Chapter Ten – Power Blood Magic

(My brother owns Tenchi.  I own Ritsuko.  Katsuhiro Otomo owns everyone else.

Sailoryaoimoon: thanks very much for all your reviews!  You're great ^_^

Karyx: I'm glad you like the way I characterise Tetsuo; I find him quite hard to write so I'm glad someone thinks he was okay!

EvilQ: Your reviews are all the more special for being so few of them ^_^ (that's not an excuse for you to stop reviewing completely, mind…)

Javva Cup: thanks for the in-depth feedback!)

Three a.m.  Neo-Tokyo's traffic had sunk from a roar to a whisper, and most of the skyscrapers were finally covered in patches of darkness.

            Outside the air had been cool, but in this room, in this bed, it was thin and hot.  Kaneda could feel it lapping at the sweat on his back, sending shivers down his skin.  He was glad he wasn't wearing anything.  It was too hot even to have a sheet on. 

            Yamagata was lying next to him, resting his head on his arms and staring at the orange-lit blind.  Sharing a bed didn't help to get you any cooler, but Kaneda decided he didn't mind that.  More interesting than lying alone, hell yeah a lot more interesting.

            "Yamagata?" he whispered.  "You awake?"

            "Mm…"

            Kaneda wasn't sure whether that meant no or yes, so he shrugged, and stretched out, and let his head rest against Yamagata's shoulder.  For a moment or two he lay there, breathing in the smells of fresh sweat and old sheets, and then kissed the other guy's throat a few times, and shifted closer to him.

            Movement under his jaw as Yamagata tensed, then rolled over like an earthquake, sending Kaneda falling backwards.  He grinned as Yamagata frowned at him from under his tangled fringe.

            "What's with you?" Yamagata whispered.  "It's like…three a.m. or something.  Sleeping's still cool, you know."

            "Nothing's with me."
            "So go to sleep."

            "It's too hot."

            "It ain't that hot."  Yamagata rolled over again, and went back to staring at the blind.

            "What's with you?" Kaneda said. 

            "Nothing."

            Kaneda remembered the guy's outburst earlier that evening, and decided not to push it.  Not that he cared or anything, but he didn't like getting dumped.  It was bad for his reputation.

            Plus he did actually like Yamagata.  As in, he was a good person to have around, and he was interested in sensible stuff like bikes, and…he was cute.

            Nothing wrong with that.  This was just a fling.  A phase.  Y'know.

            So why had he cared when Yamagata had said it was over?

            Because he didn't like losing, that was all.  If Yama-kun was screwing some guy, he wanted it to be him.  Only natural.

            Course, it'd be nice if Yama-kun wasn't acting like the world was out to get him all the time.  Nice if they could just hang out without someone going crazy for no reason.

            And speaking of going crazy…

            Kaneda rubbed the graze on his face.  It was still slightly damp, and stung. 

            Tetsuo.

            What the hell was with him?

            Pissed about Kaori is all.  

            Yeah, but even so…he hadn't liked the smirk on his so-called friend's face tonight.  That was the smirk of someone getting too big for his boots.

            There's only one leader of this gang, and it's going to be me.

            It had to be.

            Yeah.  Yeah!  He knew Tetsuo.  Tetsuo got mad easily, but he didn't have the guts – or the drive – or something – to ever do anything about it.  He sulked instead.

            Tetsuo would never do anything.  And even if he did, it wouldn't be to him, Kaneda.  They were best friends, come on, always had been.  Tetsuo looked up to him and always would.

            It was just – that smirk –

            He was no coward, but it had…let's say made him think a bit.

            He shivered suddenly – the sweat on his skin was evaporating – and watched the streetlight sweep over the ceiling – and wriggled closer to Yamagata.  And that was okay, because in this darkness no one could see and no one could laugh.

            Yamagata wasn't asleep.  No snoring, and the breathing was quiet and quick.  But he kept his back turned all the same, even when Kaneda rested his head on his shoulder again, and touched his spine, and ran a finger down its path.  The ridges of bone were unexpectedly hard under the damp, smooth skin.

            Then Yamagata turned over, and kissed Kaneda once, roughly, like someone slapping off an alarm clock, and then closed his eyes, and slid away, dragging most of the sheet round him.

            Kaneda shut his own eyes and tried to sleep.  He dreamt that he and Tetsuo were fighting in a huge, rubble-filled crater.  Tetsuo wore a red cloak.

The next morning the sky was grey and ripped, and the breeze was stronger and rattled the windows of the school.

            At one-thirty, while the rest of the pupils ate lunch, Tetsuo stood outside in the parking lot, thinking.

            It had been all very well for him to plan things and have ideas last night, when he'd been angry and it had been dark.  It had been easy to hate then.  But in the daylight, with the air cold and bright on his face and hands, he was remembering who he really was.  Shima Tetsuo, who couldn't fight and could only just ride and needed Kaneda to –

            Survive?

            The wind grabbed at the corners of his coat, and spat rubbish round the playground, and sent it pattering against the gleaming red of Kaneda's bike.

            Tetsuo reached out, and touched the surface of it, and then sighed.

            If he did anything to this, Kaneda would kill him.

            But it would be something the guy couldn't ignore –

            But Kaneda would be fucking furious –

            But that was what he wanted, wasn't it?

            Screw it!  Why did he always have to be worrying about what Kaneda thought all the time anyway?  He hated making decisions.  He'd just go for it and worry about the consequences later.

            He gripped the handlebars of the bike, prepared to swing himself onto it –

            Footsteps.

            Tetsuo snatched his hands away from the machine, then remembered he wasn't going to be a coward and made to grab them again, and then turned to face the approacher, trying to look tough.

            But it wasn't any of the guys.

            Kaori froze, arms wrapped around her skinny ribs.

            "What are you doing here?" Tetsuo asked.

            "I –"

            Too late, he thought of the remark.  "Looking for Kai?"

            "I'm sorry!" she cried.  "Tetsuo, please, I just want to be friends again!"

            "Leave me alone."

            He didn't want to see her crying.  He was sick of her crying.  And why should she keep asking him to help her stop crying?  He hadn't done anything, it was her, it had always been her.

            And it was so tiring having her as a hate figure.

            "What are you doing?" she said as he turned back to the bike.  "Isn't – isn't that –"

            "I said go away."

            "You'll get in trouble –"

            "So what?"

            "Kaneda's your friend –"

            "Go away!"  He glared round at her; she stood pale against the grey concrete, and the breeze picked up again and the rubbish on the ground scurried around them.

            "But – but we've –"

            "What?"

            "We've been friends for ages."

            "Big fucking deal!  Stop acting like a whiny little baby!"

            She stood, staring, her mouth trembling, and more tears shining in her big brown eyes and could she never stop crying?  Why should she cry?  She knew what she'd done! 

            "You went off and left me!" he yelled.  "I trusted you!"

            "I –"

            "Shut up!  I'm not letting any of you push me around any more!"

            He turned back to the bike.  Man, it was slick.  Beautiful as a pool of blood.

            Kaori rushed over and grabbed his arm.  "Please don't – Kaneda'll be mad with you –"

            "Get off!"  He shook himself free, but she grabbed his hand, dammit, why wouldn't she leave him alone?  He didn't need anyone, did he?  After all, no one needed him – "Get off!"  Her fingers were warm and damp, stupid, feeble, just like the rest of her, he could break every bone in her body if he wanted; he wrenched her away from him easily, and sent her stumbling back a little, her sandals clattering on the ground. 

            "Listen," he said, as she crept towards him again, "I ain't scared of Kaneda.  And I don't need you managing my life, so why don't you just butt out of it, huh?"

            "I just don't want to see you getting hurt –"

            Hurt – bleeding nose, coin-sized bruises heavy on his skin – Kaneda shaking his head as he looked down at him – and Kaori always watching –

            "Shut up!"

            He shoved her away, and then turned and kicked out at the bike, knocked the stand from under it and sent it clattering onto the ground.  Too damn slick, just like its damn owner, not like his own bike with its nicks and scratches – he kicked at it again, ignoring the pain in his feet – there was a crunch, and a beautiful long crack spread through the windshield like the shoot of a plant –

            "Tetsuo!"

            He looked round.  Kaneda and Yamagata were rushing towards him.  Kaneda's face was speckled with crumbs, and Yamagata was actually still chewing. 

            Kaneda slammed into him, sending him falling backwards onto the ground, then stood over him, fists clenched.  "You bastard, you – you –"

            And yeah, he was furious; Tetsuo wondered why he hadn't done this before because it wasn't so hard – what the hell had been stopping him all these years?  So easy.  And now Kaneda didn't think he was pathetic –

            Their eyes met, and Kaneda looked down at him, and said, "Why'd you do it?  What the hell was with you?"

            And Tetsuo could see he was hoping for some easy answer, something that he could reply to with you moron, Tetsuo, still, it's all over now – something that would let him be the big shot again –

            "I was pissed.  And you've been way too in love with that bike.  Practically doing Yama a favour, wasn't I?"

            Yamagata, who was righting the bike, flipped him off.  But Tetsuo could hardly see him, Kaneda filled his viewpoint. 

            "Well, maybe you'd better get happy again pretty damn soon."  Kaneda's hands were trembling now.  "This is just dumb."

            "It ain't that damaged," Yamagata called.  "Only the windshield, and a few scratches."

            "That's not the damn point!"

            "Don't have a heart attack, Kanny," Tetsuo called.

            "Whose side are you on, huh?" Kaneda yelled.  "You still wanna be in the gang?  Cos if you do you sure ain't acting like it!"

            "I…"  Tetsuo stopped. 

            Kaneda smiled slightly, an angry, over-bright smile.  "Lone bikers don't last long, Tetsuo, you know that.  And I don't want to see you made into a pulp on the road."

            The fury in his face made Tetsuo wonder if he really meant this.

            Then Kaneda knelt down so that the two of them were at eye-level.  "So you get your damn act together or you will be out of the gang.  I don't need backstabbers."

            "Hey, I could handle myself."

            "Like hell you could.  I know you, Shima Tetsuo."

            "What's that meant to mean, huh?"

            Kaneda scowled.  "You too dumb to figure it?  You think you're tough, but – but you're just a kid.  A dumb stupid kid.  You'd probably be permanently hospitalised by now if it wasn't for me."

            "No I damn well wouldn't!"

            "Shut up."  Kaneda got up, and started to walk back to his bike.

            Tetsuo scrambled to his feet.  The scratches he'd got from falling onto the ground began to sting as the cool air touched them. 

            "If you hadn't come along your bike'd be toast by now!" he yelled.

            "And if you'd trashed my bike I'd have fucking killed you," Kaneda said without looking round.

            The air seemed thicker.  Tetsuo wanted to stay there, argue, wait, prove to Kaneda that he was tough really…but even as he stood he felt himself falling back into childhood, to that stupid pathetic kid who'd had to scurry away and cry…

            He started to run.

            Behind him he heard the click-clack of Kaori's sandals on the ground as she followed, but he didn't stop to yell at her, because his throat was full of tears.

            "Tetsuo…wait…" 

            He dashed round behind the lunch hall, and sank down, and took several deep breaths to stop the pain of the crying.

            The ground was lukewarm, and the wall behind him was covered with graffiti, rough like wrinkles on the concrete.  Fuck you.  Die Die Die. 

            "Tetsuo?"

            She stared round the corner.

            "What?" he snapped (it wasn't a sob, it wasn't).

            "Are you all right?"

            "Why'd you care?"

            She didn't answer.  Instead, she crept a little closer, and then closer still, and then knelt down next to him, and put her hand on top of his.

            So damn patronising – he snatched his hand away, and then pushed her, wishing she'd fall hard and cut herself.

            "Please, Tetsuo…Kaneda isn't really mad, he'll get over it…"

            "Are you that dumb?" he yelled.  "I don't want him to get over it!  I'm sick of him!  He's driving me nuts!  Don't you ever listen to a word I say?"

            "But – but he's your friend –"

            "Oh, yeah, I forgot, you don't have any friends so you wouldn't know what it's like to be mad with 'em."  The words tangled round his tongue.  They'd sounded better in his head, and Kaori simply shrugged.

            "I don't want you to be upset," she said.  "Kaneda's – he's not that bad, is he?"

            "He's pathetic.  I could beat him easy, if I – if I –"  Just had more power.  Of course.  Power.  The one damn thing he'd never get because God or someone had thought it'd be funny to put him at the bottom of the food chain.

            He glanced at Kaori.

            Well, almost at the bottom of the food chain.

            How stupid could you get?  Following someone around and crying over them when they'd said they didn't want you any more –

            Because no one ever stayed –

            He didn't need her, he didn't, he didn't –

            He could tell her to piss off any time he wanted, so –

            He grabbed her shoulders, and pushed her back against the graffiti-stained wall, and kissed her – same old sickly-sweet Kaori-taste – like tasting the same cheap banana trifle you'd had as a kid –

            She threw her arms around his neck, and he could feel the gratitude in them.  Oh no, he wasn't going to be won that easy.  He fumbled at her shirt, up and under, to the line of the sweat where her breasts met her ribs. 

            He opened his eyes, and they stared at each other.

            "Tetsuo –"

            "Stop talking all the time."

            He kissed her again.  He could hear the lunch hall sounds fading, rattle of plates and desert of voices, soon it would all be quiet.  The breeze was picking up again, stroking Kaori's skin, making goose bumps stand out like grains of sand. 

            Maybe he should do his own graffiti, afterwards.  I fucked Kaori here 28/05/19 and it was GOOD.

Kaneda stood staring at his bike.  Yamagata had to admit it didn't look so classy now.  The broken windshield was like someone had punched out a beauty queen's front tooth or something.

            But all the same, he didn't see why Kaneda was getting so het up about it.  Like, their bikes always got bashed up and dented.  It was sort of a side-effect of gang warfare.

            "Kaneda?" he said.

            No answer.

            "We gonna go back and finish our lunch, or what?"

            Silence.         

            "I guess not."  Yamagata shrugged.  Someone would have probably pinched his stew by now.  Pity.  He was hungry still –

            And of course, we've got to drop everything because Kaneda says so.

            He moved a little closer.  "Kaneda, hello?  You awake in there?"

            "I just don't get it," Kaneda whispered.  He reached out, and gripped Yamagata's hand.  Yamagata fought the urge to shake him off.  "He's gone nuts."

            "No shit.  Now can we –"

            "He wants to really get to me.  He knows how hard I worked on this thing.  He wanted to…I dunno.  Why?  What's happened to him?"

            "Probably mad about Kaori.  Kaneda –"  Their palms were damp, and his skin felt irritated, angry, (no, fucking furious) by it. 

            Just stop bugging me, okay?  Yeah.  That was it.

            "He doesn't care about her," Kaneda continued.  "Why the hell would he?  It's something else."

            "Yeah, yeah, well, y'know, that's the way it is.  Look, he's just a psycho, okay?  Don't mean we need to worry about him."

            "I'm not letting him get his hands on this again." 

            "So what're you gonna do?" 

            "I'm outta here.  Come on."

            "Huh – me too?"

            Kaneda stared at him.  "What's your problem?  Don't you start going crazy –"

            Yamagata considered the argument looming, decided he couldn't be bothered with it, and shrugged, and said, "Whatever.  Come on, let's go."

The afternoon passed in a ripple of bikes and skidding and jumping traffic queues.  Yamagata was happy with that.  He was good at it, and it was fun in a way that nothing else was these days.

            A voice in his mind whispered Don't know how Kai could have handled giving it all up…

            Kai. 

            And he didn't want to think about him, but somehow the name wouldn't go out of his head, instead stayed there, buzzing and rustling and making him itch with thoughts he didn't want.

            Because Kai was trouble and Kai was stupid and Kai was turning him into the sort of person he wasn't (the sort of person who paid because they couldn't get it any other way…)

            But then, Kaneda was trying to turn him into a person he wasn't as well – a pathetic, thoughtful sap who listened and held people in his arms and followed their sadness and their two-bit crises and had a nice-guy mask glued to his face…

            And now it was getting dark, and lying in Kaneda's room he was thinking more thoughts that he probably didn't want.

            Like that interesting places opened at night.  And that you could get enough money from someone else's bag or wallet and do lots of things with it…

            At nine p.m., he said he'd be getting back.  Said he'd be seeing Kaneda later.  They'd meet at the Harukiya to ride some more.  Okay?  Okay.  And then he was hurrying out of the room, and out into the grey twilight, the air still twitching with breezes, and he was thanking his lucky stars he'd got away with it again.

By the time he'd got there, it was night.  The city was darkest here; so many boarded up empty windows.  But the lights from bars and cheap clubs was hotter, like warm syrup, or the light at the bottom of beer.  It glowed in Yamagata's mind, burning out the darkness.

            The house was different at night.  More light; and noisier, whispering and patterns of gasps, and footsteps.  Made him feel edgy.

            Kai's room was brighter too.  No more shadows and dusk. 

            As he entered, Kai was sitting on the bed, back to the door.  He turned quickly when he heard it open, frowning, and then his eyes widened.  For a moment.

            "So it's you again."

            "Yeah."

            "Okay.  Get over here."

            His face was so – sharp.  Yamagata told himself he was glad about that.  All he wanted was a cheap (well, cheapish) lay. 

            So why did you go to him and not someone else?

            Because – because –

            He knew Kai.  Trusted him.  You never knew what else could happen with some people.  Kai was safe.

            Kai looked him up and down as if they'd never met before.  He seemed tired, and he was swamped in a black long-sleeved shirt that was too big for him.  "It'll be two thousand for tonight."

            "Your prices gone up a bit, ain't they?"

            "Hey, I'm giving you a discount.  Seeing as we used to be friends."

            Kai took the money, and placed it on the bedside table, and then turned back to Yamagata.

            "Let's go, then," he said.  "Come on."

            Yamagata grinned and pulled his T-shirts off over his head.        

            As he sat down on the bed to take off his boots, he noticed Kai was glancing at him, and when he'd got his jeans off, the glance had become a stare, and Kai's sarcastic smart-ass look had been softened slightly, made dreamier          

            Yamagata met his eyes, and Kai quickly dragged his expression back to scorn. 

            "Ain't you going to take summat off?" Yamagata asked at last.

            And Kai froze. 

            "Um – yeah – uh –"

            He pulled his boxers off, but the shirt stayed on, and he stood plucking at the sleeves, his face tense, daring Yamagata to mention it?

            Yamagata decided not to.  No need to make this weirder than it already was.

Now lying here, on the sheets itchy and damp, clutching Kai's shirt-covered shoulders.  But the thoughts.  Wouldn't shut up.

            I'll show you.  I'll make you sorry for lying to me.  And scaring me.  And running away and leaving me stuck with Kaneda and acting like a jerk.  I'll show you, this is what you wanted, isn't it Kaisuke? You've been obsessed with me since always, well you know what?  I don't give a shit about you –

            Faster and faster, harder, harder, but this wasn't no porn movie because Kai was just lying there, resting his head on his arms, watching the wall.  I don't care.  Doesn't bother me.  And Yamagata was even angrier now because when you were trying to get to someone there was nothing worse than them ignoring you and dammit I was worried about him and he doesn't mind, he's happy, so fucking stupid, I'll make you worry!  I'll make you hurt!  Stop making me think like this! 

            Kai whimpered, and, biting his lip, he curled up under Yamagata's body, but he didn't yell out or say ease off why don't you? or even curse.

            Kaneda would've and damn, didn't want to be thinking about Kaneda now…and didn't want to be thinking why Kai was being so cool with it all because think about it, everyone hurts him, everyone, everyone, and…and…

            They rolled apart.

            And why the hell do I care?

            Yamagata lay on the bed, listening to his breathing.

            This is what I wanted.  Some fun.  Some no-strings stuff. 

            He shouldn't have done it with Kai.

            So why the hell had he?

            Come on.  You ain't so smart you care about trust and precautions and all that shit.  You should've been happy with anyone.

            It weren't my fault.  It was him.  It was him.

            Kai had sat up now, was resting his head on his knees.  He looked very young like that, and for a moment Yamagata felt – sorry? – no, not sorry – tender – towards him – and then he wanted to rip out those feelings because he wasn't going to put up with 'em.  If he wanted to be sappy, he could go find Kaneda.

            "Get moving," Kai said.  "I got other people to see."

            His voice was harsh, and Yamagata could just picture the look on his face.

            Oh, I get it, I don't mean nothing to you either, do I, Kai?  Well, you know what, I can play that game too.

            He said, "Kai, why didn't you take your shirt off?"

            Kai froze, and for a moment he looked like himself again – like the Kai who'd blushed when Kaneda, ages ago, had said why the hell are you staring at Yamagata like that?

            No he doesn't.  And even if he does so what?  Not like he matters –

            "No reason."

            "Then why keep it on?"  Yamagata picked up his clothes from the floor and started to dress, but he made sure to keep watching Kai.

            "You bought my ass, not the rest of me," Kai snapped, staring at the floor.  "Keep your nose out of my business, okay?"
            "Do you do it for everyone?  Do some people get turned on fucking someone wearing a shirt?" 

            "Maybe they do.  Now shut up and get out."

            "Why don't you take it off?" 

            "Because I don't want to."

            You always got too many secrets.  You always hold onto them and laugh just cos I don't know –

            "I paid you."  Because you're not my friend, you're my – my whore or summat, so…"You do anything I tell you to."
            "You used up your money just now."  Kai turned to look at him, his face splashed with fury.   "You should've asked before, shouldn't you?"

            "I didn't pay for someone who only lets me touch half of them."  This was perfect.  See Kai, shouldn't have started the game, cos I can hurt you worse than you'll ever be able to touch me.

            "Well, what're you gonna do about it?"

            "I bet if I complained to your management you'd have to take it off."

            "Don't you dare.  I mean it – you do that and I'll –"

            "What?"  Yamagata smirked at him.

            "Just don't.  You can't."

            "Try and stop me."

            "Please," Kai wailed, and then bit his lip.  "Just don't make me!"

            Oh yeah.

            "Oh, you're not so tough now?"

            "Fine.  I'm not."  Kai shrugged, and folded his shirt-covered arms, and hunched his shoulders.  His face had gone blank, but he was blinking too much, and he was staring desperately at the floor.

            Yamagata swallowed as silence settled over the room.

            Okay.  I won.  Now let's stop playing.

            "Come on, Kai," he said, trying to make his voice gentler, trying to make it sound like nothing major had happened.  "I'm just curious, is all.  You know – what's the big secret?"

            Kai was silent for several moments.  Then he whispered something, so quietly it was almost lost in the hum of traffic and voices and footsteps outside the room.

            "I can't tell you…"

            "Why the hell not?" Yamagata said, and suddenly the resentment was brewing under his skin again.

            "I just can't.  You wouldn't understand.  You didn't understand about this –"  One hand gestured around the room.  "You'd just get mad again."

            "I didn't – well, I – well –"

            "See?"

            "Look, I only got mad with the other thing because I was worried about you!  I thought you were being dumb."

            And you are.  And whatever happens to you when you're being dumb, you deserve it.  You deserve everything you get.  Don't you?

            "And this'd be the same," Kai said.

            "Oh man.  You're not a drag queen as well, are you?"

            Kai snorted.  "I would've thought you'd have noticed something in the last five minutes if I was.  Look, just forget it, okay?"

            "Why?"

            "Because – because –"  Kai frowned, then his face froze again.  "You know what?  You're not my friend or anything.  You.  Are.  A.  Customer.  So I don't have any damn reason to tell you."

            Yamagata swallowed.

            "Yeah, but…"

            "What?" Kai yelled.  "You think you can be both?  You think friends pay each other?  You think friends use money to make other friends tell them things?  You think friends kick other friends out and then come back just because they're desperate to be screwed?  Is that what you think friends do?  Because if you do, you have a seriously weird idea of friendship.  And if you do, I don't want to be your friend.  So either way, we are not friends!"

            Someone banged on the door, and a guy's voice called, "Kai, are you okay in there?"

            "I – yeah, I'm fine.  Guy's just leaving," Kai called back.

            "Okay."

            "Kai…look, I just…" 

            Something.  I don't know what.

            "You didn't pay me for a counselling session," Kai said.  "So now you shut up and get the hell out."

            "Can – can I come back?"

            Kai's eyes narrowed.  "You can come back any time you like.  Not like I get a choice, is it?"

            "Okay.  Well – bye."

            Yamagata started to move towards the door, staying looking at Kai, hoping something would change, hoping it would all somehow end up different –

            But Kai's face stayed sharp, and finally Yamagata had reached the door, and he stepped out onto the dim landing.  Once outside, he slumped against the wall, wishing he dared go back and either make up with Kai or smash his face in for being such a pain and wrecking the night like this –

            "Got problems?"

            "Huh?"

            He looked round.  That guy with the purple hair he'd seen before was lounging in one corner, watching him.  He shifted, suddenly feeling edgy.

            "Sorry," the guy said, smiling.  "Didn't mean to scare you.  I said, you and him having problems?"

            "You – you know Kai?"

            "Yeah.  He's a friend."

            So Kai still had friends.

            Just not me –

            Yeah.  Because – well, because – I don't need him – I –

            He scowled.

            "I heard you rowing," the guy said.  "I'm Tenchi, by the way.  I work here myself.  He wouldn't take his shirt off, would he?"

            The smooth changes of subject made Yamagata feel like the conversation was moving just a bit too fast for him to stay upright in it.  "Uh – uh – no, he wouldn't."

            "He never does that for anyone," Tenchi said.  "It's just a thing he has."  He stepped closer.  In the half-darkness – the dim light from the hall below, and the sharp brightness oozing out from under the doors – Yamagata could just about make out his features.  A calm, smooth face, delicate nose and mouth, large dark eyes.  A knowing smile. 

            Ooh, he's cute –

            He tried to ignore his mind, and said, "Why?  What's he got under there, scales or summat?"

            Tenchi laughed.  "I don't know.  People just get funny sometimes, though, you know?  Myself, I don't mind taking things off…"  He let the sentence trail away, and smiled again.  Yamagata felt himself blush.  For absolutely no reason, of course.  No reason at all.

            Then Tenchi leaned forward, pressing them both against the wall, and kissed him. 

            It was a good kiss.  It filled him and it told him I know what you like and I can do all of it.

            He kissed back.

            Finally Tenchi broke it off and said, "You don't have to keep going to Kai, you know."

            "Hey, I'm broke!"  Yamagata didn't know if he'd actually do it.  His body thought it might be interesting.  But there were too many other people in his life at the moment – Kai –

            And Kaneda.

            "I better go," he said.  "I might – I mean – it's not like I –"

            He stopped.

            "It's okay.  I know," Tenchi said, and his eyes said that he did, only too well.  "S'just – go easy on Kai, okay?  He's – going through a bad time."

            "What'd you know?"

            "I've seen him for the last month or whatever.  I'm just saying.  You want a quick one, maybe you'd do better coming to me."

            "Whatever."  Suddenly he didn't want to stand here, in the warmth and the dark, talking – or thinking – about this – he just wanted to be back out on his bike.  Cool air.  Cool air would be good.

            He hurried across the landing – Tenchi stood back – down the stairs, and out into the night.  There he leapt onto his bike, and skidded away down the road, trying to shake off the longing stroking his skin.

After Tenchi had watched Yamagata leave, he turned away, and smiled.  Yeah…all in all that had gone pretty well.  He was prepared to bet Yamagata would be back sooner or later – if a guy did it twice, he usually came back for a third time.  He wouldn't care who he screwed.  Kai would be saved any more questions.  And Tenchi himself…well, if he enjoyed helping others, who could blame him?

            Grinning, he walked over to Kai's room.  Might as well stop the kid cutting himself to ribbons again. 

            Kai was sitting on the bed, staring at nothing.  Tenchi walked over to him, but he couldn't see the scalpel.

            "Kai?" he said.

            Kai didn't move.  His eyes were very wide, and his lower lip was turning bloodless from where he was biting it.

            "Come on.  Speak to me, honey?"

            "He tried to make me take it off –" Kai whispered.  His hands were almost covered by the shirt sleeves, but Tenchi could see he was clenching them into white, bony fists.

            "Well, it is kinda weird."

            "You know I can't do it!  Not with him – if he sees –"  Kai started to tremble.  "If he sees then – then –"

            "Then what?  I saw.  I know all about it.  And I'm still here, right?"

            "He'll freak," Kai whispered.  "He'll freak even worse than he did about all this.  And then he'll tell me I'm not just dumb I'm crazy and then he won't come back –"

            "Why do you care?  It's not like he's making you happy."

            Kai shrugged, and then suddenly seemed to realise what he was saying.  "Nothing.  Forget it.  Leave me alone, I'm tired."

            "Excuse me?  That's my shirt you're wearing, kid.  I'm owed something."  Tenchi reached out and put his hands on Kai's shoulders, turning him so that they faced each other.  "So?  Why do you care?"

            "I – I –"  Tenchi saw Kai's fingers twitch for the scalpel, and put his own hands on top of them. 

            "If he doesn't come back," Kai said at last, "I'll never see him again."

            "And?"

            "I want to see him again."

            "Even though I heard you chewing him out for not being your friend?"

            "I was mad with him.  He – he shouldn't have tried to make me do stuff."

            "Isn't that what he did by coming here?"

            "If he hadn't been my friend, he wouldn't have noticed about the shirt…and wouldn't have cared about the scars…but if he had been, he wouldn't have said that…you do anything I tell you to…I thought he was nicer than that.  I thought he liked me.  He kept saying he did, and then…" 

            Tenchi wished Kai would just admit defeat and burst into tears.  It looked worse that he was trying so hard not to.

            "People you like, who like you, shouldn't need to pay.  You should both want to do it," Tenchi said at last, trying to remember what they'd told him in those faraway sex education classes.

            Kai snorted.  "That's rich coming from you.  Everyone 'likes' you, and you 'like' everyone.  Why're you here at all?"

            "Because I've never met someone I 'like' enough not to make money out of 'em," Tenchi said, smiling at him.  "Look.  You do like him, right?"

            Kai looked shifty for a moment before nodding.

            "And he likes you, or he wouldn't be here?"

            "I don't know.  He – he's with someone else.  He goes with me when he has a row with that guy.  I think.  Anyway, he told me to leave in the first place.  He don't like me.  He just – I'm just there."

            He looked like he wanted to sigh.

            Tenchi hugged him, stroking his hair.  "Dude, you got yourself all confused."

            "Oh, like that's a big deal," Kai snapped into his shoulder.  "What are you, a damn psychologist?"

            "Of course.  Did I tell you I'm only working here to afford a new couch?  Look, I know.  If he comes here again, I'll deal with him for a bit.  Give you both time to think.  If he just wants sex, he'll be very happy with me.  If he don't, he'll come find you."

            Kai didn't answer for a moment, then he nodded, but as Tenchi let go of him, he could see he wasn't too happy.  Well, tough.  He was gonna get to have some fun with Yamagata whatever happened. 

            "Don't worry," he said.  "It's all under control."

            "Like hell it is," Kai muttered.

            "What, you don't believe me?"

            Kai shrugged, and stared down at his knees. 

            Tenchi could feel the question hook hanging heavy in the air.  May as well take it, he figured.  No doubt it was gonna be the usual orphanage sob story or adolescent self-pity burst, but Kai would figure he was unique.

            "Well, do you?" he asked.

            Kai glanced up at him, looking angry and sarcastic and delinquent.  "It's bullshit.  You can talk and everyone can talk and it'll never be under control, okay?"

            "That's life."

            "They told me – when my mum and dad left – they said don't worry Kaisuke, they'll look after you, everything'll be fine and like hell it is!"

            Tenchi watched him, and thought how childish the guy really was.  What had Kai expected, roses and flowers and sunny days in the country?

            But he kept his face curious, sympathetic, and Kai kept talking, and Tenchi let the boy's words make the scene.  A six-year-old Kai, sitting on the doormat, his hair still parted like that, his face and knees and T-shirt and shorts grubby, stained with dust and food and milk, and one arm cut and blotched with blood.  And he was wincing from the sunlight pouring through the window, because he'd been alone for six days and had been too short to open the curtains in the flat properly.

            And next to him was his mother's friend, Ritsuko, who dyed her hair blonde, and crouched down to speak to him like those people who love to imagine they're good with kids, and was heavily pregnant.

            Why can't you look after me?  You like me, don't you?

            She'd said something like the new baby would cost too much and she couldn't afford to keep him as well.  And – and maybe Anzu will come back.  Maybe it'll be okay.

            "Because my parents skipped out.  Because my dad was stealing from work for like ages, and coming round and showing it off in front of my mum, buying her fake damn pearls so she'd let him stay over, and bumming meals and cash off her and saying soon they'd be millionaires and then one day his boss figured it out and called the cops so they ran away, but he never wanted me and she'd got bored of me so they left me behind, and they never came back.  I just woke up and they were gone.  And then Ritsuko tells me it's all going to be under control.  Like fuck it's under control."

            Tenchi shrugged, and let his hand rest on top of Kai's for a few moments.  Let the kid believed he actually cared.

            "You survived it," he said.

            Kai shrugged, and suddenly he didn't look angry any more, he just looked miserable, old misery like old scars sunken under the skin.

            "His name was Kaisuke as well," he said.  "My dad's, I mean.  He gave me to my mum, but she wasn't interested in me.  That's why I didn't even get my own name."

            "He call himself Kai?"

            "No.  Never.  It had to be Kaisuke or nothing."

            "Well.  You do get your own name, right?  You're you, not him, and you know that really."  Tenchi got to his feet, and patted Kai on the shoulder.  "But I'll handle Yamagata.  That'll make you feel better, right?  Let me take care of things for a bit.  You had too much responsibility at an early age."  And he grinned, and after a moment Kai smiled back, and nodded, looking puzzled as if he'd been tricked into handing over his life savings.

            Tenchi strolled to the door, and smirked properly once he was out in the corridor. 

            Now come back to us, Yama, and you'll see some real fun.

Kai sighed, and lay back on the bed.  He was moving very slowly, because it felt like something had stabbed him through the chest, and if he did anything too quickly his lungs and all would fall out.  It was a weird thing to think, but he couldn't stop.  He hurt.  A choked, ripped feeling in his ribs.  He lay still, and stared up at the light bulb.  It burned harshly behind his eyes, sending his thoughts scampering into the shadows. 

            You survived it?

            So what?  I don't want to think about any of it.

            But he couldn't stop.

            Shouldn't have spilled his guts to Tenchi.  That had just made him feel worse.  Wasn't like he hadn't told people before, wasn't like he hadn't been interviewed by damn social workers trying to make him see when you'd been abandoned you had to play nice and co-operate when all you really wanted to do was smash up the world –

            No.  Think about something else?

            I don't care 'bout any of it –

            Sure you don't.

            Kai rolled onto his stomach, and felt angry tears burn and bubble in his throat.

            Sure, he'd pretended he didn't care if Yamagata came back, and he'd pretended it didn't matter that his former friend was paying him, and he'd acted like this was just normal dull old sex nothing special (even though his subconscious was storing it up later for dreams)…

            But he couldn't pretend not to care now.  His eyes ached with the thoughts swelling behind them.

            I paid you.  You do anything I tell you to…
            I didn't pay for someone who only lets me touch half of them…

            You're not so tough now…

            You really think I'm nothing more than a piece of ass?

            You really don't want me as anything more –

            And –

            Yamagata had been angry tonight.  He'd been fucking to hurt and then what he'd said – he'd been pleased when Kai got upset – 

            And so maybe – maybe if he did see the scars, he wouldn't be angry or grossed out – worse – he would laugh and sneer and call crazy because he wants to see me sad…

            I'm scared of you…

            No.  I hate you –

            But if you'd just come back, if you'd come back and hold me and tell me it was all gonna be okay, I'd believe you, Yama, please, please don't leave me –

            No – I never want to see you again, you cheap, two-timing, bastard jerk –

            You fucking liar, Ritsuko, how can you say it was all gonna be all right?  Look at me now – feels like I am going nuts –

            The thoughts were too strong, too powerful, any minute now one of them would twitch and burst inside his mind and then everything would hurt so much…

            No, he told himself, no.  Don't let them do that.  You can't let them do that.

            He picked up the scalpel again, and unbuttoned Tenchi's shirt.  The guy had given it to him because all Kai's own shirts were short-sleeved, and okay, so it didn't matter that he was doing this but he still didn't like seeing the scars every second.

            There they were, pale, scattered on his body like handfuls of dead grass.  He gently touched the older ones – they lurked far far down under his skin, you almost couldn't feel them any more. 

            He didn't mind them.  He didn't.  And Tenchi didn't.

            Maybe if Yamagata did come back –

            Maybe if he was kind this time – he was kind usually –

            He imagined showing him – imagined the other guy's face, disgusted like the scars were maggots – heard the words – you freak you sicko you crazy dumb bastard –

            Crazy –

            And if Yamagata's bothered, there really is something wrong with me –

            I can do what I like, he thought – at himself – at Yamagata? – and placed the tip of the scalpel in the curve of the top of his ribcage, and then wrenched down – like skidding on ice – like jumping off a wall – wrenched it down to his stomach. 

            Now that was a statement. 

            The scar was about a foot long.  Not many people had cool scars like that. 

            It stung – shallow cuts always did – good sign, right?  He'd never cut so deep he'd be in danger.  He didn't want to die.  This was just coping. 

            The blood, watery as tears, oozed across his ribs.