A/N: Thank you for the reviews ^__^

~*~

Nikki, still anxious about Luke, had found his journal and had just finished writing another flood of flashback memories down.

It hurt, and i still think hes there sometimes, even though hed been gone for ages. I tried to scrub his touch off in the shower, i washed till i started bleeding even more, but i still cant feel clean about it... I wonder if Luke always feels this dirty as well, and how does he cope with it?

He closed the journal and looked up at Scott, head tilted. "Do you wanna read?" He asked nervously.

Scott smiled, "You want me too?"

Nikki shrugged. "I don't know." He said, truthfully, "Luke said it helped to share."

"That's true," Scott nodded solemnly, I'll read it only if you want me too."

"You can read it if it will help." Nikki countered.

Scott sighed inwardly, "Truthfully Nikki, I don't know if it will."

Nikki sucked his thumb. "Can I read your journal?"

"I don't have one," Scott smiled, "Did Luke keep one too?"

Nikki thought. "I think he did." He said, looking around. "Where is Luke?"

Scott's face dropped slightly, "Luke was hurt really bad Nikki," He said weakly, "He didn't make it."

 "Didn't make what?" Nikki knew what had happened, but his mind insisted on sliding away from the truth, hoping that denial would somehow make it all better.

 "Luke's dead, Nikki." Scott said bluntly not meaning to sound so harsh, but he just didn't know any other way to put it.

Nikki flinched. "No he isn't.. " He said shakily. "He can't be.. he's not.. I just saw him."

Scott shook his head, "I'm sorry Nikki." He said softly.

Nikki shook his head. "Mummy's gone... she didn't, she couldn't hurt him." He protested.

"You're right, she didn't hurt him, Luke hurt himself Nikki. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't anybodies fault."

Nikki cried, but he didn't seem to realize it. "But.. he said he wouldn't leave. He said we'd get out. He said he wouldn't leave me alone."

"I'm sorry." Scott frowned pulling Nikki into a hug.

Nikki cried quietly into Scott's shirt, unbelieving. He eventually curled up slightly, putting his thumb in his mouth as he often did when he felt insecure, and twining a piece of his hair round his index finger, leaning his head against Scott.

Scott sighed gently running his fingers through Nikki's hair, "Everything'll be okay." He whispered softly.

Nikki shook his head 'no', but didn't say a word.

Leaning his head back to look at the ceiling, Scott scowled angrily, 'Why did you have to leave him here like this Luke? Why wouldn't you let anyone help you!?' He thought angrily.

Nikki felt Scott's body tense in anger, and pulled back, alarmed. He looked at Scott questioningly, unsure whether or not he should attempt to flee.

Scott dropped his eyes back down to Nikki and his expression softened, "Sorry." He mumbled looking away again.

Nikki tilted his head. "Its okay." He said softly.

 He leaned back into Scott. After a while he spoke brokenly. "I wish mum had killed me that time." He confessed.

"What?" Scott said in shock.

"Cause then,.. then I wouldn'a met Luke, and this wouldn't hurt so much." He said, his eyes closed tight.

Scott frowned, "I know it hurts Nikki, but over time it'll get better."

"God, how can this get better?" Nikki choked. "I'm cursed Scott, I'm cursed. That's why these things keep happening. If I'd died, Luke would still be alive. It's my fault..." He realized and then began pulling away from Scott, fighting against the hug. "It's all my fault, and you're gonna die as well if I don't get outta here now."

"It's not your fault Nikki," Scott tried to reason with him, "How do you know that if you weren't alive then maybe Luke wouldn't be either. Maybe he would've given up back at the asylum a long time ago?"

"How do you know he would've Luke was strong? It was my fault, I pushed him over the edge, I stressed him out and now he's dead, and you're all gonna die if you don't let me outta here." He ran to the door and opened it.

Scott watched helplessly as Nikki ran from the room.

Nikki ran down the corridor and swerved, almost crashing into the wall. He picked himself up and kept going, the only thought in his head was to get out of there and away from anyone else.

Logan stepped out of his room nearly crashing into Nikki as the boy darted down the hall.

 "Whoa there Squirrel, where's the fire?" He grunted raising an eyebrow.

Nikki stopped, eyes huge, but attempted to get past Logan. "Lemme go, I have to go..." He said wildly.

"You okay?" Logan frowned slightly.

"I'll kill you all if you don't let me go." Nikki warned, already running passed Logan, now that he had squeezed by.

Logan blinked and watched the boy vanish around the corner, "Shit." He mumbled shaking his head.

 Nikki was glad that he got away from Logan and kept going, the shadow of a curse he was convinced he had following him all the way. "Gotta get out.. gotta get out.." he said to himself as he ran

Kitty fazed herself through the wall carrying a box of Kleenex's; she had just heard the news about Luke and was heartbroken. As she wandered down the hallway, a mess of tears and snot she ran into Nikki.

 "Oh Nikki." She smiled watery, "Hi."

Nikki recoiled and literally leaped back into the wall. He slid down until he was sitting, confused. Eventually he stammered. "I-I-I have t-to leave.. I gotta get a-away.."

"Why?" Kitty asked looking baffled.

"C-cause I'll kill you... all of you..."

Kitty sniffed wiping at her eyes, "Why would you do that Nikki?"

"Cause I'm cursed..." He whimpered. "I was cursed with you and when Daddy left and when I saw things and when Alex, when that bastard touched us and when Luke died, it was my fault, so I gotta leave..."

"It's not your fault Nikki," Kitty shook her head, "Please stay. Please stay with us." She pleaded, he was the only connection to Luke she had left.

It cut through Nikki's panic. "You... you WANT me to stay mummy?" He asked, confused. "But... everyone will die.."

Kitty nodded slowly, "I want you to stay Nikki. No one else will die, okay?"

Nikki stared at her, then put his face in his hands crying. "Luke's dead." He sobbed fiercely. "It shoulda been me, it shoulda been me.."

Not knowing what else to do, Kitty approached the boy and pulled him into a hug. Her own tears rolled down her cheeks.

 "It's not your fault Nikki," She sobbed, "You tried to help him."

Nikki let himself be hugged, resisting his fear of her for once. "I'm so, so sorry mum." He wept. "I didn't mean to.. I can't be a good boy." He said, heart broken.

Kitty stood there holding him, "You're not bad." She cried wiping at her own tears.

Nikki ignored that and cried harder. "It hurts so much." He whimpered between sobs.

"I know." Kitty whispered, oh God did she know.

Nikki's sobs eventually began to slow down. "Mummy?" He asked. "Why didn't you kill me before? Why did you send me to that bad place and make me meet him mummy, why?"

Kitty pulled back away from Nikki, he mouth slowly opened in shock, "Nikki, I didn't... It wasn't me who sent you." She stuttered at a loss for words.

"Then why?" He asked plaintively. "If I wasn't bad and you didn't send me there... god mummy, why didn't you love me? Why does everything I'm near have to go bad in the end?" his eyes flickered to that black oily color, but faded back again as he suppressed his sentient power. 

"I'm not your mother." Kitty whispered her eyes watering again.

Nikki shuddered, reality colliding with the crazy fake of his mind. He didn't say anything but just stared at Kitty with a blank look

"You okay?" Kitty asked wiping at her eyes with a Kleenex.

"You're. not... mummy." Nikki said eventually.

"No, I'm not." Kitty agreed nodding slightly.

"Oh." Nikki blinked. He looked confused. "Sorry." he eventually said. "I thought you were someone else."

"That's okay." Kitty sniffed.

Nikki put his finger in his mouth, chewing on it gently. "Is Luke still gone?" he asked.

Kitty nodded, "Yea, he's still gone."

Nikki sniffed. "Can I see him?" he asked

"Not right now. But tomorrow you can." Kitty frowned; she could feel her heart breaking all over again.

Nikki suddenly felt very, very lost and alone. "I can't sleep on my own." Was all that he said about it. There was a big hole where Luke used to be, and that was all he could say.

 "I'm sorry." Was all that Kitty could think to say.

Nikki stood back from Kitty, looking back and forth down the corridor. He felt like an unmoored ship, like a bag in the wind with nowhere to go. He looked totally and utterly lost.

Kitty felt the same way Nikki looked, she didn't know what to do or say to the kid. Finally she sighed and turned away slightly, "You can help me do laundry?" She suggested dreading the thought of laundry duty.

Nikki looked unexcited. "I wanna go see Scott and Lance." he finally said. He might have realized that Kitty wasn't his mum, but the other girl still made him nervous.

Kitty nodded, "Okay." She said turning around.

Nikki frowned, and reached a hand out to stop her, but was too afraid. With a last look over his shoulder, he left in search of the other boys.

~*~