Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me, they are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Fox.
Feedback is always welcome.
Takes place shortly after the series ended. Another Jayne/River piece.
Many thanks to William Topley and The Blessing for their song "Delta Rain", it helped inspire this piece. River sings bits and pieces of it to Jayne.
* Quote from Delta Rain, by The Blessing
** Quote from Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte
********************************
She crept quietly down the hall, Simon and Kaylee had just gone to bed. Simon's again tonight. She had lost so much time waiting for him to check on her one last time before he let himself be pulled completely under Kaylee's spell.
She was unsure what she was going to do when she reached Jayne, she just knew she needed to be near him. Comfort him. It was hopeless, she was too cold to give comfort, but she had to try. For Jayne's sake. She had promised. She just hoped he wouldn't fear and hate her again after this. She wasn't sure she would survive if he did.
She slipped up the stairs and headed for the crew quarters. Glad that the Captain was not roaming tonight. Quietly she unlocked the hatch to Jayne's bunk and slid down the ladder, pausing a moment to let her eyes adjust to the dim light. Then she moved stealthily towards him. Her eyes studied the pictures he had taped above his guns, were these his idea of beauty? They were very different from her, mostly blonde and all very buxom.
With a sigh she let her gaze drift down to his sleeping form. His face peaceful, she felt a pang at the knowledge that he would so soon lose that peace. And at her own words no less, perhaps she could wait till other's words reached him. Perhaps she did not need to be the bearer of this burden. The other words would get here soon enough, and it was certainly better for her not to be the one to speak them. Perhaps he would not understand anyway, perhaps they would come out so jumbled that he could not decipher them. Her visions usually did...but she knew better then to hope for that. Words tended to come out clearer when she was near him. And she had promised.
She climbed lightly onto him, straddling his slumbering body. Her hand moved over his heart. She could feel the heat of him under her fingertips. As her hand pressed against his chest she felt his heartbeat drumming against her palm. She closed her eyes, allowing herself a moment of time to enjoy just touching him. His heartbeat solid under her. His chest raising her hand up gently with each breath. She knew he was drifting up from sleep, his heartbeat and breathing shifting slightly as he slowly became aware of her presence.
She felt the threads between them, binding them. Threads that were attached with little hooks into each of them. The oldest was from when she had cut him, drawing blood, then the one from when he had hit her, also drawing blood. She wondered why it had taken so long to see the threads formed by that blood pact, they were clear now, in the dark...silvery threads. Each encounter between them, every confrontation after that, had added one more slim line from one hooking into the other. It reminded her of Rochester's words to Jane.
"Because I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you - especially when you are near me, as now; it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous channel, and two hundred miles or so of land come between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, - you'd forget me."**
The sound of her voice hovered in the air between them.
"River?" his voice was heavy with sleep, part of him sure he was dreaming.
Her fingertips floated up to his mouth. "shhh...it's all right..." they brushed lightly across his lips, feeling wonder at such softness being there.
She nearly cried out as her barest touch snapped the bonds of sleep and he became fully awake. The hand that had been lifting to caress her arm now closing over her flesh like a vise.
"What the ruttin' hell ya doin' in my bunk," he growled up at her, half rising up onto his other elbow. "ya ain't got no right ta be here."
Tears stung her eyes as his words cut into her. How could he deny what was between them so easily?
"I...I needed to see you...", her voice felt trapped inside her throat, "needed to tell you..."
"Tell me what?" his face suspicious. She gazed back in anguish, unable to get any more out.
"Spit it out girl, then git the hell out." his face was hard with anger now, and pain. She felt it in him, knew she was causing it. Suddenly aware that his harshness was because he was scared how much he wanted her to be here, scared of that brief flare of contentment when he'd first woken to her gentle touch. She clung to that knowledge and forced the words to come. Her hand moved back over his chest and fluttered there for a moment before pressing back over his heart.
"sorry...so sorry..." she whispered, "been an accident...she's gone away..." she felt the tears again as the pain of remembering engulfed her. "wanted me to tell you...she loves you..."
"What you babblin' about," he was looking at her with confusion and fear, "who loves me? What accident?"
"Mother..." she whimpered as the hand on her arm tightened, she felt the tiny blood vessels break under his fingers, "promised her I'd tell you...tell you she had to leave...hurt to much to stay...she loves you..."
She felt the shock move through him, wiping him clean of emotions. Desperately she wished he'd let go enough for her to wrap him in her arms. Before the pain hit. But he didn't, so all she could do was gaze back at him and keep her hand pressed to him. She hoped it was enough to keep his heart from breaking.
His mother was his tenderness. She had only been clinging to the broken thread of her life out of fear for Jayne. Afraid to leave him alone with no one to love him. Until River had been pulled to her, had seen the accident in all it's horror, had promised to let Jayne know she loved him, had promised she'd be there to comfort him, had promised he was not alone.
Only she was afraid that what was growing between her and Jayne would not survive this. It was too soon for it to be tested this way. She also knew that she had no choice but to do this for his Mother, she loved him to much not too. Even if it meant he would never come to love her. He needed her, needed to hear his mother's message. She could sense the shock wearing off and the pain and anger start to build, knew it was time to finish the promise. She felt her hand leave his chest and move up to cup his face.
This was the part she dreaded the most, but she braced herself and let the memories flood back into her mind. Gently she eased into his mind and released them...all the love of his mother flowing through her to him. It was all mixed in with the pain she had been under...but it still flowed clean and pure. River was not sure how many of the images he received, but she knew he perceived the emotions. He was starting to cry...overwhelmed.
She shifted off him as his finally let go of her arm, felt the stab of panic as he thought she was leaving. She guided his head down onto her shoulder as she lay next to him. Felt him curl into her side like a child. It struck her how odd they must look, the largest human mass on the ship curled up next to the smallest.
She held him gently, murmuring softly to him, as he cried himself back to sleep.
"do you remember how we held each other tight in sorrow...does it haunt you still?...and in a single raindrop I can see all our tomorrows....baby, can't you too?"* she heard herself singing the song that had been floating in her head since last night again...such a beautiful, sad melody.
Feedback is always welcome.
Takes place shortly after the series ended. Another Jayne/River piece.
Many thanks to William Topley and The Blessing for their song "Delta Rain", it helped inspire this piece. River sings bits and pieces of it to Jayne.
* Quote from Delta Rain, by The Blessing
** Quote from Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte
********************************
She crept quietly down the hall, Simon and Kaylee had just gone to bed. Simon's again tonight. She had lost so much time waiting for him to check on her one last time before he let himself be pulled completely under Kaylee's spell.
She was unsure what she was going to do when she reached Jayne, she just knew she needed to be near him. Comfort him. It was hopeless, she was too cold to give comfort, but she had to try. For Jayne's sake. She had promised. She just hoped he wouldn't fear and hate her again after this. She wasn't sure she would survive if he did.
She slipped up the stairs and headed for the crew quarters. Glad that the Captain was not roaming tonight. Quietly she unlocked the hatch to Jayne's bunk and slid down the ladder, pausing a moment to let her eyes adjust to the dim light. Then she moved stealthily towards him. Her eyes studied the pictures he had taped above his guns, were these his idea of beauty? They were very different from her, mostly blonde and all very buxom.
With a sigh she let her gaze drift down to his sleeping form. His face peaceful, she felt a pang at the knowledge that he would so soon lose that peace. And at her own words no less, perhaps she could wait till other's words reached him. Perhaps she did not need to be the bearer of this burden. The other words would get here soon enough, and it was certainly better for her not to be the one to speak them. Perhaps he would not understand anyway, perhaps they would come out so jumbled that he could not decipher them. Her visions usually did...but she knew better then to hope for that. Words tended to come out clearer when she was near him. And she had promised.
She climbed lightly onto him, straddling his slumbering body. Her hand moved over his heart. She could feel the heat of him under her fingertips. As her hand pressed against his chest she felt his heartbeat drumming against her palm. She closed her eyes, allowing herself a moment of time to enjoy just touching him. His heartbeat solid under her. His chest raising her hand up gently with each breath. She knew he was drifting up from sleep, his heartbeat and breathing shifting slightly as he slowly became aware of her presence.
She felt the threads between them, binding them. Threads that were attached with little hooks into each of them. The oldest was from when she had cut him, drawing blood, then the one from when he had hit her, also drawing blood. She wondered why it had taken so long to see the threads formed by that blood pact, they were clear now, in the dark...silvery threads. Each encounter between them, every confrontation after that, had added one more slim line from one hooking into the other. It reminded her of Rochester's words to Jane.
"Because I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you - especially when you are near me, as now; it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous channel, and two hundred miles or so of land come between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, - you'd forget me."**
The sound of her voice hovered in the air between them.
"River?" his voice was heavy with sleep, part of him sure he was dreaming.
Her fingertips floated up to his mouth. "shhh...it's all right..." they brushed lightly across his lips, feeling wonder at such softness being there.
She nearly cried out as her barest touch snapped the bonds of sleep and he became fully awake. The hand that had been lifting to caress her arm now closing over her flesh like a vise.
"What the ruttin' hell ya doin' in my bunk," he growled up at her, half rising up onto his other elbow. "ya ain't got no right ta be here."
Tears stung her eyes as his words cut into her. How could he deny what was between them so easily?
"I...I needed to see you...", her voice felt trapped inside her throat, "needed to tell you..."
"Tell me what?" his face suspicious. She gazed back in anguish, unable to get any more out.
"Spit it out girl, then git the hell out." his face was hard with anger now, and pain. She felt it in him, knew she was causing it. Suddenly aware that his harshness was because he was scared how much he wanted her to be here, scared of that brief flare of contentment when he'd first woken to her gentle touch. She clung to that knowledge and forced the words to come. Her hand moved back over his chest and fluttered there for a moment before pressing back over his heart.
"sorry...so sorry..." she whispered, "been an accident...she's gone away..." she felt the tears again as the pain of remembering engulfed her. "wanted me to tell you...she loves you..."
"What you babblin' about," he was looking at her with confusion and fear, "who loves me? What accident?"
"Mother..." she whimpered as the hand on her arm tightened, she felt the tiny blood vessels break under his fingers, "promised her I'd tell you...tell you she had to leave...hurt to much to stay...she loves you..."
She felt the shock move through him, wiping him clean of emotions. Desperately she wished he'd let go enough for her to wrap him in her arms. Before the pain hit. But he didn't, so all she could do was gaze back at him and keep her hand pressed to him. She hoped it was enough to keep his heart from breaking.
His mother was his tenderness. She had only been clinging to the broken thread of her life out of fear for Jayne. Afraid to leave him alone with no one to love him. Until River had been pulled to her, had seen the accident in all it's horror, had promised to let Jayne know she loved him, had promised she'd be there to comfort him, had promised he was not alone.
Only she was afraid that what was growing between her and Jayne would not survive this. It was too soon for it to be tested this way. She also knew that she had no choice but to do this for his Mother, she loved him to much not too. Even if it meant he would never come to love her. He needed her, needed to hear his mother's message. She could sense the shock wearing off and the pain and anger start to build, knew it was time to finish the promise. She felt her hand leave his chest and move up to cup his face.
This was the part she dreaded the most, but she braced herself and let the memories flood back into her mind. Gently she eased into his mind and released them...all the love of his mother flowing through her to him. It was all mixed in with the pain she had been under...but it still flowed clean and pure. River was not sure how many of the images he received, but she knew he perceived the emotions. He was starting to cry...overwhelmed.
She shifted off him as his finally let go of her arm, felt the stab of panic as he thought she was leaving. She guided his head down onto her shoulder as she lay next to him. Felt him curl into her side like a child. It struck her how odd they must look, the largest human mass on the ship curled up next to the smallest.
She held him gently, murmuring softly to him, as he cried himself back to sleep.
"do you remember how we held each other tight in sorrow...does it haunt you still?...and in a single raindrop I can see all our tomorrows....baby, can't you too?"* she heard herself singing the song that had been floating in her head since last night again...such a beautiful, sad melody.
