A knock on her bedroom door woke Buffy. Her nose was stuffy from crying and
she could only imagine what she looked like, sitting up she ran her hands
through her hair. "Yes." She called out to answer the knock.
"It's me, Buffy. Can I come in?" Dawn's voice came from behind the door.
"Come on in." Buffy answered softly.
"Buffy, are you okay?" Dawn asked worriedly when she saw Buffy's puffy red eyes.
"I'm getting a cold I think." Buffy dabbed at her nose with a tissue from the nightstand.
"Buffy...thats not a cold. You've been crying, what's wrong?" Dawn sat down on the foot of the bed.
"Dawn..it's nothing." She tried to smile for Dawn but her heart wasn't in it.
"Come on, Buffy. We don't hide things anymore remember?" Dawn moved up to sit beside Buffy.
"You're right. You also have the right to know this." Buffy sniffed again willing herself not to cry.
"What is it?" Dawn's eyes grew large with concern.
"Angel called earlier. Spike's back, Dawn. He's at Wolfram and Hart with Angel."
Dawn's face lit up, "He's back! How?"
"They aren't sure how. But he seems to be okay and he's been back a few months."
"A few months! Wait till I get hold of him!" Dawn giggled soflty, "When are we going to see him?"
Buffy's eyes teared up once again as she replied in an almost whisper, "We're not."
Dawn frowned, "What do you mean we're not?"
A tear rolled down Buffy's cheek as she continued, "He doesn't want to see us, well Angel said he didn't want to see me for sure. He obviously has things to work through and I guess 'we' or 'me' would be detrimental to that."
"We could help him work through, we just need to see him, then it would be okay." Dawn stood up, "If he just sees you Buffy, he'll change his mind. I know he will."
"Dawn, Angel says it's best if we honor Spike's wishes. And as hard as that may be, we have to do it." Buffy stood up and pulled Dawn into a hug, "Maybe, he'll change his mind."
"I hope so." Dawn replied as she returned the hug.
"Me too." Buffy nodded as she pulled away from the younger girl. "Me too."
Dawn walked to the door, "I'm gonna leave you alone now, I'm supposed to go with Jen to the movies. Are you going to be okay?"
"Yes, I'll be fine." Buffy gave her a half smile as she sat back down on the bed. Her thoughts turned to Angel's words. She was going to have a hard time accepting this , despite everything that had happened, even though Spike had denied that she loved him in the end , he had to have known she cared, had to know she would want to see him again.
******
"Another round kind barkeep." Spike's words were slighty slurred.
"Think you've had enough don't you?" The bartender picked up the glass that set in front of Spike and threw the empty bourbon bottle away.
"Nope, can still feel......still see her......" Spike answered, "Need more to drink."
"Sorry, pal. I know how you feel but from my experience - if it's a woman then there isn't enough booze in the world to make it go away. My advice...go home, take her some flowers, be sincere when you grovel out your apology. Most of the time they aren't near as angry as you think they are." The bartender smiled.
Spike pulled out a wad of bills from his coat pocket and left them on the bar, "Wish it was that easy."
He made his way back to the small apartment he now made his home. He had a steady paycheck from Angel Investigations and although he wouldn't admit it , he was quite proud of his ability to pay his own way now. The Wolfram and Hart association still worried him but he figured he had a better chance at finding out what was really going on there if he was on the inside.
The apartment was dark except for the small red light blinking on his answering machine, he pressed the new message button. Gunn's voice was sympathetic, "Spike, just calling to see if you needed a drinking buddy tonight. Angel told me about the Buffy news. I'm sorry man."
"Little late." Spike told the machine as he fished a fresh bottle of Jack Daniels from the cupboard, forgoing the glass he tilted the bottle up and took a long drink of the amber fluid, he gave the answering machine a toast with the bottle, "Nothing you can do ,mate. Nothing anyone can do."
He lay in bed that night in a drunken stupor, reliving those last few minutes in the cavern with Buffy over and over again. She had seemed so sincere in her declaration of love, he had wanted to believe it so badly, but at that moment getting Buffy out of that cavern seemed to be his priority so he had sent her on his way feeling proud that he was going to die with her simple "I love you" one of the last things his ears would hear. But now.....maybe Angel was right, he didn't believe her anyway so why should this matter.
His brain told him it didn't matter at all he had his own life now just as she had hers. His heart however told a completely different story, it did matter, it mattered very much. Something just didn't seem right, perhaps if he could have seen Buffy ,heard it from her own lips that she didn't want to see him again....
He fell into a restless sleep, visions of Buffy in his head.
TBC
"It's me, Buffy. Can I come in?" Dawn's voice came from behind the door.
"Come on in." Buffy answered softly.
"Buffy, are you okay?" Dawn asked worriedly when she saw Buffy's puffy red eyes.
"I'm getting a cold I think." Buffy dabbed at her nose with a tissue from the nightstand.
"Buffy...thats not a cold. You've been crying, what's wrong?" Dawn sat down on the foot of the bed.
"Dawn..it's nothing." She tried to smile for Dawn but her heart wasn't in it.
"Come on, Buffy. We don't hide things anymore remember?" Dawn moved up to sit beside Buffy.
"You're right. You also have the right to know this." Buffy sniffed again willing herself not to cry.
"What is it?" Dawn's eyes grew large with concern.
"Angel called earlier. Spike's back, Dawn. He's at Wolfram and Hart with Angel."
Dawn's face lit up, "He's back! How?"
"They aren't sure how. But he seems to be okay and he's been back a few months."
"A few months! Wait till I get hold of him!" Dawn giggled soflty, "When are we going to see him?"
Buffy's eyes teared up once again as she replied in an almost whisper, "We're not."
Dawn frowned, "What do you mean we're not?"
A tear rolled down Buffy's cheek as she continued, "He doesn't want to see us, well Angel said he didn't want to see me for sure. He obviously has things to work through and I guess 'we' or 'me' would be detrimental to that."
"We could help him work through, we just need to see him, then it would be okay." Dawn stood up, "If he just sees you Buffy, he'll change his mind. I know he will."
"Dawn, Angel says it's best if we honor Spike's wishes. And as hard as that may be, we have to do it." Buffy stood up and pulled Dawn into a hug, "Maybe, he'll change his mind."
"I hope so." Dawn replied as she returned the hug.
"Me too." Buffy nodded as she pulled away from the younger girl. "Me too."
Dawn walked to the door, "I'm gonna leave you alone now, I'm supposed to go with Jen to the movies. Are you going to be okay?"
"Yes, I'll be fine." Buffy gave her a half smile as she sat back down on the bed. Her thoughts turned to Angel's words. She was going to have a hard time accepting this , despite everything that had happened, even though Spike had denied that she loved him in the end , he had to have known she cared, had to know she would want to see him again.
******
"Another round kind barkeep." Spike's words were slighty slurred.
"Think you've had enough don't you?" The bartender picked up the glass that set in front of Spike and threw the empty bourbon bottle away.
"Nope, can still feel......still see her......" Spike answered, "Need more to drink."
"Sorry, pal. I know how you feel but from my experience - if it's a woman then there isn't enough booze in the world to make it go away. My advice...go home, take her some flowers, be sincere when you grovel out your apology. Most of the time they aren't near as angry as you think they are." The bartender smiled.
Spike pulled out a wad of bills from his coat pocket and left them on the bar, "Wish it was that easy."
He made his way back to the small apartment he now made his home. He had a steady paycheck from Angel Investigations and although he wouldn't admit it , he was quite proud of his ability to pay his own way now. The Wolfram and Hart association still worried him but he figured he had a better chance at finding out what was really going on there if he was on the inside.
The apartment was dark except for the small red light blinking on his answering machine, he pressed the new message button. Gunn's voice was sympathetic, "Spike, just calling to see if you needed a drinking buddy tonight. Angel told me about the Buffy news. I'm sorry man."
"Little late." Spike told the machine as he fished a fresh bottle of Jack Daniels from the cupboard, forgoing the glass he tilted the bottle up and took a long drink of the amber fluid, he gave the answering machine a toast with the bottle, "Nothing you can do ,mate. Nothing anyone can do."
He lay in bed that night in a drunken stupor, reliving those last few minutes in the cavern with Buffy over and over again. She had seemed so sincere in her declaration of love, he had wanted to believe it so badly, but at that moment getting Buffy out of that cavern seemed to be his priority so he had sent her on his way feeling proud that he was going to die with her simple "I love you" one of the last things his ears would hear. But now.....maybe Angel was right, he didn't believe her anyway so why should this matter.
His brain told him it didn't matter at all he had his own life now just as she had hers. His heart however told a completely different story, it did matter, it mattered very much. Something just didn't seem right, perhaps if he could have seen Buffy ,heard it from her own lips that she didn't want to see him again....
He fell into a restless sleep, visions of Buffy in his head.
TBC
