Part 4: Still Standing

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Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start

Now here we stand
Unafraid of the future

--Richard Marx & Donna Lewis, At the Beginning

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Buffy ran her finger along the blood that had smeared on the panel of the elevator. Her slayer sense picked up on the familiar scent.

But it can't be, he's gone.

The doubts clouded her thoughts; however, deep down inside her, she knew the blood she was rubbing between her fingers had once coursed through her lover's body.

The scent of his blood grew stronger and assailed her senses. She closed her eyes. The doubts seemed to fade all at once.

"Spike."

It had been a long time since she last allowed herself to hope that there was a possibility that Spike somehow survived. She had given up on the idea. She thought that if he were undead he would surely have come back to her.

Looking at the hole and then back at her blood stained fingers, she whispered again, "Spike."

Now, desperate to find him, she started feeling the wall for an opening, a switch, an emergency exit, anything to show her where he went, and why he went. Why?

Feeling defeated after not finding a single clue and overwhelmed from the realization, she collapsed. She leaned on the wall for support.

Her mind raced with thoughts, but somehow they led her to the memory of when she last saw him.

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Spike had heard Buffy anxiously searching the elevator. He placed his hand on the wall and unconsciously started roaming his fingers over the cool, flat surface.

He desperately wanted to touch her. He could almost feel her body, her warmth, her life, through the steel and the plaster that separated them. Buffy… you are so close, but you can't find me. Not yet, not now. Closing his eyes and resting his forehead on the surface, he pictured the woman that meant everything to him. He thought of the last time he held her.

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With the image of Spike staying behind in the collapsing high school, ready to sacrifice himself, Buffy was ready to start searching again. And that was when she noticed something, or rather, she noticed the lack of something. Like all elevators she's been in, this elevator had clearly marked buttons indicating its function; however, there were other buttons that were unmarked, which set them different from the rest.

Intrigued, she shifted her weight back onto her feet and fingered the silver nondescript buttons. Some buttons were missing due to the gaping hole, but she didn't let that discourage her. Letting instinct take over she continued to finger each of the buttons till she landed on the last. She pressed it without thinking twice.

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Spike was about to give in. The feeling of her so close was just too intense. The only thing holding him back now was the idea that maybe she really did move on. Aren't I a better man now? Wouldn't a better man let her go? She's happier now. Isn't she?

Caught up in his thoughts, he had no idea that the wall had receded. He felt a softness replace the hard surface that his open hand was pressing against. He felt small, delicate, but strong fingers intertwine around his own. Keeping his eyes closed he tightened his grip around the hand that was firmly clasped in his. Without thinking, he whispered the name that never left his heart, mind, and soul, "Buffy."

He slowly opened his eyes, silently wishing that it was only a dream but even more so, he was willing it to be real.

His will won.

He stood there, not moving, not saying a word, and soaked in the sight of Buffy.

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes and she was standing in all her glory in front of him. He thought she never looked as beautiful as she did at that moment.

"Spike," she whispered back. She threw her arms around him and held on. "You're… here. I knew…I knew you were alive…I felt it…felt you. I just didn't know. Please...Please..." it was all she managed to say before her sobs overtook her.

Wrapping his arms around her, he returned her sweet embrace that could break any other man's back. "Shh... Love. No more tears. I'm here," he whispered, not knowing that his own tears were welling at the corners of his own eyes. How could I have waited so long? Stupid plan. Fuck the fucking plan. His inhibitions melted away as he felt the sure weight of her arms tighten around him.

After her sobs started to calm to whimpering sighs and hiccups, the question of how he was there, solid in front of her didn't seem important.

The only question she needed an answer to was why he didn't tell her. She lifted her head to look into the depths of his eyes. "Don't leave. Please. I want—need… I don't know what I would do if…" She dreamed of this. And she thought of this moment a million times before, where they were given a chance to say everything that wasn't said. But now that he really was there standing before her, she couldn't remember any of those perfect, scripted lines. She was at a loss for words. "Just tell me you still--"

"Buffy--"

"I know. I'm babbling…" She couldn't believe what she was saying. Never had she imagined she would have a second chance, and now that it was here, she didn't want to hold anything back, "but If I lose--"

"Buffy, listen. Nothing... Not in this world. Or not in any other world… Nothing, could change how I feel about you. I love you," he said as he took hold of her shoulders.

"Then why--"

"I'm a fucking idiot, that's why," he stated. Unconsciously, he tilted his head and wondered just how much he messed things up by not telling her.

Buffy bit her lower lip. "Well… that's old news," she smiled.

Confused for a moment and then upon gathering his wits, Spike chuckled at how the situation was made light.

He moved a stray hair from Buffy's face, placed it behind her ear, and then cupped her cheek in his palm. "I never meant to take so long, luv. I thought... I planned it out. I did. Everything. Wanted to be something when I return to you. Wanted to become someone who deserves you. Someone who would be able to help you, support you, love you properly..."

"Spike," she said, and mimicked his movements from earlier, but instead of cupping his cheek, she gently wiped away a tear with her thumb. "You already do, more than you know. I love you... I do" Pressing a finger to his lips to keep him from interrupting, she continued telling him what he meant to her. "I mean it, everything. I know it now." She wondered briefly on whether or not he remembered everything that happened the last time they saw each other. "Maybe even then... I knew it," letting everything she felt get transformed into words that can only say the very least of what was inside of her, she told him. She loved the person, the vampire standing in front of her. It never felt so easy to say the things she wanted to say, but she had no idea how she can make him understand.

"Buffy, I..." He pressed his forehead to hers. "Your eyes had told me so."

She let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding, and smiled. He remembered.

Spike tilted his head to meet her lips with his own. He kissed her lightly. At first it was nothing more than a press of lips but slowly the kiss deepened. The touch of lips, the slide of tongues, the scrape of teeth—everything-- was both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. Familiar, for it was like the other kisses they've shared: it was needy, desperate, and passionate. And unfamiliar, in that it was the first time they kissed with nothing separating them. With their feelings out in the open, they didn't hold back. And for Spike and Buffy, that was what they needed, that was what made the kiss perfect.

The kiss reminded them both of everything they missed and a preview of what was to come.

"Hey," she said gently, as she pulled away for air, "promise me something?"

At the slight tilt of his head, she cleared her throat.

"If you decide to make up a plan where I'm involved, promise me you'll check with me first."

He chuckled and replied, "sure, Pet. Promise." He moved his hand to take hers which was busy playing with the soft hairs at the back of his neck, and he brought it between them to kiss her hand. "I missed you, you know that?"

"Yeah, I know," she said matter-of-factly, smiling and letting only her eyes return the sentiment. Then, grinning from ear to ear, she stepped back into the elevator and pulled him along. "Come on, I want you to meet someone," she said.

At first, he didn't think anything of the statement, but then it donned on him who she was referring to. The thousands of unanswered questions began to swirl in his mind again. The baby. Xander. Maybe…maybe it was a mistake. I just heard wrong. Wrong. Xander couldn't possibly… He's a good bloke, there's no doubt. Not for a long time. When did that happen? But the baby… Xander and Buffy together? Not when I'm around. He made an abrupt stop, causing Buffy to stagger. He looked at her sheepishly and explained, "I uhh... I just remembered. Not dressed for the occasion. I should take a shower and change first."

Stunned, she thought, Since when does he care what other people think of his appearance? If you ask me he looks sexy with his not quite blue, but bluer than blue eyes. And his well defined cheekbones, his oh so luscious bitable lips, and don't even get me started on his body which is shaped to absolute perfection. He's sexy without even thinking about it, okay sometimes he does think about it, anyone who looked that good would. He's even sexy-- beautiful even-- when he wakes up with his tousled soft blond hair… wait, where's the blonde hair? Hmm… he let it grow out. I like it. How did I miss that? Okay so, soft dark brown hair that curls around your fingers when you run your hands through it and with that green goop that is about to drip-- wait! Green goop? Dried green goop that is caked all over him— oh, she reconsidered at that thought. "You're right, you should do that," she said. Giving him a smile and squeezing his hand before she let go, she told him to hurry back. There is no way I'm going to let that goop near Alex.

"Be back before the Poofter asks 'what the hell happened?'" Spike said, grinning. He then gave her a kiss on the cheek, and left.

TBC...