I've just started posting a new story, entitled 'A Comedy of Eros', now that 'Traps' is drawing to a close. By my reckoning I'm up to Thursday afternoon and the wedding is on Saturday. I think there will be a sequel. In the meantime, I hope at least some of you will like that one too.

111 reviews. It is indeed sickening. And scary, since now I'm expected to do it again with the next one.

Thanks for the wonderful reviews I've had for the last chapter! :- )

'Part 11'

Haldir found it remarkable that no one had yet come after them, which was certainly an unexpected bonus. For a few seconds he seriously considered continuing this masquerade, as it seemed to be the only sure-fire way to gain him unlimited access to the elleth he adored.

But then he pictured having to explain to all of Lorien that it had only been a joke. More important still, before he could start counting down the days to his & Tulienne's wedding, he would need her uncle to formally recognise their courtship. And Haldir had a suspicion that he might just object to her promising herself to someone who, by all accounts, preferred his own sex.

And so he turned his attention back to Tulienne.

"I love your neck," he whispered, kissing it.

"Mmmm."

"And your elbows."

More kisses.

"And your shoulders."

"Haldir . . . "

"And your . . . "

"Don't even think about saying it!"

". . . slender feet."

Tulienne gave him a look that would've turned lesser beings to stone.

"Haldir," she said. "If love is this blind, you will have to remove yourself from border patrol. My feet are for standing on, my neck for supporting my head and my elbows for jabbing you with. I have standard issue hair and unremarkable eyes. I'm only beautiful to you."

Haldir grinned and bent to kiss her again. "And I would not have it any other way," he whispered, just before their lips met.

***

"I just don't know what can have gotten into them today," Salia said, as she and Tulienne helped Ceilwyn into her wedding dress for the final trial. "They were so . . . quiet."

Tulienne hid her grin with difficulty. "A rare event indeed," she agreed.

"They didn't even tease you once about dancing with Haldir," Salia went on. "And they just vanished as soon as Adar said it was time to have the gowns fitted. Normally he has to throw them out. I wonder . . . "

"Oh Elbereth," Ceilwyn whispered, a hand going to her mouth. "Do you think . . ."

"NO!" Tulienne and Salia said in unison, recognising the now familiar question.

"Wyn, for the final time. Rumil. Has. Not. Changed. His. Mind," Tulienne said. "The three of them are deranged, you know that. I wouldn't be surprised if their strange behaviour isn't the result of a bachelor stunt gone wrong. We'll get him sorted out and to the altar on time, don't you worry."

"Makes me wonder exactly what they get up to at those bachelor parties," Salia remarked, closing the last clasps on Ceilwyn's dress.

Tulienne's face took on a calculating look as her brain began to tick over. Hmm, she thought, interesting point . . .

"There," Salia said. "You're in."

Tulienne smiled at her cousin. "It's a beautiful dress, Wyn, and you'll be a beautiful bride. If he has any doubts left, Rumil will forget them when he sees you. He can't fail to realise how lucky he is."

Salia grinned. "That is, if he can remember to think of anything besides taking off the gown."

Tulienne raised an eyebrow at her. "We seem to have switched roles here, Cousin," she said. "I'm quite sure that was my line."

"I'm practising for when you run off with Haldir and leave me alone."

Tulienne rolled her eyes. "Haven't you given up on that yet?"

"Definitely not," Salia said in surprise. "Especially after last night. No one who was there would have any doubt that you will announce your courtship after Ceilwyn's wedding."

"I suggest you speak to Orophin about that," Tulienne said innocently. "And see what he says . . . "

***

"I can't understand it," Salia said, much later, after she and Ceilwyn had spent an hour with their dazed and confused loves. "Yesterday they were convinced that the two of you were made for each other, now they're muttering about being mistaken and they won't explain why."

Tulienne bit her lip to keep a smile back. "Goodness," she said. "I can't imagine what Haldir can have told them to make them change their minds like that."

"But aren't you disappointed?" Ceilwyn asked. "You two seemed so perfect for each other."

"Have I not told you on countless occasions that my only wish as regards the March Warden is to torment him?"

Salia laughed. "What better position for doing that than as his wife?"

Tulienne regarded her for a few minutes, then a smile began to spread over her face. "Cousin," she said. "I hope Orophin realises what he is getting himself into. I have clearly been a very bad influence on you."

***

"It could be . . . "

"No, not him, but it might . . . "

Haldir put a finger to his lips as Tulienne crept up to join him in his hiding place. She smiled impishly and took his hand as they edged closer to Rumil and Orophin.

Rumil shook his head resolutely. "I'm sure it's not him," he said. "He's taller than Haldir. I'm positive Haldir would want someone shorter than him."

Haldir quickly suppressed a snort of laughter.

"I thought perhaps it could be . . . Bethulien," Orophin offered.

Rumil gave him a strange look. "Haldir hates him, you know that."

"Well yes," Orophin said awkwardly. "But maybe that's a cover up. You know, to hide his true feelings."

Rumil shuddered. "Oh Elbereth, I hope not. Valar forbid we should ever be related to that orc."

Haldir's shoulders began to shake with suppressed mirth as an image of his least favourite warden in a satin wedding dress flashed up in front of his eyes.

"On the other hand," Orophin said. "He's after Haldir's job, everyone knows that. I don't think Haldir would go for someone who challenged his command."

"So it's got to be someone who doesn't aim to be March Warden."

"But then again," Orophin said slowly. "It has to be someone who has purpose. Who has authority. Who . . . "

The two brothers turned to look at each other, going white.

"In the name of the Valar," Orophin breathed. "It can't be."

"I think it must be," Rumil said in despair. "Our brother has taken leave of his senses and fallen in love with Lord Celeborn."

That did it. Haldir exploded, laughing until he could scarcely breathe. Tulienne clutched at him, tears rolling unchecked down her face as they both abandoned any semblance of control.

"What's so funny?" Rumil asked, making the conspirators laugh still harder.

Realisation slowly dawned over Orophin's face. "Brother," he said slowly. "I think we've been had."

Rumil looked at the pathetic laughing heap that was his eldest brother. "You mean . . . this was all a joke?" he asked faintly.

"And a very good one," Haldir choked out. "You should have seen your face!"

Without further ado, Rumil and Orophin both launched themselves at him. Haldir and Tulienne managed to stop laughing just long enough to fight them off.

"Consider this payback for all the many, many times you have fooled me, my brothers," Haldir said, as he held Rumil securely pinned to the floor. "And a word of wisdom . . . this was not the elleth to choose to match me with if you wanted a nice, quiet wedding and nothing more. You have her to thank for this."

"Well, I like that," Tulienne protested, from where she was holding Orophin down. "As if I've done more than give a little aid where it was needed. You have played your part too well to lay all the blame on me."

Orophin made a muffled sound. Tulienne generously moved to allow him to raise his head.

"What is it, cousin?" she asked mischievously.

"I said, are you going to let us up now?" Orophin complained.

Haldir and Tulienne exchanged glances.

"I suppose we really should," Tulienne said reluctantly.

The brothers found themselves hauled to their feet by their respective captors.

"So this is what you talked about when you left the festival?" Rumil asked.

"Indeed," Haldir said.

"Well, I think we're clear on one thing," Orophin said grimly. "These two must never be left alone again."

Haldir opened his mouth to object, but was poked sharply in the ribs.

"Glad to see you've come to your senses at last, cousin," Tulienne said sweetly. "And you may as well disband the GHMC, because there are precious few elleths in Lorien who will marry this elf."

"Thank the Valar," Rumil said grumpily, as he and Orophin started to skulk away. "At least that way he'll never procreate."