Dedication: To all the people who have given me such wonderful feedback on parts 1 and 2. You have
no idea how much that means to me.
Author's Note: The song in this part is "Desperately" by Michelle Branch. And for those of you
who are wondering, the Sunnydale gang will be seen in one of the next parts. :-D
Part 3
The two former lovers continued to stare at each other.
Kristen looked confused. "Okay, who the hell is Buffy?"
Buffy finally broke the gaze and looked at Kristen. "Kris, could you leave us alone please?" she said quietly.
Kristen looked from Angel to Buffy and back again. "Sure. If you say so. Angel, it was nice meeting you." She walked back down the hall the way they came from.
Buffy looked at Angel again. "I suppose I should invite-" but she didn't get to finish her sentence because he walked past her into the room.
Buffy turned around, her expression somewhere between confused and annoyed. "Hey, how did you do that?"
Without speaking Angel walked to the window and pulled the curtains apart. Sunlight spilled into the room. He looked at Buffy.
Her mouth dropped open as she stared at him, basking in the sunlight. "Wha- how?"
Angel walked towards her and took her hand in his. Trying to ignore the feeling that spread through his body when he touched her, he took her hand and placed it over his heart.
After getting over the shock of his hand on hers, she realized what he was showing her.
"Y-y-your heart. It's b-beating!?" She looked at him in disbelief. "Oh my god Angel, how? When?"
Reluctantly he let go of her hand and sat down on the bed. "Almost a year ago. The balance shifted. I had officially saved more lives than I'd taken, so I got my reward."
Still recovering from the shock, Buffy slowly sat down on the other bed. There was a moment of awkward silence.
"How did you find me?"
He smiled that little half smile that made him so damn irresistible. "I looked. And believe me you're not an easy girl to find."
Buffy gave him a look. "Come on Angel."
"A lead on your whereabouts sent me to Buffalo, where I happened to turn on the TV."
Buffy put her hand over her mouth. "The I love New York commercial."
Angel nodded. "I couldn't believe it when I saw you. I had to be sure, so I went to the broadcasting company, where they showed me the commercial again, and printed this for me." He handed her the photograph.
She looked down at the photo. "And you saw Kristen's sweatshirt..."
"And here I am."
She set the photo down and sighed. "Wow." There was another awkward pause.
"So how have you been?" Angel asked.
Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Aren't you going to ask me why I left, and beg for my forgiveness?"
Angel shook his head. "No and no, because I know how you left, and I wouldn't blame you if you never forgave me."
There was yet another awkward pause. Then Buffy stood.
"I'm doing well."
She proceeded to tell him a little bit about how she had gone to North Dakota and ended up here.
"Your friends...they don't know?"
She shook her head. "They think I was an orphan who ran away from her foster home as soon as I was eighteen. They also think my name is Lynn Herring." She chuckled. "Hell, some days I even think that."
Angel spoke again. "So you really like writing huh?"
She smiled for the first time since he had shown up at the door. "Yes. I never would have thought that I could be here. I always considered myself an academic failure. But I have made myself into something great. I am at one of the top schools in the country. I have a good job that I really enjoy."
Angel paused. "Are you happy here?"
She turned to face him. "Yes I am."
Angel stood. "I don't want to intrude, but I had to find you. Everyone in Sunnydale has been so worried about you."
"How are they?"
"They're doing alright. Xander is dating a girl, actually a demon, named Anya."
Buffy laughed. "Somehow I'm not surprised."
"Giles is okay. Him and your mother have bonded a lot over you...going away."
Buffy looked at him in disbelief. "No. Don't even tell me..."
Angel chuckled. "Yes, they are dating."
Buffy shook her head.
"Willow's good too."
"Is she still with Oz?"
Angel frowned. "You might have to talk to Willow about that one."
Buffy nodded.
"Buffy, if you want me to leave, I understand." He gulped. The mere thought of leaving her again made him feel sick. "But first you have to do something for me."
"What is that?"
He walked over and picked up the phone. "Call Sunnydale. Let them know you're okay."
Buffy sat down again. "Oh, Angel, I don't know if I can. They must hate me for what I put them through. Leaving them on a freaking Hellmouth with no slayer...I'm relieved that they're all still alive."
"Are you still slaying?"
Buffy shook her head somewhat sheepishly. "I kind of abandoned it. If I see a vamp, I'll take care of it, but I don't patrol anymore or anything."
Angel nodded. "I understand." He noticed the cheerleading pennant on the wall. "So you got back into the cheerleading?"
She laughed. "Yeah. I enjoy it."
She stood and looked at the clock. "I'm sorry, but I really have to get to work. I'm late already."
Angel was startled. "Oh! I'm sorry!"
"No that's perfectly okay. I was just about to leave when you got here." She gathered her coat and a messenger bag.
"Okay, I'll just be leaving now." He paused near the door. "Buffy, if you never want to see me again, It's okay. But please just call Sunnydale..."
"Angel. It's okay. Actually I was hoping we could talk again soon. I would like to know more about what's been going on."
Angel was surprised, but inside he felt his heart swell with happiness. He tried not to show it. "Great! I mean okay. Could I take you out for dinner tonight maybe?"
"Actually tonight is no good, we have a game. But tomorrow maybe?"
Angel smiled. "Sure. I'll pick you up at seven?"
Buffy nodded and smiled. He turned and was halfway out the door when she called to him. "Angel?"
He turned around.
"Is this going to be a date?"
He swallowed and tried to summon a suave response, something he'd been having difficulty doing today. "Do you want it to be?"
And then he walked away, leaving Buffy to stand there wondering what the hell just happened.
Something 'bout the way you looked at me
Made me think for a moment,
That maybe we were meant to be
Living our lives separately
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you so desperately
A half an hour later Buffy walked into the small building that held the Manhattan Tribune office. Sandwiched in between a hotel and a Starbucks on 42nd Street, Buffy knew that it was far from luxury. But for a newspaper in New York that wasn't the New York Times, they did fairly well. The pay was good and Buffy had learned a lot there.
Several people called out "Hey Lynn," from various cubicles, to which Buffy responded to with a smile and a wave. She was almost to her desk when she was intercepted by Donna, the crime editor and her boss. "Lynn, you're late."
"I know Donna, something came up. I'm sorry." Lynn sat down at her desk in her own cubicle. She began to go through her routine: check email, phone messages, snail mail...all through which Donna talked.
"You know Lynn, you are damn lucky to be assistant crime editor when you work part-time and are still in school," the tall, neatly groomed blonde woman in her mid-thirties said. "Mr. Fordham is watching you."
Buffy sighed. "Yes, Donna, I know, but I've been here almost 4 years now, moved up from regular crime reporter to assistant crime editor in a year, lack a college diploma, work part time, and I'm still here aren't I?"
Donna smiled wryly. "You do have a way with words. Well, catch up on your messages then get to work on that arson article."
Buffy fake saluted. "Yes, ma'am."
Donna chuckled. "Very funny." Then she strode back to her own, larger cubicle.
"Now I heard that. Are you dissing 'regular crime reporters?'"
Buffy spun around to see Bob Newman standing by her cubicle. In his late twenties, Bob was a college grad who, in his spare time from full-time crime reporting, chased after Buffy like a lost puppy.
Buffy smiled. "Hey Bob. And you know I would never do that. Just had to get Donna off my back."
Bob flashed her his famous smile. He had asked Buffy out countless times since he joined the staff a year ago, but she had never accepted. Buffy sighed. Bob was really cute, charming, and funny. He would make a great boyfriend...if she hadn't been hung up on a certain someone the past four years.
Oh why can't I ignore it?
I keep giving it in but I should know better
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you so desperately
She couldn't believe that after all that had happened, Angel had shown up at her door and she had felt like she was seventeen again. She knew that she still wanted him.
But she would never admit that to him.
At least for as long as she could hide it.
"Lynn? Earth to Lynn."
Buffy snapped out of it. "Oh Bob, I'm sorry. It's just been a hell of a morning." She scanned through her emails.
Bob smiled again. "Maybe you could tell me all about it over a cup of coffee?"
Buffy sighed. "Bob, I'm sorry, but you know I can't."
"And why exactly can't you Lynn?"
Buffy sighed. "Bob, I have to tell you something."
She paused.
"This morning, an old boyfriend of mine showed up at my door."
Bob's face fell.
"We're going out tomorrow night."
Bob nodded, trying to hide his disappointment. "So, is this guy the reason you never wanted to go out with me?"
Buffy nodded. "I never really got over him."
Bob nodded. "I understand Lynn." He started to walk away.
Great job Lynn, she said to herself. "Bob wait! You know what a great guy I think you are. But we just weren't meant to be."
Bob nodded and walked away.
Buffy heaved a sigh and plopped back down in her desk chair. Immediately Angel's face popped into her mind again.
I'm probably kidding yourself. You already had your chance with him, and it blew up in your face. Four years is a long time. You have both changed a lot.
Although he still looks the same.
She shook her head and tried to concentrate on her article about the arson that had been occurring throughout the city.
You looked my way and said "you frustrate me"
Like you're thinking of lines and times
When you and I were you and me
We took our chance out on the street
Then I missed my chance
And chances are it won't be coming back to me
Five minutes later Donna jogged over to Lynn's cubicle. "Lynn, a report of a homicide three blocks east just came in. Can you take it?"
Lynn was already on her feet, gathering her notepad and tape recorder. "I'm on my way."
This was one of Buffy's favorite parts of the job. Running around chasing stories gave her a thrill. The same thrill that had disappeared when she had stopped slaying. And she knew that no time could be wasted when the story was this fresh.
A few minutes later Buffy was squeezing through the throng of emergency vehicles and law enforcement officers outside an apartment building. A couple reporters were already on the scene, but she quickly saw that she was one of the first.
She pulled her tape recorder and camera out of her messenger bag. She was about to squeeze around a police car to get closer to the building when she heard a voice behind her.
"So this is the life of a reporter."
She spun around to see Angel standing behind her. Her heart started to race.
"Angel! Didn't expect to see you here." She tried to ignore the feeling that surged through her body as she looked at him.
Why can't I ignore it?
I keep giving in, but I should know better
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me
And it strange that things change
But not me wanting you-
So desperately
So desperately
"Well, the investigator in me saw the flashing lights and decided to come check it out." He smiled at her, causing her heart to beat even faster.
"Well, I'm on the clock, I really should get up there." Buffy gestured towards the small crowd gathering near the entrance of the building.
Angel nodded. "I understand. So...we're still on for tomorrow at seven right?"
Buffy smiled. "Tomorrow at seven."
Angel smiled. "Well, I'll let you get back to work then." She smiled and turned to leave. "Lynn!" he called. She turned around again.
"It was nice seeing you again."
She took a deep breath. "You too." Angel turned around and left.
Jeez, Lynn, four years of being a professional and he shows up for thirty seconds and you're a basket case.
She took another deep breath, and marched firmly towards the house to do what she did best.
I keep giving in but I should know better
I keep giving in but I should know better
So desperately
I want you so desperately
Hours later Buffy walked into the girls' locker room at the Columbia University Gym. She sat down on the bench with her duffel bag. The game didn't start for an hour and a half, but she had hoped to come early and catch her friends. She knew she had to explain a lot of stuff to them. She had thought all day about just how much she was going to tell them and was pretty confident.
Not five minutes later, Kristen, Danielle, and Tracey walked into the room. Tracey was Buffy's roommate and Lynn's best friend. She was medium height with dark, thick hair and a round face. She dreamed of being an actress, and was a drama major. Danielle was very short at five foot and very petite. She had auburn hair that fell to her shoulders. Danielle was a history major. Then there was Kristen, Danielle's roommate/best friend. Kristen was a science major.
"Hey Lynn!" Tracey called. She sat down next to her best friend on the bench. Danielle waved, and Kristen plopped down dramatically on the other side of Buffy.
"Okay girl, dish. What's the story with that Angel guy?" she turned to Tracey and Dani. "You guys should have seen him. Total hottie."
Buffy chuckled. "Well, actually this is a really long story."
Tracey checked her watch. "We've got time. The rest of the girls won't be here for at least 25 minutes."
Buffy sighed. "Okay....you guys have to promise me, that what I'm about to tell you you won't repeat to another living soul."
The girls looked at each other. "Lynn, you're scaring us," Danielle said.
Buffy looked down at her hands. "I haven't been completely honest with you guys."
They looked at her expectantly.
Kristen spoke. "Does this have something to do with how Angel called you Buffy and how you looked like you'd seen a ghost when you saw him."
"Something like that."
Buffy proceeded to tell the girls without whom she wouldn't have survived the last two years that she's been lying to them all along. She told them how her real name was Buffy Summers and she was not an orphan. She told them about her problems in LA and how she'd moved to Sunnydale. She told them about Willow, Xander, and Giles. She told them how she'd met Angel, and how she had fallen in love with him. The whole time the three girls stared at her in disbelief, but didn't dare interrupt.
"But in my senior year, we started having some problems. It just wasn't working. But I was too blind with love to see that we could never have the future we wanted. And then he broke up with me. He broke my heart."
There was a moment of dead silence.
"I flipped. I felt like there was no reason for me to stay. Like my life wasn't worth living anymore." She paused. "So I left. And I started a new one."
Tracey spoke softly. "And now Angel found you."
Buffy nodded. There was another moment of awkward silence.
"Do you still love him?"
Buffy looked at Kristen and nodded. "Yes I do. I don't know why, after everything that happened, but yes I do still love him."
"Are you going to see him again?"
Buffy smiled. "We're having dinner tomorrow night."
Her friends grinned.
"So you think you can be together now?"
Buffy shrugged. "I don't know. Things are definitely different now though. For both of us."
At that moment more cheerleaders started wandering in. The four girls broke up and began to get ready for the game. While they were dressing, Buffy asked the question that she didn't want to know the answer to.
"Do you guys hate me for lying to you?"
"Lynn!" they all said at once. They put their arms around her. "We could never hate you."
Buffy smiled and hugged them back. But now her dilemma was even more persistent.
I'm happy here. This is the good life. If I start seeing Angel again am I going to ruin what I've worked so hard to build?
She sighed. Hopefully after her sort-of-date things would be more clear.
A few hours later, Tracey and Buffy walked into their dorm room. "Great game, huh?" Buffy said. They had won by 5 points.
"Yup," Tracey said. She sat down her bag and looked at her best friend. "Okay. Now you're
going to tell me the whole story. I know that you gave us an edited version back in the locker room, I
know you better than you think. Tell me what really happened between you and Angel all those years ago."
