The Harry Potter Trilogy

Harry: I LOVE YOU!

Hermione: I- thought we were just friends Harry. I mean you're a nice guy and all- but you definitely have some unsolved issues.

McGonagall: *intercom* Harry Potter, please report to my office immediately. That'll be all.

IN MCGONAGALL'S OFFICE

McGonagall: Potter- I've asked you here today because you seem to be having some "anger" problems.

Harry: *not knowing what she's talking about* Like what?

McGonagall: Well, chasing Mr. Weasley around the school, dancing on the front page of the school paper, and that whole pot thing and-

Harry: ok ok sheesh!

McGonagall: So- I've changed your schedule so that you'll be taking The Art of Zen Gardening and your teacher will be Negolas Brownleaf.

Harry: What?! Is that even a real class?!

McGonagall: Yes, but the staff likes to keep quiet about it for the poor anger management needed embarrassed students sake...

Harry: Hey! *points index finger at McGonagall* news flash- you were in the men's *swings finger around* bathroom too!

McGonagall: I don't believe so Mr. Potter.

Harry: *rolls eyes* *flashback to first story~ "Everyone but Hermione is crammed into the men's bathroom, even the ghosts and TEACHERS, smoking" (see she was smoking on the bathroom)

McGonagall: *blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...* Harry: *loser sneeze*

McGonagall: Excuse me?

Harry: Nothing

NEXT DAY- OUTSIDE-ZEN GARDENING CLASS

Negolas Brownleaf: (looks exactly like Legolas Greenleaf) Hello class. (which was just Harry and a kid with a huge boil) I'm Negolas Brownleaf. Your new The Art of the Zen Gardening teacher.

Harry: *long sigh* *rolls eyes*

Negolas: ...and the only reason I'm saying this is because I see we have a new face in the crowd. A... Mr. Harry Potter.

Harry: *Hermione on his mind* Yep- that just about puts the icing on the cake. *thinks to self -Hermione always liked to eat the frosting first on the cupcake*

Negolas: Oh, a Mr. smarty-pants have we?

Harry: No...

Negolas: Oh, here we go again!

Harry: What's your deal?

Negolas: You wanna take this inside do ya?!

Harry: You should be in this class- not teaching it.

Negolas: I challenge you to a duel! Ha Ha Ha! *eerie look*

Harry: A what?

Negolas: Bring it! This is a karate duel! Just F.Y.I.!

Harry: *whispers to boil kid* Weird-o.

Negolas: *crow pose*

Harry: *runs away into the castle*

IN A HALLWAY

Harry: *sees Hermione and stops running* Hermione! I've got to ask you something-

Hermione: What is it Harry?

Harry: Will you go out with me?

Hermione: I thought we already discussed this?

Harry: I know I know- but will you?

Hermione: No

Harry: Yes

Hermione: No

Harry: Yes

Hermione *slowly* Noooo

Harry: *slowly* Yessss

Hermione: No

Harry: No

Hermione: Yes

Harry: Ha! Yes! Score! *happy dance* uh huh uh huh uh huh

Hermione: Harry- I'd go out with Malfoy before we ever go out.

Malfoy: *turns corner* *acting like a thug* Hey babe.

Hermione: *links arms with Malfoy and heads for the Great Hall*

Harry: Noooo.... *on knees* *hallway goes dark and a beam of light comes down on him* Noooo!!! *half crying*

OUTSIDE THE GREAT HALL

Harry: *sobbing a little*

Ron: There, there Harry. *opens door* Holy Guacamole!!

(inside it's dark except for the flashing neon lights, confetti, and everyone dancing. Jordan Lee is working the turntables) (On the staff table is Malfoy break dancing)

Hermione: *shouting to Malfoy* And windmill, and windmill, and windmill...

Harry: What the heck is going on here?!

Dumbledore: *walks into Great Hall*

(The room fell silent)

Ron: We're sure in a sticky widget.

Dumbledore: -'cause whatever it is- I wanna join!

(Party starts up again) Yah!!!!

10 MINUTES LATER

Dumbledore: *walks to close to turn tables and his hair gets caught*My wig- I mean hair! *wig- I mean hair falls off* *grabs wig and quickly puts it on* *then starts partying again*

Jordan Lee: Well, that wasted 38 seconds of my life.

Harry: *sitting in corner feeling sorry for himself* Could my life get any worse?

(just then see McGonagall and Dumbledor making out)

Harry: Yeah. I guess it could...

Ron: OH MY GOD! Not again...