having to ask her what everything was. "I'm supposing you're going to tell me what that was about too."
She waved her hand nonchalantly. "Muggle stuff, Professor. Nothing important."
"If you say so." I'll never understand this place. After about five more minutes worth of trudging through crowds, they finally reached their terminal, and were boarding the plane.
"Have a nice flight, Sir," an attendant called to him cheekily. How is everyone so damn happy in a place like this? Wait--they're paid to be that way.
Some thirty minutes later, Severus could finally relax. The plane had taken off and they were both sitting comfortably in their assigned seats. Well, he was almost comfortable. A certain bodily function was nagging at him from down below, and he had been trying to hold it for the past ten minutes. He really didn't want to ask Hermione where the water closet was, but if he didn't soon, he'd be a goner. Just ask her, it's not like she's going to hold it against you for peeing. Gathering his courage, he turned to her.
"Um... Hermione?"
"Huh?"
"I um... I really have to go and I was wondering if you could help me out."
"Go? Go where Professor? You can't exactly apparate from the inside of a plane that's flying this high above the ground you know."
"No, I mean, I have to 'go.'"
"Uh... OHHHH, I'm sorry, I thought you meant...," she put a hand over her face. "Oh, of course, um... it's right over there."
Trying his best not to draw attention to himself, he got up and made his way to the white closet thing at the back of their compartment. He noticed that a rank smell was coming from little room, and he feared how bad it would be once he opened its door. Whoa, what did the last person in here eat? He tried not to think about it, and by the time he was done, the smell had either faded, or he had gotten used to it. Standing up, he took a peek at himself in the mirror. Minerva was right, he should try to make these people like him. It wasn't as if he had anything to lose, because they didn't know him beforehand. His slate was clean. He wouldn't have to keep up his persona as that old greasy git, Snape. He could just be normal. Professor Severus Snape, a distinguished teacher of potions at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. He held his chin up a bit higher for a more dramatic effect. Yes, these people would like him. He would see to it. Knowing what he had to do, he took out his wand and pointed it at his teeth, muttering a spell that would not only straighten them, but whiten them as well. This is good. Then he checked his hair. It wasn't looking as nice as when Minerva had put it in a pony-tail, but he could work on that tomorrow.
He slipped out of the small restroom, and hurried back to where Hermione sat. She was absorbed in some magazine entitled 'The National Geographic.' Good, she didn't notice anything... different. Remembering his own magazine, he took it out from under his seat and began to flip through the pages. There was only one problem: What the hell were they talking about? Several articles on the first few pages consisted of information such as,
The horrors of Liposuction.
Cellulite: Beat it Today!
Implants--safe, or scary?
Hermione finished the article she had been reading about the Amazon Rain Forest, and looked over to see Snape still thoroughly engrossed in whatever he was reading. She leaned over, ever so slightly to see what was on the page and... WHAT?
Tampons; Pearl girl, she's a pearl girl...
Hermione shook her head, disbelievingly. "Uh... Professor, I don't know what you're into, but you do realize what you're reading about, don't you?"
"Well, to be honest, I'm not quite sure." Hermione ducked her head, plastering a hand over her mouth. Her whole body was shaking with laughter. Wait, wait, wait... this couldn't be a... woman's magazine, could it? Oh shit, it is. Disgusted, he closed the magazine and refused to look at it.
"Oh Professor, women aren't that bad!" she said, still chuckling.
"Hermione, I'm renouncing it."
"Well, if you aren't going to read it, I am."
