Authors Note: Cheep!  'Lo ALL!  Yes, SO sorry 'bout the wait, have been weighed down with schoolwork so much so that I now look like Dr Evil.  And speak like Elmo.  Unusual combination I know, mostly because I am female.  Anyway, complete change from last chapter back onto the main sarcasm river.  Have created diary fic for all those who found it amiable.  Though no new chapters have been uploaded yet.  Aren't I annoying. 

So, in the following chapter I mostly take the Mickey Mouse out of Hermione.  Hope you all like.  If you don't then it's your loss.  That is all.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and don't mean any offence by anything I write.  Mostly because I am poor and don't want to be sued.  Or because I am a Scaredy cat.  Either way, I'm sorry.

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Hermione:  Waa I'm SO ugly!!!  *sobs dramatically*

~Reader is supposed to feel sorry for her, but for some reason unknown to the author, this is impossible. ~

Ron:  Oh Come on-eth Hermione-eth, thou is not-eth ugly…-eth!

~Everyone hails the return of Shakespearian Actor Ron! ~

Ginny: Ron, stop talking like a prick.

Reader: Shut up, it's amusing.

~Ginny is pummelled with cyber-spam.  This is funny as she is a Fictional Character. ~

Harry:  Er Hermione, we were talking about ME!  Can we PLEASE get back to that topic as I feel the prospect of talking about anything else but me dire and drab and other words beginning with d.

Ginny: Shut up.

Hermione:  But look at me!  Look at my frizzy hair!  If I had glasses I'd be officially a certified geek!

Author:  HEY!  Glasses do NOT make someone a geek!

~Author's friend takes this opportunity to cough.  A LOT. ~

~Readers are baffled that someone with the name 'The Social Leper' has a friend~

~The Author reassures the Readers that this is in fact her Imaginary friend Philoopilah who should stay in the Airing Cupboard. ~

~This makes sense.  The Reader nods.  All is well. ~

Harry:  ANYWAY…Duh, glasses make you a geek!  Really Hermione, take a look in the mirror some time!

Ginny: Er Harry?  Don't you wear glasses?

Harry: *long pause* Dammit!

~

Ginny: Hum…I wonder what the world would be like if Hermione was pretty…*Hermione wails louder*…much more exciting then 'Mickey Mouse's Magical Adventures Shopping In Tescos', non?

~Weird wavy lines fill the screen.  For some reason, nobody is worried.  Oh well…~

Hermione:  HI! 

~Hermione looks like Britney's twin.  The boys blink like startled dears.  The girls all congregate in a corner to bitch about the new competition. ~

Hermione: Shall I sing y'all a song? 

~Hermione bursts into the chorus of Annie.  However, she keeps the bursting to a minimum as that would be painful and would create a mess. ~

Ginny:  Er, what's with her Texan accent?

Author: I love accents.

Ron: Loser-eth.

Everyone: SHUT UP!

~If this were an episode of Sabrina, everyone would start dancing.  But it isn't.  And the Author is a spoilsport.  So we return to normality. Kind of….~

~

Ginny:  Well that was certainly surreal.

Hermione: I'm ugly again!  *Cries louder* I'll be alone forever.

~Malfoy appears~

Malfoy: Don't worry Hermione, I'll take you into my intestinal chamber and worship you like you deserve.

Reader:  Intestinal???  Squee!

Malfoy: Dammit, NO, INCESTIAL!  Author- I hate you!

Hermione:  Eeew, Malfoy you twat, we're not related! 

Reader:  Erm, Author?  I thought they were archenemies in the first chapter? 

Author:  Aw come on, this is so much more interesting.

Reader: *raises eyebrow.  This is hard as is merely a few pixels* If you say so…

Author: Ok then, we'll have another random cut scene….

~

~Funky doodley wavy lines.  Author does 'Wayne's World'-esq arm movements.  This is highly amusing. ~

Author:  Welcome everyone, to the FUTURE!  BWAHAHAHA!

Ginny:  Wha?

Harry:  Hello everyone, I am 'Investment Banker Harry Potter.'

~This is funny as it is impossible as he is famous.  And a wizard.  And a Fictional Character.  Bwah.~

*Hermione walks into the Norwich Branch of HSBC*

Hermione:  Yes, I'd like to make a transaction please.

Reader: *blinks*

Harry:  Sure.  And your name is?

Hermione: Hermione Granger.

Harry:  *blinks* Hermione?

Hermione:  Yes.  Hermione Granger.

Harry:  Hermione???

Hermione: YES sir, my name is HERMIONE GRANGER and I would like to make a transaction please!  Geez!

~By this point, anyone with half a brain has hit the 'Back' button. ~

Harry:  Don't you remember me?  It's me…. Harry.

Hermione:  Harry?

Harry: Yes, It's me…. Harry.

~The Reader is getting annoyed.  However, it is still rather amusing.~

Hermione: Wow, you've changed.

Harry:  Yeah, so do you want to go for a drink?

Hermione: OK!

~They go off, have a drink and fly off to Las Vegas and get married.  Obviously Hermione has 'Britney blood' inside her.  Author is not sure if this is a good thing or not. ~

~More wiggly lines. ~

~

Hermione:  Soooo…that's all a load of Dromedary camel poo is it not?  I mean, JK would SO never do that to us, the Readers or the Queen!

Author:  Well, you'll just have to wait and see!  *Laughs*falls of chair*

~Readers search the Internet for a suitable virus to send the Author.  Squee. ~

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So that is all.  Slightly more vindictive then usual, but who's complaining?

Here Be Thanks:

Laterose: *waves*

MoonGoddess25

HPROXMYSOX

IdoNotLookLikeALeprachaun

Muskrat

La Pamplemousse

Moon_Girl

Glaurificus: Wow!  Cool, sure you can!  *smiles*

Token

HPROXMYSOX

StrangeOne

Wiccagirl13

Killer-the-cat

VietNaMaEnglish: *blinks*  You feel like a retarded 5 year old? *smiles*  I AM that 5 year old.  Seriously, I have some annoyingly random ability to laugh none stop through a 40min lesson after just 5 polos!  The glucose is GOOD!  I apologise if I'm scaring you.  Am on a suga high.

SecretDestiny13

Citcat299: *waves* Greetings viki's friend! 

That is all.

XxX

:op