And here we go with part 4, which I have been writing on my lunch breaks all week. A bit shorter than part 3 and in fact it's all one scene, but it seemed like a nice place to end it. ;-)

I've got 18 reviews and now I'm happy, yay! Thanks to everyone who found a minute to let me know they read the story. But I want more, more, MORE!

V.annoyed this week, due to the fact that my absolute favourite story Elanor's Revenge by juliediane has been kicked off ff.net due to rating violations. Now I'll have to check everyday to see if it has been updated elsewhere. Grrrrrrrrr

And aussie881, I must confess that I am evil, but I certainly don't want you to kill yourself on my account. ;-)

And now, ladies and elves, on with the show . . .

'Part 4'

And then she pulled away from him again.

"Thanks," Tulienne said, looking no less dazed than she had before. "That helps a lot. Bye now."

It took quite some time before Haldir's brain registered a) that she had kissed him b) that she had done this without giving him any explanation whatsoever and c) that she had walked out on him as if she did this every time she saw him.

Once his brain had managed to grasp all this, even the remnants of his common sense went flying out the window and he went after her.

The only problem was that Tulienne's room in her uncle's talan was somewhat hard to access - no doubt on purpose - if one did not enter through the front door. And Haldir had a shrewd suspicion that demanding her uncle for entrance to her bedchamber at quite a late hour, on the grounds that she had kissed him and he wanted to find out what happened next, might not be the wisest course of action.

So it came to pass that Haldir was forced to climb until he managed to pull himself onto her balcony. Then he paused long enough to realise exactly how insane he was being and looked over the edge to see if there was a better way down. There wasn't. Sighing, he put one leg up on the side and prepared to climb.

The balcony doors opened and Haldir froze.

"Haldir," Tulienne said, in a tone that went past disbelief and into a whole new unexplored dimension of that emotion. "What in the Golden Wood are you doing?"

"Nothing," Haldir said weakly.

Tulienne's arms folded, prompting a flashback to the days when he had not been quite so level headed. His mother had used to get exactly that look on her face . . .

"Nothing," Tulienne repeated. "Goodness, don't I feel silly for imagining that your presence on my balcony - apparently about to terminate your immortal life - is something other than nothing."

Haldir lowered his foot and turned to face her fully, suddenly feeling about a hundred again and very, very silly. He found himself praying to the Valar that his brothers would never find out about this. He had a feeling he was asking a little much.

"Alright," Tulienne said finally. "We'll try an easier way, bit by bit. Question one, what possessed you to climb up to my balcony?"

For several seconds, Haldir desperately searched for something - anything - that could pass for a rational explanation. Unsurprisingly, he failed.

"I'm not quite sure," he said finally.

"You're not quite sure?"

"No."

"Then clearly you have gone quite mad."

"Yes. No. Possibly," Haldir answered, now thoroughly flustered.

Tulienne shut the balcony doors and came over to him, now looking suspicious. "Haldir, have you been drinking?" she asked, peering at his eyes. Then she put a hand to his forehead. "Or are you ill, perhaps?"

"It was that kiss," Haldir blurted out, as his brain and vocal cords abruptly parted company.

"The kiss made you ill?"

"Yes. No! It was just . . . you didn't give me any reason for it."

"You didn't give me any reason when you kissed me," Tulienne replied, moving away from him again and turning her back to him.

"I was asleep!"

"Even so."

Very cautiously, as one approaches a heavily armed orc with PMT, Haldir moved up behind Tulienne.

"Do you intend to marry Elladan?" he asked.

Tulienne's shoulders rose. "So it was you who followed us. I knew I heard someone."

"You have not answered my question."

A pause. "No, Haldir, I'm not."

"Why?"

Tulienne gave a hoarse laugh. "Because I don't love him, why else? I like him tremendously . . . but I feel nothing for him. I might as well have been kissing my bedpost."

She turned back to face him. "That was what the experiment was for, if you must know. I wanted to check that it was him . . .us . . . and not just me."

"Then . . . when I kissed you that morning," Haldir said slowly. "Was that . . . your first kiss?"

Tulienne avoided his gaze. "Only in the strictest, most technical sense."

Haldir began to feel a little better about the whole situation. "Does that roughly translate to a yes?"

"If it must, but get that smug grin off your face, March Warden. Gnawing my lip while dreaming about some blond beauty does not constitute something to brag about."

She wasn't blond, Haldir thought to himself, and opened his mouth to say so.

"I suppose you've kissed every maiden in Lorien."

"What?" Haldir said, forgetting what he had been going to say. "No, not all."

Then he cringed at how that sounded.

"Not lots, I mean," he said hurriedly, wondering why he felt such a pressing need to clarify himself. "Not that many at all really."

"How many?"

He'd bet no other maiden in Lorien would dare ask that question of him. And here he was, struggling over his words, trying to explain himself to the only one who would.

"Well . . . " he began, and stopped. "Well . . ." he tried again. "Well . . ."

A smug smile slowly took over Tulienne's face. "Ah ha. Now I get it. You've never kissed anyone have you?"

"Of course I have. I kissed you," Haldir protested. He could feel his ears start to glow like they'd been dipped in Celeborn's special label wine.

"Apart from me."

Well, there had been that time they'd all got just the tiniest bit drunk on the aforementioned home brew and he'd ended up . . .

Haldir shuddered at the memory. And Rumil wondered why he avoided intoxicants now.

He searched for an appropriate excuse and found none.

"No," he admitted finally. "Just you."

Tulienne stared at him for a few seconds, the moved marginally closer.

"So . . ." she said. "Out of casual interest . . . how do you think it went?"

Haldir swallowed. He suddenly remembered why he preferred fighting orcs to chasing maidens. Maidens were scarier.

"Well . . ." he said again. "I thought it went quite well."

"Only quite well?"

Haldir gripped his tunic with his hands to keep from tugging at his collar. Lothlorien seemed to be experiencing a sudden heat wave.

"Well . . . I'm sure it could have been a lot worse," he corrected himself.

Metaphorical storm clouds gathered as Tulienne's sapphire eyes started to glitter dangerously.

"Could have been a lot worse," she repeated, her voice starting to rise. "Do you mean to tell me, March Warden, that I am not a good kisser?"

It was a difficult question, especially since he barely knew what he meant anymore.

"From what I remember, it was . . . nice."

"Nice?" Tulienne said angrily. "It was more than nice. Let me refresh your memory."

Before his confused mind could order his body to react, she had her arms firmly around his neck and had pulled his lips down to hers.

Had he been in a state that allowed rational thought, about half a second later Haldir would have agreed that it was indeed more than nice.

Not long before oxygen deprivation would have forced the kiss to end, it was broken when the balcony doors were thrown open so hard they nearly shattered. They both pulled back hurriedly.

Needless to say, it was Tulienne's uncle. Even more needless to say, he did not look best pleased. In fact he looked not best pleased enough to throw Haldir off the balcony.

"What in the name of the Valar are you doing in my niece's bedchamber?" he roared.

Haldir opened his mouth to point out that he was not actually in her bedchamber. Then he saw the veins throbbing in the man's neck and thought better of it.

"Uncle Thronin, try not to get so worked up, this is not good for you," Tulienne said soothingly. "There's really nothing to get upset about."

"Nothing to get upset about," Thronin repeated, his voice rising to a screech. "Nothing to get upset about! I come here to investigate raised voices and find you - whom I once believed to be honourable - attempting to sully my innocent niece's name!"

Haldir opened his mouth again, this time to protest that he was doing nothing of the kind, but didn't get the chance.

"You will come with me to Lord Celeborn," Thronin said. "And I am sure that he will agree to you being severely punished."

Haldir broke into a cold sweat. Oh no, not Celeborn. Anyone but him . . .

Officially, Celeborn was Haldir's Lord as Galadriel was his Lady and he served them both equally and without question. Unofficially, however, Celeborn was a committed member of the Get Haldir Married Club, which Haldir had been trying to disband ever since he'd discovered it some three millennia ago. They had tried to connect him to virtually every available maiden in Lothlorien. When a delegation had arrived from Mirkwood, they had gone one step further and attempted to bring him and the Princess to a 'mutual understanding' - which had very nearly resulted in a serious diplomatic incident. The Princess of Mirkwood had, to Haldir's very great relief, sailed to Valinor some two thousand years ago and he had believed he was safe. Until now.

The only good thing about being sent to Celeborn was that he would certainly not be punished in the way that Thronin was imagining. He would, however, be punished most enthusiastically tomorrow when his brothers found out about this and started a concentrated effort - with their Lord's full knowledge, approval and aid, although he would no doubt deny it - to make him marry Tulienne.

In the future, Haldir resolved to avoid all maidens. In fact, better if he never left guard duty.

Just as he'd feared, while the look on Celeborn's face was appropriately stern, his eyes were full of barely hidden amusement.

"Haldir," he said, when Thronin had finished his lengthy list of accusations and threats against Haldir's person. "What explanation can you give for your presence on Tulienne's balcony this evening?"

Well, he couldn't tell the truth obviously. If he did, before the sun rose again he would either be dead or married. In his present state of mind he wasn't quite sure which was worse. But what did that leave him with?

"Haldir?" Celeborn prompted.

Haldir found himself looking desperately to Tulienne for help, utterly unable to think of a plan.

"The March Warden and I were just clarifying our situation after a small misunderstanding," Tulienne said, her voice strangely soothing to Haldir's frazzled nerves. "Perhaps we were unwise in our choice of location. I apologise if we acted improperly."

"Is this true, Haldir?" Celeborn asked.

Haldir found himself nodding like his neck muscles had stretched, until Tulienne poked him sharply in the ribs.

"And the kiss?" Celeborn enquired delicately.

"That was to prove a point," Tulienne said firmly.

Celeborn looked hard at both of them. Haldir was certain he didn't believe a word.

"Well, Thronin, I'm afraid I must deny your request," Celeborn said at length. "Even if I did not trust the word of my March Warden - which I do - your niece states clearly that he was there at her invitation and that no impropriety was intended." Celeborn held up a hand as Thronin opened his mouth to protest. "I would not call her good name into question by refusing to believe her word."

Thronin shut his mouth again as Celeborn hit his weak spot.

"And now I suggest we all retire to bed," Celeborn said composedly. "The hour is late and we all need our rest. The wedding is drawing closer."

Haldir didn't miss the look Celeborn gave him when he said that and he groaned inwardly. There was no question about it, the Get Haldir Married Club was up and running once again. Tomorrow, when his brothers knew, he would have no peace.

Unless of course he could convince Tulienne to leave for Valinor . . .