Disclaimer: I don't own JAG. If I did, there would be more 'baby deal' and less of this whole 'Harm and Mac are still not together nine seasons later deal' of which the writers seem so fond.

A/N: Yeah, I know, it's about time. This update is a short one to bring myself back up to speed on the plotline; I'll add more soon, I swear. I figured out a timeline for this story, which like most of my timelines involves my own personal alternate course of events. Harm never left JAG to go back to flying. Brumby is still working at JAG as well. Harriet is still an active reservist who apparently likes to cause trouble on her days at work. ::g:: Baby AJ is, oh, let's say three months old. Anyone know which episode that puts this in? The Colonel's Wife? Contemptuous Words? Eh, Season 5 and we'll leave it at that, since I hacked six months off the show's continuity by not letting Harm go play with the planes.

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            I give Mattoni a look of commiseration as I reach for the coffee. "Is he PMSing again?" I ask, remembering back to two weeks ago when Harm stormed out of a meeting with Bud and Alan. Of course, Brumby was there, which may have had something to do with it.

            Mattoni gives me an embarrassed glance, looking back down at his coffee cup. "Mac, I'm really sorry."

            "Why?" I ask absently, taking a sip of my coffee and raising an eyebrow. I think he's actually blushing. How cute.

            "I didn't know you hadn't told Harm."

            "Told him about what?"

            He clears his throat and gestures vaguely at me. "That you were…"

            "What, Alan?" I demand, confused but still amused. He's definitely blushing now.

            "That you were pregnant."

            I choke on my mouthful of coffee, managing to swallow most of it but leaving a fine patina of caffeinated liquid on the counter. I grab for a napkin, swiping quickly at the countertop before turning back to Mattoni.

            "You told him what?"

            "I thought it was his! I mean, I thought the two of you were –"

            I put my mug down and grab him firmly by the shoulder. "Alan. I'm. Not. Pregnant."

            "But Harriet said –"

            "Harriet," I mutter. "Of course it was Harriet." I look up at him, realizing something with a sinking heart. "Alan, you told him…and then he…he thinks I'm pregnant by someone else?"

            Mattoni looks like he'd rather be stationed on Ice Station Zebra in nothing but his skivvies than here in the break room talking about this with me.

            "Well, I'm not sure…he took off so fast. I barely had a chance to say anything before you came in."

            Yeah, before I came in and Harm took off. Damn. I squeeze Mattoni's shoulder tightly before letting go of him. "Look. Harm and I are not sleeping together and I'm not having his or anyone else's love child. Pass the word. Okay?"

            "Sure, Mac," he agrees. "I'm really sorry."

            "It's all right," I tell him, grabbing my coffee mug and heading for the door. "But if you see Lieutenant Sims? Tell her to hide."

            He nods, chuckling, and I leave in search of my poor misinformed partner or the hapless Lt. Sims, intent on having a long chat with whoever enters my line of fire first.