Pairings: Leila/Matthew, Heath/Farina, Heath/Legault, Heath/Priscilla, Priscilla/Erk, Juste/Alucard, Karel/Raven (don't ask).
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A short explanation: ... since Leila is included ALIVE in this story.. a little background information is required. She came back to life. It went something like this:
Hannah: *stirring a big pot* OOGA BOOGA OOGA BOOGA BOOM BAM UWAH FUFUFUFUFUUFUUUU!!! *burst of smoke*
Leila: *rises out of pot* *dizzy* Where am I...? Where's Matthew...? He owes me four favours.... Must get payment for lending him lockpick...
Hannah: You are alive, dear child!!
Leila: Who are you? Are you Matthew? Wow... you sure got ugly over the last few months..
Hannah: I am Hannah! Not Matthew.. I'll call for him. *runs to flap of tent* YO! MATTHEW! YOUR BITCH IS BACK!
Matthew: MY WHAT?
Hannah: THAT LEELAY THING!
Matthew: WHAT?
Leila: *pops up behind Matthew* You owe me four favours!
Matthew: Gah-- Leila! I thought you were dead!
Leila: Well, too bad, I'm not. About my lockpick...
Matthew: um.. eh.. heh heh...
Hector: Leila's back? Okay.. Matthew, I'm cutting your pay. My best spy is back.
Matthew: WHAT?!
Hector: *walks away*
Leila: Aren't you going to tell me how much you missed me?!
Matthew: . You're being Serra-ish..
Leila: Serra's here?
Serra: Hi Leila!
Leila: Serra!! I wrote a new fanfiction!
Serra: What just now?
Leila: Yeah! *hands her papers*
Serra: Ooohhh...... HeathxRath......
Heath: Was I not tortured enough in this fanfic??
Leila: :D
Author: And that was how it happened. I just made up HeathxRath on the spot but that's not a bad idea.... o.o;
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The Odyssey - Far From Home
"Welcome to Phaecia, oh puny one! OW-- Leila! I mean, welcome stranger to my banquet hall! Tell us, what is your name and from where do you come?" asked Matthew, King of Phaecia. He sat upon a glittery cardboard throne raised high above the tables. Actually it was suspended by cables. Raven and Karel were doing their best not to swing him.. too much.
"I am Odysseus, son of--" Heath glanced at his right palm. "Laertes! I come from Ithaca, a land somewhere over there...east, you know? Um... Very nice place. You should visit some time and boost the economy."
"Um.. sure. Mountains?"
Heath nodded. "Yeah, there are mountains. And lakes. Pretty lakes with dolphins with damn big-- damn big--- begins with a B.."
"..."
"Brains! Yes, brains! Damn big brains. Whole sea full of brains.." (1)
Leila glared at the both of them.. "Foolish men... SO, ODYSSEUS! Tell us how you got here.. no water, no boat, no crew.."
"No clothes..." muttered Matthew. "I think I'm traumatized for life..."
Heath stood up from his place at the table, only slightly aware of the fact that the edge of his cape was caught under the leg of Old Man Fargus' chair. "We were on our way home from Troy to Ithaca, Ithaca, what a dumb name.. Ithaca.. Ithaca... er.. sorry.. We sailed from Troy to the land of the Cicones. My men raided the fortress and did icky things to their women and bishounen.. Stop staring. Um.. nevermind..." He paused. Walked away from the table to further dramatize his story.
"..."
After picking himself up from his trip, Heath turned to face the King and Queen. "I called my men back from the ship but they were stupid, idiotic, and well... okay I had Harken on my ship so you know how that is.. Anyway....."
"So, master Odysseus!" exclaimed Harken.
"What it is, infide-- Harkenus?" asked Heath. (2)
"Master Odysseus! Look! A great army approaches! This is exciting isn't it? Who do you think their general is, huh Odie?"
"Don't know. Don't care. Don't call me Odie." Heath turns to the rest of his men. "GUYS, GET ON THE FSCKING BOAT!!"
"An' an'.. what about me captain?"
"Go and quietly die, please."
"What?" asked Harken.
"Nothing."
The army decended on them with lances.
"I really don't wanna do this I reall don't wanna do this.. I wanna go back home to Bern.." muttered Heath.
"What, master Odysseus? You want to burn? Okay..." Marcus turned to the crew. "We're all going to burn!"
"No, no, I said BERN you dolt!" shouted Heath, dodging an arrow.
"That's what I said!"
"No! I said Bern! You said burn!"
"What?"
"There's a shaman coming at you, pay attention, Marcus!"
They fought until noontime. A custom in Elibe, they sat down on the battle field and lunched. It is an old saying... "If the stomach is empty, empty, too, lies the heart." Or so Lowen claims...
Heath and Hyperion were sitting as far away from his crewmembers as he could. "So, Hyperion, what do you want to eat?"
Hyperion looked at Heath.
"Archers?"
The wyvern shook his head.
"Falcoknights?" Shake. "Pirates?" Shake. "Myrmidons?" Nod.
"Okay... there's a dying one over there, I think..." Heath pointed out a groaning man with a steel lance through his chest.
GULP.
After a short break they broke their weapons once more. Heath and his men managed to escape even though there were greatly outnumbered.
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(1) Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
(2) Odysseus' men don't have names so I kinda changed Harken's name a bit to sound more... Greek?
_____________________________________________________________________
Please review! Next stop: The Land of the Lotus-Eaters!
_________________________________________________
A short explanation: ... since Leila is included ALIVE in this story.. a little background information is required. She came back to life. It went something like this:
Hannah: *stirring a big pot* OOGA BOOGA OOGA BOOGA BOOM BAM UWAH FUFUFUFUFUUFUUUU!!! *burst of smoke*
Leila: *rises out of pot* *dizzy* Where am I...? Where's Matthew...? He owes me four favours.... Must get payment for lending him lockpick...
Hannah: You are alive, dear child!!
Leila: Who are you? Are you Matthew? Wow... you sure got ugly over the last few months..
Hannah: I am Hannah! Not Matthew.. I'll call for him. *runs to flap of tent* YO! MATTHEW! YOUR BITCH IS BACK!
Matthew: MY WHAT?
Hannah: THAT LEELAY THING!
Matthew: WHAT?
Leila: *pops up behind Matthew* You owe me four favours!
Matthew: Gah-- Leila! I thought you were dead!
Leila: Well, too bad, I'm not. About my lockpick...
Matthew: um.. eh.. heh heh...
Hector: Leila's back? Okay.. Matthew, I'm cutting your pay. My best spy is back.
Matthew: WHAT?!
Hector: *walks away*
Leila: Aren't you going to tell me how much you missed me?!
Matthew: . You're being Serra-ish..
Leila: Serra's here?
Serra: Hi Leila!
Leila: Serra!! I wrote a new fanfiction!
Serra: What just now?
Leila: Yeah! *hands her papers*
Serra: Ooohhh...... HeathxRath......
Heath: Was I not tortured enough in this fanfic??
Leila: :D
Author: And that was how it happened. I just made up HeathxRath on the spot but that's not a bad idea.... o.o;
_____________________________________________________________________
The Odyssey - Far From Home
"Welcome to Phaecia, oh puny one! OW-- Leila! I mean, welcome stranger to my banquet hall! Tell us, what is your name and from where do you come?" asked Matthew, King of Phaecia. He sat upon a glittery cardboard throne raised high above the tables. Actually it was suspended by cables. Raven and Karel were doing their best not to swing him.. too much.
"I am Odysseus, son of--" Heath glanced at his right palm. "Laertes! I come from Ithaca, a land somewhere over there...east, you know? Um... Very nice place. You should visit some time and boost the economy."
"Um.. sure. Mountains?"
Heath nodded. "Yeah, there are mountains. And lakes. Pretty lakes with dolphins with damn big-- damn big--- begins with a B.."
"..."
"Brains! Yes, brains! Damn big brains. Whole sea full of brains.." (1)
Leila glared at the both of them.. "Foolish men... SO, ODYSSEUS! Tell us how you got here.. no water, no boat, no crew.."
"No clothes..." muttered Matthew. "I think I'm traumatized for life..."
Heath stood up from his place at the table, only slightly aware of the fact that the edge of his cape was caught under the leg of Old Man Fargus' chair. "We were on our way home from Troy to Ithaca, Ithaca, what a dumb name.. Ithaca.. Ithaca... er.. sorry.. We sailed from Troy to the land of the Cicones. My men raided the fortress and did icky things to their women and bishounen.. Stop staring. Um.. nevermind..." He paused. Walked away from the table to further dramatize his story.
"..."
After picking himself up from his trip, Heath turned to face the King and Queen. "I called my men back from the ship but they were stupid, idiotic, and well... okay I had Harken on my ship so you know how that is.. Anyway....."
"So, master Odysseus!" exclaimed Harken.
"What it is, infide-- Harkenus?" asked Heath. (2)
"Master Odysseus! Look! A great army approaches! This is exciting isn't it? Who do you think their general is, huh Odie?"
"Don't know. Don't care. Don't call me Odie." Heath turns to the rest of his men. "GUYS, GET ON THE FSCKING BOAT!!"
"An' an'.. what about me captain?"
"Go and quietly die, please."
"What?" asked Harken.
"Nothing."
The army decended on them with lances.
"I really don't wanna do this I reall don't wanna do this.. I wanna go back home to Bern.." muttered Heath.
"What, master Odysseus? You want to burn? Okay..." Marcus turned to the crew. "We're all going to burn!"
"No, no, I said BERN you dolt!" shouted Heath, dodging an arrow.
"That's what I said!"
"No! I said Bern! You said burn!"
"What?"
"There's a shaman coming at you, pay attention, Marcus!"
They fought until noontime. A custom in Elibe, they sat down on the battle field and lunched. It is an old saying... "If the stomach is empty, empty, too, lies the heart." Or so Lowen claims...
Heath and Hyperion were sitting as far away from his crewmembers as he could. "So, Hyperion, what do you want to eat?"
Hyperion looked at Heath.
"Archers?"
The wyvern shook his head.
"Falcoknights?" Shake. "Pirates?" Shake. "Myrmidons?" Nod.
"Okay... there's a dying one over there, I think..." Heath pointed out a groaning man with a steel lance through his chest.
GULP.
After a short break they broke their weapons once more. Heath and his men managed to escape even though there were greatly outnumbered.
_____________________________________________________________________
(1) Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
(2) Odysseus' men don't have names so I kinda changed Harken's name a bit to sound more... Greek?
_____________________________________________________________________
Please review! Next stop: The Land of the Lotus-Eaters!
