The Matrix: Recliched

by Nain and Calli

-----------------------------------**

NEO IS WEARING A BRIGHT PINK BRITNEY-SPEARS (post. 'I'm a slave 4u') DRESS AND A BEMUSED LOOK

Neo: Are you sure this deodrant ad will help us find the keymaker?

Trinity: We already found the Keymaker. You just weren't there; you were playing with Tinky Winky.

Morpheus: She's lying. Trinity, stop mocking his sexuality and go get the ribbons.

TRINITY APPEARS, HOLDING PINK LACY RIBBONS

Trinity: I'm so sorry, Neo.

Neo: It's okay. I love you, Trinity.

Trinity: Awwww.

MORPHEUS IS VIOLENTLY SICK

Trinity: God, you are such a third wheel.

Morpheus: But I was special in the first movie!

Trinity: Well, now that Neo and I are together, we're more special.

Morpheus: I WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS! -bursts into tears-

Neo: Uh, so, do I just spray the deodrant around me?

Director: No, you also have to say, 'Femme deodrant, because I'm worth it.'

Neo: "Fun dorden fuzz me work it?"

Director: Are you retarded?

Neo: Yeah.

SCENE CUTS TO LARRY SITTING IN HIS APARTMENT WATCHING TV AND EATING PIZZA

MTV Guy: I'm here with Brittany Murphy, talking about her new movie, 'Uptown Girls'

Brittany: It's sooo beautiful!

MTV Guy: Is it a good movie?

Brittany: Of course! It's sooo beautiful!

MTV Guy: ... do you even like the movie?

Brittany: Of course! It's sooo beautiful!

AD BREAK ENSUES

NEO IS STANDING IN FRONT OF A TROPICAL BACKDROP WITH THE KEYMAKER BY HIS SIDE

Neo: Dammit

Neo: Uhh... line?

Director: We've already been filming for a minute!

CRASHING SOUND IN BACKGROUND

Keymaker: I went to get some KFC. Sorry about that.

Trinity: NEO! FEMME DEODORANT! BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT!

Larry: OH MY GOD, IT'S MY BITCH!

Neo: Huh?

Keymaker: LARRY, I LOVE YOU.

Larry: OMG!

Neo: Whoa.

Keymaker: I WANT YOU, BABY!

THE TV GOES BACK TO THE INTERVIEW

MTV Guy: Do you think Neo is hot?

Brittany: ... The movie is, like, sooooo beautiful.

MTV Guy: I have a migraine. We've got to cut this interview.

SCENE CUTS TO NEO AND TRINITY AND MORPHEUS AND THE KEYMAKER AND OTHER PEOPLE IN A ROOM IN THE LAFAYETTE (sp?) HOTEL

Keymaker: Larry and Keymaker, sitting in a...

Morpheus: Ahem.

Keymaker: Sorry.

Neo: Now, what are we supposed to do? Eat cheese and do the HOOLA?

NEO DOES A RATHER SCARY HIP-THRUSTING DANCE

Trinity: Neo, sit.

Neo: Yes, mummy.

Keymaker: Now, here's how we get to Larry.

Neo: Will he let me play with his sock puppet?

Trinity: Neo, only I can play with your sock puppet.

Soren, Soren's Crew, Niobe and Ghost: This is more than we needed to know.

Ghost: I PINE FOR YOU, TRINITY!

Trinity: Shut up, Ghost.

Ghost: Okay.

Keymaker: Now, Larry lives on a floor where no stair reaches.

Neo: How do we get there then?

Keymaker: We take the elevator.

Neo: Why?

Keymaker: Shut up, you retard.

Neo: Why?

Trinity: Oh, Neo... be quiet.

Neo: Why?

Trinity: Because, otherwise, I'll KILL TINKYWINKY.

Neo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo

Trinity: He'd be less upset if I died.

Neo: Probably.

Keymaker: Now, Once we get to the magical floor, we must find the magical door. This door is special. This door leads to Larry's Apartment, a wonderous world.

Morpheus: Do we get feather boas?

Everyone: ...

Keymaker: Actually, it's possible.

Morpheus: YAY!

Keymaker: However, the floor is so sensitive that if anyone steps on it an alarm will be set off and Britney Spears will play until your eardrums explode. So, we need someone to blow up the power plant, so the electricity won't work.

Neo: Why?

Morpheus: How long do we have before the music starts?

Keymaker: three hundred and fourteen seconds.

Neo: Ooh! Pie!

Calli: Is it cherryneopie?

SCENE CUTS TO NEO AND TRINITY SITTING ON A BED

Trinity: Neo, what's wrong, sock puppet?

Neo: Uhhh... I need you to do something,.

Trinity: Does it have anything to do with Po?

Neo: No.

Trinity: Oh, thank God.

Neo: Anyway, what I need you to do is... um... not come into the Matrix.

Trinity: Oh, okay, whatever. Let's get it on some more.

Neo: Yay!

Audience: MY GOD, THEY'RE LIKE RABBITS!

CUT TO POWER PLANT THINGY MA BOB. IT GOES 'KABOOM'

Niobe: Come on, Ghost, let's go smoke a joint.

Ghost: Yes, Mistresssssssss. BUT I PINE FOR TRINITY!

Link: Ooh, the backup power has come on! Look at the pretty lights...

Trinity: Oh, God, when they open that door, we're all gonna die.

Neo: We are totally oblivious to what's going on.

Hamann: Rock On!

HAMANN AND NEO HEADBUTT

Trinity: I have to jack off.

Link: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!

Trinity: I said, I have to jack in.

Link: Oooh. But didn't Neo tell you not to?

Trinity: Screw Neo.

Link: Literally?

Trinity: SHUT UP, LINK.

SCENE CUTS TO NEO AND CO. IN THE HALLWAY

Neo: I need to find a bathroom!

Morpheus: Can you hang on for a little bit longer?

Neo: NO!!!!!

NEO DUCKS INTO ONE OF THE ROOMS THEN COMES BACK OUT

Neo: .... ahhh...

Morpheus: FOCUS!

Keymaker: It is this door.

THE DOOR IS PINK

SCENE CUTS TO TRIN HACKING COMPUTER

Trinity: Oooh, I wonder how my neopet is going?

CHANGES BROWSER WINDOW

Link: Trinity, you're supposed to be saving your bitch's life.

TRINITY FINISHES HACKING THE MAINFRAME

Computer Room Technician: Whoo, check out her ass!

Computer Room Guard: Hey grrl asl wanna cyber?

Trinity: I'll just beat you up instead.

TRINITY BEATS UP TECHNICIANS

AGENT DRAG SMITH APPEARS IN HALLWAY WITH HIS CLONES.

Drag Smith: Hello, big boy. Still using all the muscles except the one that matters?

Neo: Actually, my sock puppet's gotten a pretty good workout lately.

Drag Smith: Stop rubbing it in that you're getting some and I'm not.

NEO SMIRKS

Drag Smith: I want exactly what you want. I want that jaccuzi with the bikini-clad drag queens in it.

Morpheus: How about a bullet from this gun?

Drag Smith: Haha, you don't have any cool lines anymore

Morpheus: -starts to cry-

Drag Smith: Sexy Clones, Kill the unsexy ones!

NEO GETS ANNOYED AND PICKS UP MORPHEUS AND THE KEYMAN. THEY FLY THROUGH THE PINK DOOR AND INTO A BORING WAITING ROOM THAT RESEMBLES A DENTISTS, COMPLETE WITH FISHBOWL AND FAT RECEPTIONIST

Fat Receptionist: And who are you here to see?

Neo: Larry.

Keymaker: I'm dying

Neo: Morphey, I think you should go.

Keymaker: I'm dying

Morpheus: Coolie!

Neo: I mean, away.

MORPHEUS GOES TO FLIRT WITH THE RECEPTIONIST

Neo: I DON'T LIKE YOU AND YOU'RE RUINING MY MOMENT

Morpheus: -starts to cry again-

Keymaker: I've died

Receptionist: Larry will see you now, Neo. Morpheus, piss off.

NEO WALKS OVER TO A DOOR AND ENTERS. BRIGHT LIGHT AND HAPPY MUSIC ENSUES...

OR DOES IT?!

-----------------------------------**

A/N:: Calli: It's just me today, everyone. Sorry this chapter is short and boring, but me and Nain are sick of writing this thing, and we want to get on with our other projects. However, the architect scene and Trin's death will be fun. Watch this space.