I know I said it was finished. I was wrong. The plot bunnies have changed
their minds. That is plot bunnies' prerogative.
The road goes ever onward . . .
'Part 16'
The warm body in his arms shifted and stirred and Haldir smiled.
"Good morning," he said to her.
Tulienne smiled and turned over, resting her head on his chest. "It certainly is," she agreed. "And it was an even better night."
Haldir knew he had a silly grin on his face, but unfortunately even his formidable will power couldn't seem to remove it. Clearly the answer was to find something else to do with his mouth.
"Haldir," Tulienne whispered, as his lips slowly caressed her neck, "we should get up. It's getting late."
"Everyone will rise late after the wedding," Haldir told her. "It is expected."
"It is expected for the bride and groom to rise late," Tulienne corrected. "And us to rise early so that we can comment on how long they stayed in bed. I'm afraid, my love, that if we emerge from your talan after them, yawning and looking more than a little worse for wear, people will start to talk."
"Let them," Haldir said happily. "I don't care who knows."
"Not your wardens?"
"No."
"Not your brothers?"
"Not at all."
"Not my uncle?"
"Not even him," Haldir declared, chest swelling in a fit of bravado. "If he were to knock on the door of my talan right now and demand to know where you are, I would say 'she is here and here she will stay'."
Due to either divine intervention or just extreme irony, at that moment came the sound of a fist on Haldir's door and Thronin's rough voice shouting "Haldir!"
Haldir's life flashed before his eyes. His face went as white as Galadriel's robes. His limbs stopped functioning.
"You were saying?" the smirking elleth beside him said.
"I'll handle this," Haldir said, trying to regain a few shreds of his dignity and forcing himself to sit up and dress.
Tulienne rolled off the bed and went to retrieve her gown from where it had landed the night before. "You know," she said. "What you really need right now is some kind of armoured underwear – to prevent damage to those areas most at risk in this little encounter."
"Haldir!" came the voice again.
"What am I going to do?" Haldir asked in a whisper.
"Lie," Tulienne answered promptly. "Lie like you have never lied before. Just do not, under any circumstances, tell him that I have ever set foot in this talan."
"That's a great help."
"You're welcome."
Squaring his shoulders, Haldir strode into battle.
"Good morning," Thronin said, in a suspiciously friendly voice. "I seem to have misplaced my niece. You wouldn't happen to have seen her, would you?"
"No," Haldir said, praying to the Valar he wouldn't blush. "Not since . . ."
Thirty seconds ago.
". . . we parted last night."
Which was about five in the morning. For about ten minutes.
"Ah," Thronin said. "It's just . . . I could have sworn I heard voices."
"Yes . . . that was me," Haldir said, starting to get dizzy. "I . . . talk to myself when I'm dressing."
Even to his own ears, it sounded like he was mad.
"Presumably so you remember what goes where?" Thronin said, dead-pan.
"Yes," Haldir agreed.
After all, it was better to be branded insane than to be branded with a red- hot iron.
"So you have no idea where she is?"
"Maybe she's bathing," Haldir suggested desperately. Anything to get his future father-in-law off his doorstep and far, far away.
"Bathing?"
"Yes, bathing. She likes to bathe in the pools out towards the southern border."
"Interesting," Thronin said, nodding thoughtfully. "And how do you know this exactly?"
"Because I saw . . ." Haldir started to say. "Because she told me so," he hastily corrected himself, a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead.
"Why did she tell you?"
Was that a trick question?
"Well . . . in case I wanted to find her."
"When she would be bathing in private, without her clothes?"
Oh, dear.
"Only in case of emergency," he offered.
"Ah," Thronin agreed. "That would account for it."
Haldir hastily suppressed a sigh of relief.
"She may well be bathing then," Thronin said. "I shall wait for her to return to the talan."
"Good," Haldir said, starting to relax. "I mean . . . that seems best."
"Just one question."
Haldir froze again.
"What?"
"Isn't that Tulienne's cloak?"
Haldir followed his gaze to the sofa, which indeed had her cloak lying over the back of it. He very nearly said a very rude word.
"It's mine," he said.
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"I never thought pink was your colour."
Haldir gulped. "Rumil dyed it. It was a joke."
"And I could have sworn that was her broach pinned to it."
The little elanor blossom couldn't have belonged to anyone else.
"She gave it to me," Haldir said, concealing his trembling hands behind his back. "It was a gift."
"That was very nice of her."
"I thought so."
"Well, it's good we got that cleared up," Thronin said amiably. "But if you do happen to see her, let her know I was looking for her."
"I will," Haldir said, a little too eagerly, as he tried to resist the temptation to hustle Thronin out of there.
"Goodbye, then," Thronin said, as he started down the stairs.
"Bye," Haldir said, greatly relieved, as he started to close the door behind him.
"Oh, Haldir?"
"Yes?"
"That's a very fine mirror you have."
Haldir's brow puckered in confusion.
"Thank you," he said uncertainly.
"You're welcome."
As Thronin disappeared down the staircase, Haldir shut the door and leant on it, trying to fathom what could have prompted that strange comment.
Then he glanced over at his bedchamber door. And knew.
Visible from where Thronin had been standing was the full-length mirror Orophin had gifted him with (accompanied by unpleasing comments about his grooming habits) on his last begetting day celebration. And reflected in that mirror was Tulienne.
Haldir's life flashed before his eyes again. Frankly it was rather dull. Staring at patches of trees seemed to feature even more heavily this time round. Target practise was also a major feature. Only the bits with Tulienne in really seemed to be worth watching.
There was just one thing he didn't quite understand.
If Thronin had known Tulienne was here, why wasn't he dead yet?
Haldir started to hyperventilate.
"Haldir, calm down," Tulienne said, striding across and grabbing his shoulders. "Haldir!"
Haldir's panic attack was brought to an abrupt conclusion when Tulienne slapped his face. Hard.
"Was that really necessary?" he said, when he caught his breath again.
"Yes. You looked like you were going to pass out. What in the Golden Wood are you getting in such a flap about? He's gone. We're safe. You can relax."
"He knew you were here," Haldir gulped out. "He saw you reflected in the mirror. I'll be dead by the end of the day. He's just biding his time. He'll probably tie me naked to one of the targets on the archery range and have my own wardens shoot Mordor arrows into my most sensitive areas whilst my hair is set on fire and I'm being eaten alive by killer ants."
Tulienne blinked. "You know, you really have quite an imagination," she said. "Remind me to exploit that at some point. But for now, don't you think you're being just the slightest bit melodramatic?"
"You didn't see his face," Haldir said, shivering. "He was . . . smiling."
"Unusual, I'll admit, but not necessarily a cause for panic."
"But he looked as if he didn't even mind that I spent last night . . .well . . . "
"Devouring me like a starving warg?" Tulienne suggested.
Haldir went pink. "That," he agreed.
"Well, maybe he really doesn't mind. Or maybe those herbs just haven't worn off yet."
"Or maybe it's all part of a carefully constructed plan to lull me into a false sense of security before luring me to my death."
Tulienne regarded him impassively for several seconds. "Have you always been this much of a drama queen?" she asked finally. "Or is this new? You have fought wargs, orcs, uruk-hai and Eru knows what else – we're just talking about one elf."
"Who will not rest until his task is completed."
"Haldir," Tulienne said gently. "I want you to listen to me very carefully. You. Have. Lost. Your. Mind. Come and have some breakfast and we'll reschedule the rest of this panic attack for later."
Haldir allowed himself to be led to, and seated at, the table, muttering generally incoherent phrases from which only 'I'm dead', 'no escape' and 'all is lost' were distinguishable. Tulienne rolled her eyes and stuck a piece of fruit into his mouth.
"Morning, Hal," Orophin said cheerfully, walking in without knocking. "It's practically noon. Aren't you coming to knock on Rumil's door and . . . "
He stopped. He stared.
"Morning, Tulienne," he said uncertainly. "I . . . didn't expect to see you here. Wearing the same robe as you were wearing yesterday. Only more crumpled. Um . . . is there something I should know?"
"Only that the sight would have been much more disturbing if you'd come in a few hours ago," Tulienne said flatly.
"Oh," Orophin said, shifting from one foot to the other and looking as if he didn't have the first clue what to do with himself. "Oh, right. So, I guess that means you . . .um . . . "
"Yes, Orophin. Haldir and I spent the night together, in his bed, doing everything you're imagining right now. He's a very talented elf who took me to Mandos and back over and over and over again," Tulienne said, matter- of-factly. "And now we've cleared that up, can we focus on the fact that he's having a nervous breakdown?"
"Why?" Orophin asked faintly, obviously still very much focused on that last speech.
"Thronin is going to kill me," Haldir announced, as he swallowed the last of his fruit.
Orophin nodded. "Yes, I can believe that."
"He came here this morning," Haldir went on, nervously tapping the table as he spoke. "He knows Tulienne stayed here. And now he's going to tie me to . . ."
"I don't think Orophin needs to know what your feverish imagination has come up with," Tulienne interrupted.
"Will you help me?" Haldir pleaded. "Keep him away from me? Watch him in case he tries anything?"
Orophin folded his arms. "I don't see why I get to spend the day catering to your paranoid whims," he said grumpily. "Not when I'm the only one who spent last night alone. Whoever said being good was its own reward was kidding themselves."
"It's only six months to your wedding," Tulienne pointed out.
"Oh aye, that makes me feel so much better. Six months of the four of you mating like rabbits while I get kissed on the cheek."
Haldir finally calmed down enough to grin. "You have my deepest sympathies, brother."
"Oh, shut up, Haldir. Anyway, since I don't see the elficidal maniac around here anyplace, are you coming to wake up Rumil?"
"They probably got up before we did," Tulienne said.
"Aye," Orophin said, shooting them both dark looks. "They probably did."
The road goes ever onward . . .
'Part 16'
The warm body in his arms shifted and stirred and Haldir smiled.
"Good morning," he said to her.
Tulienne smiled and turned over, resting her head on his chest. "It certainly is," she agreed. "And it was an even better night."
Haldir knew he had a silly grin on his face, but unfortunately even his formidable will power couldn't seem to remove it. Clearly the answer was to find something else to do with his mouth.
"Haldir," Tulienne whispered, as his lips slowly caressed her neck, "we should get up. It's getting late."
"Everyone will rise late after the wedding," Haldir told her. "It is expected."
"It is expected for the bride and groom to rise late," Tulienne corrected. "And us to rise early so that we can comment on how long they stayed in bed. I'm afraid, my love, that if we emerge from your talan after them, yawning and looking more than a little worse for wear, people will start to talk."
"Let them," Haldir said happily. "I don't care who knows."
"Not your wardens?"
"No."
"Not your brothers?"
"Not at all."
"Not my uncle?"
"Not even him," Haldir declared, chest swelling in a fit of bravado. "If he were to knock on the door of my talan right now and demand to know where you are, I would say 'she is here and here she will stay'."
Due to either divine intervention or just extreme irony, at that moment came the sound of a fist on Haldir's door and Thronin's rough voice shouting "Haldir!"
Haldir's life flashed before his eyes. His face went as white as Galadriel's robes. His limbs stopped functioning.
"You were saying?" the smirking elleth beside him said.
"I'll handle this," Haldir said, trying to regain a few shreds of his dignity and forcing himself to sit up and dress.
Tulienne rolled off the bed and went to retrieve her gown from where it had landed the night before. "You know," she said. "What you really need right now is some kind of armoured underwear – to prevent damage to those areas most at risk in this little encounter."
"Haldir!" came the voice again.
"What am I going to do?" Haldir asked in a whisper.
"Lie," Tulienne answered promptly. "Lie like you have never lied before. Just do not, under any circumstances, tell him that I have ever set foot in this talan."
"That's a great help."
"You're welcome."
Squaring his shoulders, Haldir strode into battle.
"Good morning," Thronin said, in a suspiciously friendly voice. "I seem to have misplaced my niece. You wouldn't happen to have seen her, would you?"
"No," Haldir said, praying to the Valar he wouldn't blush. "Not since . . ."
Thirty seconds ago.
". . . we parted last night."
Which was about five in the morning. For about ten minutes.
"Ah," Thronin said. "It's just . . . I could have sworn I heard voices."
"Yes . . . that was me," Haldir said, starting to get dizzy. "I . . . talk to myself when I'm dressing."
Even to his own ears, it sounded like he was mad.
"Presumably so you remember what goes where?" Thronin said, dead-pan.
"Yes," Haldir agreed.
After all, it was better to be branded insane than to be branded with a red- hot iron.
"So you have no idea where she is?"
"Maybe she's bathing," Haldir suggested desperately. Anything to get his future father-in-law off his doorstep and far, far away.
"Bathing?"
"Yes, bathing. She likes to bathe in the pools out towards the southern border."
"Interesting," Thronin said, nodding thoughtfully. "And how do you know this exactly?"
"Because I saw . . ." Haldir started to say. "Because she told me so," he hastily corrected himself, a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead.
"Why did she tell you?"
Was that a trick question?
"Well . . . in case I wanted to find her."
"When she would be bathing in private, without her clothes?"
Oh, dear.
"Only in case of emergency," he offered.
"Ah," Thronin agreed. "That would account for it."
Haldir hastily suppressed a sigh of relief.
"She may well be bathing then," Thronin said. "I shall wait for her to return to the talan."
"Good," Haldir said, starting to relax. "I mean . . . that seems best."
"Just one question."
Haldir froze again.
"What?"
"Isn't that Tulienne's cloak?"
Haldir followed his gaze to the sofa, which indeed had her cloak lying over the back of it. He very nearly said a very rude word.
"It's mine," he said.
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"I never thought pink was your colour."
Haldir gulped. "Rumil dyed it. It was a joke."
"And I could have sworn that was her broach pinned to it."
The little elanor blossom couldn't have belonged to anyone else.
"She gave it to me," Haldir said, concealing his trembling hands behind his back. "It was a gift."
"That was very nice of her."
"I thought so."
"Well, it's good we got that cleared up," Thronin said amiably. "But if you do happen to see her, let her know I was looking for her."
"I will," Haldir said, a little too eagerly, as he tried to resist the temptation to hustle Thronin out of there.
"Goodbye, then," Thronin said, as he started down the stairs.
"Bye," Haldir said, greatly relieved, as he started to close the door behind him.
"Oh, Haldir?"
"Yes?"
"That's a very fine mirror you have."
Haldir's brow puckered in confusion.
"Thank you," he said uncertainly.
"You're welcome."
As Thronin disappeared down the staircase, Haldir shut the door and leant on it, trying to fathom what could have prompted that strange comment.
Then he glanced over at his bedchamber door. And knew.
Visible from where Thronin had been standing was the full-length mirror Orophin had gifted him with (accompanied by unpleasing comments about his grooming habits) on his last begetting day celebration. And reflected in that mirror was Tulienne.
Haldir's life flashed before his eyes again. Frankly it was rather dull. Staring at patches of trees seemed to feature even more heavily this time round. Target practise was also a major feature. Only the bits with Tulienne in really seemed to be worth watching.
There was just one thing he didn't quite understand.
If Thronin had known Tulienne was here, why wasn't he dead yet?
Haldir started to hyperventilate.
"Haldir, calm down," Tulienne said, striding across and grabbing his shoulders. "Haldir!"
Haldir's panic attack was brought to an abrupt conclusion when Tulienne slapped his face. Hard.
"Was that really necessary?" he said, when he caught his breath again.
"Yes. You looked like you were going to pass out. What in the Golden Wood are you getting in such a flap about? He's gone. We're safe. You can relax."
"He knew you were here," Haldir gulped out. "He saw you reflected in the mirror. I'll be dead by the end of the day. He's just biding his time. He'll probably tie me naked to one of the targets on the archery range and have my own wardens shoot Mordor arrows into my most sensitive areas whilst my hair is set on fire and I'm being eaten alive by killer ants."
Tulienne blinked. "You know, you really have quite an imagination," she said. "Remind me to exploit that at some point. But for now, don't you think you're being just the slightest bit melodramatic?"
"You didn't see his face," Haldir said, shivering. "He was . . . smiling."
"Unusual, I'll admit, but not necessarily a cause for panic."
"But he looked as if he didn't even mind that I spent last night . . .well . . . "
"Devouring me like a starving warg?" Tulienne suggested.
Haldir went pink. "That," he agreed.
"Well, maybe he really doesn't mind. Or maybe those herbs just haven't worn off yet."
"Or maybe it's all part of a carefully constructed plan to lull me into a false sense of security before luring me to my death."
Tulienne regarded him impassively for several seconds. "Have you always been this much of a drama queen?" she asked finally. "Or is this new? You have fought wargs, orcs, uruk-hai and Eru knows what else – we're just talking about one elf."
"Who will not rest until his task is completed."
"Haldir," Tulienne said gently. "I want you to listen to me very carefully. You. Have. Lost. Your. Mind. Come and have some breakfast and we'll reschedule the rest of this panic attack for later."
Haldir allowed himself to be led to, and seated at, the table, muttering generally incoherent phrases from which only 'I'm dead', 'no escape' and 'all is lost' were distinguishable. Tulienne rolled her eyes and stuck a piece of fruit into his mouth.
"Morning, Hal," Orophin said cheerfully, walking in without knocking. "It's practically noon. Aren't you coming to knock on Rumil's door and . . . "
He stopped. He stared.
"Morning, Tulienne," he said uncertainly. "I . . . didn't expect to see you here. Wearing the same robe as you were wearing yesterday. Only more crumpled. Um . . . is there something I should know?"
"Only that the sight would have been much more disturbing if you'd come in a few hours ago," Tulienne said flatly.
"Oh," Orophin said, shifting from one foot to the other and looking as if he didn't have the first clue what to do with himself. "Oh, right. So, I guess that means you . . .um . . . "
"Yes, Orophin. Haldir and I spent the night together, in his bed, doing everything you're imagining right now. He's a very talented elf who took me to Mandos and back over and over and over again," Tulienne said, matter- of-factly. "And now we've cleared that up, can we focus on the fact that he's having a nervous breakdown?"
"Why?" Orophin asked faintly, obviously still very much focused on that last speech.
"Thronin is going to kill me," Haldir announced, as he swallowed the last of his fruit.
Orophin nodded. "Yes, I can believe that."
"He came here this morning," Haldir went on, nervously tapping the table as he spoke. "He knows Tulienne stayed here. And now he's going to tie me to . . ."
"I don't think Orophin needs to know what your feverish imagination has come up with," Tulienne interrupted.
"Will you help me?" Haldir pleaded. "Keep him away from me? Watch him in case he tries anything?"
Orophin folded his arms. "I don't see why I get to spend the day catering to your paranoid whims," he said grumpily. "Not when I'm the only one who spent last night alone. Whoever said being good was its own reward was kidding themselves."
"It's only six months to your wedding," Tulienne pointed out.
"Oh aye, that makes me feel so much better. Six months of the four of you mating like rabbits while I get kissed on the cheek."
Haldir finally calmed down enough to grin. "You have my deepest sympathies, brother."
"Oh, shut up, Haldir. Anyway, since I don't see the elficidal maniac around here anyplace, are you coming to wake up Rumil?"
"They probably got up before we did," Tulienne said.
"Aye," Orophin said, shooting them both dark looks. "They probably did."
