The Matrix: Recliched

by Nain and Calli

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CALLI AND NAIN ARE STANDING BEFORE A BLACK SCREEN

Calli: Welcome to the Outtakes of 'The Matrix: Recliched!' We are now going to show you a series of scenes that NEVER made it to the final cut.

Nain: First of all, we were going to have Neo and Tinky Winky sing a heartrending rendition of "My Heart Will Go On." However, it didn't make it into the script. We're not sure why.

CUT TO CHATEAU

Neo: Tinky Winky, I have never felt this way.

Tinky: I have. I had a really steamy affair with that guy from "Friends."

NEO CHOOSES TO IGNORE TINKY'S PREVIOUS COMMENT

Neo: It is because of you that I no longer doubt my sexuality.

Tinky: I still think you're stupid for becoming gay, especially when Persy is trying to jump on your back.

NEO CONTINUES TO IGNORE TINKY'S COMMENTS

Neo: Let's sing a song to symbolize our deep bond of love.

Tinky: Dude, that's so beautiful!

NEO GETS DOWN ON ONE KNEE AND PULLS A MICROPHONE OUT OF SOMEWHERE, BUT WE DO NOT WISH TO SPECIFY

Neo: "Everynight in my fleems, I froo froo, I feel ... trinity..."

TINKY LOOKS ANGRY

Neo: I mean, "YOU!"

NEO COUGHS

Tinky: "Far across the the distance and spaces between us, you have come to show that you go onnnnnnnnn..."

Neo: "Feel, Lars, I eat chicken tar! I flee, my art will mow lawn..."

Tinky: "Once more you open the pink flowered door, and you're here in my plastic heart!"

Together: "And my art will MOOOOOOOW LAAAAAWN..."

NEO WRAPS HIS ARMS AROUND TINKY

Neo: "Gloves can slap us one time, but make me, go bye bye!"

Tinky: "And never let go until we're one purple person..."

Neo: "Glove was when I gloved moo, one choo rhyme, I smoo smoo!"

Tinky: "In my TV life, we'll always corrupt children!"

Neo: "Fear, Lars, Your sister is in the backseat of my car... And I know that my art will mow lawn."

Tinky: "Once more, you open the pink flowered door, and you're here in my gay heart!"

Together: "OUR ART WILL MOW LAWNNNNNNNNNNN!"

Neo: "Floor, gear, I eat cheese and fleas, and I know, that my art will mow lawn."

Tinky: "We'll, stay, forever so gay! You are safe in my plastic heart, and..."

Together: "OUR ART WILL MOW LAWN AND LAWN! MMMMMMMMMMMM! LAAAAAAAAA!!!!! OOOOH!!!!!!!!! DDDDDUUUUUUUUMMMM! DADADA!"

NEO AND TINKY GAZE AT EACH OTHER WITH TEARS IN THEIR EYES

Neo: I love you, Tinky.

Tinky: ... I think I'm still in love with David Schwimmer, but what the hell.

TRINITY ENTERS, LOOKING ANGRY.

Neo: TRINITY!

Trinity: Neo, how could you?! I thought you loved me. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

TRINITY WALKS OUT AND SLAMS THE DOOR BEHIND HER

Neo: OMG, TRINNY, I LOVE YOU! COME BACK!

NEO RUNS THROUGH THE DOORWAY, SCREAMING LIKE A HEADLESS CHICKEN.

Tinky: Dammit.