Title: Blurry

Author: Ren201

Spoilers: Up to 'The Telling' (end of season 2). I'll tell you if anything else from the show has happened as we go along.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Alias! I only own the people you don't recognise, if there are any!

Author's note: R&R and tell me what you think. This was originally going to be a Syd/Dixon fic, but that would be a bit weird. I might do a Dixon/Syd fic, what do you think, would that be too weird? Yes, I think it might! Tell me anyway. It would be different if anything!

A/N: The words between the // are song words. Song: 'Blurry' by Puddle of Mud. I'm a drama queen when it comes to writing these fics, just wanted to warn you!

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// Everything's so blurry and everyone's so fake

And everybody's empty and everything is so messed up

Preoccupied without you, I cannot live at all

My whole world surrounds you, I stumble then I crawl //

I took a deep breath as I left my house. I knew exactly where I was going, but still wasn't ready to admit to myself that I was actually going to it. I had considered it several times since my return; though it was only today that I realised this was the only way out, the only way that I could protect the ones I loved and myself.

As I looked up, the sky seemed to mirror my world, tedious and detached. As the wind clung to my body, I started to jog to the all too familiar spot. I felt completely numb as I picked up speed and started to think about what had brought me to this. It would be foolish of me to say that it was just one thing that had compelled me to do this. It wasn't. Everything had built up to this moment since I came back. Things have gone from bad to worse to, as low as I could possibly fall.

I had hit rock bottom and was slowly dying inside, yet nobody was noticing. I had hidden too many times behind my strong facade. I became that face on the outside and people were now starting to listen when I told them not to worry about me, I was fine.

The truth is that I am trapped as my world crumbles and crashes down around me. I am trapped between two people, Sydney Bristow and Julia Thorne. The truth is that I needed someone to be there for me, to protect me, just as Vaughn did.

// And you could be my someone; you could be my sea

And that I'll protect you from all of the obscene

I wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are

There are oceans in between us, but that's not very far //

As I continued to run to my destination, I noted that I was almost there, soon it would be over. Soon everyone would be safe the dangers my life brought to them and I would have some sense of peace. It was only a matter of time before everyone could move past the misery and pain I have caused.

Everything and everyone around me has changed and moved on, but I don't know how catch up. How could I carry on living a life that didn't belong to me? How could I carry on living around *people* who didn't belong to me anymore? It was impossible. I tried. I tried *so* hard for a long time, too long a time but now everything had become blurry, especially after today, it has to end.

// Can you take it all away?

Can you take it all away?

When you shoved it in my face

Explain again to me

Can you take it all away?

Can you take it all away?

When you shoved it in my face //

*Flashback*

Sydney sat in Med. Services with Eric, as she waited patiently for the doctor to come back with the results to the test he currently doing. It was hard to keep track of what was going on because there was always some new test that needed to be done. This time it was different though, the doctor had called her at home and asked her to come in and to bring someone with her. This didn't worry Sydney, not at first, she had too many things on her mind to worry about some test results that she couldn't change the outcome of.

She had had so many since her return that she was starting to get used to them. Eric had thankfully been there when they had called and insisted that he came with her. It was nearing 2.00 in the afternoon when they had made it into the JTF and found their way into Med. Services.

As they sat in one of the many offices, a middle-aged doctor came in and greeted them both ominously and gave Sydney the news that he had been dreading.

"Ms. Bristow, I'm afraid that we have some bad news concerning your recent ultrasound and biopsy..." he paused as he watched Sydney's reaction change from casual to cautious before he continued,

"During your ultrasound, do you remember a slight abnormality we found that lead to the biopsy?" The doctor asked, as Sydney merely nodded. "Well, I'm afraid that we found that, during the 9 months of Electro Shock you endured ... you had a miscarriage. I'm very sorry." The doctor said sadly as he backed out of the room and left Sydney alone with Eric.

Sydney couldn't move, she couldn't breath; she only knew one thing. She had to get out of there; she needed Vaughn. She couldn't stay there; she needed to process what she had just heard. Once she had decided that, she simply stood up and walked out of the room, knowing that Eric would understand.

Somehow, Sydney managed to find her way into the main section of the JTF. She ignored the looks that she received as everyone watched her walk through the building with tear stained cheeks. She needed to find him, she needed his help; but most of all, she just needed him.

Unfortunately, she found him. He was sitting at his desk with Lauren perched on the end, laughing and smiling and lightly touching Lauren's leg, the way he used to with her. He never saw the look of hurt in her eyes, although everyone else did. The one thing that no one heard was the sound of Sydney Bristow's heart breaking... for the second time that day.

It was then that she decided that this had to stop. She had to end this torture.

*End Flashback*

// Everyone is changing; there's no one left that's real

So make up your own ending, let me no just how you feel

'Cause I am lost without you, I can not live at all

My whole world surrounds you, I stumble then I crawl //

I finally stopped running and ultimately gave into the tears that had threatened to take me over since abruptly I left the JTF. I let my regrets and fears surface from where I had hidden them. I let myself be take over with the floods of tears that refused to stop.

As I attempted to take control of my body, I looked at my surroundings. I was were I had set out to be. I was at the bridge. It won't be long now. The one person that I need won't be there to stop me; he doesn't want me anymore. He doesn't have time for my problems; he had his family now. To him, I am his past, but to me he is my only future.

// And you could be my someone; you could be my sea

Know that I will save you from all of the unclean

I wonder what you're doing; I wonder where you are

There are oceans in between us, but that's not very far //

I stepped closer to the concrete barrier that was separating me from freedom. I stood, staring over the side, watching the cars speed past below me. The distance from the road to my body seemed to be increasing as I looked down and prepared myself for my impending death.

I had prepared for this moment. I had left letters for the people I cared about in my apartment. I knew that Eric would find them when he came round to check on me after ... what had happened today. I had to explain what had lead to this moment. They would read the letters, and then they would move on. They had mourned for me before, this time, they would find it easier. They would understand...they had to.

// Can you take it all away?

Can you take it all away?

When you shoved it in my face

Explain again to me

Can you take it all away?

Can you take it all away?

When you shoved it in my face

Explain again to me //

My life is too messed up to repair. I looked down at the cars one last time before I pull myself up onto the ledge and close my eyes, as it starts to rain. I stood there for a moment taking in the amazing sense of freedom I feel. I open my eyes and look down, letting the rain soak through my clothes, dampening my body.

My vision becomes blurred, as the tears and rain mix together preventing me from clearly seeing the cars below. Maybe that was how it should be, I turn my back to the cars and briefly watch the rain fall freely over the bridge and down onto the roads. I took another deep breath, closed my eyes and leant backwards, allowing my body to fall weightlessly down to the road below.

// Nobody told me what you thought, told me what to say

Everyone showed you where to turn; told you when to run away

Nobody told you where to hide, nobody told you what to say

Everyone showed you where to turn; showed you when to run away //

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Is this the end for Sydney? If I get no reviews, then Sydney will die, it's not a threat, it's a fact. Please review. If I get reviews, the chapters will start to get less depressing! Tell me who you think should save her, or if you want me stop and leave it where it is.