Changing Toward Love

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Notes of the Authoress Anthy: Numero Three already. ... I'm a liar, I wrote everything up to this point in one big chuck. Heh. Well, enjoy it! I think this is the longest chapter yet. Much love to everyone who reads this. I adore you. *hugs you* Have a wooonderful day, all right?

Disclaimer: No, I don't own the movie or the book, but whoever does should be so proud! Please, don't sue me. ;_; I am just a poor romantic!

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I flew into the nursery as quietly as I could, floating down to the floor silently. I winced when I realized that one of my feet had landed on the blade of a strange blunt sword. I stepped off it and bent down, picking it up and holding it in front of me.

It was light as air, and as such I knew that it wasn't made of metal. I tossed it up a few times- wood. Wood covered in some kind of shiny gray paint that was supposed to resemble metal.

Pathetic, I thought, throwing it aside. That sword could barely pierce a piece of rotten fruit.

I realized half a second later that I had somehow managed to through the pathetic fake sword into a pile of other equally pretend playthings, causing it to fall apart in an earthquake-like rumble. The body in the bed nearest to it groaned and turned over, mumbling something I couldn't make out.

I walked over to the bed, noticing when I reached its side the circular glasses on the nightstand. This must be ... John's bed. I leaned forward, trying to make out the dark face.

He looked very different, that was for sure. His hair was still messy and black, but it framed a changed face, one that I realized, with a cold shiver up my spine, was nearly the face of a man. Still, it was John, and from what I could remember of John, he was harmless. Even if he was a few feet taller ...

I said, reaching out to poke him rudely in the chest, Hey, John. Wake up.

He groaned and stirred, but did not wake up. I raised an eyebrow in irritation and poked him even harder. Once. Twice. Three times. Four times.

And with the fifth very un-gentle poke, his eyelids fluttered open. He groaned again and sat up in the darkness. I watched him, amused, as he slapped his hand on the nightstand for his glasses. He finally found them, put them on, and then blinked. Once, twice. Three times.

And with the forth blink, he finally saw me, and yelped like a kicked dog.

An ... an intruder!, he cried out, pointing in my general area of darkness. Fiend! How dare you enter our home! I'll ... I'll kill you before you hurt any of my brothers!

And with that, he jumped out of bed, grabbed the crappy excuse for a sword that I'd just carelessly threw aside, and pointed it about twenty degrees to the left of my head.

I laughed. He was noble, I had to admit that. No wonder Princess Tiger Lily had gone on and on about him for months after his departure.

Kill Pan?, I mocked, drawing my very sharp dagger and hovering several feet into the air and shifting into a dramatic fighting stance,

P.. Peter?, John chocked, slowly lowering his sword.

None other, I said with a smirk.

Peter ... Pan?, he asked again, his eyes wide.

Heh, glad you remember me, I said, replacing my dagger at my side.

he cried out. I can't believe it's you! It's been ... oh ... Christ! Peter!

And with that very loud outburst, he stumbled to his right and flipped on the overhead light of the nursery.

A few seconds later, several loud groans filled the nursery, and someone threw a very, very familiar teddybear at John's head.

What's the matter with you, John?, a boy in the bed across from him whined. It's bloody three in the morning!

You crazy?, someone else mumbled loudly, his head buried in his pillow. It's Saturday, you idiot. We get to sleep in this mmmorning ...

John yelped, It's PETER! PETER'S HERE!

the boy in the bed next to John's questioned quietly. I recognized him immediately as Michael- his red hair was unmistakable- even though he looked much, much older. I frowned at this, but smiled again when I saw the teddy bear lying abused on the floor near John's feet. He was Michael's, too. The brave teddy bear warrior ...

You don't mean ... Peter ... Pan?, Michael said, sitting up in bed. Awe, John. You were just dreamin' ... get back to bed.

John said, pointed wildly in my direction. No, look! LOOK! It's Peter, it's no dream, it's PETER PAN!

And slowly, seven pairs of messy-haired heads turned in my direction. Then, they all grinned widely, screamed, and herded toward me.

I laughed as I was nearly run over by the old Lost Boys and Michael, all of which crowded around me, groping at me wildly while yelping and screaming my name.

Peter! You came back! You came back!!

Peter, I didn't think you would ever come visit us!

PETER! Is it really you?!

Peter, where's Tink?! PETER!

PETER! I thought you forgot about us!

I frowned at this as a strange, very heavy feeling filled me.

I said loudly, reaching down to ruffle the dark hair of the boy that had thought I'd forgotten him. Looking him over, I recognized him as Nibs, though he was, like everyone, much bigger, much taller, and very much older. He grinned up at me, eager for my attention.

I continued, I would never forget my boys.

There a great deal of pleasurable noise at this- laughter and cries of joy and yelps of surprise all mixed together- and then, slowly, the boys around me stepped back and gave me room to breathe.

Why didn't you come back sooner, Peter?, a boy that I recognized as Slightly asked me. We ... we missed you.

said another boy, one who I knew immediately as Cubby, We thought you would never come.

repeated Michael. We thought...

I ... I don't want to talk of that now, I said, very quickly. I just ... I came here ... where is Wendy?

The boys suddenly fell very silent at this mention of their older sister. I frowned at this; they were all acting as though she had died. My heart seized at this, and cold sweat filled my palms; Wendy was still here, wasn't she? She hadn't gone away, had she? Nothing had happened to her ... right? I froze, finding it suddenly very hard to breathe.

Wendy ... Wendy is here, isn't she?, I asked the suddenly very quiet, very sullen boys.

said Michael, very slowly. She sleeps in a different room now, though. It's next to this one. She moved out a long, long time ago.

I know, I said quietly. I had watched her leave the nursery to sleep many, many times in the past. Why ... why are you so quiet about her?

My heart was pounding; I had never seen the Lost Boys look so sullen. My hope that Wendy was still the beautiful girl I'd been kissed by was draining very quickly from my suddenly weak body.

We ... we don't know if you want to see Wendy, Nibs said softly. She's ... she's different now, you know?

Different how?, I asked, feeling that something in my chest twist tighter and tighter. My breathing was harder and heavier, I realized absently.

She wears a corset, Cubby chimed in quietly.

What's a corset?, I asked, puzzled.

It's this thing, Michael began to explain, That ladies wear to make themselves look thinner. Our aunt makes her wear one, like her and mother. It gets so tight that you can't breathe.

One time, our aunt grew purple, and then fainted, John said with a slight laugh. I realized that he had not moved toward me, and was still standing near his bed, looking very uncomfortable and shy.

That ... l-ladies wear?, I questioned. I didn't want my Wendy to be a lady. Wendy was a girl.

said Michael. But Peter, she's ... she's different now.

said Nibs, She only wears a corset because she doesn't care about growing up or not. She doesn't play with us anymore, Peter. She doesn't try to stay young.

She's very quiet now, said Slightly softly.

She never tells us stories anymore, Peter!, Cubby cried out quietly, his eyes downfallen.

She's ... she's been sad for a long time, Michael began, frowning. She doesn't like to tell us stories about you anymore, because it ... it makes her sad. Sometimes, after she tucks us into bed and she thinks we're all asleep, she'll sit in the rocking chair and stare up at the sky, and she'll cry there. She'll cry for so long, we think she won't be able to stop.

I winced, feeling my entire body tighten. The thought of Wendy crying sent a deep shiver through my chest, calling forth the old, terrible ache. I suddenly wanted to hurt myself somehow, to punish myself for making her shed tears.

She misses you, Peter, John said softly from his position near his bed. She thought you would come back, like we all did.

I did come back, I thought, knowing where I was standing.

John replied. Much, much sooner ...

I frowned, reaching down to my side and groping for the lumpy package that I knew was still there.

And that's not the worst of it, Peter, Michael began, Our mother and father have been talking about how Wendy needs to start thinking about-

I said suddenly, speaking not from my mind, but from someplace deep inside me. Please stop. I ... I need to speak to Wendy. Where is her room again?

She's in the room next to this one, Nibs said quietly. Go into the hall, and then go right, and it's the closest door.

I said, and I turned to leave, but was frozen when I realized that eight pairs of eyes were staring at me.

I turned back slowly, realizing that in turning toward the door, I had stepped into the light.

Slightly whispered quietly. You're ... you grew up.

I... I haven't, I said, nearly whispering myself. Not all the way.

No eyes turned from me, all wide and staring.

Why didn't you stay young, Peter?, Michael said, his jaw dropping slightly. Weren't ... weren't you in Neverland all this time?

I answered wearily, wanting increasingly to leave the room- to see Wendy, at last.

Then ... how come you ..., Nibs asked in a very soft, wondering voice.

I only know, I replied, my chest feeling suddenly very heavy again, That ... that it has something to do with Wendy. That's why I came back, because Wendy ... she can make this stop.

This was met with staring silence, the same silence that had fallen over the boys at the mention of their sister's name.

I'm sure it does have to do with Wendy, John said suddenly, and he looked at me in such a strong, searching way that I knew he knew more than I did, that he saw something I couldn't see. I frowned, staring back at him. He was seeing through me, and the feeling of needing to run away grew more intense.

I need to see Wendy, I said suddenly. I'll ... I'll come back, all right?

I waited for no replies. With the boys staring at my back as I went, I hovered a few inches into the air and flew toward the nursery door, opening it and disappearing into the hall. I turned to my right and flew only a few feet, and there, right in front of me, was it. The door to Wendy's bedroom.

I landed in front of the door, reaching for the doorknob with a hand that was trembling in a very strange way. The ache of the past years grew a thousand times with the knowing that Wendy was behind that door, the knowing that I would be seeing her for the first time in so long.

The ache also grew more terrible, deeper in pain than ever. The thought of Wendy crying for me felt like a sword inside me, carving bloody words into my insides. I never wanted her to cry, especially for me. I wanted to keep her from crying ... I wanted to take out my dagger and carve my apology into my arm, I wanted so badly to hurt myself for hurting her.

What if she hated me for not returning, I asked myself as a hard lump formed in my throat. What if she really had become a woman, with corsets and rocking chairs? I hated that thought. I had wanted her to be my Wendy, my beautiful fairy-human girl Wendy forever and always, just the same as my memories, never changing, always my Wendy.

But instead, she had changed, and without even being there she had somehow made me change, both inside and out, in horrible, aching ways that had tortured me for hours, days, long strings of days. She had changed everything about my world and what I thought I knew and wanted. Wendy could never stay the same always, because she wasn't Neverland. She was just the opposite. She was change itself.

I swallowed the hard lump, reaching for the door with my mind and heartbeat racing. I wondered, absently ... had she kept the kiss I had given her, the one with the hole from the arrow?

I closed my sweaty fingers around the doorknob and turned it slowly, swallowing my fears. I knew that we had both somehow changed, but now, knowing that I would see her again, I could suddenly only think ... had what mattered stayed the same?

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-- End Chapter Three --

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Ending Notes: I'm so exciiited! The next chapter is total Peter and Wendy confrontation. I won't reveal anything other than my excitement. Everything has been leading up to Chapter Four.

Reviews are STILL so cool. Go on, review. You know you want to. Heh. Well, if you don't want to, okay. I do hope you stick around for Chapter Four anyway, though ... *grins*.