The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot

Chapter Three: Pale White

Disclaimer: I don't own Kare Kano or Brand New, unfortunately.

Mountain Rain: This chapter will be in Arima's point of view, so just keep that in mind while reading. Here's the key to the voices in that crazy head of his:

Bold: Good voice. Wants Yukino and Arima to get back together. Tries to tell him that Yukino still loves him.

Italic: Evil voice. Wants Arima to "dispose" of Miyazawa. Makes him feel hurt and betrayed.

~

            Miyazawa Yukino.

            She was everything to me. She was the most perfect person in the world. She was beautiful, caring, and sweet. I loved her with my whole heart. Sometimes I wondered why she even put up with me. I thought she loved me. But I knew in the back of my mind that someone who was as great as Yukino couldn't be with a person like me forever. Miyazawa was the queen of my heart.

            Was.

            After that afternoon at the ice cream shop, I could not get her out of mind. Before she was all I thought about, too. But those were good thoughts. Now all I want to do is take Miyazawa in my arms and show her what it feels like to be alone. I have wasted everything I had on that girl, and just because of a stupid fight she's going to leave me?

            Somewhere in the depths of my subconscious there's a small, barely audible voice telling me that it's my fault. This voice used to scream "YOUR FAULT!" whenever Miyazawa and I got into fights, but now it whispers like a scared child.

            There's a new voice in my head. It tells me all sorts of horrible things that Miyazawa could've done while we were together. It tells me what I could do to her.

            Despite what she put me through, I still love Miyazawa. She was my first love; how could I forget her?  It feels like she's pouring salt on my wounds every time I see her with another guy. But if I can't be with her, then no one can. I know a few people who'd love to be Miyazawa's boyfriend. Of course, once I'm through with her, they won't even want to stand near Ms. Perfect.

            I'll make sure she never goes near any boy again.

~

            Down by the grove of cherry trees, there's a small cherry tree that has only a few live flowers. Since the tree is smack dab in the middle of the grove, sunlight almost never touches the tree. Most of the blooms are dead. That small tree reminds me of what Miyazawa and I have. A dead love.

            Sometimes I see Miyazawa walking down the street, or at her house with her sisters, or eating lunch with her friends while casually brushing the hair out of her face. She's always smiling and being so cheerful; it makes me want to rip that smile away from her face. Then she would know how it feels to lose your smile.

            Miyazawa was my smile.

            It's like our breakup never affected her. So all this time, was she just pretending that she loved me, just to get the reputation as my girlfriend? Did she ever care about me like I cared about her?

            No. She never loved you. Ever.

            That's right. It was all a lie…. She was lying to me everyday. And to think, I wasted all of those tears on her. I spent all of my time trying to make her happy, just to see the smile that brightened my day. She faked that smile….

            I will show her exactly how I feel. She will feel the pain and the anguish, the anger and the regret. Miyazawa should feel the poison of her own sting.

            Don't do it. She loves you as much as you love her….

            What? I can't hear you. Speak louder.

            I'm shouting as loud as I can, but your hurt is overshadowing my screams.

            I can't understand you. Tell me, please, if she loves me. I have to know whether or not she cares.

            YES. She's hurting, also.

            No! Don't listen! It's a lie! Everything has been a lie!

            So…she doesn't hurt as I do?

            She does. She's trying to hide her emotions so no one will notice that on the inside, she is nothing more that a vase shattered by love's sting.

            She's…a vase? What?

            MIYAZAWA LOVES YOU!

            NO! Miyazawa was using you! She doesn't care for you at all! Show her how it feels like to be scarred by false love!

            I….

            Miyazawa is driving you insane. Why don't you drive her insane?

            You're…right….

            No, Arima. Think about all of the times you saw love in her eyes! Her heart is still attached to you.

            I can't hear you. What are you trying to say?

Don't—!

            Too late.

~

Mountain Rain: Arima's sanity has left the building. Review, please! And thanks to Coward in the Shadows for pointing out my mistake. Heh, I meant Asaba, not Arima.