*Munches on cookies* Mmmmm… disturbingly good. The authors notes here will be a bit longer this time, they now house a rant. Skip if you want, but I think it reveals quite a bit about this story and about me as a writer. The Yu-Gi-Oh fandom is flawed in many, many ways. One of them, of course, being Mary Sues. Another is the incredible overabundance of "rape fics." Now I'm not involved in a lot of series, but it seems like there are more instances of rape in Yu-Gi-Oh fanfiction than any other fandom I've looked at. I wrote the last chapter in almost a stream of consciousness style. I just typed until I was done with a rough draft (I suppose that doesn't say anything good about me). I was incredibly reluctant while editing Ch. 2 to include those parts. But in the end I decided to. The scene is neither graphic, nor hyper-sexualized. I did not try to write a "sexy rape" because rape is never, never sexy. It is an act of violence and degradation that ruins people's lives. Also, I've tried to use this more for the purpose of exposition and character development as opposed to a plot device where someone gets raped so they can be saved and comfort-fucked. Not cool. As for the torture, once again I tried not to get too graphic. But torture is a cannon part of Seto's life. Seto has been sent to his own hell, and all of it is parts of his past. It's not pretty. It's unsettling. And that's what I intended it to be.
I assure the readers of this story that I would never have something as senseless as rape occur without reason, and it will apply to future chapters and/or the sequel I'm thinking about (but not guaranteeing).
Alta-sama, thank you for stating your opinion. To be honest, that's the type of review I prefer, one with actual criticism or specific parts that are like or disliked. As for the other readers (because all your reviews were similar, at least to me), I'm happy that you've enjoyed this disturbing little fanfiction so far. And my cookies are yummy.
Warnings: Yaoi. Sexual references. Angst. Violence. Cursing. Teenage boys in general. Poorly written dueling because I had to even though I don't play and I don't know how to write a duel. And a more coherent than usual Yami Malik playing mind games, implanting thoughts in people's heads, and just being a complete and total bastard (AKA himself).
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It was so dark. And cold too. He couldn't see a thing. Where was he?
"Jounouchi…"
Kaiba? Was… was that him? It sounded like him but he couldn't tell.
"Jounouchi…" The voice sounded anguished. It had to be Kaiba. But why? Why was he here in the dark in the cold? It didn't make sense. A pained cry startled him out of his confusion.
"No! Stop! Please!" And he was running towards the voice because Kaiba was in danger and screaming and hurting and he couldn't let that happen. He wouldn't. And he couldn't see where he was going but he could follow the voice.
"Kaiba… Don't worry… I'm coming…" He was running as fast as he could.
"Please…please stop…" The words were softer but he knew he was getting closer, he had to be!
"No…" And he could see the faint silhouette of the other boy in the distance.
"Kaiba…" He was almost there, he…
"Jounouchi." And then there was silence. And Kaiba vanished.
Jounouchi sat up panting.
He didn't want to think now. He felt sick. He wanted to be alone.
Soft laughter echoed across the room.
"Have a good dream?" Ignore Otogi's teasing. Ignore Honda's concerned gaze. Stand up. Walk to the bathroom. Lock the door. It wasn't that difficult.
He punched the wall. "Damn it. What's wrong with me? Why do I always have to keep thinking of him?"
Ever since the first time he had seen the blue-eyed boy, some part of Jounouchi had ached for him in ways he couldn't understand. Some part him went hungry and desperate and needy. And it wanted so badly that sometimes Jounouchi thought he would go insane. The longing had manifested itself as physical pain. It tore at his insides and he got so angry and bitter that Kaiba could make him feel like this, because no one else had. So he would fight, so he could feel Kaiba's touch. Let himself be thrown, even though he would be thinking, "I want to be the one throwing you. I want to be the one to pin you down." It was weak and pathetic. But he could live with lust. This he couldn't understand. "I'm supposed to hate you. Why can't I hate you like you hate me?"
"Are you okay?" Ignore or respond? Honda would bother him until he got an answer. "What do you think? I'm punching holes in the bathroom wall and I think I'm gonna puke. If that fits your definition of okay than you're more screwed up than I thought you were."
"I'm fine. Don't worry about it." He knew Honda knew he was lying. But Honda would let it pass for now. He had to go duel Yugi. Or Yami. Whoever decided to take charge. He tried to walk past his friend. Pretend nothing was happening.
"You were saying his name in your sleep."
Jounouchi stopped.
"He's hurting. I know he is. Or he was. It's like… he just stopped existing." He turned around. "You must think I'm insane right?" His voice was panicked. "It's just the stress getting to me, right? That's the only reason why I'm thinking these things." He wasn't supposed to think like this. His brain wasn't supposed to work this way.
"Jounouchi." Honda put his hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eyes so sadly. He knew something had to be wrong. "Jounouchi… I didn't want to tell you this before your duel. I didn't want you to be distracted, but…"
"What? What's wrong?" Something bad had happened, he thought it had before but now he knew it.
"Earlier this morning Kaiba stopped breathing." Something inside of him twisted painfully. "A doctor was there so they hooked him up to a respirator-"
"It doesn't look good, does it?"
Honda didn't say anything.
"You don't have to answer. I already know."
Apparently Yami thought Yugi wouldn't be as aggressive when facing his friend. So now the two quasi-friends/rivals for the moment were facing of in front of a small crowd consisting of Honda, Otogi, and the psychotic Egyptian bastard. The last time he was here Kaiba was dueling. He was standing where Yami was, panicking, trying to seem strong and failing miserably. "Did you know when you started this thing that you were going to end up in a hospital bed at the end of it? With all of her talking about being able to predict the future, I bet Isis didn't see this." He could still see the boy being enveloped by darkness. Jounouchi shook his head. Damn. It was his turn now, wasn't it? What face down card had Yami just played? Was that his trap face? Or his "I think you think this is a trap but it's really some rare-ass magic card that you've never heard of" face? Damn. He had gotten so good at reading Yugi's darker half, especially during the whole Noa thing. But now he couldn't figure anything out, he couldn't concentrate. Yami looked at him disapprovingly. Jounouchi wasn't even really playing and Yami only wanted the best opponents. Shoddy work wouldn't cut it. Kaiba felt the same way.
Damn. Not again.
He played Jinzo.
So it was a trap after all.
Yami's monster was destroyed. He smiled, pleased that the competition might be warming up. "No such luck man. I'm screwed and I know it. Jinzo was a lucky draw." Wasn't Jinzo the deck master of one of the Big Five? He dueled Kaiba, didn't he? He was worried for Kaiba then too… damn! Damn, damn, damn. "Stop thinking about him. He doesn't matter. Concentrate on the duel." But Kaiba was hurting. And he wasn't breathing anymore. Would he be colder now? Would his lips feel cold? He almost put his fingertips to his own lips in response. Kaiba must have used some fancy brand of chapstick. And now that he was hooked up to a respirator Jounouchi probably wouldn't have the chance to kiss him again. Damn Malik.
He thought he heard a laugh.
"When this whole thing is over, I think I'll take the pretty one and make him my pet. He looks so good when he's helpless." Malik purred and licked his lips. Jounouchi growled and quit trying to concentrate.
"Shut up! Shut up! Don't talk about him like that!" It took all his self-restraint not to jump off the platform and try to pound away at Malik. "Don't talk about him like that, you've got no right!" And the Egyptian just laughed.
"I've got more right than you. Even if he weren't the most frigid thing in the universe, do you honestly think he would let you fuck him? Do you think he would submit to you as you violate him, getting your dirty hands all over his body?"
"I want it to be more than that…" And he did. He really, really did. A part of himself that he shoved to the back of his mind longed for cold afternoons spent cuddled up together and he would tease Kaiba, diverting his attention from whatever he was reading. He wanted to watch the sakura trees, watch the leaves change color. All with Kaiba. All with him.
"Really? You can tell yourself that as much as you like, but you know that neither of you are capable of love, at least not that kind. He's had all the love beaten out of him. And you, well you'll end up just like your father. Don't delude yourself into thinking it's love when lust is the only thing running through your veins." Jounouchi knew he had thought bad things too. Twisted, dark things. Fantasies powered by lust and greed and the desire to have power over the one who drove him to the brink of insanity. Oh god, he wanted to cry right now. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This wasn't how he was supposed to feel. It… it wasn't right! But he did think like this. And these thoughts overpowered the sweet fluffy ones, and he couldn't push them back. They were making his head hurt. "Why do you think he's the white dragon and you're the black? He may have had darkness forced upon him, but you've chosen your own impurity." Malik smiled so knowingly, so smugly, that Jounouchi couldn't think he was anything but right
"Don't let it get to you, Jounouchi! He's just playing mind games to distract you!" Yami of course had to act as the righteous duelist, playing fair and kind. Ruling over all like the Pharaoh he was supposed to have been. After Kaiba had been put in a coma and Jounouchi was about to need a straight jacket.
"Oh yes, do concentrate. It will be easier to defeat you than it will the Pharaoh. And then I can manipulate him even more." Of course. That was all what this was about, wasn't it? Manipulating Yami. Jounouchi pushed the bad thoughts to the back of his head, and looked up at his opponent wearily.
"You're the only one who knows what the hell is going on here. And you're the only one who could stand up against his mind games. My stupid pride doesn't matter anymore. I won't win. I can't. If I duel him, everyone will be in danger."
"I forfeit."
He didn't feel like moving so he hadn't. He hadn't even rolled over when he said "Fuck off" as a response to Honda's knock at the door. So presumably his friend didn't hear and came in. That or he had ignored the curse. Either way, Jounouchi's face was still buried in his pillow. He felt like wallowing in self-pity and he would do what he wanted. He shouldn't have felt bad about this. It was his decision. He chose to forfeit, so he shouldn't have felt so depressed. Now Yami was going to defeat Malik and he'd probably take credit for saving Kaiba. For a while he had toyed with the idea of dueling the Egyptian. He had thought of what it would be like to win and get credit for saving the world. For saving Kaiba. It would be nice.
But then again Kaiba hated being in debt to anyone. He'd only hate him more.
And it's not like he could win
"Jounouchi." Stupid Honda trying to coax him into a conversation. Because stupid Honda had to actually care about his wellbeing.
"G'way." It was muffled, but Honda should have heard him.
"I know it was tough, but you're acting like a five year old." And Jounouchi intended on sulking like one, too. He wasn't going to move. "Fine then, be a baby."
"Good. Give up in frustration. Leave me alone." The door slammed shut.
But moments later it opened again.
"God dammit, Honda!"
"It's not Honda."
That voice had him sitting up immediately.
"Y-you!" How could he respond to that freak suddenly appearing in his room? "Shit, he's gonna kill me, I know he is! Shit shit shit! What do I do?" A soft laugh.
"Yes, me. I'm not going to kill you, it wouldn't be any fun. What would the point of it be?" Malik was staring oddly at the Rod now, a strange smirk appearing on his face. "It's such a shame that pretty things break so easily. But you would know about that, wouldn't you?"
A flash of light.
Then it all went black.
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Hi everyone! How did you like the chapter? *gets blank stares* Okay then!
Next Chapter: Jou has lost it. Hopefully he gets better. And Honda attempts to clear up Togi's confusion about the nature of Jou and Seto's relationship. Mokuba is pissed off.
Maybe. I'm not very good at planning in advance.
So review because Seto is sexy. (What does that have to do with reviewing?)
-Nyako-chan ("Pretty! Pretty!"- Me)
