Landslide

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Part 10
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Despite the events of the night before, the four travellers managed to set out again the next day after all - though several hours later than usual, due to Gremio's insistance that his Young Master rest. Tir felt fine, however, between Gremio's care and the medicine. Besides, he reminded them, wasn't Gremio going to cook for the Harvest Feast for everyone? They needed to find a town, or at least an inn. The reminder made Gremio smile, but it was a small smile, and an uneasy one.

Snow began to fall that afternoon, making their travels both more difficult and more uncomfortable for the three of them that had been born so far south, in Toran. Viktor, born in North Window, took it in stride, grinning widely between bright red cheeks as he teased the rest of them over their shivering. Even so, he didn't protest when they agreed to stop early, to warm themselves and keep up their strength for the next day's travel - upon questioning, Flik said that he thought the weather looked like it might get worse.

"Trust him on that," Viktor warned Tir and Gremio, dumping an armload of wood next to them. "Even if he's one of those southern Warrior's Village kids, he knows his weather. There was this time when we were on our way back from Muse, and it started raining... I said we should just keep going, and he said no, stay in the forest because it was going to rain harder before we got anywhere we could take shelter. I went on anyway - and then the storm really started pounding us while we were in the middle of the open roads. No fun at all."

Flik smiled slightly at the reminder, but only slightly. "One of many instances," he pointed out. "You should have learned to trust me after the first time."

"It could've been a fluke."

Flik just shrugged, and used his Lightning Rune to cheat at lighting the firewood that Tir had already stacked, while Gremio unpacked the utensils he'd need for cooking dinner. They'd get no feast that night, but the soup was warm and tasted good with their bread.

The next few days, as Flik had predicted, were harder going, but the weather cleared up a bit as they went, tapering off into vague flurries that floated in the air like dust particles. The air was still cold, and they continued to camp earlier, to conserve their strength and minimize their discomfort.

Dusk was rapidly approaching as Flik sat in the grass by their small fire, his eyes scanning the letter in his hands without really understanding the words. He'd only dared to open it because Viktor was off with Gremio gathering more wood for their fire, and even so, his eyes kept darting over his shoulder anticipating their return.

Across the fire, Tir was carefully unrolling everyone's bedding for the night, and he glanced up at Flik as he finished the last one. He couldn't quite hold in his curiosity, and as he came around the flame, he called out softly. "Did you write a letter to someone...? I don't know if we'll see a town soon."

Flik was startled by Tir's voice, and he hastily folded up the letter, sticking it back somewhere in a pocket in the folds of his cloak. "No...no... I didn't write to anyone."

"Then what was that?" Although he was slightly afraid of offending Flik with his forwardness, it seemed that he alone had noticed Flik's aloof behavior in the past few days. He sat down beside him in the grass, waiting for an answer.

"Well..." Flik seemed to struggle for a moment about whether to reveal the truth, and finally he sighed. "It was a letter to me."

Tir grinned, nudging him slightly. "An old letter...? A love letter...? Viktor doesn't seem the type to write you love letters."

Flik chuckled softly, the joke forcing him to relax just a bit. "No, no... you're right about that. The letter... it was from my sister."

Surprised at this statement, Tir nodded. "I... I didn't know you had a sister."

"It's not the kind of thing I usually talk about," he admitted. "The people I call friends know that I prefer not to talk about the village or why I used to be banished."

Tir was pretty sure he was counted among those Flik called a friend, because he had known, somewhere in the past, that Flik's departure from his home had not been a pleasant one. "Is that... an old letter?"

Flik sighed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his legs. "No... in fact, it came to me just before dawn. The village has a couple of birds we train to carry messages back and forth, to find people by... well, it sounds crazy, by kind of by a signature of their soul. It's a spiritual thing..."

"Oh... Are they like...pigeons?"

"Not pigeons. But... similar idea."

"Impressive..." Tir paused, trying to find a way to phrase his next question. "Does she write to you often?"

"Hardly ever."

"Oh." It was obvious that Flik was not going to say anything else unless asked, and so Tir pressed him further. "Is something wrong?"

"I don't know."

Tir sighed and nodded. It was quite obvious despite Flik's words that something was wrong, but it didn't appear that he wanted to talk about it. "Well... if something about it is bothering you, and you don't want to talk to me... I mean, I know we're not all that close..."

"It's not that..." Flik shrugged slightly, his eyes gazing out distantly over the surrounding area. "I just... I don't talk about this, any of this. I just don't."

"But..." Tir was silent again for a long moment until he heard approaching footsteps. "You're always telling me that I should talk to Gremio if something's bothering me, because he will always be there for me... and I'm pretty sure it's the same with you and Viktor."

Flik gave no response at all except to nod slightly, glancing over his shoulder towards the sound of the footsteps.

"Then talk to him..." Tir stopped speaking as Flik held up a hand. He apparently had no intention of bringing the matter up with Viktor right now, and there was nothing Tir could do about except hope that he eventually would.

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Flik was not the only member of their party who had a lot on his mind, of course, as he discovered a little ways into the first watch.

Lost in thought, he was moving his fingers over the holes of his flute absent-mindedly, not actually playing so much as thinking about a song he was listening to in his own mind. He played if no one was listening, and quietly, because it was his watch, and the others lay sleeping on the other side of the fire.

One, however, was not asleep after all, and got up from where he was lying down next to his Young Master, presumably to poke at the fire a bit. Having nudged the flames a bit higher, he did not return to his blanket, but instead sat and listened to Flik's playing, waiting and hoping he had the nerve to say something. He'd been looking for a chance to speak with Flik for some time, but so often he seemed to wind up alone with Viktor. Viktor could have answered the questions he had just as easily as Flik, of course, but... well, Viktor was a little crude, and far more likely to tease him over it than Flik would be. Or provide very unpleasant answers.

Flik had started another song, a haunting old melody from his youth, but stopped midway to look over at Gremio, speaking very softly. "Am I bothering you, Gremio? I can stop..."

Gremio looked up in surprise, and shook his head. "Oh, no - it's lovely. Play all you like..." Immediately he cursed himself for being a coward, and frowned to himself. How could he possibly ask a question like this?

Looking down at his flute, Flik smiled, and then looked up again. "Well, I could, I must know hundreds of songs... unless you wanted to talk about something...?"

"Ahh... well..." Gremio looked slightly torn. "Now that you bring it up, I was hoping that I might ask you a... a f-few questions..."

Wrapping his flute in a soft piece of cloth, Flik set it in the top of his bag, then came to sit beside Gremio with a curious expression. "What's on your mind?"

Gremio looked over at Tir nervously, though he still appeared to be asleep. "N-nothing terribly important... though I would understand if you'd rather not talk about it, and ah..." He shot another glance at Tir. "...I'd rather not speak of such things where Young Master might hear..."

Flik glanced behind them to their two sleeping companions. "I'm pretty sure Tir is asleep... and though he and I are friends, I hope you know that anything you ever care to tell me will not go beyond my own ears."

"Oh, it's not that I have anything strange to say," Gremio assured him quickly, "but... no matter." He lowers his voice and averts his eyes, flushing faintly. "...I was wondering, Flik... how exactly you came to realize that you were... actually... attracted to Viktor. Physically, that is."

Flik blushed immediately at the question, not having expected the topic at all. "Well, I... I must admit that I had some trouble with it at first," he began, "much more so than I think Viktor ever did. I had no trouble admitting to myself just how mentally and emotionally connected to him I'd become, but..."

Gremio bit his lip. "Mmm... then... h-how could you be sure that... that it was n-not just... loneliness? I know you to be a gentleman," he said quickly, "so I can only imagine that you were not... sleeping around, after ... ah, if you'll pardon me... Odessa's death..."

"I wasn't," Flik agreed with a thoughtful nod. "It took me a very long time to come to terms with it... not only because I loved Odessa, but because I had this entire image of how my life was going to turn out. But Viktor... he's the kind of person that turns those kinds of images upside down and shakes them... and the first time he kissed me..." Flik shook his head, almost laughing at the memory.

Gremio didn't seem cheered at the thought, and in fact frowned slightly. "I see..." He managed to smile at Flik somewhat. "Yes, Viktor certainly does have a way of causing major upheavals."

Flik caught the look and smiled. "Viktor and I became so close that there just weren't any lines between us anymore," he explained. "It's true, perhaps, that maybe it was initally comfort in each other... even loneliness... but there came this night, once, where I could not seem to get the memory of him kissing me out of my head. I started to wonder about what I was so bothered by. I've always considered myself an open-minded person... someone who judged people by who they were on the inside, and not the outside. So who was I to then be a hypocrite, and deny someone, something, that brought so much joy into my life purely for the idea of 'that's not the way life is supposed to be'... if that makes any sense," he finished. "You're asking me to explain something I sometimes still have trouble understanding myself."

Seemingly more troubled at Flik's explanation, Gremio nodded. "I see..." he murmured, sinking back into his own thoughts. "Thank you for... for indulging me over such a personal question, Flik."

Flik studied Gremio in silence for a moment before questioning him. "It's never been a matter of lust between Viktor and I, despite how it may seem when we joke around... it was just a very deep friendship that somewhere along the way, crossed a line. I can't explain it much better than that. ...Why does my answer seem to trouble you so much, if you don't mind my asking?"

Gremio clasped his hands in his lap, stealing another nervous glance at Tir. "...I-I suppose that if you can answer my questions straightforwardly, I should do the same for you..." He sighed deeply, giving up on finding a better way of putting it. "...Tir has been... implying things."

Flik nodded knowingly. "He hasn't said anything straightforward to me, but yes... I can tell. And this... really bothers you..."

He frowned and said nothing more as Gremio nodded reluctantly. "I would hate to think that he's serious about this... I d-don't want to end up, as arrogant as it might seem, breaking the poor boy's heart..." He rested his chin in one palm, looking over at Tir. "When first I met him... I was fifteen years old, and he was a little boy of six. I... I know he's no little boy anymore, but..."

Flik sighed. "That's right...he is no little boy. He hasn't been for some time now... and I hate to confirm your worst fears, but... you are probably right - and that's not arrogance, it's simply the truth. I almost think it would have been easier for both of you to let him leave when he tried to the other night, as dangerous as it was."

Gremio shook his head, lowering his eyes. "I was hoping you might have a more convincing way to tell where the line was drawn, between friendship and... lust. Because I've no doubt that Young Master has certain urges - I remember what I was like when I was... er, the age his body is, anyhow," he corrected himself preemptively, flushing again. "And if he just were to meet the right woman, perhaps..."

Flik bit his lip, unsure of how to answer Gremio in a way that wouldn't deflate him further. "But to meet a woman, Gremio... he'd have to believe there was even a place in his life for such a thing, for some other kind of mental and emotional attachment. I can say that Tir and I are alike in the fact that we have no desire to get involved with people just 'for the hell of it'..."

"I know, and then there's the matter of his immortality... he's already tormented himself enough with thoughts of losing me. But..." Gremio lowered his head into his hands helplessly. "Nothing good will come of this particular attachment to me, I know it. I simply cannot think of my Young Master in such a way, and... perhaps it's naive to think such a thing, but I doubt he's ever been with a woman. How could he know for certain that he would want me...?"

At Gremio's last question, Flik chuckled softly. "You might be surprised how someone could be so sure..." He trailed off, not sure he really wanted to go into the details of either his or Viktor's pasts, or near lack thereof. "Gremio, as much as you hate the thought... perhaps you two would be better apart? I hate to suggest it, but I somehow doubt Tir's feelings will change without some kind of devastating confrontation."

Gremio sighed softly again, not lifting his head. "I've thought the same thing... but I couldn't bear to leave him alone with his burdens. And... and w-what would I do without him? Where would I go, what would I do...? Why would I be undertaking such a quest as this?" he finished in helpless frustration.

"Where would I be without him? Who would I be?" Flik nodded in understanding as he echoed Gremio's thoughts. "I asked myself those same questions, Gremio... sometimes I still do... but that doesn't mean your answers will be the same as mine or Viktor's or even Tir's. But if you're asking yourself those questions... well, no, I don't have any right to tell you how to think or feel," he decided. "Perhaps I've overstepped the line in advice giving already."

Gremio shook his head firmly. "No, no, not at all... I've been unable to speak to anyone about this since I've left home. And I've asked myself all these questions so many times... I love him, Flik, truly... but... not in that way."

Flik sighed and nodded. "I said the same thing once... but you and I are two different people. If you are done considering it... and that is your final answer on the subject, then I suppose you are left only with deciding whether to confront him, or just let it be and hope he never presses you further... and I don't have much of an idea if he will or not. There's no advice I can give you on that subject, really."

Gremio nodded again, pressing his palms against his forehead as if it ached. "Th-thank you... I appreciate it," he murmured. "I'm sorry to trouble you with my own worries..." He chuckled faintly. "I find that I am more concerned about confronting Young Master these days than I am about confronting the Beast Rune."

"It's no trouble," Flik assured him. After a moment's hesitation, he continued. "But again, I caution you that it may be easier to abandon the idea of confronting either of them. Going down those roads may be entirely irreversible and not have the effects you hope to achieve. Either way," he stated, "you ought to get some rest. I can keep watch for awhile, I've got plenty to think about, and my flute to play."

Gremio laughed shakily. "How strange - I was just thinking I would offer to keep watch for a while, since I know I cannot sleep. If you would care to rest with Viktor... I have a great deal to think about myself."

Flik smiled slightly. "Sometimes I think you and I have more in common that we realize... but I won't deny you the opportuntiy to sit and think by yourself for awhile. Are you sure you'll be okay if I leave you here? Please feel free to wake me, or Viktor, if you need anything..."

Gremio nodded quickly. "I-I'll be just fine... I need some time to calm myself, I'm afraid I've gotten a bit upset..." he admitted, still resting his head in his hands. "But I will be fine..."

Getting to his feet, Flik moved to stand in front of Gremio, resting both hands on Gremio's shoulders. "Promise me, if you need anything... even to talk some more..."

Gremio nodded again, clasping his hands in his lap but still not looking up. "Yes... of course. Thank you..."

With a sigh, Flik circled to the other side of the fire where Viktor was asleep. He stood looking down at him, then glanced over to Tir and back to Gremio, before sitting down beside Viktor and resting his chin in his hands, wondering if he should bother trying to sleep either.

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Gremio waited until Flik had finally lain down next to Viktor before he gave in to the overwhelming urge to rise and pace. He'd heard Flik's breathing even out as he drifted off to sleep, but his own had not calmed a bit.

It was all his fault, this mess they'd landed themselves in. He should never have given Tir this hope that they'd always be together; it had only led him to dream of things that shouldn't be - that couldn't be. Even if he could feel the same, even if he could look past the fact that this was the same boy who he had tucked into bed for years... he was Gremio's Young Master, whom he'd been assigned to guard against those who would misuse him. And what would Master Teo say, if he had been alive to see this strange development? What would he say if Gremio agreed to this, for the sake of Tir's happiness, and they were caught in a compromising situation?

Gremio knew exactly what Master Teo would think, because he would think the same. Even knowing the truth of the matter, that it hadn't been his idea at all, and he'd just as soon that it had never come up, he was the elder and Tir the younger - much younger, even if not so young as he looked - and he could not defend against how it would appear.

Tir had been dropping hints at him for so long, cautious flirtations that seemed little more than innocent affection, and Gremio couldn't even be certain how long, exactly. When Tir was younger, there was no self-consciousness in a hug, even a kiss, or fingers playing through his long hair, stroking his cheek, a head leaned on his shoulder. For heaven's sake - Tir had even crawled into bed beside him to snuggle after a nightmare any number of times when he was a small child. He had stopped that for a time, but then more recently, even since they'd set out on this quest, they'd fallen asleep in each other's arms again. The first times, Gremio hadn't even suspected there was anything suggestive about it - after all, there certainly hadn't been when Tir was a little boy. At least, he hoped not, especially since he'd accidentally wound up having to explain the facts of life to Tir himself.

For a moment, he considered waking Flik up again and asking if he and Viktor would take Tir back to Gregminster. If this was always going to be a point of conflict, and Tir was always going to want more from him than he could offer, it would be better if they were apart after all, as much as it hurt. Gremio knelt next to his pack, going through it absently to make certain everything was there. Yes - he could ask Flik to explain to Tir when he woke up, and he could leave now, before he had a chance to change his mind.

But then again, would it be worse for Tir to know that he was out there somewhere, apart from him? And despite all the reasons he'd come up with for going on this quest aside from Tir, would he be strong enough to take on such a burden as immortality alone, without Tir's companionship?

He couldn't truly ask anything like this of Flik, of course - Tir would be upset, and Flik and Viktor had already had to put up with so much on his behalf. It was not their job to care for Tir, but his. The entire point of this quest - of his entire life - had been Tir's well-being, and the thought that Tir might be happier if he wasn't there made him feel like curling up into a ball and shaking.

His pack contained most of their food and their cooking utensils, and Gremio found himself, upon going through it, to be holding one of the sharp knives used for cutting bread. For the first time in well over a decade, he felt the wild urge to add to the scars on his wrists and arms, to punish himself for his failure to live up to expectations - or even to remove himself from possibly adding any more burdens to Tir's life. When he realized what he was thinking, he managed to shove the knife back into its paper with some difficulty, his heart pounding, and he pushed the pack away. "And that wouldn't hurt him?" he murmured to himself in frustration. "Calm down, think, think..."

He remained motionless, head in hands, for a long time. Finally, with great deliberation, he reached into his pack, pushing the knives aside, and came out with a bottle of ink and a pen. The paper he'd been using to write letters to Pahn and Cleo in Gregminster was in the front compartment, and he reached for that as well. After a moment's thought, he began writing, and almost immediately crossed out what he had written, starting over.

It took a long time, and many crossed out words and sentences, before he set the pen down to review the letters on the paper, shaky as they were from his trembling hands, and at last folded it, slipping it into his own pocket. Perhaps, he thought, this would make things easier - if he ever gathered the courage to make use of it.

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The following morning, they set out again. Not a word of what had passed the night before was spoken, but only the usual talk as they broke camp and prepared to move on through the plains. There was only a short journey left to go before L'Renouille, and seeing an inn up ahead in the late afternoon a few days later, they opted to stop there for the time being. All of them could use a few nights' sound rest and warmth, in a real bed instead of on the ground, if they were to do battle soon - and besides, despite all they'd been through recently, Tir had not forgotten about the date.

"The Harvest Feast is in only two days..." he reminded Gremio as they entered and rang the bell on the desk. All traces of his earlier upset seemed to have vanished, as he grinned up at Gremio hopefully. "You do remember what you told me before, don't you?"

Gremio nodded and smiled back, having nearly forgotten both the letter in his pocket and the possibility of fierce battle, at the sight of Tir's apparent happiness. "Of course - we can only hope the innkeeper here is as kind as the one we stayed with before... Perhaps if I once again offer to help cook for all the inn's customers?"

That would be quite an ordeal, he acknowledged, looking around. The sign said that it was the last inn before reaching L'Renouille, and even though Highland's royal palace had fallen, there were still plenty of travellers on the main road that led there. Peasants and merchants, mercenaries and knights, dressed in the fashion of Matilda or old Highland or as far south as Toran, and even...

Gremio's eyes widened as he caught sight of a brightly-colored wrap over dark hair in the common room. "E-excuse me for a moment," he murmured to Tir, slipping away into the crowd to confirm his suspicions.

He was proven right, when he approached and found cards laid out upon the table before a rather hopeful looking traveller. "Sorry, honey - I don't see romance in your future for a good long time." The fortuneteller smirked to herself as she laid out a last card and pushed it across the table to the disappointed man. "Once you find it, though, it's going to stick. Good luck with that..."

Gremio laughed softly. "Take her reading to heart," he advised the man as the two of them looked up. "She seems to have been quite right about my own fortune, I would say."

"Gremio...?" Rina laughed in surprise as well and rose to hug him. "What on earth are you doing here?"

"I might ask you the same... perhaps it's our fortune?" he suggested as he embraced her in return.

Whether his fortune was good or bad, that he should find her here now, in the midst of all his uncertainty over his Young Master's attentions, Gremio could not say.