This is what happens when I come home from work, sit down at my computer
and decide not to get up again until I have written a new chapter.
This part makes several references to Part 5: Haldir and Tulienne do the Balcony Scene. If you haven't read it in a while, you might want to check back. Here is where you find out exactly what Haldir did when he tried Celeborn's special label wine. ;-)
Also, for further details of the lembas song that Rumil refers to, see 'The Naked Elf Treatment' by sophiamoon on aff.net. But only if you have some spare leggings handy and aren't offended by slash.
217 reviews!
'Part 17'
Orophin put his hand on the door handle, stopped, pulled his hand back and knocked instead.
"Come in."
Orophin, Haldir and Tulienne pushed open the door and went in, finding the bridal couple sitting at the breakfast table fully dressed and smiling.
Haldir and Tulienne smiled back.
Rumil and Ceilwyn smiled more.
"I hate my life," Orophin grunted moodily.
"And I love my wife," Rumil said happily, leaning over the table to give his bride what was obviously about the millionth kiss of the morning. "Marriage is a wonderful invention."
"And I hate you," Orophin added, glaring at him. He shot a dark glance at Haldir. "But I hate him more. At least you're allowed to be happy. Not like Mr 'we've only been a couple for two days, but why not' over here."
Rumil looked at Haldir in confusion. "Did that make any sense to you?" he asked.
Tulienne rolled her eyes. "Orophin is jealous that he's the only one who didn't get lucky last night, that's all."
Rumil's eyebrow disappeared into his hairline. "Ohhhhhh," he said slowly. Then he grinned at Haldir. "Shameful behaviour," he said. "You should be setting a good example for your innocent younger brother over there."
"Fine," Orophin muttered. "Rub it in. See if I care. But don't expect me to run around watching out for arrows with your name on them."
"What?" Rumil asked.
"Haldir thinks my uncle is going to try and kill him," Tulienne explained.
"And he's probably right," Ceilwyn said.
Everyone looked at her in surprise and she blushed.
"Well, you know how he is," she said. "When I told Salia Rumil had kissed me for the first time, Adar went out in a black cloak with a kitchen knife and didn't come back for an hour."
"I told you that was him!" Orophin exclaimed. "That's two dozen new arrows you owe me."
"Fine, fine," Rumil said, shrugging. "I'll do them the next time we're at the borders."
Realisation replaced Haldir's formally highly confused expression. "Was that why you suddenly appeared on my doorstep shaking like a field mouse and insisted we stay up all night playing cards?"
Rumil blushed from ear tip to ear tip. "I was not shaking. And that was just brotherly bonding."
"You were shaking," Orophin said firmly. "And one does not generally appear for a session of brotherly bonding dressed in only one's bathrobe."
"There is nothing wrong with popping up to see your own brothers dressed in a bathrobe. There isn't even anything wrong with popping out into Lorien in your bathrobe. Not after Haldir . . ."
"No!" Haldir interrupted hastily.
"What?" Tulienne asked, great interest registering on her features.
"It's nothing," Rumil said, eyes twinkling.
"Just a little story Haldir doesn't like people telling," Orophin said, cheering up.
"Even though everybody knows it by heart anyway."
"It's really not that interesting," Haldir said desperately, as his future bride left his side and joined the ones he wished he wasn't related to.
"Of course not," Rumil agreed. "Just a silly little story."
"Involving a large quantity of Celeborn's special label wine and a truly inspired revenge by a certain Prince of Mirkwood that resulted in Haldir . . ."
Haldir clamped his hand over Orophin's mouth.
". . . butt naked in front of half of Lorien, with 'give it to me, baby' written on his chest, singing an obscene song about a curiously shaped piece of lembas," Rumil finished.
Tulienne grinned at Haldir as he went a fetching shade of magenta. "I'm sorry I missed that," she said. "No wonder you're a little sensitive about stripping off – although you seemed to get past it last night. But what I'd like to know is why exactly this Prince of Mirkwood wanted revenge on you?"
Haldir shook his head desperately as his brothers chuckled. "It's really not important," he tried to say.
Tulienne turned to Orophin. "Spill," she said. "What did Haldir do to him?"
"Oh, nothing," Orophin said, now grinning widely.
"Hardly anything at all really," Rumil agreed.
"I guess he's just not a very good kisser."
"I DIDN'T KISS HIM!" Haldir shouted.
"He definitely did," Orophin told Tulienne.
"We were there," Rumil said. "And we have unimpeachable witnesses. Lord Celeborn saw the whole thing."
Tulienne turned back to Haldir and raised one eyebrow. Haldir shifted uncomfortably.
"Alright, I may have kissed him," he admitted, in a small voice. "But I didn't mean to. It was an accident."
"Interesting accident," Tulienne said, folding her arms. "Explanation please."
"I was very, very, very drunk."
"That's your explanation?" she demanded.
"It's the only one I have," Haldir protested. "I don't remember anything else."
"Then explain why you said I was your first kiss?"
Haldir wished fervently to be somewhere else. It didn't work.
"Well, I didn't think he really counted," he said lamely.
"I think he counts," Tulienne said. She glanced over at Ceilwyn. "You've met him, does he count?"
"Definitely," Ceilwyn said, nodding.
"Is he attractive?" Tulienne asked.
"Very," Ceilwyn confirmed.
Tulienne turned back to Haldir. "He counts," she said decidedly. "You have now officially lied to me. You have twenty four hours to think up a really good way to make this up to me."
"What if I don't think of anything?" Haldir said nervously.
Tulienne smiled dangerously. "Well, let's put it this way. His revenge will be nothing compared to mine."
Haldir gulped.
Perhaps marrying into this family was not such a good idea after all.
***
"What did you do to Haldir?" Arwen asked, as Tulienne helped her load up her horse for their departure.
"A lot more than he deserved," Tulienne replied grimly. "But don't worry, I intend to rectify that shortly if he doesn't make it up to me."
"What did he do?"
"Have you ever met the Prince of Mirkwood?" Tulienne demanded.
Arwen looked curiously at her. "Which one?" she asked.
"There's more than one?"
"Yes, there's three. Why?"
"Are any of them very good looking and come across as the kind of elf who would exact imaginative revenge for unwanted advances, even when drunk?"
"Oh, you mean Legolas," Arwen said instantly. "You should have seen what he did to Elladan last summer after he . . . I suppose I shouldn't tell that story. I promised Elli I'd never speak of it again."
"Write to me," Tulienne said. "But this Legolas, what's he like?"
"Body made by a Valar, face by Glorfindel, sense of humour by Elrond."
"Beautiful, but dangerous."
"Very, very beautiful and dangerous, yes. But only if you really get on his bad side."
"Arwen," Tulienne said, tightening the strap on the last bag. "I'm going to ask you a question and I want an honest answer."
"Right, what is it?"
"Do you think he's better looking that me?"
Arwen blinked several times. "Who?"
"This Legolas of the Valar."
"Well," Arwen said slowly. "I can't say that this is a question I've thought about in depth. It's a little hard to compare you two. After all, you're an elleth and he's . . . not. Um, should I ask why you want to know this?"
"No."
"Right. I'll just work on the basis that you've gone mad."
"Whatever. Is he better looking than me?"
"Yes."
Tulienne pulled a face at her. "You're not supposed to say that," she said grouchily.
"Well, I'm sorry, but he is. He's the Valar's gift to the elleths of Arda and you're just a thorn in Haldir's side."
"Fabulous," Tulienne muttered. "Nowhere in any of the fairy tales was it mentioned that the heroine would be *left* for the handsome prince."
"What?" Arwen asked, quite certain she had heard wrong.
"Nothing," Tulienne said. "Come on, you're late leaving already and you need a good start towards Imladris before dark."
This part makes several references to Part 5: Haldir and Tulienne do the Balcony Scene. If you haven't read it in a while, you might want to check back. Here is where you find out exactly what Haldir did when he tried Celeborn's special label wine. ;-)
Also, for further details of the lembas song that Rumil refers to, see 'The Naked Elf Treatment' by sophiamoon on aff.net. But only if you have some spare leggings handy and aren't offended by slash.
217 reviews!
'Part 17'
Orophin put his hand on the door handle, stopped, pulled his hand back and knocked instead.
"Come in."
Orophin, Haldir and Tulienne pushed open the door and went in, finding the bridal couple sitting at the breakfast table fully dressed and smiling.
Haldir and Tulienne smiled back.
Rumil and Ceilwyn smiled more.
"I hate my life," Orophin grunted moodily.
"And I love my wife," Rumil said happily, leaning over the table to give his bride what was obviously about the millionth kiss of the morning. "Marriage is a wonderful invention."
"And I hate you," Orophin added, glaring at him. He shot a dark glance at Haldir. "But I hate him more. At least you're allowed to be happy. Not like Mr 'we've only been a couple for two days, but why not' over here."
Rumil looked at Haldir in confusion. "Did that make any sense to you?" he asked.
Tulienne rolled her eyes. "Orophin is jealous that he's the only one who didn't get lucky last night, that's all."
Rumil's eyebrow disappeared into his hairline. "Ohhhhhh," he said slowly. Then he grinned at Haldir. "Shameful behaviour," he said. "You should be setting a good example for your innocent younger brother over there."
"Fine," Orophin muttered. "Rub it in. See if I care. But don't expect me to run around watching out for arrows with your name on them."
"What?" Rumil asked.
"Haldir thinks my uncle is going to try and kill him," Tulienne explained.
"And he's probably right," Ceilwyn said.
Everyone looked at her in surprise and she blushed.
"Well, you know how he is," she said. "When I told Salia Rumil had kissed me for the first time, Adar went out in a black cloak with a kitchen knife and didn't come back for an hour."
"I told you that was him!" Orophin exclaimed. "That's two dozen new arrows you owe me."
"Fine, fine," Rumil said, shrugging. "I'll do them the next time we're at the borders."
Realisation replaced Haldir's formally highly confused expression. "Was that why you suddenly appeared on my doorstep shaking like a field mouse and insisted we stay up all night playing cards?"
Rumil blushed from ear tip to ear tip. "I was not shaking. And that was just brotherly bonding."
"You were shaking," Orophin said firmly. "And one does not generally appear for a session of brotherly bonding dressed in only one's bathrobe."
"There is nothing wrong with popping up to see your own brothers dressed in a bathrobe. There isn't even anything wrong with popping out into Lorien in your bathrobe. Not after Haldir . . ."
"No!" Haldir interrupted hastily.
"What?" Tulienne asked, great interest registering on her features.
"It's nothing," Rumil said, eyes twinkling.
"Just a little story Haldir doesn't like people telling," Orophin said, cheering up.
"Even though everybody knows it by heart anyway."
"It's really not that interesting," Haldir said desperately, as his future bride left his side and joined the ones he wished he wasn't related to.
"Of course not," Rumil agreed. "Just a silly little story."
"Involving a large quantity of Celeborn's special label wine and a truly inspired revenge by a certain Prince of Mirkwood that resulted in Haldir . . ."
Haldir clamped his hand over Orophin's mouth.
". . . butt naked in front of half of Lorien, with 'give it to me, baby' written on his chest, singing an obscene song about a curiously shaped piece of lembas," Rumil finished.
Tulienne grinned at Haldir as he went a fetching shade of magenta. "I'm sorry I missed that," she said. "No wonder you're a little sensitive about stripping off – although you seemed to get past it last night. But what I'd like to know is why exactly this Prince of Mirkwood wanted revenge on you?"
Haldir shook his head desperately as his brothers chuckled. "It's really not important," he tried to say.
Tulienne turned to Orophin. "Spill," she said. "What did Haldir do to him?"
"Oh, nothing," Orophin said, now grinning widely.
"Hardly anything at all really," Rumil agreed.
"I guess he's just not a very good kisser."
"I DIDN'T KISS HIM!" Haldir shouted.
"He definitely did," Orophin told Tulienne.
"We were there," Rumil said. "And we have unimpeachable witnesses. Lord Celeborn saw the whole thing."
Tulienne turned back to Haldir and raised one eyebrow. Haldir shifted uncomfortably.
"Alright, I may have kissed him," he admitted, in a small voice. "But I didn't mean to. It was an accident."
"Interesting accident," Tulienne said, folding her arms. "Explanation please."
"I was very, very, very drunk."
"That's your explanation?" she demanded.
"It's the only one I have," Haldir protested. "I don't remember anything else."
"Then explain why you said I was your first kiss?"
Haldir wished fervently to be somewhere else. It didn't work.
"Well, I didn't think he really counted," he said lamely.
"I think he counts," Tulienne said. She glanced over at Ceilwyn. "You've met him, does he count?"
"Definitely," Ceilwyn said, nodding.
"Is he attractive?" Tulienne asked.
"Very," Ceilwyn confirmed.
Tulienne turned back to Haldir. "He counts," she said decidedly. "You have now officially lied to me. You have twenty four hours to think up a really good way to make this up to me."
"What if I don't think of anything?" Haldir said nervously.
Tulienne smiled dangerously. "Well, let's put it this way. His revenge will be nothing compared to mine."
Haldir gulped.
Perhaps marrying into this family was not such a good idea after all.
***
"What did you do to Haldir?" Arwen asked, as Tulienne helped her load up her horse for their departure.
"A lot more than he deserved," Tulienne replied grimly. "But don't worry, I intend to rectify that shortly if he doesn't make it up to me."
"What did he do?"
"Have you ever met the Prince of Mirkwood?" Tulienne demanded.
Arwen looked curiously at her. "Which one?" she asked.
"There's more than one?"
"Yes, there's three. Why?"
"Are any of them very good looking and come across as the kind of elf who would exact imaginative revenge for unwanted advances, even when drunk?"
"Oh, you mean Legolas," Arwen said instantly. "You should have seen what he did to Elladan last summer after he . . . I suppose I shouldn't tell that story. I promised Elli I'd never speak of it again."
"Write to me," Tulienne said. "But this Legolas, what's he like?"
"Body made by a Valar, face by Glorfindel, sense of humour by Elrond."
"Beautiful, but dangerous."
"Very, very beautiful and dangerous, yes. But only if you really get on his bad side."
"Arwen," Tulienne said, tightening the strap on the last bag. "I'm going to ask you a question and I want an honest answer."
"Right, what is it?"
"Do you think he's better looking that me?"
Arwen blinked several times. "Who?"
"This Legolas of the Valar."
"Well," Arwen said slowly. "I can't say that this is a question I've thought about in depth. It's a little hard to compare you two. After all, you're an elleth and he's . . . not. Um, should I ask why you want to know this?"
"No."
"Right. I'll just work on the basis that you've gone mad."
"Whatever. Is he better looking than me?"
"Yes."
Tulienne pulled a face at her. "You're not supposed to say that," she said grouchily.
"Well, I'm sorry, but he is. He's the Valar's gift to the elleths of Arda and you're just a thorn in Haldir's side."
"Fabulous," Tulienne muttered. "Nowhere in any of the fairy tales was it mentioned that the heroine would be *left* for the handsome prince."
"What?" Arwen asked, quite certain she had heard wrong.
"Nothing," Tulienne said. "Come on, you're late leaving already and you need a good start towards Imladris before dark."
