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~~~~~~*~~~~~~~ An earth shattering yell broke the serene, quiet morning; sending birds flying out of the trees.
"WAKE UP!" Ryan yanked the blanket off the huddled form of Sam
"Ugh...five more minutes"
Ryan glared and pushed the delirious girl off the green couch. With a loud thump and a groan, Sam got up and rubber tender elbow.
"Stupid coffee table! Hey watch it!"
A pair of pants and a shirt collided with the drowsy face and landed in a pile on her lap. Ryan wondered how Sam could not be a morning person and strutted out of the room.
"Now for the terrible four"
Turning right she made her way the carpeted stairs and down the hallway to her twin sisters room. She swung the door open and crept in on tip toes. Legolas was on the bottom bunk curled in the fetal position, sucking his thumb.
"Boy does that say a lot about royalty." she mused to herself "Oh God they're dead!"
The elf laid there blue eyes wide and glazed, looking at nothing.
*Calm down* Ryan she scolded herself. *They sleep with them open remember!*
When she got close enough she slowly climbed up the ladder to the top bunk. Ryan snorted, almost falling backwards at the sight of Elrohir: no shirt on, his butt in the air, and the blankets almost pushed off the ends of the bed. But to top it all off he was sporting a nice drool spot on his pillow. Ryan snorted again and then completely lost it, bursting into a fit of laughter.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
Poor Legolas on the bottom bunk bolted upright, eyes filled with terror. Elrohir on the other hand, had taken a second longer than his elven counterpart. He grunted and sat up still half asleep. Where was he? Wait. Ryan laughing at him...and in his room! The tips of Elrohir's ears turned pink and then brilliant red.
"RYAN!"
{Back with Sam}
After rudely being awoken, Sam drug her body into the bathroom to change into the clothes Ryan had thrown to her.....or at her rather. "Curse Ryan and her early bird-ness." She made her way down to the kitchen to make some coffee, the greatest gift to mankind, when a laughter followed by a loud 'RYAN' echoed from up the stairs.
Sam snickered, "Must have woken up Leggie and Elrohir." Then a devilish grin crossed her face. That should wake the others.
She crept up the stairway and past the twins room where Ryan was currently rolling on the floor in front of a furiously blushing Elrohir, with no shirt on, and Legolas who was trying to shove himself under the bed in an attempt to escape the maniacally laughing girl.
"Having a bit of fun I see."
"You shoulda-he was-and then-"
Ryan collapsed into a whole new fit of laughter and clutched her stomach.
"Riiiighttt."
Sam slowly backed out of the room trying not to make any sudden movements and headed down the hall to where Haldir slept.
"Is that what I think it is?"
Because of Ryan's vicious laughter Sam had missed the horrendously loud snoring issuing from the room at the end of the hall. Turning the golden door knob, Sam slowly eased the door open. There lay Haldir, sprawled across the bed, mouth wide open and snoring.
"Uh, Haldir, wake up."
Nothing.
"Haldir," she said a bit louder.
"HALDIR!!"
"ORC ATTACK!!!"
Haldir leapt to his feet with amazing speed setting his body into a battle stance atop the water bed.
"My bow! Where has it gone?!"
Sam snickered and left the poor elf standing atop the messy bed still shouting about his bloody bow.
~ * ~ After the two girls woke up the remaining elf, Arwen, whom they found gripping the sheets of Ryan's bed, eyes blood-shot, muttering that Ryan's large tabby cat, Sunny, had rubbed against her all night long, they lead the small group downstairs for breakfast.
"Now," announced Ryan, "We have for breakfast a multitude of choices. You may choose from Wheaties, Cheerio's, Fruit Loops, Lucky Charms, and Rice Krispies."
"Cheer-os?" questioned Arwen. She glanced at Ryan as if she were mad. "Yes, now choose a cereal because I don't feel like cooking for all of you."
"I CALL MY ASIAN POPPERS!!" Sam snatched the box of Rice Krispies off the counter.
Ryan groaned, "Why do you insist on calling them that?"
"Fan Fiction. You can thank Tori Yuki Ichimura for that." answered Sam smugly.
"I would like to try these 'Asian Poppers'." Haldir looked at Sam.
"Good choice!"
"You're both hopeless."
After much debating and yelling, can't have one without the other, everyone had picked out their cereal and had started eating. Surprisingly, Legolas had chosen colorful Fruit Loops, Ryan and Elrohir had Lucky Charms, and Arwen chowed down on her choice of Cheerios. After throwing their bowls into the sink, Ryan herded the group upstairs to pick out clothes.
*LATER AT THE MALL*
"By the Valar!"
"Oh please Haldir. It's not that great. Actually it's quite the hellhole of silicone."
"Ryan shut up. I think his wide-eyed innocence is quite.........charming *sigh*
Ryan regarded Sam with a speculative glare. "Pick your chin up off the floor. We're here to get clothes and not drool on the elves. And I absolutely forbid you to 'help' them put on the clothes in the dressing room!"
*Well, well, well.* thought Sam. *That certainly says something about where her mind is going.* (snicker).
*INSIDE HOT TOPIC (which we don't own either)*
Arwen was deeply frustrated by the place she found herself in. "Ryan, I'm afraid that I cannot read your inferior mortal language."
That seemed to be the last straw for Ryan as she stomped over to Arwen. "Shove it Arwen. Don't knock our 'inferior mortal language.' If I seemed to remember correctly, your boyfriend doesn't exactly have frequent flier miles in regards to Death. The shirt says, Kiss Me I'm A Pirate."
Sam applauded from across the store and got an evil eye glare from the pink- haired girl behind the counter (who was ironically reading Seventeen).
"So, what exactly is a pirate?" Arwen was quite sure that she didn't want to know, but it would help to be familiar with the style of dress; no matter how revolting it seemed to be.
"Well, it's a cross between Keith Richards and a sailor. Basically it's a guy on a boat who kills and steals."
"How vulgar!" Arwen was thoroughly disgusted at the thought of kissing such a thing. Sure, Aragorn was dirty, but that was completely different. (sigh).
Legolas (timidly of course) touched the shirt. He was drawn to it somehow that he could not explain. But he felt that he had the right to wear such a cloth.
"Oh. I like this. Would I be allowed to wear the cloak?"
Sam and Ryan glanced at each other, muttered something about pirates and a Johnny Depp to each other and conceded to Legolas' desire.
"Ai Elbereth! It's Merry and Pippin!" Arwen screamed across the store to Ryan and Sam.
The girl (still reading that goddam Seventeen) stared at her with blood- lust in her eyes. *God I hate it when they scream* she thought to herself.
"NO! You're not getting the same tee as me!!!!!" Sam felt very suicidal at the thought of Arwen wearing the same shirt (in public) as herself.
"It's okay Arwen. We'll get you this sweatshirt. It says MORE PARTIES, MORE BOYS, MORE KISSING." Ryan, the diplomat, was hoping that Arwen would not realize that this was a direct attack on her personality.
"OOOOHH!" Apparently not, for now Arwen was stroking the shirt.
"Elrohir, Haldir, we have picked shirts for you guys." Sam was giggling so hard, she could hardly contain herself as she handed Haldir his new 'Earth' wardrobe.
"And what does this say, lovely one?" "It *giggle* says um, *giggle* MOTORHEAD ENGLAND *giggle*"
Haldir thought the giggling and the pink in Sam's cheeks suited her very nicely. "I like it very much. Thank you, milady."
"*giggle* *giggle* You're welcome." Sam ran away to the Food Court to scream hysterically, leaving Ryan to pay for the new clothes.
"Milady, what did I receive?"
"Oh, Elrohir, well we got you an ATTICUS tee."
"Oh." Elrohir had no idea what an Atticus was, but he felt that he would insult Ryan if he admitted that he didn't know.
*AT THE FOOD COURT (this part is so goddam funny, I wish I'd wrote it, oh wait, I did)*
"Sam, get your butt over here."
"Sorry I had another fit." Sam's cheeks were still pink and she was taking huge gulps of air, so she promised herself she wouldn't look at Haldir until she had completely composed herself.
Once again, Ryan bought food for everyone. They sat down and it took quite a long time to teach the elves how to eat burritos.
"It's a burrito. Shove it in your face and chew!"
Soon after these helpful instructions were given, the elves had refried beans covering their noses and were not very successful in their attempts to save their dignity.
"Kids these days. They've got no respect for their elders. Even when they're eating, they can't be civilized." The old woman's companions sadly nodded for the teenagers lost souls.
A man with long hair was passing out brochures. No one seemed to be taking them. Actually, people seemed to be avoiding the man altogether.
Elrohir approached the man. "Are you an elf too?" he said, fingering the man's long blond hair, looking for pointed ears.
The man looked at him with pity. "Jesus loves you."
"Oh. Is that this earth's god? My twin and I and the rest of our house honor Elbereth."
"Elbereth! Why, he is the very spawn of Satan!"
"Elbereth is a female god. And who is Satan?"
"Satan has a daughter?!!! Oh mercy in heaven!"
"What?"
"What?"
Ryan ran toward the two and dragged Elrohir back to the table. "Listen to me, Elrohir. Stay away from the evangelists."
"He seemed very much like an orc to me. Believe me I will not be in his vicinity again."
"Uh, that's good."
"Hey Arwen, we've got something to show you." The devilish grin on Sam's face gave her away instantly.
*AT FYE RECORDS (which we also don't own, goddam, is this PC even mine?!)*
"Oh god! He soooooooooooooooo cute!! Oh my god!!!!!!! When he cut off that orc's head I swear to god I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I TOTALLY know!!!!!! He's the most manly things I've ever seen!!!!!!! I think I'll kill myself if I could just touch him!!!!! (swooning major)"
"Oh god I bet he smells good too!!!!!!!!! All covered in sweat and dirt like that!!!!! Oh god!!!!"
"Sam, what in the hell are you doing?!"
Sam was in the process of dragging 4 elves all the way across the mall in order to show Arwen the cardboard cutout of Aragorn that was in the window of FYE. Unfortunately, their view was blocked by two hideously gushy fangirls who had fogged up the glass.
"What are they looking at?" Arwen was straining her neck for a view of what was getting the girls all riled up.
"Alright. Break it up. Move along." Ryan shoved the two fangirls out of the way and showed them to the nearest makeup counter.
"OH IT'S ARAGORN!!!!"
"Yep. I knew you'd like it."
"COME BACK HERE YOU TWO ORCS!!!! YOU CAN'T LOOK AT MY HUSBAND LIKE THAT AND JUST WALK AWAY WITH ALL YOUR LIMBS!!!!!!" "Oh crap. Arwen calm down. It's okay, it happens a lot. No one takes them seriously."
"But they were looking at MY husband!!! He's MINE! Goddammit!!"
"Well they certainly caught onto the language quickly."
"Shut up Sam. It's your fault. You brought her here." Ryan was quite frustrated with the reaction to the cardboard.
"Sorry. I thought she'd like it. Hey, Legolas what are you doing?"
Legolas was leaning up against the glass, peering at another poster. "It's me. I thought I was taller. How strange. I look quite hideous on paper."
Sam could barely contain her laughter. "I wouldn't speak too soon Leggie. You'd really get a kick out of all the fantasies human girls have about you. It's all on ff.net."
Ryan collapsed into a fit of hysterics. "I'd give anything to see his reaction to certain stories about apple butter and chains!!!! And Elladan/Elrohir slash! And Arwen would have fit about all the Aragorn slash! And the things those girls have going on between Haldir and Legolas!!!!" Ryan was utterly dying of lack of air and her ribs started to hurt.
Elrohir walked up to Sam, as did the rest of the elves.
"What's apple butter?"
"And what is this about my twin and I? I'm quite confused."
"Milady, what is slash?"
"What would I have a fit about?!" The last comment was made by a seething Arwen.
Sam was overwhelmed and was not receiving any help from her incapacitated partner in this little adventure. *Oh well, I did start it.*
"One at a time, people. Although I don't think you'll be thrilled with the answer."
*Dang. Now she'd have to explain homosexuality to elves. At least it was better than biology.*
~~~~~~*~~~~~~~ An earth shattering yell broke the serene, quiet morning; sending birds flying out of the trees.
"WAKE UP!" Ryan yanked the blanket off the huddled form of Sam
"Ugh...five more minutes"
Ryan glared and pushed the delirious girl off the green couch. With a loud thump and a groan, Sam got up and rubber tender elbow.
"Stupid coffee table! Hey watch it!"
A pair of pants and a shirt collided with the drowsy face and landed in a pile on her lap. Ryan wondered how Sam could not be a morning person and strutted out of the room.
"Now for the terrible four"
Turning right she made her way the carpeted stairs and down the hallway to her twin sisters room. She swung the door open and crept in on tip toes. Legolas was on the bottom bunk curled in the fetal position, sucking his thumb.
"Boy does that say a lot about royalty." she mused to herself "Oh God they're dead!"
The elf laid there blue eyes wide and glazed, looking at nothing.
*Calm down* Ryan she scolded herself. *They sleep with them open remember!*
When she got close enough she slowly climbed up the ladder to the top bunk. Ryan snorted, almost falling backwards at the sight of Elrohir: no shirt on, his butt in the air, and the blankets almost pushed off the ends of the bed. But to top it all off he was sporting a nice drool spot on his pillow. Ryan snorted again and then completely lost it, bursting into a fit of laughter.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
Poor Legolas on the bottom bunk bolted upright, eyes filled with terror. Elrohir on the other hand, had taken a second longer than his elven counterpart. He grunted and sat up still half asleep. Where was he? Wait. Ryan laughing at him...and in his room! The tips of Elrohir's ears turned pink and then brilliant red.
"RYAN!"
{Back with Sam}
After rudely being awoken, Sam drug her body into the bathroom to change into the clothes Ryan had thrown to her.....or at her rather. "Curse Ryan and her early bird-ness." She made her way down to the kitchen to make some coffee, the greatest gift to mankind, when a laughter followed by a loud 'RYAN' echoed from up the stairs.
Sam snickered, "Must have woken up Leggie and Elrohir." Then a devilish grin crossed her face. That should wake the others.
She crept up the stairway and past the twins room where Ryan was currently rolling on the floor in front of a furiously blushing Elrohir, with no shirt on, and Legolas who was trying to shove himself under the bed in an attempt to escape the maniacally laughing girl.
"Having a bit of fun I see."
"You shoulda-he was-and then-"
Ryan collapsed into a whole new fit of laughter and clutched her stomach.
"Riiiighttt."
Sam slowly backed out of the room trying not to make any sudden movements and headed down the hall to where Haldir slept.
"Is that what I think it is?"
Because of Ryan's vicious laughter Sam had missed the horrendously loud snoring issuing from the room at the end of the hall. Turning the golden door knob, Sam slowly eased the door open. There lay Haldir, sprawled across the bed, mouth wide open and snoring.
"Uh, Haldir, wake up."
Nothing.
"Haldir," she said a bit louder.
"HALDIR!!"
"ORC ATTACK!!!"
Haldir leapt to his feet with amazing speed setting his body into a battle stance atop the water bed.
"My bow! Where has it gone?!"
Sam snickered and left the poor elf standing atop the messy bed still shouting about his bloody bow.
~ * ~ After the two girls woke up the remaining elf, Arwen, whom they found gripping the sheets of Ryan's bed, eyes blood-shot, muttering that Ryan's large tabby cat, Sunny, had rubbed against her all night long, they lead the small group downstairs for breakfast.
"Now," announced Ryan, "We have for breakfast a multitude of choices. You may choose from Wheaties, Cheerio's, Fruit Loops, Lucky Charms, and Rice Krispies."
"Cheer-os?" questioned Arwen. She glanced at Ryan as if she were mad. "Yes, now choose a cereal because I don't feel like cooking for all of you."
"I CALL MY ASIAN POPPERS!!" Sam snatched the box of Rice Krispies off the counter.
Ryan groaned, "Why do you insist on calling them that?"
"Fan Fiction. You can thank Tori Yuki Ichimura for that." answered Sam smugly.
"I would like to try these 'Asian Poppers'." Haldir looked at Sam.
"Good choice!"
"You're both hopeless."
After much debating and yelling, can't have one without the other, everyone had picked out their cereal and had started eating. Surprisingly, Legolas had chosen colorful Fruit Loops, Ryan and Elrohir had Lucky Charms, and Arwen chowed down on her choice of Cheerios. After throwing their bowls into the sink, Ryan herded the group upstairs to pick out clothes.
*LATER AT THE MALL*
"By the Valar!"
"Oh please Haldir. It's not that great. Actually it's quite the hellhole of silicone."
"Ryan shut up. I think his wide-eyed innocence is quite.........charming *sigh*
Ryan regarded Sam with a speculative glare. "Pick your chin up off the floor. We're here to get clothes and not drool on the elves. And I absolutely forbid you to 'help' them put on the clothes in the dressing room!"
*Well, well, well.* thought Sam. *That certainly says something about where her mind is going.* (snicker).
*INSIDE HOT TOPIC (which we don't own either)*
Arwen was deeply frustrated by the place she found herself in. "Ryan, I'm afraid that I cannot read your inferior mortal language."
That seemed to be the last straw for Ryan as she stomped over to Arwen. "Shove it Arwen. Don't knock our 'inferior mortal language.' If I seemed to remember correctly, your boyfriend doesn't exactly have frequent flier miles in regards to Death. The shirt says, Kiss Me I'm A Pirate."
Sam applauded from across the store and got an evil eye glare from the pink- haired girl behind the counter (who was ironically reading Seventeen).
"So, what exactly is a pirate?" Arwen was quite sure that she didn't want to know, but it would help to be familiar with the style of dress; no matter how revolting it seemed to be.
"Well, it's a cross between Keith Richards and a sailor. Basically it's a guy on a boat who kills and steals."
"How vulgar!" Arwen was thoroughly disgusted at the thought of kissing such a thing. Sure, Aragorn was dirty, but that was completely different. (sigh).
Legolas (timidly of course) touched the shirt. He was drawn to it somehow that he could not explain. But he felt that he had the right to wear such a cloth.
"Oh. I like this. Would I be allowed to wear the cloak?"
Sam and Ryan glanced at each other, muttered something about pirates and a Johnny Depp to each other and conceded to Legolas' desire.
"Ai Elbereth! It's Merry and Pippin!" Arwen screamed across the store to Ryan and Sam.
The girl (still reading that goddam Seventeen) stared at her with blood- lust in her eyes. *God I hate it when they scream* she thought to herself.
"NO! You're not getting the same tee as me!!!!!" Sam felt very suicidal at the thought of Arwen wearing the same shirt (in public) as herself.
"It's okay Arwen. We'll get you this sweatshirt. It says MORE PARTIES, MORE BOYS, MORE KISSING." Ryan, the diplomat, was hoping that Arwen would not realize that this was a direct attack on her personality.
"OOOOHH!" Apparently not, for now Arwen was stroking the shirt.
"Elrohir, Haldir, we have picked shirts for you guys." Sam was giggling so hard, she could hardly contain herself as she handed Haldir his new 'Earth' wardrobe.
"And what does this say, lovely one?" "It *giggle* says um, *giggle* MOTORHEAD ENGLAND *giggle*"
Haldir thought the giggling and the pink in Sam's cheeks suited her very nicely. "I like it very much. Thank you, milady."
"*giggle* *giggle* You're welcome." Sam ran away to the Food Court to scream hysterically, leaving Ryan to pay for the new clothes.
"Milady, what did I receive?"
"Oh, Elrohir, well we got you an ATTICUS tee."
"Oh." Elrohir had no idea what an Atticus was, but he felt that he would insult Ryan if he admitted that he didn't know.
*AT THE FOOD COURT (this part is so goddam funny, I wish I'd wrote it, oh wait, I did)*
"Sam, get your butt over here."
"Sorry I had another fit." Sam's cheeks were still pink and she was taking huge gulps of air, so she promised herself she wouldn't look at Haldir until she had completely composed herself.
Once again, Ryan bought food for everyone. They sat down and it took quite a long time to teach the elves how to eat burritos.
"It's a burrito. Shove it in your face and chew!"
Soon after these helpful instructions were given, the elves had refried beans covering their noses and were not very successful in their attempts to save their dignity.
"Kids these days. They've got no respect for their elders. Even when they're eating, they can't be civilized." The old woman's companions sadly nodded for the teenagers lost souls.
A man with long hair was passing out brochures. No one seemed to be taking them. Actually, people seemed to be avoiding the man altogether.
Elrohir approached the man. "Are you an elf too?" he said, fingering the man's long blond hair, looking for pointed ears.
The man looked at him with pity. "Jesus loves you."
"Oh. Is that this earth's god? My twin and I and the rest of our house honor Elbereth."
"Elbereth! Why, he is the very spawn of Satan!"
"Elbereth is a female god. And who is Satan?"
"Satan has a daughter?!!! Oh mercy in heaven!"
"What?"
"What?"
Ryan ran toward the two and dragged Elrohir back to the table. "Listen to me, Elrohir. Stay away from the evangelists."
"He seemed very much like an orc to me. Believe me I will not be in his vicinity again."
"Uh, that's good."
"Hey Arwen, we've got something to show you." The devilish grin on Sam's face gave her away instantly.
*AT FYE RECORDS (which we also don't own, goddam, is this PC even mine?!)*
"Oh god! He soooooooooooooooo cute!! Oh my god!!!!!!! When he cut off that orc's head I swear to god I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I TOTALLY know!!!!!! He's the most manly things I've ever seen!!!!!!! I think I'll kill myself if I could just touch him!!!!! (swooning major)"
"Oh god I bet he smells good too!!!!!!!!! All covered in sweat and dirt like that!!!!! Oh god!!!!"
"Sam, what in the hell are you doing?!"
Sam was in the process of dragging 4 elves all the way across the mall in order to show Arwen the cardboard cutout of Aragorn that was in the window of FYE. Unfortunately, their view was blocked by two hideously gushy fangirls who had fogged up the glass.
"What are they looking at?" Arwen was straining her neck for a view of what was getting the girls all riled up.
"Alright. Break it up. Move along." Ryan shoved the two fangirls out of the way and showed them to the nearest makeup counter.
"OH IT'S ARAGORN!!!!"
"Yep. I knew you'd like it."
"COME BACK HERE YOU TWO ORCS!!!! YOU CAN'T LOOK AT MY HUSBAND LIKE THAT AND JUST WALK AWAY WITH ALL YOUR LIMBS!!!!!!" "Oh crap. Arwen calm down. It's okay, it happens a lot. No one takes them seriously."
"But they were looking at MY husband!!! He's MINE! Goddammit!!"
"Well they certainly caught onto the language quickly."
"Shut up Sam. It's your fault. You brought her here." Ryan was quite frustrated with the reaction to the cardboard.
"Sorry. I thought she'd like it. Hey, Legolas what are you doing?"
Legolas was leaning up against the glass, peering at another poster. "It's me. I thought I was taller. How strange. I look quite hideous on paper."
Sam could barely contain her laughter. "I wouldn't speak too soon Leggie. You'd really get a kick out of all the fantasies human girls have about you. It's all on ff.net."
Ryan collapsed into a fit of hysterics. "I'd give anything to see his reaction to certain stories about apple butter and chains!!!! And Elladan/Elrohir slash! And Arwen would have fit about all the Aragorn slash! And the things those girls have going on between Haldir and Legolas!!!!" Ryan was utterly dying of lack of air and her ribs started to hurt.
Elrohir walked up to Sam, as did the rest of the elves.
"What's apple butter?"
"And what is this about my twin and I? I'm quite confused."
"Milady, what is slash?"
"What would I have a fit about?!" The last comment was made by a seething Arwen.
Sam was overwhelmed and was not receiving any help from her incapacitated partner in this little adventure. *Oh well, I did start it.*
"One at a time, people. Although I don't think you'll be thrilled with the answer."
*Dang. Now she'd have to explain homosexuality to elves. At least it was better than biology.*
