The Matrix: Recliched
by Nain and Calli
---------------------**
CALLI AND NAIN ARE STANDING BEFORE A BLACK SCREEN, LOOKING SLIGHTLY HORRIFIED AND GREEN.
Calli: ... now, wasn't that fun, minions? We have a special outtakey tribute for you now... in which we ENTER THE ELUSIVE PRISCILLA BUS! Yes, you heard me, we enter the Love-Den of the Gay Agents! Are you feeling happy yet?
Nain: You won't be feeling happy in the bus. Don't expect it.
Calli: But we love the Pris Bus!
Nain: Yes, but it's pink. And you know the evil soul who lives in there.
Calli: ... the conforming hobbit of DOOM?!
Nain: THE HORROR!
CALLI AND NAIN SCREAM
Calli: Just to clarify, we don't own Hobbits, and we don't own Mulder and Scully. Unfortunately. Sigh. But you already knew that, right? Anyway... ROLL IT!
CUT TO THE PRISCILLA BUS, DRAPED IN SHINY FABRIC AND FULL OF AGENTS IN THEIR SUITS
Drag Smith: So then I, like, told the saleswoman, "You ain't all that and a bag of chips!"
Agent Johnson: Rawr! Hey, do you want a massage?
Agent Fuzzy: No way. You're always trying to get into my pants.
Agent Johnson: But... they're Gucci! And they'd look better on my legs, anyway.
Agent Fuzzy: Prada or nada, baby.
Agent Pants: I'll go with Prada. Nada is SOOOOOO FIVE MINUTES AGO!
Drag Smith: Love slave! -snaps fingers- LOVE SLAVE! COME HERE!
Magi The Conforming Hobbit: Yes, masterrrrr?
Drag Smith: Which is better; Prada or nada?
Magi: Um... blueberry? Lyk, I dunno. I like to inhale nail polish fumes. And those sound like words that stupid Nina makes up.
Nain: -seethe-
Drag Smith #83: Like, you need to shave your toes, Love Slave.
Magi: Um, pineapple?
Drag Smith #58696: Why do we always get the stupid love slaves?
Mitzi Del Bra: Because the stupid ones are always better looking, Dahhhhling.
CALLI AND NAIN GIGGLE EVILLY
Magi: -stares at Nain- Lyk, you look just like this girl I knew. She was sooooooooo mean.
Agent Disco Stu: Baby, if you wanna fight, not in here. Boogie, thrust, oh yeah!
NAIN CRACKS HER KNUCKLES
Magi: omg nina waz lyk sooo dum, she waz lyk uzin big wordz dat cant hav bin reel cuz i didnt undastand em and im lyk cleva.
Nain: YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?
Magi: Lyk wtf?? y do u h8 me nina iv neva dun nething 2 u!
CALLI WATCHES IN AWE AND AMUSEMENT, HUGGING A NEO PLUSHIE
Nain: Could you possibly be less coherent?
Magi: lyksdf no woatssx ru sdatskling BOUTS?
Calli: It's come down to this, Nain. You can defeat her now, or you can just walk away.
Miscellanious Drag Agent: LIKE, NO FIGHTING IN HERE, YOU'LL RUIN THE PERFUME BOTTLES! OMG!
NAIN THROWS MAGI OUT THE DOOR AND LEAPS ON HER
Calli: It looks like Nain's beating Magi, using her famous 'IHATEPREPS' high Neo-style kick, but ait, Magi's using the fingernails... oh, NO!
Nain: AAAAAAAAAH! I HAVE PINK SPARKLES IN MY EYES!
THE AGENTS BEGIN TO SWARM MAGI
Magi: LYK YYYYYYYYY?!
NAIN CLAWS AT HER EYES
Nain: GET THEM OUT, DAMMIT! GET THEM OUT!
Drag Agent Bunny: You were mean to our beloved Nain! You're not a love slave, you're just an annoying Conformist Hobbit who Needs To Shave Her Like Toes.
Magi: LYK NOOOOO, COME N SAVE ME HILARI!
Hilary Duff: I'd love to save my adoring fans, but the thing is, I have no kung fu talent, nor do I have any acting or singing talent. Alas, woe is me.
Nain: I love you, Agents. I really, really do.
Agent Smith: That's why you can be our love slaves at the end!
MAGI'S BODY DISAPPEARS, LEAVING ONLY A SINGLE SPARKLY FINGERNAIL. THE AGENTS POUNCE ON NAIN
Calli: NOOOOOOOOOOO! NEO, COME SAVE US!
NEO FLIES IN, LOOKING CONFUSED
Neo: You know, I finally get to make out with Trinity, and then I have to come save you two.
Calli: Wait, I don't want you to save me. Save NAIN... YOU MUST... SAVE NAIN...
CALLI'S BODY DISAPPEARS
Nain: Too much information.
Nain: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
NAIN THROWS HERSELF ON THE GROUND. SUDDENLY, A RENTAL CAR PULLS UP AND MULDER AND SCULLY STEP OUT
Mulder: I'm Agent Mulder, and this is Agent Scully. We're from the FBI, and we're researching ressurection techniques.
Scully: I hate my job sometimes.
THE SPIRIT OF CALLI FLIES AROUND WILDLY
Scully: This is one of those times.
Mulder: We're looking for the body of a Lockaway, Callisto... is she around here anywhere?
SPIRIT OF CALLI ALMOST DIES AGAIN OF HAPPINESS
Nain: -points at Spirit of Calli-
Spirit of Calli: O_____O
THERE IS A LARGE FLASH OF LIGHT, ALIEN-ABDUCTION STYLE, THEN A PUFF OF PINK SMOKE
Calli: MULDER, YOU SAVED ME!
CALLI LUNGES AT MULDER. HIM AND SCULLY QUICKLY GET IN THEIR CAR AND DRIVE AWAY, HORRIFIED AT WHAT THEY HAVE WITNESSED.
Nain: CALLI! YOU LIVE.
Calli: MULDER! WE'LL TALK! CALL ME FRIDAY......
Neo: What am I supposed to be doing?
Nain: Saving me!
Neo: Oh, okay.
NEO AND NAIN FLY OFF INTO THE SUNSET. CALLI CHASES AFTER THE RENTAL CAR. THE AGENTS SCRATCH THEIR HEADS.
Agent Smith: So, really, what is it... Prada or Nada?
by Nain and Calli
---------------------**
CALLI AND NAIN ARE STANDING BEFORE A BLACK SCREEN, LOOKING SLIGHTLY HORRIFIED AND GREEN.
Calli: ... now, wasn't that fun, minions? We have a special outtakey tribute for you now... in which we ENTER THE ELUSIVE PRISCILLA BUS! Yes, you heard me, we enter the Love-Den of the Gay Agents! Are you feeling happy yet?
Nain: You won't be feeling happy in the bus. Don't expect it.
Calli: But we love the Pris Bus!
Nain: Yes, but it's pink. And you know the evil soul who lives in there.
Calli: ... the conforming hobbit of DOOM?!
Nain: THE HORROR!
CALLI AND NAIN SCREAM
Calli: Just to clarify, we don't own Hobbits, and we don't own Mulder and Scully. Unfortunately. Sigh. But you already knew that, right? Anyway... ROLL IT!
CUT TO THE PRISCILLA BUS, DRAPED IN SHINY FABRIC AND FULL OF AGENTS IN THEIR SUITS
Drag Smith: So then I, like, told the saleswoman, "You ain't all that and a bag of chips!"
Agent Johnson: Rawr! Hey, do you want a massage?
Agent Fuzzy: No way. You're always trying to get into my pants.
Agent Johnson: But... they're Gucci! And they'd look better on my legs, anyway.
Agent Fuzzy: Prada or nada, baby.
Agent Pants: I'll go with Prada. Nada is SOOOOOO FIVE MINUTES AGO!
Drag Smith: Love slave! -snaps fingers- LOVE SLAVE! COME HERE!
Magi The Conforming Hobbit: Yes, masterrrrr?
Drag Smith: Which is better; Prada or nada?
Magi: Um... blueberry? Lyk, I dunno. I like to inhale nail polish fumes. And those sound like words that stupid Nina makes up.
Nain: -seethe-
Drag Smith #83: Like, you need to shave your toes, Love Slave.
Magi: Um, pineapple?
Drag Smith #58696: Why do we always get the stupid love slaves?
Mitzi Del Bra: Because the stupid ones are always better looking, Dahhhhling.
CALLI AND NAIN GIGGLE EVILLY
Magi: -stares at Nain- Lyk, you look just like this girl I knew. She was sooooooooo mean.
Agent Disco Stu: Baby, if you wanna fight, not in here. Boogie, thrust, oh yeah!
NAIN CRACKS HER KNUCKLES
Magi: omg nina waz lyk sooo dum, she waz lyk uzin big wordz dat cant hav bin reel cuz i didnt undastand em and im lyk cleva.
Nain: YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?
Magi: Lyk wtf?? y do u h8 me nina iv neva dun nething 2 u!
CALLI WATCHES IN AWE AND AMUSEMENT, HUGGING A NEO PLUSHIE
Nain: Could you possibly be less coherent?
Magi: lyksdf no woatssx ru sdatskling BOUTS?
Calli: It's come down to this, Nain. You can defeat her now, or you can just walk away.
Miscellanious Drag Agent: LIKE, NO FIGHTING IN HERE, YOU'LL RUIN THE PERFUME BOTTLES! OMG!
NAIN THROWS MAGI OUT THE DOOR AND LEAPS ON HER
Calli: It looks like Nain's beating Magi, using her famous 'IHATEPREPS' high Neo-style kick, but ait, Magi's using the fingernails... oh, NO!
Nain: AAAAAAAAAH! I HAVE PINK SPARKLES IN MY EYES!
THE AGENTS BEGIN TO SWARM MAGI
Magi: LYK YYYYYYYYY?!
NAIN CLAWS AT HER EYES
Nain: GET THEM OUT, DAMMIT! GET THEM OUT!
Drag Agent Bunny: You were mean to our beloved Nain! You're not a love slave, you're just an annoying Conformist Hobbit who Needs To Shave Her Like Toes.
Magi: LYK NOOOOO, COME N SAVE ME HILARI!
Hilary Duff: I'd love to save my adoring fans, but the thing is, I have no kung fu talent, nor do I have any acting or singing talent. Alas, woe is me.
Nain: I love you, Agents. I really, really do.
Agent Smith: That's why you can be our love slaves at the end!
MAGI'S BODY DISAPPEARS, LEAVING ONLY A SINGLE SPARKLY FINGERNAIL. THE AGENTS POUNCE ON NAIN
Calli: NOOOOOOOOOOO! NEO, COME SAVE US!
NEO FLIES IN, LOOKING CONFUSED
Neo: You know, I finally get to make out with Trinity, and then I have to come save you two.
Calli: Wait, I don't want you to save me. Save NAIN... YOU MUST... SAVE NAIN...
CALLI'S BODY DISAPPEARS
Nain: Too much information.
Nain: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
NAIN THROWS HERSELF ON THE GROUND. SUDDENLY, A RENTAL CAR PULLS UP AND MULDER AND SCULLY STEP OUT
Mulder: I'm Agent Mulder, and this is Agent Scully. We're from the FBI, and we're researching ressurection techniques.
Scully: I hate my job sometimes.
THE SPIRIT OF CALLI FLIES AROUND WILDLY
Scully: This is one of those times.
Mulder: We're looking for the body of a Lockaway, Callisto... is she around here anywhere?
SPIRIT OF CALLI ALMOST DIES AGAIN OF HAPPINESS
Nain: -points at Spirit of Calli-
Spirit of Calli: O_____O
THERE IS A LARGE FLASH OF LIGHT, ALIEN-ABDUCTION STYLE, THEN A PUFF OF PINK SMOKE
Calli: MULDER, YOU SAVED ME!
CALLI LUNGES AT MULDER. HIM AND SCULLY QUICKLY GET IN THEIR CAR AND DRIVE AWAY, HORRIFIED AT WHAT THEY HAVE WITNESSED.
Nain: CALLI! YOU LIVE.
Calli: MULDER! WE'LL TALK! CALL ME FRIDAY......
Neo: What am I supposed to be doing?
Nain: Saving me!
Neo: Oh, okay.
NEO AND NAIN FLY OFF INTO THE SUNSET. CALLI CHASES AFTER THE RENTAL CAR. THE AGENTS SCRATCH THEIR HEADS.
Agent Smith: So, really, what is it... Prada or Nada?
