See Chapter One for disclaimer and story info. Dedicated to Katt.

Chapter Two.

Being able to stretch out his long legs in front of him and actually feeling his headache lessen as he replenished his body's liquid storage made Dutch decide that he owed Claudette for making him take a break. Even though a nagging voice in his head kept telling him that he didn't have the time to sit around on his worthless ass doing nothing, another -- much more sensible -- part of him recognized the need to take a breather.

Solving cases like these is all about perspective, he reminded himself.

"Hah!"

Looking up from his sandwich he met Claudette's eyes, noticing, but not understanding the reason for, her smug expression. Sitting up a bit straighter he looked around the small deli but saw nothing that was even close to 'hah!'-worthy. Just people ordering sandwiches and drinking surprisingly good coffee.

"What?" he finally asked.

"You were thinking that I was right," she stated without an ounce of hesitation and a satisfied look on her face. As he stared at her, looking, no doubt, as stupid as he felt, she added:"About the food. Possibly about the 'don't take cases too personal' comment as well. But you were definitely wearing your 'my partner was right... again' look."

"I wasn't aware I had a 'my partner was right... again' look," he commented dryly.

"You do." She took a large bite out of her sandwich and chewed it carefully before continuing; "And you didn't say I was wrong."

"About me just thinking that you were right?"

Claudette nodded.

"No, I suppose I didn't."

She grinned at him again, mischief in her eyes. That was a look he liked much better on her than the usual too-stern 'professional' face.

And she'd been right. Hopefully not about him having a 'My partner was right again' look, but about the rest of it. Especially about how he needed to stop taking the case too personal.

Of course, he realized that when Claudette had said 'personal' what she had meant was that he shouldn't take the cases to his heart. But he really couldn't see himself working on a case with a victim like Sally -- or any other abused child for that matter -- and not taking it to his heart. That was just not possible.

What he could do though -- what he had to -- was to stop making it about him and his own sordid past. He couldn't afford scenes like when Mackey had startled him earlier. Or when he'd blown up at Danny the night before. He really couldn't afford to bury himself in what had happened so many year ago. He was over it, he told himself sternly. He had to be over it.

He was just about to open his mouth to ask Claudette just when she'd learned to read him so expertly when, for the second time that day, a hand suddenly grabbed on to his shoulder. Claudette tensed up, obviously expecting him to react in the same way as he had earlier but he quickly masked his fear and turned around with a false smile on his lips.

The smile quickly became more genuine though as he was met by Danny's beautiful eyes. He didn't think she'd be very eager to talk to him after the way he'd treated her the day before, but there she was. For once he didn't mind being proven wrong.

"Hi, Danny! Uhm... are you here to eat?" He looked around to see if her partner was around as well. "I can recommend the ham and turkey. It's really good, although they could easily be a bit more generous with the mayo."

He was so busy looking around for a free chair to bring over to their table that he almost missed her shaking her head.

"No, me and Julian already ate. But I..."

She looked down at the dirty linoleum floor for a few moments and when she raised her head again her eyes were so serious that Dutch could feel his heart sinking. Had he done something wrong?

Besides the way you treated her last night, moron?

He bit his lip nervously as he waited for her to complete the sentence.

"I need to talk to you," she finally said and then gave Claudette an apologetic look as she added: "Alone."

***

"I hope your partner didn't take offense."

"I'm sure she didn't."

And he was rather sure Claudette wasn't. Curious? Yes, probably. But hardly offended. She believed too much in herself to be so easily hurt. That was yet another difference between him and his partner.

He sneaked a look at Danny. Just like him she seemed to be unsure of what to say. The way she held her uniform-clad body -- head down to avoid eye contact, arms folded over her chest to create a barrier between the two of them and the way she kept shifting her weight from one foot to another -- told him quite clearly that he wasn't going to like whatever it was she was about to tell him.

Look what you've done now, he berated himself angrily. You've really fucked it up this time. She can't even look at you! You should have known that the excuse last night wouldn't do the trick. Stupid!

As she bit down on her lower lip he decided enough was enough; if for no other reason than the fact that his stomach couldn't take much more of his mind's constant speculation as to what was going on.

"So... what was it you wanted to talk about?"

"It's... about last night. About what happened."

"Uhm, yeah." He rubbed his neck, more because of the overwhelming need to do something than anything else. "As I said before, I'm really sorry about the way I acted. I know I was an ass and... if there's anything I can do to make it up to you, I will."

For a few moments she looked confused, as if she didn't know what he was talking about. Then her eyes became more focused and she shook her head quickly, a few strands of blond hair escaping the firm knot on the back of her head.

"No. No, Dutch. Not about that. I said it was okay, remember?"

She smiled at him brightly and at the same time as he felt relieved that she wasn't upset about 'that', he couldn't help but wonder what else could have happened that she needed to talk to him about.

"I'm afraid I don't understand," he finally said, after yet another too-long silence. "If it's not about that, then what...?"

"It's about what you told me." She looked at him, her face suddenly very somber and there was a look in her eyes that he found himself not liking very much at all. "On my porch."

She stopped there, as if she thought that should be explanation enough, but he really couldn't see where she was heading. He'd been really worn out the night before and a bit... not drunk exactly, but not entirely sober either. It had taken a lot to go to her house and he'd actually stopped for a drink before driving there. (And didn't he despise himself for stooping so low as to resort to liquid courage!) But as far as he could remember he hadn't given voice to anything besides a very lengthy, rather bad version of 'I'm sorry'.

He frowned, hesitant about what to say next.

"Uhm..."

"You tried to tell me something but I..." She looked just as uncomfortable as he felt. A rather amazing feat when he came to think about it. "I don't blame you if you don't want to talk to me about it again. I mean, I didn't handle it very well when you tried to tell me last night and... I'm sorry about that. But if you ever want to talk about it with someone, I just want you to know that I'm here for you."

She rushed out the last part as if she'd been rehearsing them for hours and that look in her eyes... He recognized so well but couldn't quite put a name on yet. Forcing his confusion into the back of his mind he tried to remember what he'd said the night before. That was the clue to figuring out what this was all about, he was sure of it.

"What I said to you... was inexcusable." He remembered himself saying. Then: "This case... was very important to me. When I was a kid-"

The look in her eyes, he thought numbly, the one he hadn't been able to put a name on earlier, had been pity.

Then the realization of what it -- the forced conversation, the look in her eyes, everything -- meant hit him like a fist to his stomach and for a moment he was sure he was going to lose it. For a moment he even thought that perhaps he had.

Words from the past echoed in his mind. "Don't you ever dare to tell anyone!" And then: "You don't talk to other people about what's going on in our home, son!" Those were both lessons well-learned and Dutch felt a wave of sickening guilt wash over him at what he had done.

Danny knew. No matter what he did or said, she knew. She would always know. He opened her mouth to tell her to please, forget but no words came out of his mouth. Which was just as well, because he then realized that he couldn't admit to it. He just couldn't. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he did.

"I don't know what you think I was trying to tell you," he said, surprised to find himself able to speak again, "but I was... just talking, okay? Trying to get you to forgive me for blowing up at you for no good reason."

The look on Danny's face made him aware that the convincing smile he'd aimed for had probably ended up looking more like a pained grimace.

"Listen, Dutch, I'm sorry if I didn't handle it very well but I just didn't know what to say. I know it's no excuse, I'm a police officer and I see shit like that everyday so I shouldn't have let it surprise me, I know. But... you don't expect your friends to-"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Danny." The pain in her eyes almost undid him and he had to take a deep breath. "I really wasn't trying to tell you anything so... uhm... don't feel bad about this, okay?"

He wasn't even aware that he had been shying away from her until he almost tumbled over a broken bottle. Danny took a few steps closer to, he thought, grab his arm. Stop him from leaving. But he didn't want her to touch him. Couldn't let her. Or anyone else for that matter.

"I'm sorry, Danny, but I have to go. Now. I'll... talk to you later."

Three blocks later he realized that a) she wasn't following him, b) he'd just abandoned Claudette in that deli and c) Danny knew. Somebody knew. The world seemed to be spinning around him and he was vaguely aware that people was pointing at him, disgust on their faces, as he reached out for the wall to keep from falling.

The ham and turkey sandwich had tasted much better going down that it had coming up.