Obi-Wan sat silently by himself, listening to the soft birdcalls
and the gentle rustle of the wind. How exactly does one meditate with the
Force, when one is IN the Force? he wondered idly as he worked to calm his
mind and explore his options. It was a certainty that he would take the
opportunity offered to him, but he wanted to make sure that he picked the three
days in which he had the best chance of having an influence. Even if he would
only actually "live" one of those three alternate lives, he wanted the chance
to choose the best of the best, rather than settling for the least horrid
outcome as it seemed he had done all of his life.
There were so many days of his life that had been important to him, but he had
to wonder which ones were important to the galaxy as a whole. Did the day that
he decided to leave the Jedi matter to the timeline as much as it had mattered
to him? What would happen if he went back and chose to leave Melida/Daan with
Master Jinn as he had been expected to? Would Qui-Gon then have trusted and
loved him more, thereby preventing the Master from pushing him aside for young
Anakin? Even if it did change his Master's opinion of him, would that influence
the future of Anakin Skywalker for the best or for the worst?
Debating all of the pros and cons of all of the days of his life had proved to
be a futile and impossible task and he soon found himself simply sitting
quietly and listening to the soft sounds of the Living Force. He knew that he
was expected to make a decision, but he did not know how to make such an
important choice without the input of the Force. All of his life, he had
reached to it for guidance and wisdom, and now in the moment he needed it most,
he was left on his own.
"You are not alone," Natira corrected as she stepped into the small clearing
where he rested. "The Force is always with you, and will always be with you."
"Then why isn't it telling me what to do?" Obi-Wan complained, aware that he
might have sounded petulant but too frustrated to worry about it.
"This is your choice, Obi-Wan. It is a chance for you to decide how you
would want your life to be lived. The first time, you accepted the guidance of
the Force in all things, and though you did succeed in bringing balance, your
life was an unhappy and desolate one, even for a Jedi."
"But how am I to know what to change? How do I know how my choice might impact
the rest of the galaxy?" he asked softly, his stormy blue-green gaze settling
unfocused on the stream that ran burbling through the clearing.
"Your selflessness is a becoming trait, young Jedi," Natira sighed, "but it is
a hindrance when it comes to your own happiness."
"I cannot allow my own personal happiness to cause anyone else pain or
suffering," Obi-Wan argued. "That is something I could never do."
Settling to the ground beside the meditative posture of the Jedi, Natira turned
her own indigo gaze to the flowing stream. Allowing a few moments to pass in
silence she finally spoke again. "The stream is quite beautiful isn't it?"
"Yes, it is," he answered softly. If he was confused by the change of subject,
he showed no indication of it.
"It's sad, however, isn't it?" she asked.
"Sad?" he questioned, turning to gaze upon her serene features.
"It is quite sad the damage the stream causes when the rain falls heavily. So
many animals are killed in its raging waters, and many of the younger trees
within the forest do not survive the flooding season. I wonder if perhaps we
would not be better off without it," she commented, her gaze still on the
distant water.
"The stream is a necessity to the trees, even when it does flood," Obi-Wan
countered. "And the flood is necessary as it helps the river to overturn the
soil and gain more nutrients for the species that thrive within it. Without the
river, the trees and animals would die just as surely and as swiftly as any
have during the floods."
"Do you suppose the river feels guilty for what it does?" Natira questioned,
turning to regard the young Jedi. As she saw the expression on his face, she
smiled. "And so why is it that you feel guilty for your actions? Did your
actions not help to remove the inefficient and corrupt government of the
Republic? Did you not help revise the Jedi Order, returning it a brotherhood
where love and service are not mutually exclusive?"
"But couldn't it have been done without so many dying and so many years of
suffering?"
"Well, that is what you are being the given the opportunity to find out," she
grinned. "Don't concern yourself with the ultimate effects of your actions. You
cannot control what might happen anymore than the river can control whether or
not it floods. As long as you act in love, you remain true to yourself, and you
don't attempt to cause too much change all at once, I think you will find that
the ultimate outcome of your choices will be for the good of all."
Silently assimilating all that she had told him, Obi-Wan closed his eyes and
reached deep within his own mind. Allowing all of his memories and dreams and
wishes to flow freely, he quickly found the first day that he had always
desperately hoped to change. Opening his eyes once again, he found Natira's
wise indigo gaze focused solely on him.
"You have made your choice?" she asked, though it was apparent that she already
knew.
"Yes," he answered softly.
"Then I wish you luck young Obi-Wan, and remember, the Force will always be
with you." As she finished speaking she rose to her feet and moved swiftly and
silently back toward where she had entered the clearing.
Watching until she was out of sight, Obi-Wan took a deep breath. Now how
exactly am I supposed to do this? he wondered. Closing his eyes and
centering himself, he focused his mind on the memory of the one day he had
chosen to relive. When he reopened his stormy gaze, he found that the edges of
the clearing had begun to change, and the colors were much more muted. In
fascination, he watched as all of the scenery surrounding him began to fade and
a soft white light replaced the verdant fields and forest. As the light grew
brighter and brighter, he began to squint until finally he had no choice but to
shut his eyes.
As the golden-brown lashes fluttered over his shining eyes, Obi-Wan swore that
he saw Natira standing before him, a gentle smile uplifting the edges of her
rosy lips. Giving her his own grin in return, Obi-Wan Kenobi shut his eyes from
the vision of the Force, reopening them seconds later to find himself standing
on soil he had neither seen nor touched in over thirty years.
