Sirius stayed near Harry's door for a long time, calling him, trying to
explain, begging him to open up.
But Harry wouldn't open. He lay on his bed and tried not to listen. He couldn't see Sirius now – he just couldn't.
At dinner, Sirius and Hermione kept staring at Harry's empty chair, while Lupin and Tonks kept glancing at them worriedly. Hermione tried to meet Sirius's eyes – he gave her one short, desparate look, and turned away. This meal definitely wasn't a happy one.
As soon as Sirius finished, he got to his feet and started grabbing some food from each plate, placing it on an empty one.
"Sirius, what on earth are you doing?" Mrs. Weasley asked.
"I'm getting some food for Harry," Sirius replied shortly.
"Let me take it," Remus suggested.
"No. I'll give it to him," Sirius insisted.
Remus gave Sirius a meaningful look. "Can I see you for a second, Sirius?"
Sirius looked as if there was nothing he wanted more than refusing, but he nodded silently and followed Remus outside.
"What?" he said the moment Remus closed the door.
"What the hell happened between you and Harry?" Remus demanded. "You and Hermione have been quiet all dinner. Why hasn't Harry showed up for dinner?"
Sirius sighed. He couldn't lie to Remus. "Harry saw Hermione and me together," he said flatly. "He ran to his room and – and hasn't gone out since then."
Remus sighed, too, and the lines on his face seemed to grow deeper. "I should have known it would happen, sooner or later," he said quietly. "You cannot run away from truth forever."
"Harry wouldn't talk to me now," said Sirius, leaning on the wall, for he suddenly felt desparate need for support. "It's the first time he wouldn't even talk to me in four years. I have to do something – James would have never forgiven me for that."
"What are you talking about?" said Remus, sounding puzzled.
"If James had ever caught me making out with a girl he liked – say, Lily – he would have probably forgiven me after a while. But if he were here now, and he saw what I've done to Harry..." Sirius's voice trailed off.
"That's not true," said Remus, loudly and firmly. "You haven't done anything wrong. It's not like Hermione was with Harry and you took her away from him. She chose you, Padfoot. She loves you. She came to you on her own – you didn't force her to do anything. I was there, I know what I'm saying!"
"That's not the way Harry sees it," said Sirius bitterly.
"Because he's eighteen and he's heartbroken, he can't think logically now. You have to wait for a while – he will understand eventually. Don't feel guilty, Sirius, you haven't done anything wrong!"
"I knew he liked Hermione," Sirius insisted. "I shouldn't have let this happen while knowing he liked her."
"Just because you're his godfather, doesn't mean you have to give up the girl of your dreams for him," Remus scolded him.
"James would have never done what I did," said Sirius stubbornly. "He and Lily appointed me to be responsible for him. I was supposed to restrain myself. Harry is my godson, and he trusted me!"
"Stop being such a baby, Sirius. Think logically. Harry loves Hermione. You love Hermione. Hermione loves you. She chose you, Sirius! What good would it make if you restrained yourself? Would it make Hermione fall in love with Harry? Of course not. You can make three people miserable, or you can make two of them happy."
"And the third one would be miserable!"
"But it's not your fault!" Remus shouted. "You can't be responsible for everything he goes through! You can't make such a sacrifice for him. It won't help anyone!"
Sirius gave him a furious look and stormed out of the room, where Hermione was waiting.
Sirius stopped dead. A part of him wanted to snap at her, leave her there and never see her again. But when he saw her eyes, he knew he couldn't do this.
"Hermione..." he croaked.
She threw her arms around him. They stood there, embracing for a long time. As Hermione pulled back to look at him, she thought she saw tears in his eyes. "I've lost Harry," he mumbled.
"You haven't lose Harry," Hermione told him. "Don't overreact. Harry saw us and got angry. He will calm down soon. I'm sure he will."
"Why should he?" Sirius asked. "I've stolen his girl."
"You haven't stolen me, and I'm not his girl!" Hermione protested. "I was never Harry's. I came to you by myself – you didn't force me to. You did nothing wrong."
"You sound just like Remus," Sirius muttered.
"Maybe because we're both right."
"But that doesn't help me! What will I do about Harry? He won't even talk to me. I won't be able to go on like this."
Hermione stared at him. "Sirius... when we agreed to go through this, we knew it was going to be difficult... and we said that as long as we are together, we can overcome."
"But I never thought it involved Harry not talking to me!" Sirius exclaimed. "I thought they might be a little angry, fight with us, blame us – but not stop talking to us! Especially not Harry. He's my godson, Hermione. I'm responsible for him. I can't abandon him like that."
Hermione could hardly believe her ears. Sirius was going nuts, she thought. Someone would have to talk to Harry and tell him how he was making Sirius feel...
~*~
"Harry? It's me."
"Who's me?" Harry called.
"Me. Remus. Can I come in?"
"If you have to."
Remus stepped inside and turned to the bed. Harry was sitting there. He looked awful. His hair was a total mess – even more than usual; his eyes were red from sleepiness and his face was terribly pale.
"Harry," said Remus quietly, going over to Harry's side and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Harry replied dryly.
Remus nodded silently and sat down next to him. This simple gesture touched Harry's heart more than a thousand words, and he gave a small smile.
After a long moment, Remus finally spoke up. "What do you feel now, Harry?"
Harry sighed and said nothing for a while. He was about to ask Remus for a promise that he wouldn't tell anyone – but looking into Remus's honest eyes, he trusted him. "I'm... I'm disappointed," he finally said. "I guess I have no right to blame Sirius – I know he hasn't done anything to hurt me."
Remus didn't reply, and this encouraged Harry to go on. He didn't want Remus to answer; he didn't want him to criticize or to analyze his feelings and actions. He only wanted him to listen.
"I love Hermione," he said. "I thought – for a while – that she... liked me – a little... Lately, I've noticed she hasn't been herself, she hasn't been treating me normally. But I kept telling myself she was just in a bad mood... until... until last night."
He swallowed hard and went on. "You can blame me for doing it to Sirius. I know he hasn't done anything to hurt me. But it still hurts me, and... and I don't really know what to do about it."
"It's not Sirius's fault," said Remus quietly.
"I know it isn't!" Harry said. "It's just that... I haven't had a serious relationship with a girl since I was 15, and then, it was with a girl who didn't stop crying no matter what. This time, I thought it could really lead somewhere. Maybe have a long-term relationship, like she and Ron had. I want this too."
"You'll get it one day," said Remus. "I know you will. You know, Harry, Sirius hasn't had a serious relationship with a woman since he was imprisoned. That's... seventeen years ago. In fact, even more than that – because he had broken up with his last girlfriend, Elizabeth McLenne, two years before. So that's almost twenty years now, Harry. It's a long time."
"You're right," Harry said quietly. "I know you're right."
"So... do you think you can come out now?"
"I guess I can," Harry said.
"And will you talk to Sirius?"
"I wasn't going to ignore him in the first place," Harry protested. "I guess it'll be difficult for me. But he's still my godfather. I won't give him up."
"I just have to ask this one thing, though," Remus added. "Can you please not tell anyone yet, including Ron? Sirius and Hermione kind of want to tell it themselves."
Harry gave a weak smile. "No problem."
~*~
But Harry wouldn't open. He lay on his bed and tried not to listen. He couldn't see Sirius now – he just couldn't.
At dinner, Sirius and Hermione kept staring at Harry's empty chair, while Lupin and Tonks kept glancing at them worriedly. Hermione tried to meet Sirius's eyes – he gave her one short, desparate look, and turned away. This meal definitely wasn't a happy one.
As soon as Sirius finished, he got to his feet and started grabbing some food from each plate, placing it on an empty one.
"Sirius, what on earth are you doing?" Mrs. Weasley asked.
"I'm getting some food for Harry," Sirius replied shortly.
"Let me take it," Remus suggested.
"No. I'll give it to him," Sirius insisted.
Remus gave Sirius a meaningful look. "Can I see you for a second, Sirius?"
Sirius looked as if there was nothing he wanted more than refusing, but he nodded silently and followed Remus outside.
"What?" he said the moment Remus closed the door.
"What the hell happened between you and Harry?" Remus demanded. "You and Hermione have been quiet all dinner. Why hasn't Harry showed up for dinner?"
Sirius sighed. He couldn't lie to Remus. "Harry saw Hermione and me together," he said flatly. "He ran to his room and – and hasn't gone out since then."
Remus sighed, too, and the lines on his face seemed to grow deeper. "I should have known it would happen, sooner or later," he said quietly. "You cannot run away from truth forever."
"Harry wouldn't talk to me now," said Sirius, leaning on the wall, for he suddenly felt desparate need for support. "It's the first time he wouldn't even talk to me in four years. I have to do something – James would have never forgiven me for that."
"What are you talking about?" said Remus, sounding puzzled.
"If James had ever caught me making out with a girl he liked – say, Lily – he would have probably forgiven me after a while. But if he were here now, and he saw what I've done to Harry..." Sirius's voice trailed off.
"That's not true," said Remus, loudly and firmly. "You haven't done anything wrong. It's not like Hermione was with Harry and you took her away from him. She chose you, Padfoot. She loves you. She came to you on her own – you didn't force her to do anything. I was there, I know what I'm saying!"
"That's not the way Harry sees it," said Sirius bitterly.
"Because he's eighteen and he's heartbroken, he can't think logically now. You have to wait for a while – he will understand eventually. Don't feel guilty, Sirius, you haven't done anything wrong!"
"I knew he liked Hermione," Sirius insisted. "I shouldn't have let this happen while knowing he liked her."
"Just because you're his godfather, doesn't mean you have to give up the girl of your dreams for him," Remus scolded him.
"James would have never done what I did," said Sirius stubbornly. "He and Lily appointed me to be responsible for him. I was supposed to restrain myself. Harry is my godson, and he trusted me!"
"Stop being such a baby, Sirius. Think logically. Harry loves Hermione. You love Hermione. Hermione loves you. She chose you, Sirius! What good would it make if you restrained yourself? Would it make Hermione fall in love with Harry? Of course not. You can make three people miserable, or you can make two of them happy."
"And the third one would be miserable!"
"But it's not your fault!" Remus shouted. "You can't be responsible for everything he goes through! You can't make such a sacrifice for him. It won't help anyone!"
Sirius gave him a furious look and stormed out of the room, where Hermione was waiting.
Sirius stopped dead. A part of him wanted to snap at her, leave her there and never see her again. But when he saw her eyes, he knew he couldn't do this.
"Hermione..." he croaked.
She threw her arms around him. They stood there, embracing for a long time. As Hermione pulled back to look at him, she thought she saw tears in his eyes. "I've lost Harry," he mumbled.
"You haven't lose Harry," Hermione told him. "Don't overreact. Harry saw us and got angry. He will calm down soon. I'm sure he will."
"Why should he?" Sirius asked. "I've stolen his girl."
"You haven't stolen me, and I'm not his girl!" Hermione protested. "I was never Harry's. I came to you by myself – you didn't force me to. You did nothing wrong."
"You sound just like Remus," Sirius muttered.
"Maybe because we're both right."
"But that doesn't help me! What will I do about Harry? He won't even talk to me. I won't be able to go on like this."
Hermione stared at him. "Sirius... when we agreed to go through this, we knew it was going to be difficult... and we said that as long as we are together, we can overcome."
"But I never thought it involved Harry not talking to me!" Sirius exclaimed. "I thought they might be a little angry, fight with us, blame us – but not stop talking to us! Especially not Harry. He's my godson, Hermione. I'm responsible for him. I can't abandon him like that."
Hermione could hardly believe her ears. Sirius was going nuts, she thought. Someone would have to talk to Harry and tell him how he was making Sirius feel...
~*~
"Harry? It's me."
"Who's me?" Harry called.
"Me. Remus. Can I come in?"
"If you have to."
Remus stepped inside and turned to the bed. Harry was sitting there. He looked awful. His hair was a total mess – even more than usual; his eyes were red from sleepiness and his face was terribly pale.
"Harry," said Remus quietly, going over to Harry's side and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Harry replied dryly.
Remus nodded silently and sat down next to him. This simple gesture touched Harry's heart more than a thousand words, and he gave a small smile.
After a long moment, Remus finally spoke up. "What do you feel now, Harry?"
Harry sighed and said nothing for a while. He was about to ask Remus for a promise that he wouldn't tell anyone – but looking into Remus's honest eyes, he trusted him. "I'm... I'm disappointed," he finally said. "I guess I have no right to blame Sirius – I know he hasn't done anything to hurt me."
Remus didn't reply, and this encouraged Harry to go on. He didn't want Remus to answer; he didn't want him to criticize or to analyze his feelings and actions. He only wanted him to listen.
"I love Hermione," he said. "I thought – for a while – that she... liked me – a little... Lately, I've noticed she hasn't been herself, she hasn't been treating me normally. But I kept telling myself she was just in a bad mood... until... until last night."
He swallowed hard and went on. "You can blame me for doing it to Sirius. I know he hasn't done anything to hurt me. But it still hurts me, and... and I don't really know what to do about it."
"It's not Sirius's fault," said Remus quietly.
"I know it isn't!" Harry said. "It's just that... I haven't had a serious relationship with a girl since I was 15, and then, it was with a girl who didn't stop crying no matter what. This time, I thought it could really lead somewhere. Maybe have a long-term relationship, like she and Ron had. I want this too."
"You'll get it one day," said Remus. "I know you will. You know, Harry, Sirius hasn't had a serious relationship with a woman since he was imprisoned. That's... seventeen years ago. In fact, even more than that – because he had broken up with his last girlfriend, Elizabeth McLenne, two years before. So that's almost twenty years now, Harry. It's a long time."
"You're right," Harry said quietly. "I know you're right."
"So... do you think you can come out now?"
"I guess I can," Harry said.
"And will you talk to Sirius?"
"I wasn't going to ignore him in the first place," Harry protested. "I guess it'll be difficult for me. But he's still my godfather. I won't give him up."
"I just have to ask this one thing, though," Remus added. "Can you please not tell anyone yet, including Ron? Sirius and Hermione kind of want to tell it themselves."
Harry gave a weak smile. "No problem."
~*~
