THE MATRIX: RECLICHED, PART TWO

by Calli and Nain

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INSIDE TACKY CHINATOWN-ESQUE MARKET THING.

Neo: OOOH! MALIBU STACY!

NEO RUNS OVER TO SEE MALIBU STACY COLLECTION

Selling Guy: They're fifty gazillion bajillion dollars each.

Trinity over Phone: NEO! FOCUS!

Neo over Phone: BUT HER BOOBS ARE HUGE!

Trinity: IT'S ME OR HER.

NEO THROWS A TANTRUM

Neo: BUT I WANT THE DOLLY!

Trinity: Don't you want CANDY?

Neo: ... can I have a sock puppet, and a slinky?

Trinity: Yes, if you leave Malibu Stacy here.

Neo: Okay! Bye bye!

NEO ENTERS THE TEAHOUSE

Seraph: YO, WHAT UP, BEEYOTCH?

Neo: You have pretty sparkly code. Why?

Seraph: Nobody knows. It's not explained in Revolutions. Now, let us have a bitchslapping fight that will entertain the audience for a little while.

SERAPH AND NEO BITCH SLAP

Seraph: I can't believe you knocked those cups over. There were stashes of illegal drugs in there!

Neo: Oh. Are they bad?

Seraph: No, they make you happy! And they give you this weirdo accent.

Neo: And theeeeey givoooh dees weeeerooo aaahhhhceeeenttttee?

Seraph: That's just dumb.

Neo: Trinity said I'm not dumb! She said I'm special!

Seraph: Yeah, Special Ed.

Neo: -starts to sob hysterically-

Seraph: Okay, I can only take so much of this. The Oracle's stuck with you now.

Neo: Yay! Do you want my business card?

Seraph: Just shut up already.

NEO GIVES SERAPH HIS BUSINESS CARD.

Business Card: NEO THOMAS ANDERSON, A.K.A. 'THE ONE'

SAVIOUR SERVICES AND SUPERMODEL

ZION, THE REAL WORLD

Neo: I also bring people back to life!

Seraph: -shoves Neo through door-

Oracle: Come on, I don't bite. Hard.

Neo: Oooh, feisty!

Trinity over Phone: GASP!

Neo: You're STILL on the phone?

Trinity: Yeah. Can you IMAGINE what our phone bill is going to be?

Neo: You're paying!

Oracle: Come and sit next to me, schnookums.

Neo: I wanna stand.

Oracle: SIT, DAMMIT!

Neo: Yes, master.

NEO SITS and JUMPS UP AGAIN.

Neo: Oww, a nail poked my butt!

Oracle: Sit down and shut up. It's time for me to be cryptic.

Audience: Dammit.

Critics: We don't understand this movie, so let's give it a crap score!

So Called Funny People: We're complete morons, so we just make necrophilliac jokes throughout it all!

Oracle: Now, Neo, what happens in your dream?

Neo: ... I see... Agent Smith.

Oracle: Ahh! You see him and you fighting, don't you? On a long, abandoned stretch of road in the rain.

Neo: Actually... -looks at hands- I see him in a strip club. And he's singing 'I'm Too Sexy'. And he dances in front of me... and then I get scared, because I don't know what I'm feeling... and then he leans forward to kiss me and I wake up.

Oracle: ?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!

Neo: Oh, you weren't talking about that dream.

Oracle: Indeed. You humans really are... impulsive.

Trinity over Phone: NEO!!!!!!!!!!!

Neo: GET OFF THE PHONE, OR WE'LL NEVER GET IT ON AGAIN.

Trinity over Phone: Oh, fine.

Oracle: Do you also have a dream about Trinity?

Neo: Well, there's this one where she's doing a striptease...

Oracle: NO, NOT THAT ONE. The one where she's falling.

Neo: Oh, that one.

Oracle: What do you see in THIS dream?

NEO THINKS. IT LOOKS PAINFUL.

Neo: ... bungy jumping?

ORACLE ROLLS HER EYES.

Oracle: Will CANDY make you talk?

Neo: YES!

Neo: -grabs candy and stuffs it in his mouth, almost choking- Well, I see Trinity shooting at an Agent, and then she falls. It's got really nifty special effects.

Oracle: Do you see her die?

Neo: Well, I came to the conclusion that she MUST die... No, I just see a big lump fall onto a car. I wonder whose car it is.

Oracle: Is the licence plate SEXYORACLE1?

Neo: Uhhh... no, it's SEXYASSARCHY5.

Oracle: Larry will be so upset. He's very sensitive.

Neo: Larry?

Oracle: My bitch.

Neo: YOU HAVE A BITCH TOO?

Oracle: Yes. And you must visit him.

Neo: Wait, who was that guy you were getting it on with in your apartment when I dropped by?

Oracle: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Well, I must dash, my cookies are burnt.

Neo: COOKIES!

Oracle: Hey, you already ate all my candy.

Neo: -with full mouth- No, I didn't.

Oracle: Okay... um, you have to see the MeroIdiot, a very old french guy who is holding the Keymaker, who you need to get, since Keymaker and him were in a relationship and he has the key to Larry's apartment.

Neo: Ohhhh, that is so gay.

Oracle: What about you, Mr. Agent Lust?

Neo: HOW DARE YOU MOCK MY CONFUSION OVER MY SEXUALITY!

THE ORACLE LEAVES. ENTER AGENT SMITH IN DRAG. NEO'S EYES SHINE FOR A MOMENT, BUT THEN HE LOOKS TOUGH AGAIN.

Smith: I see you are not wearing any eyeshadow, Miss Draaaanderson. You are very unfashionable.

Neo: Uh... black is SO in!

Smith: Excuse me, Miss Draaaanderson, but I have this totally incredible knowledge of the Drag Fashion Industry, and Vomit Green is the new black.

Neo: No, Snot Yellow is the new Vomit Green!

Smith: We should have a big party, to celebrate this happy happy day!

Neo: Will there be... singing?

Smith: What are you getting at? ... There will be Aaron Carter.

Neo: -quickly- Never mind.

Smith: I may perform my striptease.

Neo: REALLY?!

Smith: After I kick your candy ass.

Neo: CANDY?!

NEO STARES AT BUTT. SMITH ROLLS HIS MASCARAED EYES.

Drag Smith 1-50: Let's kill the unfashionable one!

BURLY BRAWL BEGINS.

Nain and Calli: NEO, NEO, HE'S OUR GUY! IF HE CAN'T DO IT, AWAY HE'LL FLY! GOOOOO NEO!

LADY WALKS PAST, CARRYING A LARGE CABBAGE

NEO CONTINUES TO FIGHT RATHER POINTLESSLY

Agent: Oh god, it's Priscilla!

SMITH #50 PUTS ON AARON CARTER'S 'HAVE SOME FUN WITH THE FUNK'

Drag Smith: Like, did you totally miss me?

Agent: I missed your massages.

Drag Smith: -blushes- I did give the best, didn't I? Johnson was such an amateur. Plus he was always trying to get into my pants.

Agent: Well, I'm kind of supposed to get rid of you. Sorry, Pris.

Drag Smith: Like, totally not!

DRAG SMITH TURNS AGENT INTO COPY

Drag Smith #51: Where's the mascara?

Aaron: HAVE SOME FUN WIT' DA FUNK, KEEP BOPPIN'

Neo: What IS this?

Aaron: I don't know. I'm just a little boy.

Drag Smith #42: And a perverted one at that.

Aaron: YOU HAVE INSULTED MY HONOR. I'm going to get my zero-hit older brother and cry now.

MORE AGENT SMITHS APPEAR, NEO GRABS BURLY BRAWL POLE

Calli and Nain: WE LOVE YOU, POLE!

NEO KICKS ALL THE AGENTS CANDY ASSES, THEN NEO FLIES AWAY

Audience: Whoa.

Fangirls and Boys: ... my life is complete...

BACK ON THE NEBACHEEZFIZZLEMADIZZLENIZZLEYOSEXYNEOW00T

Trinity: Are you okay, my sock puppet?

Morpheus: Was it Priscilla?

Link: You mean, Agent Smith. Priscilla was the bus.

Neo: STOP SAYING THAT!

NEO RUNS OFF TO HIS ROOM, SOBBING

Nain: Whoa, he's taking this worse than me.

Trinity: Shut up and keep scrubbing

CALLI AND NAIN CONTINUE TO SCRUB THE DECK

Nain: Why are we doing this again? Is it because we went near your bitch?

Calli: No, it's because I stole her sunglasses.

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A/N:: Ehh, sorry this is so short. ^^; And sorry it has taken so long to come out. Both Nain and myself are in complete shock after watching Revolutions, so... yeah. Thanks to everyone who left positive reviews, it's very much appreciated.