Abgie: Just how is she a pity seeker? May I have three or four examples?

Raine: I was having such fun imagining Silver doing that. Hmmm fun :) I know it's sad about Drake turning bad. I think we all liked him at one point. I did and I knew what he was going to do!

Night Music: I've got that mental image too. But the only thing I can draw are rainbows....

Chapter 20

"Silver what exactly are we doing?"

"Well lass. We're going to take dis here long boat, an' basically we're going to bring ye back to Jimbo."

"Basically?"

"Dere could be a few minor problems, detours an' such."

"As in we could be caught?"

"Yup."

"Wonderful." A with that as a final note they crept down to the longboats, where Zandra was surprised to find that there was one with several baskets, gunny sacks, jugs, and a trunk.

"What is all this stuff?"

"Food, blankets, water, extry sails, an' me piece o'treasure."

"That's it?" She asked, her tone implied sarcasm.

"Yup. Please get in and hang on, the take off a bit bumpy."

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(A month later)

"Silver, are you sure you know where we're going?"

"Ye said he was goin' to where 'gain?"

"To Kalketna." Silver froze.

"Hang on!"

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(Two months later)

"Cap'n? May I speak ta ya?" Jim walked over to his first mate. "Alone please."

"Join me at the helm in a quarter of an hour." Jim stated softly.

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"What can I do for you Sterling?"

"If I may speak my mind sir?"

"Of course."

"You need to let go of her. It's been months. She 's not coming back."

Jim stiffened.

"Dismissed." His voice was as cold and hard as stone.

"Sir...?"

"You're dismissed First Mate Sterling." Sterling stayed put.

"Sir, I know what's it's like to loose someone ye love. I know how ye must be feelin'. It's like sumptin inside ye died. It's like all of a sudden yer world's ripped out o'yer 'ands and torn to pieces. Like yer 'elpless to do anything. It hurts. The hurt never quiet goes away, but if does lessen. The only way it can lessen is if ye let it go. It gets better. Someone else will come along and ye'll slowly find yourself smiling again, mebe even laughing. I know it seems as though ye could never smile again, like it dishonors 'er. Yet inside ye know that she'd want ye to laugh again. She wouldn't want ye to be in pain."

Jim turned around and headed to his stateroom. He paused and as almost an afterthought said, "Thank you Sterling. Dismissed."

That night Jim cried himself to sleep.

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"Silver, he's not here anymore. They said he was, but left almost two months ago. They said he was on his way home. Can we go back to Montressor?"

Silver looked at her. The months of living on the longboat, the working on ships in exchange for passage to places where some incoherent person had said they thought he was going to had completely changed her. Her skin was tanned even more by the sun. Her hair was no longer as dark, but honey brown and had blond streaks from the sunlight and was full of knots. She was super skinny, no longer slender, skinny. They'd been searching for almost a year and her clothes, the ones that were still presentable were mere rags. The skirt she was wearing hung loosely on her hips, the red shirt had ripped somewhere along the line and now covered down to her rib cadge, leaving a brown abdomen showing. What hurt him most were her eyes. They were empty of all emotion. At first when she was told that she missed him, or that he was never even there she'd cried for days. Now she's stiffen, her eyes, the windows to her soul were as hard and cold as stone. She'd feign happiness to please him, but those eyes always remained the same. Haunted, hurt, and he was helpless. The girl was like a daughter to him, and she was in more pain than she could bear, but she would never share it.

"Of course luv."

For the first time in weeks he saw a peek of the real Zandra.

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Jim looked up at the sky. He was in his favorite childhood thinking spot on the roof. He knew she was somewhere out there. She had to be. But it had been months. Over a year and not even a letter. Not a soul had seen her. He had tried to let go of her as Sterling had suggested, it hadn't worked. He had hung up his captains uniform and went to live with at the Benbow again. He was withdrawn and silent. He could hear the titters behind the hands of gossipy women to the younger one at how he used to be so vibrant and full of life. Some said that his heart had been broken by a woman on some distant planet or another. Others that he'd lost his ship to pirates and was forced to watch all his crew murdered. The most popular one was started when he first came back when some still remembered her. That she'd run away with his first mate, taking his heart with her. It was partially true. She still held his heart, and always would.